Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => Reactions to being Bald => Topic started by: oakdan5 on September 28, 2015, 05:42:31 PM
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Came back home for vacation with my head buzzed down to a 1. My dad acted as if he was embarrassed of me, even though he went bald by early 20s, my sister does t seem to care, mom told me I looked handsome, mainly because of my clothes, I'm sure she was just trying to convince herself.
Some of my friends from the past, girls who use to think I was hot, seemed to even want to talk to me or associate with me. A couple other girls seemed kind of interested, but I use to have a reputation as a ladies man, even though they kind of thought I was older than all my friends...they seemed intrigued.
Pretty much hate this, I can see girls when they talk to me looking up at my hair and then just losing interest. I'm not sure how many others remain so positive, or if it is a defense mechanism. Yes I'm 33 now, but not all that old to be considered out of the dating game. I am in shape, have good facial feature, but I'm white, almost pale due to being norweigen. Not really thinking the idea of tanning year round is a good idea or healthy. I am also 5 ft 7. I have been growing it out again slowly, not feeling that I should keep it this way for now. I have about an NW3, but can grow it out fairly decent to appoint where the loss is not too noticeable.
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No pic?
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Here is one recent and one with hair grown out.
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Has it been thirty days already? A big part of the reason for the thirty days is to allow both you and your friends and family to get over the surprise of the change and become accustomed to the smooth head.
Ultimately, however, you need to do what makes you happy. If that means growing it out, then do it.
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Do what you must, but bear in mind that your hair loss is not going to reverse itself. You can either deal with this now and get it over with or kick the can down the road, but sooner or later you are going to have to face it. The people who don't like it now aren't going to like it any better a few years from now. Based on your pictures, it looks just fine. You have nothing to feel self-consicous about.
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Has it been thirty days already? A big part of the reason for the thirty days is to allow both you and your friends and family to get over the surprise of the change and become accustomed to the smooth head.
Ultimately, however, you need to do what makes you happy. If that means growing it out, then do it.
Yes it has been nearing 2 months. I actually do not mind it too much, but the amount of negativity from women I s overwhelming. I just dislike how it is viewed as a very negative trait and people think less you and believe it is ok to treat you as less. None of my male friends care, a little ribbing here and there, but they don't treat as less, even got a few Jason atsthman comments. My main concern is dating tbh. A lot of women seem to make a huge deal out of it, esp when younger. It seems like a lot of guys here are already married and in the later years. It makes me concerned about getting hitched honestly, even if I go out walking with confidence, it is still a major drawback.
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So what's the plan as the hair loss progresses?
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Kind of feel like my dating life will be over tbh. It is hard to tell but I have some wrinkles under my eyes as well as a result of poor sun protection when I was younger. With my hair shaved my age goes from ppl thinking I am in my mid to late 20s to upwards of low 40s. It does not feel good to be honest, like my social life just will get worse and worse. I looked fine before it was shaved, I had an overwhelming urge to shave it when down in Florida. It shouldn't matter as much but being short already I have become non-desirable.
I know a large part of this older perception is the wrinkles I have under my eyes. They are pretty bad for someone my age and don't know why it is so bad. It likely has to do with lack of sun care and drinking a lot through my 20s. It seems with the combination of hairloss and wrinkles it make me look much older than I am. When my hair is grown out I still get told I look younger. I have contemplated doing something about them, maybe Botox or some kind of peel. It is certainly premature and it makes me look older than I should.
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Hello oakdan,
I think you look fine.
In my experience with hairloss, the buzzed look can expose the hairloss and make you look younger, while a smooth shaved head makes you look ageless.
:-)
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I think it's a good look, clean head, great physical shape, you could be related to John Travolta...but that's my opinion.
I've been at the confidence crossroads in the past...it sucks...it sucks rocks....I survived/thrived and by some strange force of nature, discovered I'm actually happy with who I am...once I reached that level of acceptance (self-acceptance), those around me actually enjoyed my company...my confidence increased as a result...
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Yup, a shaved head is not for everyone. I think you look ok, but your lack of confidence shows through to everybody. When I see guys with a shaved head, I usually think "wow that looks great". From the minute I first shaved my full head of hair off, I thought I looked better. No problem attracting women either. So, bottom line, either you like shaving bald, or you don't. Just do what you think is best for you.
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Oakdan,
I'm 33 yo with a lot of the same issues as you. My honest opinion is to grow it out or shave it. Normally I don't tell people to shave their head, because there is enough of that going around. You will truly have no problem either way. You've got a great build and good facial structure. You'll be fine. The reason I think you're getting the reaction to the #1, is because it's kind of in-between. Nobody likes a tweener :). Be one or the other and you'll be fine.
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I agree with the others:
1. Your hair loss is not going to get better, so you can either embrace this and walk out in confidence, or you can allow your indecision to show through.
2. It is the buzzcut that is actually drawing attention to the hair loss!! Women look up and see your retreating hairline. If you would actually shave your head there is nothing to attract attention to your hairline or hair loss! With the shaved head peoples' eyes are naturally attracted directly to your eyes, (and not the little lines you complain of). My honest opinion is that if you would just embrace this and go for the full shave that you will both look and FEEL much better about yourself. You will gain a new confidence about your masculinity, (and with your build who wouldn't be confident!). This confidence will shine through and you will no longer be turning women off as you have been doing with your poor attitude!
3. If you really feel bad about your eyes it is no big think to get a Blepharoplasty - but it is very expensive. I have had it done. My advice is to wait until you are over 50 and there are noticeable bags under your eyes. Otherwise, it isn't worth the cost or the recovery.
