Sly Bald Guys Forum
Confidence and Success => Relationships/Dating => Topic started by: Dtopford on April 07, 2007, 01:52:56 PM
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What do they want honstly? Do they know what they want? Does any one know what they want from a man?
I am honestly to the point of saying to hell with women. You hear all they time about how a woman wants a strong reliable guy who treats them well who can be a father friend and lover.
I am just realy confused right now sorry about the rant, but I just got the "just friends" from a woman that I thought I had a real connection with. I know it was the first time I had felt that way about a woman in a long time. So to hell with them.
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Bro, I agree with you totally. Me trying to read a woman is like trying to read a manuscript written in Chinese. And I can sympathize with the "just friends" rant. Been there, done that!
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Hey bro I'll post up when I get home...I've got an answer for you.
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I've got a few theories myself... but I want to see what Tyler says first! O:O
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I've got a few theories myself... but I want to see what Tyler says first! O:O
OK, I am going to be watching this thread closely. Glad to finally some people who MAY hold the keys to the mystery. ???
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Yeah, but that's what makes them so appealing. Just remember, there's a whole lot of them out there in the world. Just go out and get another one.
Or as Grandpa Simpson told Homer when he was in high school and introduced Marge to Grandpa,
"Oh son, I told you to go for the dented cans".
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Hey bro I'll post up when I get home...I've got an answer for you.
this should be good!
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Remember guys in your answers celebacy isn't realy an answer LOL.
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dont be a playee....be the playa! O0
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Remember guys in your answers celebacy isn't realy an answer LOL.
No one's talking celebacy here. Hey, stopping celebacy makes two people happy.
Help spread good cheer! O0
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Hey bro I'll post up when I get home...I've got an answer for you.
this should be good!
The suspense is overwhelming, man......I'm on nins and peedles.
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The suspense is overwhelming, man......I'm on nins and peedles.
Well then, maybe you should put on your Depends.
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When I finally found one that didn't mess with my head and my heart....I MARRIED HER :@` :@`
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There ain't no figuring them you just have to keep swinging that bat.
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ROFL tom can't you go to jail for hitting them in the head with a bat? :*))
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Hey bro I'll post up when I get home...I've got an answer for you.
And apparently Tyler never made it home!
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Wow, I finally get home to find out that everyone has been waiting for me. @dm!n0
It will take some time, but I'll get my post up here before I go to bed.
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Do they know what they want?
Yes and no. Internally, subconsciously they know what they want, but they could never tell you, because consciously, they don't know. The good thing is, they know when the thing they want is right in front of them.
Does any one know what they want from a man?
That's a tough question. Are you asking about right now? Or tomorrow? Or in five years?
What do they want honstly?
Everything you want. They just want it delivered to them differently.
I am honestly to the point of saying to hell with women...So to hell with them.
That's about the best thing you could say in your situation. The more you say that, the more they'll want you.
Ok, so enough of the short answers to your questions. I did answer your questions honestly and there's a lot of truth in my answers, but to help you out more, I'll elaborate. (MBabe, Kori, and HotKajun, feel free to correct me if you think I'm wrong)
Women, at first, want what they can't have (Just like us dudes). I can honestly say that every woman that I've ever had a relationship with that went beyond friends happened because at one point I was unobtainable in their mind - which made me desirable. This includes my wife.
Once you "let" the woman have what they thought they couldn't have, you have to make it worth the effort she went through to get it - meaning you have to continue to be exciting and fun to her - and at the same time make her feel that you could decide to take all the fun and excitement away from her at any moment. So, in short, she wants a chase. Which in her mind equals, passion and romance. In your mind it equals B.S.
Then, eventually she gets tired of the chase and desires security. This is evident when she starts introducing you to family and talking about engagement rings. Though, she still wants passion and romance (aka drama) in her life, so a little chase is still required, but she'll do what she can to start reeling you in closer.
