Sly Bald Guys Forum
Confidence and Success => How to Build Confidence => Topic started by: Tyler on January 13, 2010, 04:37:19 PM
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To help the guys out that come here looking to build confidence, can you share a method or experience that you've had that helps or helped you build confidence?
I'll start.
For me, stepping out of my comfort zone and achieving just a small task while I'm outside of my comfort zone allows me to build confidence in small steps. For example, it may be that I need to get in-front of a potential client. I'll start off by making the first call. This simple action alone can break the nervousness of moving forward with that client.
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My old baseball Coach had a saying he used often when I was playing Pony Ball as a teen.
"If you want to be a baseball player, you need to look like a baseball player."
SLY translation : "If you want to be confident, you need to look and feel confident".
At first it will seem like a bit of an act.... and that will be OK..... because your confidence WILL grow.
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VISUALIZATION - Still underutilized by most folks, but an incredibly powerful and proven method of building confidence and enhancing performance in ANY field of endeavor. When I'm stressing about an upcoming event of some sort, I try to remember to do this:
As I lie in bed just prior to sleep, I visualize myself performing, to perfection, the following day's (or week's) challenge. I visualize how others will respond positively to my performance as well.
As a confidence builder, this absolutely works. Be it a sporting, business or social engagement where I really need to be on top of my game, the power of visualization has helped me immensely.
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Visualization is huge! I used to find that if I had a dream of how I was going to play in my racquetball tournament the day before, or took time to visualize it, I would never lose. I would be so focused during the match and usually do things that I didn't even know I could do.
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"I'll quit this job TOMORROW!"
Experience, IMO, is the greatest confidence builder in my repertoire.
Outside my 20 years on the force I have had a number of jobs, some I liked and some I hated. I always wanted to quit the ones I hated. My old man told me once to try to think "I'll quit this job tomorrow". If I said that then usually by the end of the day I would calm down and be ready by the next day. Each subsequent day I worked gave me more experience and with experience came confidence.
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For me system of achieving goals worked. I started to do this method after I lost weight when I was 18 (77 lbs) After this I started to have an idea that you really can achieve most of what you want by focusing on it. At first I was tellling myself I can do anything I want (just to boost myself:) but havent fully believe it back then. But I wanted to give it a try. Then I asked myself what is it I would like to achieve and did it. It is fun because you always have something to look forward and when you are finished you made it and it counts forever:)
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I have a condition called alopecia, which means that my body is, so to say, allergic to my hair. But anyways, i love being bald. but when it comes to "being bald in front of other people", im not a fan. I always make jokes about my self, and so do my friends, but i get embarrassed when "strangers" see me without my hat on. I usually always wear my hat, but every once in a while, people that i dont know will see me with it off.
But overall, i love being bald.
Alot.
And i just became a member of this website like 4 minutes ago, and i just want to say, it is probably to best thing i have ever seen on the internet. O0
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Baldie Locks, I understand how it feels to be "different" to those in public. I have two huge scars, one on my chest and one along my ribs due to surgeries before the age of 12. I grew up in an area where we spent a lot of time with our shirts off during the summer because it was so hot. We'd often be at the lake, the public swimming pool, or the water slides. It never feels good to hear strangers talk about you, but it appears that you are learning that these types of challenges will make you stronger in the long run.
I went to college with a guy that has alopecia and he rocked the look, mostly because he was comfortable with who he is.
Welcome to Sly Bald Guys! We're glad you found us!
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For me, going SLY added confidence...
Trying to save my few strands of hair left and pushing it to a mythilogical limit in my head was what took from my confidence...
I know this doesn't apply for those BBC...but for those with the receding hairline...
...who gets the most jokes/criticism-even though it doesn't matter? Not the SLY guys...
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Thank You Tyler
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One thing that helps me be a more confident person each day is what I do before the day begins. For about 20 minutes or so I have an appointment with myself and with God. I don't mean in a "religous" sort of day but more in meditation, prayer and reminding myself of the I AM part of me. Recently I began studying several books by Ernest Holmes who founded Science of Mind and Charles Filmore who started the Unity Church. Amazing to read what was written on visualization and affirmations during the late 19th and early 20th centuries. I can tell if I miss an appointment (usually just want to stay in bed a few moments more) I find my day does not run as smooth.
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On this subject, I have found it beneficial to put myself in challenging situations. I'm certainly not trying to make my life harder, but sometimes taking the rocky road will take you to the better place. My example is addressing large groups of people, I hated it but my job requires that I do it daily, I'm now comfortable with it and i am now in a new place with this small part of life. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
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Read "As A Man Thinketh" by James Allen
and
"Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill.
Two classics. I'm on my second read-through on TAGR and like my 5th or 6th read-through on AAMT.
As A Man Thinketh is a very short book, almost like a pamphlet. Can be read in one sitting, but MAN is it packed!!!
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I always make jokes about my self, and so do my friends, but i get embarrassed when "strangers" see me without my hat on. I usually always wear my hat, but every once in a while, people that i dont know will see me with it off.
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When i was in the height of suffering from an anxiety disorder, i used to wear hats constantly. I physically couldn't deal with people looking at me without a hat on. When i started losing my hair i went through a similar phase but only for a few days. When i started losing hair i started getting hyper paranoid again about how people percieved me. After i started losing my hairline i started to realise, if anyone judges you purely on how much hair you have, that says a lot about them as a person.