Bottom line:
a. You are one good looking man
b. Your attitude is what needs changing, not your eyes or your hairline
c. Grab a razor, shave off the scraps, and walk proud! Damn proud!!!
Do this and you will go from "Dud" to "Stud"! I guarantee it!!!!
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I can agree that the in between look is the worst compared to having hair grown out or shaved down. It's been growing for 1.5 weeks so it's easily at a 2 now. The 1 itself conceals the hairline fairly well. It was a comment I overheard from a girl about me it was in the eeww manner when she described me to another as bald and pale. I think having fair skin is the worst to pull off the bald look. Sure I could go tanning but it will just make the wrinkles worse and is not healthy. For now I will grow it out, because I was doing fine like that before and my hairline and everything look the same since I did it 2 years ago. Didn't even think of my hair much then. But if it starts going further back then I will reconsider. To switch from propecia to dut.
One thing I don't buy is the confidence thing. I have over the years developed a way to appear extremely confident to everyone ESP after a few drinks. It's the look not my presence. The thing with the eye wrinkles, I never even thought about it before but have had multiple women bring it up, has happened with or w/o hair. I look at my friends my age and none of them have any the way I do, it makes me feel ancient around them when they have hair and skin the same as when they were in early 20s.
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Sorry Dan; I just don't agree.
I used to think the same way you do when I was drinking! But drinking was not my problem; thinking was my problem!
A little "tough love" here:
The only things about you that you need to change are:
1. Your attitude about yourself, and;
2. The type of shallow women you hang around with
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Well that is the problem, we automatically have to assume a women is shallow because she has preferences. The way I see it, it is just how things are. Bald gets it the worst, just like being short, because of the way it stigmatized in the media and society as a whole. I won't call a girl shallow if she dismisses me for dating, but I will if she disrespects and doesn't treat as if I am human or a person she wants to associate with because I am balding.
I have recently exp this too. I have a set of friends whom are married now, but hung out with them a lot through college, were very close. She always liked me, tried to set me up with her friends etc, I knew she had a dislike for bald men..based on comments I have heard from the past. Well when I saw them this trip, she didn't even greet me, seemed very unwamting of me to hang out with them for a night out. Well it is not someone I have to see hardly ever, but it makes me feel like chit that someone can just not want to associate with me after a decade of knowing them due to losing hair. I would take her off my Facebook if it was not for me and her husband being good friends.
Another group of girls whom I met when out with another friend, after meeting me wanted to go home instead of going out. This is the group were I overheard the bald and pale comment. They ended up coming out anyways, and chatted with me a bit, but I got the vibe they were doing it because my friend had asked them to. I don't know how I am suppose to be just cool with all this, and just write everyone off as shallow, there won't be many people around to talk to. It is just a superficial society we live in and I got dealt a bad hand.
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Too pale? Do as Stanley Tucci did in "Shall We Dance". Put on some spandex dance pants, fake teeth, a wig and some fake suntan lotion, and go dance. (NOT).
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So, if you will be happier with your hair, then grow it out. No need to try to justify it to us.
I can tell you that I met my wife when I was 31 and was down to just a horseshoe. Not all women are into just the hair on a man's head even if their fantasy ideal guy has a full head of thick locks.
Life really is far too short to waste it agonizing over something like this, sir. Do what makes you feel good about yourself.
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You just have to find a look that gives you confidence. You seem a bit too focused on what girls think about you. You may be suffering from low self worth. That is a concept in your mind only. Change your thoughts and you will change your reality. Grow you hair as long as you want it if that gives you self worth. But wouldn't it be faster to find self worth in other ways ? Like working out hard and being known for your great body. Or excelling in a career you love. I do both of these things and don't care about hair on my head. I actually enjoy the feel of a fresh shave and a smooth head. No one can tell if I am naturally bald or just do it because I like it. If someone decides they don't like the bald me my self worth is strong enough to take it. You should be the same. If you continuously tell yourself girls will reject you for being buzzed or smooth bald you will find that's all you see. You will overlook the girls who love bald shaved men and what they can do with a smooth head during intimate encounters.... Go claim your high self worth and give yourself permission to have high self worth as a great balding/buzzed/shave headed guy. I will say older girls have more attraction to bald guys than those in their early 20's who have yet to experience a hot shaved bald man. Try girls closer to 30 who know more bald men other than their dad. All of us here just try to help guys find their self worth as a bald man. Everyone LOVES and wants to be around a CONFIDENT man. That's all. Find your confidence and self worth and let it shine. Hair on your head alone will never give you confidence. Lose the life limiting belief that head hair provides total success with girls. That's the only problem you have.
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Well I do have several sources of self worth. I have a good career, I work out a lot, I fly planes, I do feel good about myself as a whole, I would not even have a problem with it if women did not make such a deal of it. The only part of my life that it bugs me is dating, which is understandable, which I also think is an important aspect of life. I don't care if girls here and there reject me because of it, but when the majority do and some girls won't even associate with you because of it it makes that part of my life seem it is necessary to do so. I might need to consider getting rid of some friends.
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I fly planes too! Even built the one I fly now. Like Bruce Willis said in the movie; "The Kid":
"We're not losers - we're pilots!"
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You seemed pretty disillusioned in your original post. Then defended your position. It gets confusing.
To me "...developed a way to appear extremely confident ESP after a few drinks" and actually "Being Confident" are in 2 separate hemispheres...Hell, that's 2 different planets; but being just plain old boring confident (sober or not), has never let me down.