After that, it's marriage, and well, I'm still new at that, so I'm going to hand that subject over to some of the other guys here.
The problem that most guys have is that they try to jump from the "hey we just hooked up" stage to the "I'm going to spend everyday with you this week" phase. I know, I did this several times and they always ended in "let's just be friends" conversations. When you do this, you take the excitement out of it for the woman and you look too eager. Instead, by playing the game (intentional or not) of keeping her at a distance, it shows that you have confidence, that you have a life outside of her, and it makes her scared of losing you.
So, that's my answer to your questions. Hope this helps!
P.S. It's funny you ask this question today (well, I guess it was technically yesterday since it's 2 am) because I was doing some research on Neil Strauss after Blondeguy posted about him. What I found is that he spent two years learning and perfecting the craft of a pick up artist - someone who can easily meet and hookup with women. After two years, he decided to write a book called, The Game: Penetrating The Secret Society Of Pickup Artists, which I bought today (right before I saw that you posted this). I read the first five chapters tonight and will do a review of the book here at SBG when I'm done with it, but I recommend you go buy it.
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WHOA!! :o
Shall we Call you "Hitch"?
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My experience bears out much of what Tyler outlines, man.
However--and I don't know where it fits in to the "want what they 'can't' have" thing--there is a level at which women like to see some level of persistance in pursuing them. But that's a fine art because you have to at the same time maintain that "I'm my own man" confidence as Tyler mentioned. In the "pursuit" if you cross over to "clingy," you've lost it.
In a sense it has to be natural while being at certain levels contrived. In other words, you MUST be yourself, while knowing a few things NOT to do/say as well as the things TO do/say.
It's a balancing act, man. In the "I'm my own man" thing, if you become another "macho sh** head," then the pedulum has swung way outa balance....there needs to be a certain amount of unselfish, caring, sensitivity.
If the pedulum swings outa balance to the other side and yer 100% unselfish, caring and sensitive.....chances are that the woman has plenty of girlfriends to foot that bill.
I have to say....I don't miss being single.
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RobMeister, you hit it right on the head. The balancing act analogy is dead on in the pursuit of a significant other. When you get married (especially when you have children) the balancing act shifts to more a balancing act of time.
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Thanks for the inputs guys I have to get ready to take off fo rthe day but will be back later tonight.
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WHOA!! :o
Shall we Call you "Hitch"?
LOL! It took a lot of rejection to get to learn what I've learned.
You're right on with the balancing act. The funny thing is, it really is a game. We don't want to admit it, because it sucks to think of it in that light, but if you look at it as a game, it's easier to handle the rejection and learn from it.
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Oh, one more thing. Women don't want an "ordinary" guy. They want you to stand out in their mind.
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Well, Tyler pretty much hit it on the head... I'm going to add a few things to what he said...
First, a man must have confidence... But the confidence must not cross over to arrogance. Confidence = good... arrogance = bad
Second, since most women get hit on a lot, you need to do things that make you stand out... the shaved head is a good start! But what's going to make her remember you from every other guys out there and everything listed below will also help build your confidence. A lot of this type of stuff is scattered throughout various topics on this forum:
1. Get in shape (and not round)... you don't have to have a 6 pack and huge arms, just trim down and keep your self up.
2. Dress accordingly... if the <insert place you go to meet women> is a jeans and t-shirt kind of place, step it up a notch and wear a stylish button down and some nicer jeans.
3. Smell fantastic!! Guess what sports fans... you walk into somewhere smelling like BO, you're going to get the type of attention you deserve! The sense of smell is a HUGE part of attraction!! Be clean before you go out anywhere... Try some Axe or Tag body sprays... Get a couple different types of good cologne so your "scent" isn't always the same...
4. Crack them up! What's a woman going to remember? Someone who idly chitchats with them, or someone who makes them laugh... And believe me, you can bust on them too!
