Sly Bald Guys Forum
Confidence and Success => How to Build Confidence => Topic started by: BaldAndAlone on June 18, 2010, 09:57:18 PM
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Hi,
I've been reading these forums for the past few weeks, and have decided to join to write this topic.
Well, as the title would suggest, I'm having serious issues with my confidence brought on by my hair loss. It's not just lack of confidence with women, but with everything in general and it is really starting to effect my quality of life now.
I am 22 years old now, and my hair has gotten really bad. I have had a noticeable receding hairline since about 2006, but this past year the hair ontop has gotten so thin I struggle to hide it under a hat anymore. It is at the point where you can clearly see where my thick hair ends and my thin hair begins. I was 15 when I first noticed I was losing my hair and that is the same time all these problems I've had over the past 7 years started. At first it didn't really bother me too much as I still had a lot of hair, but I think subconciously it had begun to affect me, as this was around the same time I started skipping school. It's been a continual pattern every since then.
Well let's see where I am right now... I have no job, have never had a job longer than 3 months, have lost contact with all my friends, never had a girlfriend, I am having problems with my family too and am probably suffering from some sort of depression as have just lost my passion for eveything now, and I am reaching a point where I simply don't care about anything. I know all of this is a result of my thinning hair and how it has affected me.
My parents don't understand and think I am just lazy, when in reality the reason I don't leave the house much is because I'm so unhappy with the way I look and it has seriously hit me hard. Because of my thinning hair, I've tried to make the most of the things that I can control, such as my body shape (I'm actually underweight having suffered an eating disorder), good hygene etc..but after a couple of weeks I just give in and say ''what is the point?''. I doubt I'll ever be happy with he way I look again.
When I was youner I was never unhappy about the way I looked, though my family members would often make fun of me about certain things. Maybe this is why I've grown to have so little confidence? I've always been a little sensitive but never one to show it.
I have tried shaving my head once. It took a long time, and there were more than my fair share of cuts (don't use ASDA smart price razors!) One of the problems about it though was that I had a lot of moles and spots on my head including one really unsightly mole of the side of my head. This just knocked my confidence down even further. I'm also really pale as I rarely go out during the day, instead spending the day sleeping, and being awake at night times.
How wonderful it must be being happy with your appearance.
I imagine simple things, like waking up, putting on some clothes and leaving the house looking forward to a new day. Just something so simple like that is something I'm envious of. Instead I wake up hoping for a rainy/cold day so I have an excuse to wear my beanie hat :/ studying myself from every angle trying to make sure everything is hidden. I can't remember the last time I left the house without a hat.
I just can't enjoy myself doing anything. I have met girls in the past, and I seem to get quite alot of attention in the workplace, but these are times when I am wearing a hat. I dread to think what they would think of me if I took it off. I've always been pretty happy with my face and I still am. I'm also really tall, and people tell me I'm handsome but I just don't feel it. My hairloss has just completely altered my perception and what I see in the mirror.
Before all this began, I never took any notice of bald people. When I was little, and never saw a bald guy and thought ''WOW LOOK AT HIM!!!!!!!''...... it was just some guy. I know people don't care about my hairloss as much as I do, and some may think I'm being shallow but I can't help the way I feel. I remember a few months back, I was walking through the City on the my way to the car park, and I usually take the back roads as I find the busy streets unbearable, and who should appear on the other side of the road? Another bald headed youngster, must have been no more than 25. I just laughed to myself, as it sums it all up completely. Everyone one else in the streets whilst us two baldies were hiding away down the back roads and alley ways.
How the hell am I supposed to get on with my life and enjoy myself with this noose around my neck?
I can't believe how different I am to the boy I was 8 years ago. No longer a happy, smiling, talented young man who always wanted to be out with his friends, and instead replaced with an ugly, emotionless, empty shell who would rather spend his nights alone than dare to leave the house.
I hope and pray for the day when hair loss can be cured but I know it won't happen. The government with never allow itself to lose millions from hairloss companies by releasing a cure.
And so what now then? I have already missed out on what was supposed to be the best part of my life because of this horrible condition. I uesd to always say to myself, 'I'll make up for it in my 20's.' And yet hear I am two and half years in and if anything I've gotten worse.
What a waste my life has been.
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Hello Brother,
Here a lurker also, but i Just couldn't resist joining after reading your post.
Ditto every single word, except for the job part [{[-__-']!
post your pic so we can compare
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Hey man,
Well first of all, you may be balding but you're certainly not alone! There are millions of guys that lose their hair at a young age (me included). I really do understand how hard it can be psychologically, but it's not the end of the world!