Bottom line, if it is working for you, then great! If it is not then make some adjustments, but don't think the people you surround yourself with will make the changes for you; or if you expect them to accommodate your expectations...you will remain disappointed leaving you with wrinkles, age, and a balding head to blame.
Do whatever you think will work best in your situation, you are the best author for that story...there has been a lot of sound advice, and personal experiences shared in these matters, now it's up to you to make the changes (or not) you think are best. Best of luck to you.
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Seems like some inner turmoil. We all go through it. Just remember anytime you're in a battle with yourself, there is still going to be a winner and a loser. Hopefully you come out on top.
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If you don't like it grow it back. If you don't like that people don't like it, grow it back. If you want to grow your eyebrows out so long they will cover your entire head then do it. Bottom line is you have to be good with what you see in the mirror.
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Your comment about us automatically assuming a woman is shallow because she has preferences is wide of the mark. Having preferences doesn't make anyone shallow, but ignoring someone you have known for years (as you described) because of the person changed his appearance indicates shallowness. Everyone is entitled to have preferences, by that doesn't grant people the right to be rude to others.
My brethren here on the site and I are only trying to tell you that there are many women who are not put off by bald men and many women who are really attracted to bald men. If you think growing your hair back will make you more attractive to the opposite sex, then do it. There is no law requiring a guy with MPB to shave his head. If there was, a boatload of guys would be fined or in jail for disobeying it.
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Oakdan5, if women are telling you how much they don't like your bald head, then its because you are giving them permission to do so. Either you are showing that you don't have confidence in yourself, or your bringing up the topic and showing your disappointment in going bald and asking them to agree with you.
While not every woman is going to like a bald head, just like every woman doesn't like blonde hair, most women don't give a crap if you're confident in yourself.
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Your comment about us automatically assuming a woman is shallow because she has preferences is wide of the mark. Having preferences doesn't make anyone shallow, but ignoring someone you have known for years (as you described) because of the person changed his appearance indicates shallowness. Everyone is entitled to have preferences, by that doesn't grant people the right to be rude to others.
My brethren here on the site and I are only trying to tell you that there are many women who are not put off by bald men and many women who are really attracted to bald men. If you think growing your hair back will make you more attractive to the opposite sex, then do it. There is no law requiring a guy with MPB to shave his head. If there was, a boatload of guys would be fined or in jail for disobeying it.
Totally agree about the being rude and shallow part and it makes me think that I should get different friends. It doesn't mean that it won't affect me a little, I have not changed as a person at all, actually have advanced in career and in life..but to be treated as less for something that is beyond my control is bothersome regardless. As far as growing my hair back, the answer for now is yes. I feel better and get treated better.
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Well, if you choose to grow your hair back, there is nothing wrong with that at all. There is also nothing wrong with changing the people in your inner circle if the ones that are there presently are causing a negative impact on you. That said, regardless of what you decide to do with your head, we want you to keep in touch, a shaved head is not a requirement for membership here. In time, once you believe in yourself, everyone else will either believe in you, or will leave you alone. Some people just love to make comments just to get a rise out of people because they know they can. It's just up to you to be strong to block it all out. Good luck, man and stay strong@
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No-one likes to feel rejected, that's for sure. The question is how important to you are the people whom you sense are rejecting you? If they are only casual acquaintances, be careful not to let strangers dictate how you live your life and feel about yourself.
If you feel better with hair, then by all means grow it back.
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Well, if you choose to grow your hair back, there is nothing wrong with that at all. There is also nothing wrong with changing the people in your inner circle if the ones that are there presently are causing a negative impact on you. That said, regardless of what you decide to do with your head, we want you to keep in touch, a shaved head is not a requirement for membership here. In time, once you believe in yourself, everyone else will either believe in you, or will leave you alone. Some people just love to make comments just to get a rise out of people because they know they can. It's just up to you to be strong to block it all out. Good luck, man and stay strong@
I actually don't mind comments, that is not what bothers me, it is when ppl ignore me or rude to me because my appearance has changed. I guess in a way it can serve as a good screening process for who I should keep around in my life. I have also had some instances where I have dating girls and everything this is going good until she realizes my hair is going is loses interest fast. It is a toss up ok that regard because with a buzzed or shaven head there is nothing left that is hidden about me. When it is grown out with the right haircut I can pass for having all my hair, even though the hairline is back.
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No-one likes to feel rejected, that's for sure. The question is how important to you are the people whom you sense are rejecting you? If they are only casual acquaintances, be careful not to let strangers dictate how you live your life and feel about yourself.
If you feel better with hair, then by all means grow it back.
I don't care about strangers rejecting me. It's just that the mass majority of women out there want men with hair and not only that but see guys without hair as less abd do not want to associate with them. Balding is one thing, but when you already short and fair skinned it is pretty much over with. Maybe I will learn to accept this somehow, but for now I'm having a terrible time and hate the cards I was dealt.
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i will work on projection
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Grow it back. Then conduct this experiment. If any of these girls (as opposed to women) ask about it make sure you tell them that you finally decided that it was time to do what everyone was telling you to do with their offhand little comments about baldness and pale complexions. Let them know that it was more important for you to be accepted by your peers than it is to follow a path of your own. Then report back to us and let us know if the relationship/marriage quest has shown any improved results.
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Grow it back. Then conduct this experiment. If any of these girls (as opposed to women) ask about it make sure you tell them that you finally decided that it was time to do what everyone was telling you to do with their offhand little comments about baldness and pale complexions. Let them know that it was more important for you to be accepted by your peers than it is to follow a path of your own. Then report back to us and let us know if the relationship/marriage quest has shown any improved results.