And the third point, is don't be a wussbag (aka desperate) when it comes to women... you need to be confident from the moment you lay eyes on them. How many guys do you know that will look at a woman until she looks back and then drop their gaze? Hold that eye contact for a few extra seconds... If you think that a woman is "out of your league", your body language is going to show that when and if you walk up to her, and she's going to dismiss you like you were yesterday's day old mayonaisse sandwich! A lot of men think women need to be put on a pedestal, which is absolutely not the case. Once a man does that, most women will automatically place him in the "friends" category because there is no spark or challenge anymore. This does not mean you can be a jerk to them, it just means that you always keep them on equal footing with you. It keeps is spicy, because she'll know that you won't let her walk all over you...
One big thing that all men need to remember is that once the dating/relationship starts is do not change who you are... once you "change" from who you are, the initial attraction on her part will start to fade... and once that attraction is gone, it's all over but the crying!
And yes, to agree with some other points made early in this thread, meeting women is truly a numbers game, BUT it is also a numbers game for women meeting men... Get your confidence up and start talking to women in many different places... i.e., bars, bookstores, banks, grocery stores, etc. The more easily you can talk to a woman in a bank line will carry over to other situations as well.
EDIT: And don't take rejections personally... get over it and move on!!!
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I hear ya Rob. I don't realy have any trouble on the talking to women part or the dressing sharp part. (lol outgrew that crap a while ago). I know that everything you guys said is a truth. I also know that what I am feeling right now is just sour grapes because of the way this last relationship turned out.
I realy do appreaciate the feed back and it's good to have you guys to talk to when ya want to go back to the fore mentioned bat method LOL.
So take it easy guys and we will see where this goes.
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I hear ya Rob. I don't realy have any trouble on the talking to women part or the dressing sharp part. (lol outgrew that crap a while ago). I know that everything you guys said is a truth. I also know that what I am feeling right now is just sour grapes because of the way this last relationship turned out.
I realy do appreaciate the feed back and it's good to have you guys to talk to when ya want to go back to the fore mentioned bat method LOL.
So take it easy guys and we will see where this goes.
Good Luck!!
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Way to go men!!!
This is turning out to be not necessarily for Dtop only....but for all of us...particularly the single dudes.
As a married man I don't much care about the END result....but I do like to flirt occasionally......so Rob's advice on fitness, grooming, dressing, hygiene and sense of humor is EXTREMELY relevant.
I never "hit on" women...but occasionally find myself in their company.....And if the "want what they can't have" thing kicks in.....it will simply be a disappointment for them....'cause the wedding ring says, "Sorry, sista....flirting is all yer gonna get." 8)
But watch out married guys....if ya get a hottie that won't settle for stopping at the wedding ring and gets her mind set on "conquering".....it's time to do the "Joseph"....and head for the exit (Genesis 39:11-12).
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and of course if all else fails..there is always the old fashion way ;D
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nrm.org.uk%2Fexhibitions%2Fphoto%2Flargeimages%2Fcdyn16758.jpg&hash=38391d774908011b92b540a68af7042c8112f5d8)
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ROFL Kajun ohh how I miss the good old days but doubt she would shave her leggs LOL.
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Wow! You guys are very "in tune" if you don't mind my saying so.
(not sure I'm too crazy about the Robmeister flirting ;))
But he's naturally a flirt, just because of his good nature and sense of humor (admittedly sick at times :XX)
Back in '90 and '91 when the Robmeister and I worked on the Catalina boats (not married or even dating), I must say that he was very nice and funny, but also "disinterested" and that was so "cool" it was irrisistable.
Dtop, hang in there, hun. You're probably a good catch. It's her loss.
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Thanks Mrs. M
O0
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Wow! You guys are very "in tune" if you don't mind my saying so.
(not sure I'm too crazy about the Robmeister flirting ;))
But he's naturally a flirt, just because of his good nature and sense of humor (admittedly sick at times :XX)
Back in '90 and '91 when the Robmeister and I worked on the Catalina boats (not married or even dating), I must say that he was very nice and funny, but also "disinterested" and that was so "cool" it was irrisistable.
