Sly Bald Guys Forum

Confidence and Success => How to Build Confidence => Topic started by: BlackJamesRackham on August 07, 2008, 07:48:59 PM

Title: Talking to People....
Post by: BlackJamesRackham on August 07, 2008, 07:48:59 PM
A lot of people are shy and lack confidence when it comes to meeting new people. I used to be like this, and am not totally over it, but I wanted to share one way that I've overcome this problem. I travel a lot for work, so for the last few months (ever since I went sly), I've been trying to start random conversations with as many people as I can on planes or in airports. I'm sure some people find me annoying, but the majority are more than willing to talk to you.
Anyway, my point is, to build confidence, you need to put yourself out there. Put yourself into situations where you're not so comfortable. If you do it enough, you'll develop that confidence and grow out of your shyness. Just something I wanted to share that has helped me gain confidence when it comes to meeting and talking to strangers.  O0

Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Sly Red on August 07, 2008, 07:53:51 PM
Congrats on your 500th post Ultimate Sly Guy BJR.

Great post!

Red
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: dog20 on August 07, 2008, 07:55:16 PM
I'm like you... kinda.  I am confident and outgoing when I'm working (I'm supposed to be friendly with customers) but when I don't have my uniform on, I keep to myself lol.
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: GASlick on August 07, 2008, 07:57:35 PM
Excellent post.  It's called getting out of your comfort zone I think.

I for one am famous for getting out of my comfort zone.  It is difficult for some people and other people do it much more easily.
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: BlackJamesRackham on August 07, 2008, 08:09:55 PM
Congrats on your 500th post Ultimate Sly Guy BJR.

Great post!

Red

Cheers, bro! 500 came kind of quick, kinda just snuck up on me there  ;D
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Timmay on August 07, 2008, 08:41:31 PM
500 post...man i have some competition now..lol..


Comfort zone....I am more comfortable outside of that box....
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Tyler on August 08, 2008, 12:13:43 AM
Great post!  An easy way to do this is just to ask people simple questions about themselves.  People love to talk about themselves if you give them the chance to.

This is very fun to do as you never know how people are going to respond.  Like the time I kept asking this guy about what company he was CEO of.  Finally he broke down and whispered to me that his company sold sex toys.  You should have seen the old lady's face that was sitting next to him!  Priceless!
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: MagmaBabe on August 08, 2008, 03:17:46 AM
Great post!  An easy way to do this is just to ask people simple questions about themselves.  People love to talk about themselves if you give them the chance to.

This is very fun to do as you never know how people are going to respond.  Like the time I kept asking this guy about what company he was CEO of.  Finally he broke down and whispered to me that his company sold sex toys.  You should have seen the old lady's face that was sitting next to him!  Priceless!

ahahaha! funny story Tyler!

ditto to what the other guys say James  O0
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: FR8TRAIN on August 08, 2008, 09:06:34 AM
Great post!  An easy way to do this is just to ask people simple questions about themselves.  People love to talk about themselves if you give them the chance to.

No doubt!!! Ask open ended questions (one that cannot be answered with a yes or no) about themselves and off you go. O0
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Mikekoz13 on August 08, 2008, 10:52:56 AM
Remember one thing guys........... If you live to be 100 years old, and most of will not, that 100 years is barely a dot in time............ So enjoy everyday to it's fullest and strive to meet people. You never know who you may meet.............
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Marz on August 08, 2008, 11:25:05 AM
Brilliant idea
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Tyler on August 08, 2008, 11:28:19 AM
Remember one thing guys........... If you live to be 100 years old, and most of will not, that 100 years is barely a dot in time............ So enjoy everyday to it's fullest and strive to meet people. You never know who you may meet.............

Ah yes, the Thirty Year Theory...http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=6739.0
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: dog20 on August 08, 2008, 11:29:21 AM
Also having 1 really good day makes up for 1 bad day.
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: J Digory on August 08, 2008, 05:54:55 PM
One way I like to break the ice with people is to really look at the person for a moment, not stare, and find something I genuinely like about them. I then smile warmly and compliment them. First of all, it's a boost to their self-esteem, because most of us really don't get complimented all that much, and those that do...a little more never hurts anyone. Secondly, you have opened up the door in a positive way, and only a severe douche-dongle is going to be rude to you after you compliment them.
BUT, I should say that I only compliment someone if it's for real. Don't lie. It's not kind if you lie to someone, that's cruel.
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Timmay on August 09, 2008, 10:19:58 AM
Heck I dont have any trouble talking....I talked to 9 freaks up in chicago a few weeks ago..lol...i even went into downtown chicago...ALONE ...with two of them....ON a train.....a train that sat on the tracks for like 40 minutes...going nowhere!  lol and it was getting dark..
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: JasonR on August 18, 2008, 03:46:06 PM
I don't have a problem talking or walking up to people, but the hardest part for me is figuring out what to say. Most people love to have a conversation, even with a stranger. Again, the hardest part in talking to women, to me, is finding something to say that we both would find interesting.