I get what you are doing here, and I understand. This has made me realise that it is probable time to get new friends. There are plenty that don't treat me like that, but for the ones that do well...time to go. As for the girls, almost all of them treat me as less because of my hair, even 'women' as you say..my moms friends and so on. It is conditioned in this society as acceptable way to treat balding men, as seen in the media. With the rampant feminism movement it even makes it more acceptable to treat men as if they are less with hairloss and for me this is multiplied as I am already short. The height never bothered me until I started losing my hair. I plan on getting back on the weights more so, but then again I will be called out for having a napolean complex and compensating for my height. You just can't win when you are short and balding..it is just how it is.
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I don't know what to make of your last post. There's part of me that says "no, don't write this dude off, he's really being sincere" and then there's part of me that says that you're just funnin'.
If you're just funnin' (joking around) or just trying to get a rise out of somebody, well, I get that. Maybe you're writing a master's thesis for psych and this is kind of like a poll where nobody knows they're being polled and you're going to use the results to establish a theory that bald men actually are the most prone to become serial killers.
But the dark side of this is if you're really sincere and that much of the time when someone writes something to attempt to give you some positive direction you are able to come up with some new malady like the Napoleonic thing. With all the issues you have going on I think that the hair question is the least of your worries as far as cohabitation with the opposite sex is concerned.
The problem here from my point of view, and this is just my opinion and I've been known to be wrong in the past, is the person you like the least in this life is the one you see every time you happen to gaze into a reflective surface. That is provided that you aren't pulling our collective leg. But if you're serious I gotta say that the last thing you want to worry about is getting into any kind of long term committed relationship. Because whatever relationship you end up with is going to turn to $h!t sooner rather than later because you have never had any respect for yourself to start with and when that's the case nobody else is going to feel compelled to respect you, either.
But this is stuff that you have to figure out, maybe with some assistance from a professional. There's no shame in that, it's something that sometimes needs to be done because humans are flawed.
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I don't know what to make of your last post. There's part of me that says "no, don't write this dude off, he's really being sincere" and then there's part of me that says that you're just funnin'.
If you're just funnin' (joking around) or just trying to get a rise out of somebody, well, I get that. Maybe you're writing a master's thesis for psych and this is kind of like a poll where nobody knows they're being polled and you're going to use the results to establish a theory that bald men actually are the most prone to become serial killers.
But the dark side of this is if you're really sincere and that much of the time when someone writes something to attempt to give you some positive direction you are able to come up with some new malady like the Napoleonic thing. With all the issues you have going on I think that the hair question is the least of your worries as far as cohabitation with the opposite sex is concerned.
The problem here from my point of view, and this is just my opinion and I've been known to be wrong in the past, is the person you like the least in this life is the one you see every time you happen to gaze into a reflective surface. That is provided that you aren't pulling our collective leg. But if you're serious I gotta say that the last thing you want to worry about is getting into any kind of long term committed relationship. Because whatever relationship you end up with is going to turn to $h!t sooner rather than later because you have never had any respect for yourself to start with and when that's the case nobody else is going to feel compelled to respect you, either.
But this is stuff that you have to figure out, maybe with some assistance from a professional. There's no shame in that, it's something that sometimes needs to be done because humans are flawed.
I am not trolling by any means. I don't think it is necessary to write me off as disliking myself. You can do research about the pyscholgical impact for hairloss in men and also heightism in society, the way I feel about myself is not in any way out of the ordinary of how it effects people as a whole. This is due to how society conditioned people to treat short and balding men, not of any bizarre reality that I have conjured up myself. I constantly have to defend and stand up for myself.
There are lots of things I do like about myself..do I like looking in the mirror? It does not bother me, but I can tell you it bothers women and other men feel as if it is a free zone to throw daggers because I fall into those areas where it is 'ok' to be treated as less. To me, this is a place to vent, I dont't talk about this or show how much it effects me to others. I pretend I'm cool with it, not sure what else I can do, does not mean I have to like it.
Like I have mentioned before I have my life together. I have Master's, Bachelor's and Associate's degrees, as well as a private pilots license. I work out regularly, have a great fit body and have lots of friends and hobbies. I am an NCO in the military, looking to become an officer or join the FBI. But believe me I have gotten overwhelming feedback in the dating world that I am too short and this hairloss has magnified that x100. All the other stuff I have going for me does not matter. Can research anything about men and height and how much of a disadvantage it is. I have never let it stop me, but the evidence is there.
Am I just looking to date a super model? No. I want some one who is decently cute and in shape, has life together, down to earth etc. I work out a lot and have my life together so I feel that is what I deserve. Most women and people for that matter lump short and bald guys into the same category as overweight women. Not fair, but how it is.
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You just can't win when you are short and balding..it is just how it is.
I'm 5'7" and I disagree. But if you believe that, you will make it true.
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I have been losing my hair since I was 19, I am now 45. I never had much success with women, until I stopped worrying about it and decided that if it was going to happen, it would happen. The person I met (when I was 23) couldn't really care less about the fact that my hair was thinning, they liked me for me, appearance did not matter to them.
If you can't find someone because of how you look, that is their problem not yours, at some point you will meet the right person, until then have fun.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NArcOpMoWzg&feature=player_embedded (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NArcOpMoWzg&feature=player_embedded)
watch this video above- he has self confidence in baldness . Please stop crying VICTIM OF BALDING AND BEING SHORT. no one finds that appealing. It projects a profound lack of self confidence/self worth. your life will not change until you change your limiting beliefs about being bald/short. people smell that a mile a way and will reject you for the lack of self worth, not lack of height or hair.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NArcOpMoWzg&feature=player_embedded (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NArcOpMoWzg&feature=player_embedded)
watch this video above- he has self confidence in baldness . Please stop crying VICTIM OF BALDING AND BEING SHORT. no one finds that appealing. It projects a profound lack of self confidence/self worth. your life will not change until you change your limiting beliefs about being bald/short. people smell that a mile a way and will reject you for the lack of self worth, not lack of height or hair.