Dtop, hang in there, hun. You're probably a good catch. It's her loss.
Thanks for posting up Mrs M.!! I think "disinterested" is a better way of putting "unobtainable."
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What do they want honstly? Do they know what they want? Does any one know what they want from a man?
I am honestly to the point of saying to hell with women. You hear all they time about how a woman wants a strong reliable guy who treats them well who can be a father friend and lover.
I am just realy confused right now sorry about the rant, but I just got the "just friends" from a woman that I thought I had a real connection with. I know it was the first time I had felt that way about a woman in a long time. So to hell with them.
A lot of good feedback here. I'll add my experience to the mix, because I also got the "just friends" routine from someone I was in it really deep for, and it was painful. The friendship still hasn't recovered. After some reflection, I realized what I had done that placed me in her friend zone.
1.) I wasn't upfront with her about my wants from the start. I wanted a relationship, not a friendship. Only after it's clear she's not the one for me should I consider her a friend. I'm always clear about which path I want to take now.
2.) I became her "girlfriend"--e.g., watching the same TV shows, listening to her love life, etc. Once she starts telling you her love life troubles, it's over. Common interests are good, but I make sure to have differing interests and a life of my own. She should want to visit my world.
3.) I didn't make myself unobtainable. It's counterintuitive, but the less available you make yourself, and the less you act interested--while keeping up the flirting (this is important)--the more attracted she'll be. You should ration yourself out like a reward, because you're the sh*t. :D
Once I told myself all those things, I changed how I approach women (and life in general). I'll always regret losing out on the one. She was really something. But it got me to change my attitude.
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Thanks Blonde for whatever reason those statements of your make a lot of sense to me. I realy think that my case with this woman is very similar. We had a lot of things in common and I think I just was to open to her about how I was feeling twards her.
I have never been the player and I have always hated the game with a passion. When I start to get into someone I am generaly straight forward and direct and I think this causes them to panic and hit the friend button. (IE: EJECT EJECT EJECT!!!!)
Once again thanks for the inputs guys.
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I have never been the player and I have always hated the game with a passion. When I start to get into someone I am generaly straight forward and direct and I think this causes them to panic and hit the friend button. (IE: EJECT EJECT EJECT!!!!)
I used to give it all up, too, trying to befriend them and thinking telling them everything I feel will make them attracted to me. It was crazy, I even wrote poetry! But attraction isn't a choice. It's more effective--and more fun--to be flirty and play some hard-to-get. That gets them attracted. O:O
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Bahh games LOL
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dtop...do you think it had anything to do with the shaved head? what was her reaction to it?
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no I think it was the fact that I didn't hold back when I started realy likeing her I flat out told her and thats when she started to lose intrest I think.
But like I said before I hate the game if you like a person then you tell them you don't act all indifferent. At least thats what I have always thought.
Although tonight she called me up wanting to talk. I told her I was busy and was going out. I don't know if this is right or wrong but I haven't realy talked to her at all since she hit the friends eject button.
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This is my individual experience, and may not work for everyone.
Now that the disclaimer is out of the way......I've been married six years at the end of this month. I still don't understand and probably never will. I can be rather stubborn, and a bit of an a-hole at times. I admit this, and don't really care otherwise most times. This will usually get me in trouble, but oh well. I tell her that's who I am. So just be yourself, I think you did the right thing when she called and you told her you were goin out. Presenting yourself as "hard to get" will help.
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no I think it was the fact that I didn't hold back when I started realy likeing her I flat out told her and thats when she started to lose intrest I think.
But like I said before I hate the game if you like a person then you tell them you don't act all indifferent. At least thats what I have always thought.
Although tonight she called me up wanting to talk. I told her I was busy and was going out. I don't know if this is right or wrong but I haven't realy talked to her at all since she hit the friends eject button.