I suggest you give shaving another try. Invest in some good shaving supplies and take your sweet time. Just avoid nicking a mole!
I'm sure you're aware of the other "solutions" for balding, i.e. rugs, plugs, and drugs, but these are all basically ineffective, expensive, and possibly dangerous. Shaving is the only way to confront your hair loss problem at the source. I mean, your hair loss will only progess and if it's making you miserable then eliminate the problem NOW by ridding yourself of the burden of thinning hair!
No one deserves to be miserable because of something they can't control. By shaving your head you ARE taking control, and I bet if you take control of your hair you will have the motivation to get other aspects of your life in control as well.
Remember: you're not alone! You've come to the right place.
Now I'll let the elders chime in with their sage advice.
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Good you came here and told us your story. I think you are in a depression that will not go away on its own, and you should seek professional help. You said it yourself, you try something and give up, or you don't even try. The balding might be where it started, but your problem is much bigger. You need help. Good luck.
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You've definately come to the right place for help and support. I've been dealing with MPB since about 18 years of age (over 20 years) and this site is the best thing that has happened to me in regards to balding. I wish it was about when I was your age.
I have always wanted to be bald and proud but found it hard to be that positive. Since joining this site I AM bald and proud. It is amazing the difference being around (in the internet sense) positive people makes.
Good luck and keep posting.
Damian.
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Hmm its unfortunate you should feel this way. To be honest there are far worse things to suffer from than hair loss, Not to mention MPB and hair loss is very common amongst men.
Trust me I understand Ive been there I felt hideous with my receded hair line. You say your pale, underweight and balding. Well this is your opportunity to better yourself so you can feel more confident.
Try shaving it down to atleast a buzz #1, then eventually sly if you're comfortable. Work on getting into shape and maybe getting a tan on your skin. I highly doubt you're as bad looking as you think, as they say The worst critic is always yourself. Stop being so hard on yourself try to be more positive and work on raising that confidence level.
Good luck, I hope for the best for you.
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Here's hoping that the men on this site can help. I seem to me that you have other issues besides the hair loss. I know that my upbringing was scared by a father that never praised me and constantly tried to lowrate my abilities at anything I did. Talk about no confidence. Perhaps you family picking on you has something to do with it? Man, be proud of who you are. A good person. I have no pictures of you so I can't guess as to your appearance. But I bet you are your worst critic. You know, we can't all be handsome. I know that for a fact, just look to the left. I am who I am. Good looking--NO. A great person--Hell Yes!! With my looks I was fortunate to marry a girl that was quite attractive. We were together for 33 years. So my man, shave the head and jump into life with all you have. Best of luck to you.
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First welcome to the group - you've come to the right place for advice and guidance. I would bet that a majority of the guys on this site struggled with hairloss. I know that from watching everyone's posts over the past 7 or 8 months that 99% of those of us who took control are happier now than when we were struggling with a receding and thinning hairline. I agree with others - seems like hair loss is just one of the issues that you're dealing with. I don't know what part of the world you're in but my suggestion would be to connect up with other people who share one of your passions. There's nothing better to help boost yourself than to be with a group of people who like to do the same things that you do (heck that's why I joined this group!) Maybe look for an opportunity to volunteer - whether its a weekend cleanup of a park or an ongoing opportunity to support a cause that you're passionate about.
I know from personal experience that its easy to crawl into a hole and feel like the whole world is collapsing around you. I'm going through horrendous challenges on a daily basis. I haven't had good news in so long that I can't even tell you what year it was (well I do know - the birth of my daughter who is now 4 years old). But instead of letting everything that I'm going through drag me down I'm forging forward and casting off things that are happening to me on a daily basis (divorce, health issues, IRS issues, work issues, kid issues, financial issues, issues on top of issues). For me I've found things that I have a passion for and focus on those areas - and interesting enough all of the "noise" from the other things in my life is just that - background noise.
I'm sure you have a passion for something - be it gaming, art, music, environment, etc. Its easy to find a local group that focuses on your interests -- Google, Craigslist, etc. are all great resources.
Also take the final step and shave your head. Read everyone's posts about being afraid about how they will look and how relieved they were after they shaved their head. Put hairloss off the field as an issue. Sly is in - hair is yesterdays look.
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I don't know what part of the world you're in but my suggestion would be to connect up with other people who share one of your passions. There's nothing better to help boost yourself than to be with a group of people who like to do the same things that you do (heck that's why I joined this group!) Maybe look for an opportunity to volunteer - whether its a weekend cleanup of a park or an ongoing opportunity to support a cause that you're passionate about.
pdxtodd has given you one of the most important tools to work your way out of the dumps---it's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you're helping others, people with real problems, not just a genetic trait of thinning hair. Thinning hair is solved by shaving it off and getting beyond balding. Your depression will be helped by helping others, interesting yourself in the problems and issues of others. And once that happens, everything in your own life will get back in proportion. So, shave it down, get out and give, get out and live.