O0 Well put.
One of the great things about this forum is that it's a supportive place but every once in a while the truth needs to be written and while it may not be pleasant it's still the truth.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NArcOpMoWzg&feature=player_embedded (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NArcOpMoWzg&feature=player_embedded)
watch this video above- he has self confidence in baldness . Please stop crying VICTIM OF BALDING AND BEING SHORT. no one finds that appealing. It projects a profound lack of self confidence/self worth. your life will not change until you change your limiting beliefs about being bald/short. people smell that a mile a way and will reject you for the lack of self worth, not lack of height or hair.
It looks good to be honest. He has tan skin, which makes a huge difference.
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He has tan skin, which makes a huge difference.
Bull. Just another victim statement.
Look at my avatar
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I'm bald, fat, short, gay, pale, and my right cheek is covered by a bright red strawberry birthmark.
Yet, I've never let any of these supposed "short-comings" stop me.
It's what's in your head that's tripping you up, not what's not on your head.
You can be short, pale, and bald and still be successful. You just need to learn how to get out of your own way.
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@oakdan5
It has been a while since I've been active here, because I basically forgot about the forum. The interesting thing about that is that after I buzzed my head as short as possible (1mm), I have never seen my lack of hair as an issue anymore. I seriously became a tiny detail in my life, compared to the big mental struggle it was to me before. From the start, I grew to like it in many ways and I would not go back if I could. And for your info; I went from a full head of curls to a buzzcut within a year. It quickly got very thin.
I showed the pictures of you to my girlfriend, and just like I thought she said: "this is a typical example of someone who's problem is a mindset-thing". You have a good facial structure and a very fit posture, you're far from an unattractive man. If you buzz your hair short (which I would do) it should absolutely not affect how people perceive you in any way. Maybe it could even be positive, like it felt in my case.
It may sound a little judgmental and harsh, but it's time to wake up. Buzz/shave it off, put on a nice outfit and get your head back on straight. In the things you write, you show insecurity in between every line, and I'm almost certain that is what wears off on the people in your environment. You're a man, a Norwegian viking for **** sake, you don't have to be the flawless boyish type to be seen as attractive. It also helps to look around at other men, and notice that the ones with a full head of hair are not necessarily good looking. And most of the men who are, would also look handsome without it.
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Seem to rock the look, took me awhile to get used to it...it was more me than anyone else that was hard on me.
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@oakdan5
It has been a while since I've been active here, because I basically forgot about the forum. The interesting thing about that is that after I buzzed my head as short as possible (1mm), I have never seen my lack of hair as an issue anymore. I seriously became a tiny detail in my life, compared to the big mental struggle it was to me before. From the start, I grew to like it in many ways and I would not go back if I could. And for your info; I went from a full head of curls to a buzzcut within a year. It quickly got very thin.
I showed the pictures of you to my girlfriend, and just like I thought she said: "this is a typical example of someone who's problem is a mindset-thing". You have a good facial structure and a very fit posture, you're far from an unattractive man. If you buzz your hair short (which I would do) it should absolutely not affect how people perceive you in any way. Maybe it could even be positive, like it felt in my case.
It may sound a little judgmental and harsh, but it's time to wake up. Buzz/shave it off, put on a nice outfit and get your head back on straight. In the things you write, you show insecurity in between every line, and I'm almost certain that is what wears off on the people in your environment. You're a man, a Norwegian viking for **** sake, you don't have to be the flawless boyish type to be seen as attractive. It also helps to look around at other men, and notice that the ones with a full head of hair are not necessarily good looking. And most of the men who are, would also look handsome without it.
Thanks
I appreciate all the help from everyone and the encouragement to keep it shaved. Something happen this last weekend that really has changed my perspective. I shaved it down to a 1.5 and went out to octoberfest and then out to the bar scene in Tempe Arizona (which is a huge college area). I had a female approach me that runs a modelling agency and asked me if I was interested. I was astonished. She said I am very fit and handsome. I have never in my life asked to do modeling. It put me in such a good mood that I went out for the rest of the night and found that everyone thought I was either a student going to the campus (that I was around 23) or they thought I was a Marine.. Something happened after all this, I looked in the mirror and saw the attractive person that everyone else is seeing. It feels great because now I can just accept myself and move on with my life. It has also pushed me to want to put on more muscle and live more active lifestyle...instead of going to bars and being depressed. It has been a thorn in my side since it started going at 16, and heck maybe I'm better looking now than I was before. I had only one negative comment and I think it happened because the guys gf was giving me compliments.
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That is really great to read! I'm seriously happy for you. I have very similar experiences myself, noticing that girls were even more attracted to me after than before :) It's just what you need to really embrace it and enjoy all the advantages, because also from a practical perspective there are plenty.
One thing I also noticed, is that it might help from a career perspective. I am currently participating in job procedures for some highly sought after positions, and several recruiters have pointed out my fresh and confident outlook. I am 100% certain that my previous "surf-dude" hair would have changed their perception :)
Although I also like to work out and stay fit, I would not become too buff if I were you though. You risk becoming "one of those types" and I think most women prefer a fit/healthy/athletic posture over a massive V-shape and being totally ripped. I literally had a friend of mine (no hair, got addicted to fitness) say that he sort of accidentally ended up looking much rougher/gangster than he actually is. He literally told me he is now trying to loose some weight and look more like an athlete rather than a prisoner ;)
But again, I'm happy for your new found happiness and mindset!