So here's a twist to the thread: what do you say to a stranger (man or woman)? If you ask a woman out, how do you go about it?
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Tyler on August 18, 2008, 03:59:50 PM
I don't have a problem talking or walking up to people, but the hardest part for me is figuring out what to say. Most people love to have a conversation, even with a stranger. Again, the hardest part in talking to women, to me, is finding something to say that we both would find interesting.

So here's a twist to the thread: what do you say to a stranger (man or woman)? If you ask a woman out, how do you go about it?

I don't think there is a standard thing you can say to everyone, it just depends on the situation.  Usually, just breaking the ice with a humorous or positive comment on the current situation will lend itself well to a conversation.
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: tomgallagher on August 18, 2008, 04:40:07 PM
Remember that Babe Ruth struck out many more times than he ever hit a home run.
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: J Digory on August 18, 2008, 05:00:33 PM
JasonR, I think I already covered your question with my earlier response.  :x!
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: BlackJamesRackham on August 18, 2008, 08:38:44 PM
Plant a 100 seeds, and one will grow. So, talk to a 100 women, and at least 1 will turn out well.
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Tucker-54 on August 18, 2008, 08:57:00 PM
I think its funny that I'm pretty shy around new people, but my best friends are some of the most outgoing people around!

I think they help me warm up, and i help them quiet down
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: MagmaBabe on August 19, 2008, 05:25:41 AM
I think its funny that I'm pretty shy around new people, but my best friends are some of the most outgoing people around!

I think they help me warm up, and i help them quiet down

thread hijacked for just a sec here....

Tucker.. did you have a run in with Sweeney Todd or something?!  :o
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Robmeister on August 19, 2008, 05:34:54 AM
Just walk up to her and say, "Man, is it HOT in here...or is it just YOU?"

Then wink at yer while pointing both index fingers at her with yer thumbs up (like finger pistols).

Works for me EVERY TIME  O:O

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9SaKYFR6ms

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEnU-9jUZG4&feature=related
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Lex Luethor on September 06, 2008, 01:48:28 PM
One word: hookers.

Does wonders for the ego.
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: The Anvil on September 15, 2008, 05:12:22 AM
Plant a 100 seeds, and one will grow. So, talk to a 100 women, and at least 1 will turn out well.

I see where you are going with this but when it comes to the matters of the heart (haha, I really just wrote that) I take a different road. (The 100 seeds may work for other parts though ;D) While looking  for women is something we all do, I only concentrate my charms and efforts with girls that I seem to have a real pull towards. I am still polite with everyone, but would rather put my efforts towards girls I think are also putting effort towards me. I also find that when I am not like every other guy throwing myself at a girl with stupid lines and stunts, she wants to know why and starts talking to me! This may not work with everybody, but I like it.
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: JasonR on September 16, 2008, 05:14:35 PM
Plant a 100 seeds, and one will grow. So, talk to a 100 women, and at least 1 will turn out well.

I see where you are going with this but when it comes to the matters of the heart (haha, I really just wrote that) I take a different road. (The 100 seeds may work for other parts though ;D) While looking  for women is something we all do, I only concentrate my charms and efforts with girls that I seem to have a real pull towards. I am still polite with everyone, but would rather put my efforts towards girls I think are also putting effort towards me. I also find that when I am not like every other guy throwing myself at a girl with stupid lines and stunts, she wants to know why and starts talking to me! This may not work with everybody, but I like it.

Just depends on your goals. Serious girlfriend or one night stand? :)
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: GASlick on September 16, 2008, 08:13:27 PM
I am NOT shy!  I just walk up and say, "hey, how are you today?"

I'm married, so I don't really date a whole lot any more.   ;D  Wife frowns on it.  I am a very big flirt though.  My wife will say to me, "You were flirting with her".  i don't realize I do it.  I think it is just part of my personality.  I'm also in sales for a living, so being outgoing is good for me.

I make it a rule to be nice to everyone unless they take it for granted.  Once you cross that line,  :x!