Don't let them bring you down. For a start a bald head looks great and dont let anyone tell you otherwise, and if anyone wants to poke at you because you have an awesome shaved head, well that says alot about their personality!
one song that really helped me along the road is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ScPoBEFl1Y
Might not be everyones cup of tea, but the i found the lyrics really inspiring!
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Well guys I m not going bald, but I got used to being bald and I love it. However, I do have a problem when it comes to being out in the open with alot of people, and there isn't a single bald guy around. I stand out and people just stare at me. My ears get hot and tuich like crazy because I know people are staring at me from behind. I have no problem at work since all are bald. I had to change my church schedule since I was the only bald guy at the 9:30 service to the 10:45 on sunday were there are 7 older bald guys and 5:30 on Saturday were there are 11 bald guys. And thats were I feel confident and right at home. It's funny how bald guys look and relate to each other becuase were are bald. We smile and shake hands as if we've known each other for sometime. No the same with long haired guys. When I met with clients, I get all embarrassed when they ask me about the shaved head. And I'm not talking about meeting with one or two people. No, I mean about 10 or 15 people at one time. I just try to downplay the stituation, but it doesn't go away until I give them an answer. Ofcourse the lady's have a field trip, they enjoy it and love it too. Has anyone of you had this problem and can you give me some advice on how to overcome this situation. I really need the cofidence to be in public without feeling out of place and the confidence to full accept the bald look that I love and want to keep. It's getting difficult sometime that I have felt the need to quit my job and let my hair grow out.
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Shaving my head has become a non-issue to me. If someone doesn't like my hair cut, no problem! I've had people laugh at me (ex-wife), people have said I've looked older because of being bald (don't care). I like the way it looks. If you don't like the way it looks, you don't have to get your haircut like that (I won't make you.. haha).
There are some times I am shy towards certain groups of people, but once I warm up I am good to go.
Work is where I exhibit the most confidence, so I will use that as an example. If something intimidates me, I just do it. Don't think about what COULD happen. At my work I normally fix equipment. But I am an equipment vendor at a customer's site, so there is quite a bit of interfacing with the customers I have to do (from floor operators to engineering managers). There have been times that I have walked into Monday morning meetings about a piece of equipment that has been down all weekend. The customer is usually seriously pissed and I usually have had 5-10 minutes exposure of the issue by reading passdown and error logs. I just go in, tell them what's going on and answer their questions. I don't rehearse what I'm going to say to them or anything because then there is a possibility they will ask something I didn't anticipate. Just prepare your self the best you can and get the job done. I don't know if that's the BEST way to confront fears and what not, but I haven't been fired from my job yet, so I guess somethings working.
My method doesn't work ALL the time. I've been chewed up and spit out on numerous occasions (at this job, military and personal life). The key is to keep going. You get knocked down don't be a sissy. Get up and keep going.
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I had a serious - in fact job threatening at the time - lack of self confidence back in the late 1980's. I had a terrible fear of public speaking, even to small groups of people. For me the turning point was taking the Dale Carnegie Effective Speaking class. My employer at the time (Andersen Consulting) paid for me to go. It was life changing for me. I don't know if they still teach the classes or not. The turning point for me was one of the sessions focused on "nobody else on the planet is better at talking about your experiences than YOU!". For some reason that simple statement turned my life around. I now seek out public speaking opportunities and have been the keynote speaker at conferences where there were several thousand people in the audience. I have 3 speaking engagements coming up for an international conference where there will be 8,000 people attending.
So here's a few tips that I share with other folks who lack confidence in themselves:
1) Seek out opportunities where you have the ability to share your expertise and talents. Everyone is an expert at something and there are always venues for sharing that information. It could be going to your local schools and talking to kids about what you do for a living.
2) Seek out groups of people who have similar interests. If there isn't a group start one! With Google Groups, Craigslist, and other venues on the web -- its easy to assemble a group of people who love the same things. As the organizer you're instantly the expert.
3) Look in the mirror every morning and say out loud "there isn't another person on this planet who has more expertise about ME than ME!"
4) Seek out friends who are complementary. My ex-wives were experts at tearing me down for every little fault that I have - and I have a lot of them. After a while you start to believe their crap. I have great friends who are always re-enforcing my strengths and overlook my weaknesses.
5) Write! I know that Mike is writing a book and I'm now on my second book. There's something about writing that helps boost your confidence level. Its sharing your expertise with others. It doesn't have to be a book - it can be a blog or responses to posts on this board even!
6) Seek professional help. Dale Carnegie's class turned my life around. I think the class cost my company $1295.00 -- for me it was worth a hundred million dollars. It completely changed my life.
The other recent activity that has caused my self confidence to skyrocket is shaving my head. After hiding behind lotions, potions, and rugs for decades -- I'm finally "ME!" I don't have to worry about whether my hair covers 90% of my scalp, or whether my hair system is detectable. Shaving my head was an incredible confidence booster.
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ACCEPTANCE!
When you can accept yourself for who you are and what you look like, then only you can control how you feel. Then it won't matter what someone else thinks or says. When you don't give anyone that power over you then you will exude confidence.
(Sorry, my wife's a psychologist, but I stand by it still!)
Remember, there's a fine line between confidence adn cockiness. :x!