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That is really great to read! I'm seriously happy for you. I have very similar experiences myself, noticing that girls were even more attracted to me after than before :) It's just what you need to really embrace it and enjoy all the advantages, because also from a practical perspective there are plenty.
One thing I also noticed, is that it might help from a career perspective. I am currently participating in job procedures for some highly sought after positions, and several recruiters have pointed out my fresh and confident outlook. I am 100% certain that my previous "surf-dude" hair would have changed their perception :)
Although I also like to work out and stay fit, I would not become too buff if I were you though. You risk becoming "one of those types" and I think most women prefer a fit/healthy/athletic posture over a massive V-shape and being totally ripped. I literally had a friend of mine (no hair, got addicted to fitness) say that he sort of accidentally ended up looking much rougher/gangster than he actually is. He literally told me he is now trying to loose some weight and look more like an athlete rather than a prisoner ;)
But again, I'm happy for your new found happiness and mindset!
Thanks. Of course my self-conscious self starts to think...why in the world did someone approach about male modeling? Were they mocking me? I am only 5 ft 7. I kind of wish I did not lose the card just to see what it is all about. I looked up the site of the place I think it was and looked the pics, variety of men of all ages...not one bald one...maybe that was the reason? They do contracts with Jc Pennys catalogs...heck I could use the money if that was the case. I might look into it.
Anyway, I do agree that getting to big an muscular is not a good look, esp at my height. 10 Lbs of muscle would not do that to me though and I think it would be about just right. I will use this as a catalyst to push myself to make that goal although.
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there's no reason to razor shave your head for balding if you're only NW3....
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A girl once told me.. its not easy to still look good with a shaven head.. so if you do.. consider yourself lucky.
sorry to break the news to you bro but if females have not given you compliments about the shaven head then you probably don't look good with it..
I shave my head bald and still get told by most females that I don't need hair and still look good.
some guys look better than others with a shaven head... its not an easy thing to still look good with a shaven head and most guys do not look great with shaven heads... because most guys are just average looking... if you're not well above average looking as in an 8+, strong jaw line, nice eyes, good symmetry, good proportions... then you're not going to look handsome with a shaved head... you'll look better with hair.
The harsh reality is this.. If you can't pull off a shaven head and still be considered attractive by females... then you're simply not good looking enough to pull off a shaven head. Some guys just have the right look for it... Once you shave off your hair.. your face needs to compensate.. and if your face isn't good looking enough then you're gonna have problems.
Here's an example of a guy who would still be considered to be attractive even with the shaved head / balding.
http://i59.tinypic.com/2iuq58x.jpg (http://i59.tinypic.com/2iuq58x.jpg)
He would look better with hair as would most anyone.. but the lack of hair won't kill him.
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you could be related to John Travolta...
and that's probably the issue because JT doesn't look good with a shaven head.
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That may be your "harsh reality", but just because that's your world view doesn't make it anyone else's reality, nor make it true.
And I will firmly disagree with "most guys do not look great with shaven heads". You are, of course, free to have that opinion, but your opinion does not make it fact.
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That may be your "harsh reality", but just because that's your world view doesn't make it anyone else's reality, nor make it true.
And I will firmly disagree with "most guys do not look great with shaven heads". You are, of course, free to have that opinion, but your opinion does not make it fact.
Ditto TSB.
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SSI, since you are clearly in the "8+" category, how about posting some pictures of yourself so we can all see how great looking you are?
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One thing I’ve come to believe as I’ve gotten older is that there is very often a very big difference between being pretty or handsome and being sexy. It’s like a Venn diagram in which the “conventionally attractive” and “sexy” circles only have a partial overlap.
I mention this because someone is asserting that you have to be “good looking enough” to pull off the bald look. Wrong. It just has to work for you.
Someone like Yul Brenner was a handsome man, and could look good with hair or without. On the other hand, someone like Telly Savalas was not the most handsome man in the world, but I remember when he was considered one of the sexiest men in Hollywood. And Ben Kingsley? Not exactly Brad Pitt, but bald works on that man.
Likewise, I consider Mindy Kaling one of the sexiest women in Hollywood today – much more so than Scarlett Johansson. So, you might look at Mindy Kaling and say that she “doesn’t have the body” to be wearing some dress or something, but I’ll tell you that I’m salivating just thinking about her wearing just about anything. And Janeane Garofalo.
And as for men? Aziz Ansari is cute as hell. Classically handsome? Maybe not. But cute as hell. And Joe Rogan? Yup.
You’ll probably dismiss my thoughts as the rationalizations of a “beta” or whatever term a certain class of modern douchebag might use, but this is the real world, man. We all have what we have and like what we like. I’m not a particularly handsome man, and I’m certainly not wealthy, but I’ve got the attributes I’ve got and I make the most of them. And I’ve been in relationships with people that had bystanders asking, “What do they see in him?”
So, who can pull off the bald look? I won’t argue that everyone can. But it doesn’t require being super handsome. It’s just like whether you look good wearing red or blue or green – it’s a combination of all of you – try it out. It works for some more than others.
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Well he has a point .
Also there is a difference between bald/shaven by choice and a guy who is balding and shaves.
And a difference between young man balding and a 40-60 person who is balding.
Its just that if your super balding hard and it just looks really bad its better to shave
But you must agree that baldness not by choice makes you less attractive
Because come on whats better: shaven head with a full hair line with no thin spots or a shaven head without some kind of a hairline shadow thingy.