That was the right move. If she wants a "beckon call" boy, she can go get a dog.
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Although tonight she called me up wanting to talk. I told her I was busy and was going out. I don't know if this is right or wrong but I haven't realy talked to her at all since she hit the friends eject button.
It's right, in my opinion, just as schro said. You've got a life of your own.
I know you hate the game, but you're already playing it, see. ;)
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yea yea I know shame on me
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Once you hit that "Eject " button there ain't no going back.
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"Once you hit that "Eject " button there ain't no going back"
To true we will see though I am not sure but I think her friends and what not are going to bat for me. We knew each other long enough to get to know some of her friends and family.
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Don't be at her beckon call, but make sure that when you are with her...you are still showing some interest...the hardest part about playing the game is sending mixed signals. If you avoid her all together, she may think that you have no interest in her because the conversation didn't go well.
Also, she did hit that friend button, and no matter what anybody says if she is not attracted to you she's just not attracted to you and there is nothing that her friends or family are going to say to change that. I only say this because I don't want you to get your hopes up just to have them let down again.
You have me thinking back on why I put guys into the friend category.....let me gather my thoughts and I'll get back to you on that one.
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Thanks HotC
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Well love life is back on track guys thank you. I met an incredible woman and so far things are going great.
thanks again for the support guys
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Well love life is back on track guys thank you. I met an incredible woman and so far things are going great.
thanks again for the support guys
Great to hear bro!
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Dtopford, FYI, they don't give you a handbook when you get married. I wish they had. It wouldn't have changed my mind about getting married, but it would have been nice to know about all the things that I didn't know until after I got married. ;D
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3.) I didn't make myself unobtainable. It's counterintuitive, but the less available you make yourself, and the less you act interested--while keeping up the flirting (this is important)--the more attracted she'll be. You should ration yourself out like a reward, because you're the sh*t.
haha yea in my experience this has worked best for me...flirt but keep some distance
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well guys honestly we just clicked. I can't really describe it in any other way. there were no games we met and it jst took off.
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well guys honestly we just clicked. I can't really describe it in any other way. there were no games we met and it jst took off.
That's the best way!
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good to hear...congratulations!!
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Thanks guys I have been talking to her she might just make an apearence on the boards here LOL. O0
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Dtopford,
congrats bro...good to hear about
I am getting married in Sept. and at 30, am ready to settle, even though she is crazy and still confuses me after 3 yrs.
Then again, every woman that I have come accross in my life was crazy in some way or another...I have realized though, the ones that may look like they have it all are usually dealling with the most issues.
Confidence is a great thing because in one way or another everyon has insecurities that they are dealing with, and I have learned that some things are more important than others and when you get down to it, we spend to much energy on things that others find silly or very unimportant and to find someone that understands and can help you with that is a great thing...(I don't even know if this makes any sense??)
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C#)P I will tell you guys that I have been married three times, the first two I was just to young (I always thought the grass was greener on the other side) This I found out not to be true lol My wife now of 9 years is my best friend she knows me like the back of her hand and as I do her.Women want to be treated like your best friend, no lies, no cheating,just good old honesty.Never change who you are for anyone."Like I tell my wife all the time you knew what I was when you picked me up" Julie is my soul mate took me 42 years to find her so never stop looking O:O
Just staying true to being bald
bnready
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Then again, every woman that I have come accross in my life was crazy in some way or another...
Me too! My wife was on a jeckyll & hyde routine this weekend. :Xo!
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C#)P I will tell you guys that I have been married three times, the first two I was just to young (I always thought the grass was greener on the other side) This I found out not to be true lol My wife now of 9 years is my best friend she knows me like the back of her hand and as I do her.Women want to be treated like your best friend, no lies, no cheating,just good old honesty.Never change who you are for anyone."Like I tell my wife all the time you knew what I was when you picked me up" Julie is my soul mate took me 42 years to find her so never stop looking O:O
Just staying true to being bald
bnready
That's awesome that you found your soul mate!