You remember Designing Women?  Julia "the terminator" Sugarbaker???
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: champ007 on September 16, 2008, 08:24:10 PM
I find walking up to a woman and saying, "Whats up biotch?" works really well.
You get a quick read and can continue the convo or move on... sometimes very quickly!  :)
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: GASlick on September 16, 2008, 08:26:27 PM
I find walking up to a woman and saying, "Whats up biotch?" works really well.
You get a quick read and can continue the convo or move on... sometimes very quickly!  :)

get right to the point huh Champ?  I bet your a blast to go drinking with.
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: champ007 on September 16, 2008, 08:34:40 PM
I find walking up to a woman and saying, "Whats up biotch?" works really well.
You get a quick read and can continue the convo or move on... sometimes very quickly!  :)

get right to the point huh Champ?  I bet your a blast to go drinking with.

I'm kinda like the mystery koolaid, never know what will happen.
It's never dull though  8)
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: GASlick on September 16, 2008, 08:36:02 PM
Sounds like fun.  Where are you, Savannah?

I feel a GA mini-slybaldcon coming on!
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: xnewyawka on September 17, 2008, 02:44:35 PM
I find walking up to a woman and saying, "Whats up biotch?" works really well.
You get a quick read and can continue the convo or move on... sometimes very quickly!  :)

lol. Champ, you better duck quickly too!   ;D   ;)
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: HeadbladerBob on October 07, 2008, 10:02:01 AM
I find walking up to a woman and saying, "Whats up biotch?" works really well.
You get a quick read and can continue the convo or move on... sometimes very quickly!  :)

 B$MT


Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: baldmancometh on April 18, 2009, 10:18:44 PM
I think meeting people is always fun. I always just ask about something on my mind regardless of how random it is. Ask for an opinion that's not yes or no. That way they have to talk, (or just be rude).

Like this,

Say, "I need an outside opinion. My friend just called me up and wants to go out to the club tonight, and though I really want to go, I know he's gonna bring his younger brother. His brother's a great guy, the problem there is that he has tourrets and randomly twitches and curses at people, loudly. I mean, I know he can't help it, and I feel bad for him, but we've almost gotten in fights several times because of it. What do you think I should do?"

That's the kinda stuff you tell people to start a conversation especially women, because they get emotionally involved. This a true story BTW.

I also find once you start chatting with someone if you treat them like you do your other long time friends they start to treat you the same way. This is where the crazy stories from your life become gold.

I think this is why Timmj is so fun, because I'd bet most if not all of his crazy stories are true or just slightly exaggerated and he makes everyone feel like an old friend regardless of how long he's know them.
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: Tyler on April 18, 2009, 11:29:28 PM
Yeah, crazy, but true stories are always good to have in the bag. 
Title: Re: Talking to People....
Post by: TomKat on August 01, 2010, 07:32:33 PM
I've used this line time and again over the past few years, "Tall women are worth the climb." I'm 5'8" and for some reason lots of gorgeous taller women have been into me over that period, despite the progressive hair loss, and those are all I have dated.  Part of the reason I decided to shave it off last week was because they could see it so well and it apparently didn't bother them so I figured what the heck why not.   Ironically, the last few weeks I've started dating a shorty - which I prefer, mostly because they are easier to toss around, their legs don't get in the way as much and I like getting stuff from high shelves for them. :^)  She's on a trip and has no idea I did this.  Boy is SHE going to be surprised lol.

Here is my best tip:  I really don't use lines.  I think most women think they are lame.  Just be real and be yourself.  What I have done is made friends with LOTS of women, which are scarce around the SF bay area relative to where I grew up.  Most guys I know aren't good at this because they can't get past the sex part.  You must resist (I can find all sorts of reasons not to be TOO interested in most women) and be a true friend - even if they want to, which will invariably happen in lots of cases if you are halfway attractive and not a door mat.  Over time you will meet a lot of potential dates though them.  They will often chat you up without you knowing it - you'll find out from others later during pillow talk heh heh.  Heck, you might even try approaching some and starting up a conversation with a totally platonic motive as practice - which will help you get over your lack of confidence.  If you're like me you'll still get nervous sometimes though.   Ok, ok, pretty much always haha.  Fortunately I know so many now I rarely have to try hard, their friends just end up dropping into my lap so-to-speak.

Also, if you don't want a lot of pissed of girl 'friends' you had better be honest as to your intentions whatever they may be.

Speaking of women who is this MagnaBabe wow b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l.  Congrats to whoever is dating/married to her!  Such a sweetie hanging out here making guys feel better about themselves.