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Bro. this goes beyond what is happening with your hair. Don't let this thing take you over. Speak to someone who cares for you and let them know what you are feeling.
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I'm glad that you have taken the step to join this group. Being around positive people helps immensely. I can relate, as can most members to your hairloss. The advice that has been given to shave it is the only way to go. Eliminate if from your list of distractions...BUT...it seems pretty evident that you have a lot of things to work out. I really believe getting some professional help might be a benefit. Best of luck and remember, you are among friends here!
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Welcome to the group,
I've been through some rough periods and I guarantee that you can come out of it. It takes time and effort though.
Also, about shaving, no one is good at it their first time. The first time I razored my dome I didn't know what I was doing and there was blood everywhere. You need to buzz it down first, exfoliate it or let the shaving cream sit on there a long time to soften up the hairs and you need a good razor. Use a Mach 3/headblade or something like that, no bargain bin razors! You might want to follow with lotion or something to soothe the skin.
As far as how you feel, I can sympathize. But after being sly for years I don't even think about balding. I love getting up and going out into the world, I love getting out there and doing things I am passionate about, I am excited about life and you can be too!
Don't give up, shave your head and move on to worrying about other stuff!
I've got 99 problems and my dome ain't one.
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Hi lads
Well i have just joined and this site has just given me a huge boost.I have been shaving for 7 yrs and i personally love it and the girls do also.Yet i was terribly depressed for a few yrs and then.....no more!! I accepted it without any lady telling me it was ok but the confidence i adopted made me more attractive i guess.Look lad,forget how you look and i am quite sure you look great....you must concentrate on the positives.Woman or no woman,be happy.....it's only hair but as many will sure agree.....we're better off without it!!!!
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welcome man! i agree with the fellow members that said you should definitely talk to someone who cares or seek some professional help, as it does seem that some of the problems you mentioned go deeper than hair loss.
however, in the meantime, definitely pick up some better quality shaving supplies, and give it another go. take your time. check up on some of the shaving routines members have posted up in this forum.
i just want to add, i was in your spot for a while as well. i used to try and cover up or cut my hair in ways that would hide my hair loss. the stress and worry is not worth it. i shaved my head a little over three years ago, and haven't grown it out past a one since, usually due to laziness. but anyway, my point is, no matter how bad you think you'll look with a shaved head, it's never as bad as you think. and you may have some moles, but i can't even tell you the last time i saw a guy with a shaved head that had moles. what i mean by that is, no one really pays attention to any of that. people are just gonna see you and be like, "oh another head shaver. another guy confident in his own skin". trust me, i didn't believe that at first, but after three years, i know it's true, and i wish i had begun shaving my head a lot earlier. it's really been life changing for me.
and a big thank you to the guys on this site that helped me see the light three years ago or so. a BIG thank you O0
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No shame with talking to a therapist... Schedule it
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Thanks for the replies.
I wasn't really sure what I was expecting to hear, but I have never talked to anyone before about going bald and I thought it was pretty cool to come across a site like this .
Well, I don't think I'll be going down the therapy/anti-depressants route. I know a couple of my family have/are struggling with depression, but I am determined not to go down the same path. Perhaps I will just use this site as my therapy :)
Deep down I know that shaving is the only thing for it. I don't know what exactly is holding me back, but I know there is something.
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Mate, what's under that hat can't be too bad surely. Shave it off and let the boys here critique your sly look. Don't even bother critiquing your own look until you are used to it.
Damian.
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just shave it man you'll feel much better
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Welcome to slybaldguys,
You have nothing to lose by shaving your head. If you don't like it, grow your hair back. It's that simple. But you have to realize something, EVERYONE on this planet goes through some type of problem. The problems some of us have are bigger than what others go through.
But to be fair, there are so many people out there with bigger problems than you but they don't let the negative stuff get in their way of happiness. So cheer up and enjoy what you have man.
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Go for it - - -remember that if you do not like it - the hair you have will grow back - - -very few of us ever let it grow back - - -
Now shave the noggin and enjoy it - - -
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Well, I don't think I'll be going down the therapy/anti-depressants route. I know a couple of my family have/are struggling with depression, but I am determined not to go down the same path. Perhaps I will just use this site as my therapy :)
As a grown man who has been in/out of therapy a number of times I would encourage you to re-think this one. A lot of guys prefer the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" philosophy with regard to problems encountered in life and 'SOMETIMES' this works. If it's a situation where "my girlfriend dumped me and I feel worthless", yeah, maybe get back in the race, put the old gf in the rearview and realize that there are bumps in the road and everybody runs over them once in a while. But what's going on in your original post sounds like old pain and IMO you can't deal very well with that on your own. I couldn't. But you have options.