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That's awesome, bnready. We try to avoid the term "soul mate" around Team Schro.
My brother said he found his "soul mate". We thought she was bad news from the get go, but he insisted he was happy so we supported him. She was an artist (that's not the "bad news" part), but her parents spolied her, she never had a relationship longer than 3 months, and was nuts (and I mean :/O :/O :/O :/O). Well, they came back from Hawaii in late 2005 and (despite their constant arguing) were engaged. When they were fighting (which was often), she always blamed him for "everything that is wrong in our relationship", never taking ownership for a fault. My brother bought her a crazy engagement ring ($15k +/-), and loaned her thousands over the 2+ yrs they dated, and even moved from a great apartment in SF (rent control) to another one because of her stupid dog.
Well, my brother finally saw the light and called it off. He's written off getting the ring back to a learning experience.
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well guys honestly we just clicked. I can't really describe it in any other way. there were no games we met and it jst took off.
Ain't that the Truth!!! :@` Hehehe
Hopefully you aren't more confused now ;) Or are you?!
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LOL you mean you want me to have you figured out allready?
by the way guys meet my girl Tess O0
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Wait...whoa..... did I just miss somethin"?
I'm a little thick in the head, are you two, aw , you know a...
no!?!?
Congrats, I think?!?
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yup we are the first SBC (sly bald couple) unless you know of another bald couple on the boards
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Ok people, we need explanations! Did y'all meet each other here? Or offline? Wow, our first SBG couple!! I never would have dreamed that!
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Wow - that's so cool.
Congratulations Dtopford on finding such a hot date! O:O
& nscr8qt, you look great!! I always think shaven-headed ladies look hot & really wish more girls would take the plunge & boldly go where so few have been before! Congrats on flying the sly flag for the girls ....
Oh yeh....& I agree with Tyler .... we need more details! :)
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yup we are the first SBC (sly bald couple) unless you know of another bald couple on the boards
Congrats you two. O0
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yup we are the first SBC (sly bald couple) unless you know of another bald couple on the boards
Very cool guys...very cool!
Yea...a few details would be nice!
But cool none the less! O0
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we actualy met on yahoo and as it turns out we lived about a mile from each other. Ironicly it wasn't our similar hair cuts that got us talking. She had posted that she was a race fan and I asked what kind of racing. Of course she wrote back to tell me that she loves Nascar. I happen to be a huge NHRA fan so it just took off from there.
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Who would have thunk, two people with such similar tastes (and "hairstyles" to boot!) finding each other....
cool story I hope things only get better for the two of you nice bald folks! O0
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That's one great story there dtop....can you say "Fate" ::)
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we actualy met on yahoo and as it turns out we lived about a mile from each other. Ironicly it wasn't our similar hair cuts that got us talking. She had posted that she was a race fan and I asked what kind of racing. Of course she wrote back to tell me that she loves Nascar. I happen to be a huge NHRA fan so it just took off from there.
Sweet!
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yea so far it has been great. you have to love those race fans.
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woah!!! that is one helluva story dtop!!! i'm shaking my head and giving a thumbs up. congrats 2 both of u.
WARHAWK O0
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Now we just need to plan a trip to the track next time the NASCAR guys come to southern Cali
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Huge Congrats to you two crazy kids. (I just like saying that)
That's awesome!!!
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((blushing)) Hehehe Thanks guys :) Yeah at times I can hardly believe how Blessed I am!!! So for those of you who read my "Ice Cream Sundae" post...he's my #2 ;)
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guess it is a good thing i didn't flirt too much. d-top would have kicked my arse. that is a cool story. really glad for you two.
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((blushing)) Hehehe Thanks guys :) Yeah at times I can hardly believe how Blessed I am!!! So for those of you who read my "Ice Cream Sundae" post...he's my #2 ;)
I had thought he was the one you spoke of.