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But you must agree that baldness not by choice makes you less attractive
Must we now? ???
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It still comes down to " beauty is in the eye of the beholder". I would also like to see the picture of mr. 8+.
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Gee. Some guys are more attractive than others. Quite a revelation that!
I don't think any member of this board is of the opinion that a Quasimodo will become an Adonis if he shaves his head.
Would a guy look better with a full head of hair? Maybe. It's a matter of preference. Unless the guy is willing to submit himself to the risks and hit or miss success of transplants, wigs and body chemistry alterations, however, he is faced with the choice of living with partial coverage (and I don't think there is anything wrong with that) or taking the big step of getting rid of all the hair. My personal feeling is that a smooth dome beats a wispy, balding head just about every time.
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But you must agree that baldness not by choice makes you less attractive
Nope. Don't agree. In fact, not one bit.
But will admit that comb-overs make you less attractive though.
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Well I actually agree with you and it is probably because of the reactions I get. What I have found is I have to either keep it real short, like bic to a 1.5 guard or grown out for like 2 months to be able to cover the recession a bit. I have actually recieved compliments when it was shaven all the way down. Being told I am handsome and such, but it was by strangers, ppl that never saw me with hair. Hardly received any compliments from ppl that have known me. The worst look IMO is when growing it back out, before I have enough coverage to hide the recession a little. That is when I get the most negative comments. People asking how old I am immediately etc. Not when it is shaved down completely or buzzed to a 1.5, but when it is in that in between phase.
Whether I look good or not shaved is very dependent on individuals taste. I prefer hair, think I look better with it, but only have soo much of a choice.
A girl once told me.. its not easy to still look good with a shaven head.. so if you do.. consider yourself lucky.
sorry to break the news to you bro but if females have not given you compliments about the shaven head then you probably don't look good with it..
I shave my head bald and still get told by most females that I don't need hair and still look good.
some guys look better than others with a shaven head... its not an easy thing to still look good with a shaven head and most guys do not look great with shaven heads... because most guys are just average looking... if you're not well above average looking as in an 8+, strong jaw line, nice eyes, good symmetry, good proportions... then you're not going to look handsome with a shaved head... you'll look better with hair.
The harsh reality is this.. If you can't pull off a shaven head and still be considered attractive by females... then you're simply not good looking enough to pull off a shaven head. Some guys just have the right look for it... Once you shave off your hair.. your face needs to compensate.. and if your face isn't good looking enough then you're gonna have problems.
Here's an example of a guy who would still be considered to be attractive even with the shaved head / balding.
http://i59.tinypic.com/2iuq58x.jpg (http://i59.tinypic.com/2iuq58x.jpg)
He would look better with hair as would most anyone.. but the lack of hair won't kill him.
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you could be related to John Travolta...
and that's probably the issue because JT doesn't look good with a shaven head.
JT doesn't look good in general. He did when he was younger. I m sure the comment was based on the chin dimple mainly.
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Well he has a point .
Also there is a difference between bald/shaven by choice and a guy who is balding and shaves.
And a difference between young man balding and a 40-60 person who is balding.
Its just that if your super balding hard and it just looks really bad its better to shave
But you must agree that baldness not by choice makes you less attractive
Because come on whats better: shaven head with a full hair line with no thin spots or a shaven head without some kind of a hairline shadow thingy.
I agree. Shaven down head while still having a shadow of a normal hairline looks good. When balding it is not the same, it is going to look worse, and yes it does matter on the age of the person.
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I agree. Shaven down head while still having a shadow of a normal hairline looks good. When balding it is not the same, it is going to look worse, and yes it does matter on the age of the person.
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Yeah at young age it hurts when you see all your friend's and people at your age and higher without this problem.
From the pictures i saw most guy's in this site are old people and at that age i think it wont matter much also some of them have normal hair and just shave.
I now look different at bald people like i can see if the guy is young and bald but when i showed my friend this site he said "well from what i see most people from the photos are old" he even thought most young men here like 22 with bald shaved head looked like 40...saw that kinda makes me feel not that good.
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From the pictures i saw most guy's in this site are old people
"old people"? Really?
and at that age i think it wont matter much
Yeah, because us over-the-hill "older people" don't matter much.
Or maybe there's something about maturity that keeps us from obsessing about small sh*t that doesn't matter?
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From the pictures i saw most guy's in this site are old people
"old people"? Really?
and at that age i think it wont matter much
Yeah, because us over-the-hill "older people" don't matter much.
Or maybe there's something about maturity that keeps us from obsessing about small sh*t that doesn't matter?
I think the point he is trying to make is that when people are older, looks are not as important, especially in regards to dating. That is what most guys are concerned about. Guys in there 20s and most of there 30s hair loss is going to cause some problems in that regard. I have certainly experienced it no matter how confident, humorous etc I present myself. It is not that older people's opinions are insignificant or anything like that, it is just that it is a different phase of life where emphasis is put on different areas. Also, in the fast few decades, it has become more important to what a guy looks like, much more so than in the past.
Also, this site in general is overwhelmingly positive. Which is a good thing, but it also carries a level of fakeness. Everyone says everybody looks good with a head shaved. It lacks honesty and I am glad some people here are given me the truth, and it is what I exp in the real world as well.
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I think the point he is trying to make is that when people are older, looks are not as important, especially in regards to dating.
Right, because, well hey, old people aren't really people anymore. Their feelings don't matter. In fact, we probably stop having feelings at all, am I right? And anyone who's alone when they are old should stay that way, because, well, "old".