I'm gonna play a little hardball right now and it is not intended to make you leave the forum or feel even worse about yourself. I, personally, can hear about a man's pain with compassion. Where I lose patience is when there is a real and viable option for resolving the pain and that man will not consider it for whatever personal reason. This doesn't mean that he has to stop talking about his pain, it just means that IMO it really isn't as bad as he wants everyone to believe so I stop regarding it with the importance that he wishes. Therapy is a real and viable option for you and it does not carry with it a mandate to be on drugs. But whoever first mentioned therapy as an option in the first place was dead on. If you ignore it because you don't want to follow in someone else's path all I can say is good luck with that. And as much as you can come in here and get help for your hair difficulties and as much as some members of this forum may want you to believe that you CAN use this site as your therapist.....I'll just say that I have my doubts.
But you're a grown man. You do what you gotta do.
P. S.: In case you hadn't guessed you're already on "THE SAME PATH".
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Hello again BaldandAlone. Nice picture you posted. I see nothing wrong with your appearance. Nice looking fellow. IMHO you should rock the sly look. Listen to the other guys and do the deed. If you need our help in the future, we are just a keyboard away. Best of luck to you.
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O0 O0 O0 Ahoy, B and A:
Do use this site for therapy: you will find more accumulated wisdom on baldness here than anywhere else. Use a little intellectual hindsight: in five or six years--probably much less--you will be glad you got used to your sly bald self sooner rather than later, after a prolonged agony of denial and desperate "solutions." As many brothers suggest, shave it clean and live with it for thirty days. If you don't chime with the new image, you can grow what's left back and resume your headgear. My experience is that youy"ll "get" the boldness, honesty, and aesthetics of the new look. And you will not be alone. Given the way the economy is, there will be a lot more slick domes than previously. It's "in" but still distinctive, adult, and male. Let us see the new you. All best, Professor Melon
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Good to hear from you again. Shave it and step out into the world proud of who and what you are. You have seen depression in your family and experienced yourself. there is no shame doing what it takes to deal with it. Avoiding the drugs would be good but only if you can deal with it in other ways. Drive on.
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I went sly on January 4 & wish I had done it 10 years ago. Try it you'll like it :)
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Dude, get over it. It's friggin' HAIR for God's sake. It's not like your d!ck just fell off. Lot's of guys with full heads of hair are shaving their noggins just to be in fashion these days. Chicks dig the chrome dome look. There's nothing you can do about it so make the most of it. It sounds like your issues go a lot deeper than just being follicle impaired. Consider counseling to help you confront your deeper issues. Hair loss is definitely not your most overriding concern.
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Shaved heads are "in" nowadays. In fact, I was just told that this morning by the clerk at the pharmacy, as she commented on my head.
Everything has changed from when I was 25. Now back then, going sly was seriously weird. Not any more. I seriously don't understand why anyone has such a hard time with being sly nowadays. And, I've had nothing but good comments. Even if I had a bad one, it couldn't be nearly as bad as someone pointing out my thin hair- that's the worst. Believe, I know... been there.
Shaving your head is taking back some control.
My hair wanted to leave me too. I said, "Don't let the door hit you in the ass" and got rid of it. I only did it recently, but wish I'd done it long ago. (Just took a while to get my son onboard, but he's fine with it now)
And I swear, I've had some interesting looks and comments from chicks, like I never ever got before when I had "hair" (if you can call it that).
Also, don't knock therapy, and even the drugs aren't necessarily that bad. Most don't have the side effects you probably think they do. Beats living in a lonely depression. You know where that leads to next if uncorrected.
You have options, more than someone like I did 20 years ago. So, the compassion is there but I have a hard time with giving too much sympathy.
Baldness will not be "cured" anytime soon, I assure you of that. Don't try to wait for it, you'll only make yourself more miserable.
Besides, did you ever stop to think maybe it's not something that should be cured? Maybe it's normal human evolution still at work. Maybe in another 100,000 years, all males will be totally bald naturally. We've already gone from being pretty damn hairy to pretty much naked in the past million years or so we've existed*, so, this seems like a normal enough step to me.
Us MPB guys, we're just slightly ahead of the curve!
*(no offense to creationists, but it's not my cup of tea)