Sorry, but the marginalization of people because of age is huge pet peeve of mine. "Old people" are still people.
it is just that it is a different phase of life where emphasis is put on different areas.
Tell you what, when you get "old" lets have this conversation again. Because, you know, "different phase of life" an all.
Also, in the fast few decades, it has become more important to what a guy looks like, much more so than in the past.
But only for the young, I guess.
Everyone says everybody looks good with a head shaved. It lacks honesty and I am glad some people here are given me the truth
Your statement contradicts itself. And I can assure you for one, that I never say anything I do not mean. When I say that I think someone looks good, I mean it.
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Nobody Say's nothing bad about old people.
But try to understand me.
At my age most men have hair, at ages 40-50 most have some kind of baldness,just think that it doesn't feel so good feeling like you are different from the rest, at older ages its fine by most people.
At my age i have no girlfriend no wife and nothing and i am into young women like 18-24 and you must understand that baldness might ruin my chances,at 40-50 most of the time you are already married and i dont think you will be hunting 18-23 year old girls.
Baldness is a sign of old age as wrinkles,gray hair and other stuff which people at 40-50 normally have
Now people at 18-30 normally dont have those stuff.
Shaven head is the best natural thing you can do. i am really not trying to offend you just understand my point.
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As you get older...and hopefully wiser....it suddenly dawns on you that there is very little that can be done about your looks....but that doesn't mean you give up caring what you look like....you just give slightly less of a sh!+ about it...saves spending a fortune too!
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Even though I'm married, I still care what I look like to my wife. And, to be honest, it's still nice for other women to be attracted to me, even though I'm "off the market."
Some of what happens as we get older is that we see how quickly trends come and go and we realize that we don't have the energy, funds, or inclination to do the work to stay on top of every trend that comes along. I've got my wardrobe pretty set and I know my wife isn't reading magazines to figure out what the latest celebrity hairstyle for women is.
We definitely care what we look like, it's just that for most of us, our target market isn't twenty-somethings. And that's actually pretty damn liberating.
As an aside, I remember when I thought one of my friends (who had just turned 27) was "old." But "old" keeps getting farther away, the older I get. May it happen to you as well.
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As an aside, I remember when I thought one of my friends (who had just turned 27) was "old." But "old" keeps getting farther away, the older I get. May it happen to you as well.
"Old" is whatever your age currently is + 20 years.
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and i dont think you will be hunting 18-23 year old girls.
I'll gloss over the misogyny implied by the word "hunting", but yeah, my preferred range has always been men over 40.
Shaven head is the best natural thing you can do. i am really not trying to offend you just understand my point.
I understand your point. But your marginalization of older men is still evident. I suppose perspective will come with maturity.
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In some exchanges there almost inevitably comes a point that one could liken it to repeatedly striking one's own head with a hammer. It feels so good when one stops.
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Here's my perspective on age: I have two young adult daughters and was asked by a friend what was my favorite stage / age in their lives. I answered there wasn't a "favorite age" because they were all good and different, so I couldn't possibly single one out as my favorite. Was it great reading them bedtime stories or enjoying the magic of seeing Santa with them? Of course, but it's also great being able to sit and talk with them now over a good dinner and glass of wine.
The beauty and joy of life is that there are great things at every stage. You just have to look for them.
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Well said!
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One of the nice things about being mature is that one has generally learned to be less superficial. We don't stop caring about how we look but we accept that a lot of how we look is beyond our control and stop obsessing about it. We don't expect people to feel sorry for us because we no longer have a full head of hair. We .... Just .... Deal With It and get on with enjoying life. ::)
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One of the nice things about being mature is that one has generally learned to be less superficial. We don't stop caring about how we look but we accept that a lot of how we look is beyond our control and stop obsessing about it. We don't expect people to feel sorry for us because we no longer have a full head of hair. We .... Just .... Deal With It and get on with enjoying life. ::)
Well said RazorX. And to add to that. As I get older I realize just how finite life can be. I am no longer willing to waste one single moment on worrying about the trivial. I cannot understand how some people, many of them younger, can WASTE time obsessing about silly stuff! I make a conscious effort to learn something new each day and to pack in as much activity as possible each and every day. I NEVER just sit at home doing "nothing". And if there is something I know nothing about - I make a conscious effort to learn about it. I know this, when my "time" comes I won't take solace in the fact that I wasted hours and hours of time worrying about my "looks". I will only regret the opportunities to "do" and to "learn" that I passed by!
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One of the nice things about being mature is that one has generally learned to be less superficial. We don't stop caring about how we look but we accept that a lot of how we look is beyond our control and stop obsessing about it. We don't expect people to feel sorry for us because we no longer have a full head of hair. We .... Just .... Deal With It and get on with enjoying life. ::)
Well said RazorX. And to add to that. As I get older I realize just how finite life can be. I am no longer willing to waste one single moment on worrying about the trivial. I cannot understand how some people, many of them younger, can WASTE time obsessing about silly stuff! I make a conscious effort to learn something new each day and to pack in as much activity as possible each and every day. I NEVER just sit at home doing "nothing". And if there is something I know nothing about - I make a conscious effort to learn about it. I know this, when my "time" comes I won't take solace in the fact that I wasted hours and hours of time worrying about my "looks". I will only regret the opportunities to "do" and to "learn" that I passed by!
What a great mentality to have.
I'm still somewhat vain but as I get older I feel less inclined to obsess about my looks.
There is also a fine line between vanity and looking after yourself
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One of the most important things we learn as we get older is that we aren't the center of everyone's attention. It's a very liberating realization.