Sly Bald Guys Forum
Confidence and Success => How to Build Confidence => Topic started by: crazy.irish.celt on December 06, 2010, 03:48:01 AM
-
This post was inspired by a conversation I had with a friend a few days ago that left me feeling pretty awful about the way many people derive their sense of confidence. I know the word 'confidence' is used in the vast majority of replies in this forum, and I agree that it is a necessity, but if you can't establish confidence (in regards to your baldness) by 'letting go' and have to pass judgment to get it, you become a hypocrite. Maybe by the end of my diatribe, you'll see what I mean.
OK. Show of hands: How many of you, at some point during your transition, Googled the statement "How women really feel about bald men" or something similar? <raises hand>
This is, IMO, a standard response by a newly-realized balding guy. It's the internet. It offers privacy and a plethora of info (of questionable validity). For those who said 'yes', all of you have probably read the same 3-5 forum posts or articles that show up at the top of the search results. Depending on your pre-existing self image or general confidence level, you either came away with a sense of hope, or a sense of foreboding. Either way (and I feel I can speak for 90+% of guys) what you'd rather do is just... ASK A CHICK. BUT... you don't wanna sound insecure, so you don't... at least not point-blank in person.
This goes deep... because, sadly, you can't just ask ANY chick... you have to ask the H.O.T.T. ones. You can't just ask the chubby friend, cuz... well... she's chubby and has fewer options, so she WOULD say it's no big deal. Same thing goes for boob-less ones and the acne-scarred. They probably have lower standards by default, right? YOU wanna know what the bombshell thinks. Cuz they're the hardest to please, because, as super-attractive women, they have the best selection of potential mates. If THEY don't care... maybe you aren't doomed to the sub-standard leftovers????
@$$HOLE!!! <-- This is how you should feel if you can relate to even a portion of the thought process I just described. I don't care how depressed you are about your hair loss. Basically, you mentally (hopefully not out loud) declared someone to be too ugly to decide what is attractive. Sure, you want less-attractive women to tell you being bald is OK (cuz if they don't like it, you're doomed). But that's not enough. You have to gain the approval of someone that you and all of your friends can lust after. This makes you shallow.
I'm going to ignore all the various arguments regarding the laws of attraction and social science, and just assume that ALL OF US possess some inherent level of shallowness. I'm also going to assume that everyone, on some level, wants the 'perfect' woman. Let's accept this as true just to avoid the obvious retorts. (Am I a politician or what?!? :*)) )
It just makes me mad as hell to hear a guy whining about his hair loss, and then refusing to be consoled by someone that he doesn’t want to put his penis in (at least that he would tell his friends about). Instead they rely on statements like, "I see tons of sly guys with gorgeous women..." and even then, they don’t believe them most of the time because they aren’t dating a stereotypically gorgeous woman as confirmation. You’re just GIVING AWAY the much-sought-after ‘power’ to a select group of plastic people that, in my experience, are typically to ‘dumb’ to know what to do with it i.e. not make people feel inferior.
To me, getting over the whole baldness thing involved changing the way I judge people. I had to get on a different plane mentally. I fell off my high seat when I realized I was losing my hair, but various life occurrences made me realize that the way back to my confidence was not to climb back up there by getting other people to tell me it's OK to be bald... I had to find a way to live without the chair.
If, at this point, you're thinking that I am saying that SBG or similar resources for bald guys are not a viable way to cope, that is NOT what I intended.
What I'm addressing is a difference between knowing and believing. Sure, you KNOW being bald isn't the end of the world cuz there are thousands of guys in forums that say so, but you don't BELIEVE it because you are still searching for THE authority in this life that makes it so. Take the high road and actually CHANGE your perspective on your bald/balding head. Saying that you can 'still' get hot women is another way of saying that guys who end up with 'not-hot' women have somehow settled and garners a 'sucks to be him' attitude. It’s like they’re somehow handicapped? This only makes it that much harder for you to ever believe that your dating life isn’t over. And let’s not forget, the people who tried to make you feel better… you know… the average or sub-standard women… hell, even your mother in some cases… your friends… Depending on how much they read into your reaction, these people now have the potential to feel bad about themselves because they didn’t see relief in your eyes when they said your baldness was no big deal. If you fail to see the hypocrisy in this, let me just spell it out – You made people who were trying to make you feel better… feel worse about themselves by implying that their opinion doesn’t matter.
Maybe you see what I'm getting at. This post is approaching the 'lost my audience's attention' length, so let me end with a little golden nugget for those of you who got suckered into reading this by the title. This actually happened today...
I'm sitting in Panera Bread with the girlfriend. This is an 'uppity' deli-type joint for those of you who are unfamiliar with it. I mean, they have free Wi-Fi, expensive sandwiches, coffee, like 50 types of desserts, and cute furniture that screams white-collar. This particular Panera is in a college town, so it's full of 18-24 y.o. college hotties. You know, the ones that wear the Ugg boots with the skin-tight leggings and no shorts in freezing weather, baggy sorority t-shirts and North Face coats, driving the Range Rover daddy bought them and chatting on their iPhone while stalking people on Facebook on their brand new MacBook pros (I felt like I needed one just to be allowed to sit in there =P ). These are, to me, what most guys seem to want in college. I accept that tastes vary, but... again... for the sake of the story. Sorry if that described anyone’s gilfriend or daughter. Lol
Ok, so I would not generally expect these women to appreciate a bald pate. The general argument in favor of this view is that they're young, and most guys in their age group have hair, so why bother 'trying' to accept a bald guy? BUT, as you might have guessed, I was proven wrong.
Girlfriend got up to go to the bathroom, and I am left eavesdropping on the people at a table like 2.5 feet to my left (what could I do?). It's two stereotypically-hot women, and this one buzz-cut guy. All Greek by the look of them. Anyways, Girl 1 makes a comment about her dad balding on top and trying to sport the 'fo-hawk' to hide it.
Guy--"Yeah, when dudes start developing male pattern baldness... I think they should just shave it off" <-- sound familiar? Why does he think that? He's obviously not balding... why would he have an opinion that’s anything but negative?!?!
Girl 1--"Yeah, I am gonna make him cut it off at some point. Mom agrees. He's just buzzing right now, but knows we're gonna make shave it at some point, at least down to a zero" (I had to suppress a giggle at this point)
Girl 2--"Yeah, I think that's just so much cleaner. I mean, I don't understand how guys can't see that having random whisps of hair everywhere throws off their symmetry"
Girl 1--"You learn that in anatomy? lol"
Girl 2--"Yeah, that's what my proff said is a basic point of attraction (symmetry… not hair). I never thought about it, but maybe that's why I think Alex is so hot"
Girl 1--"Yeah your boyfriend is pretty sexy" (at this point she consoles the guy at the table, apparently he's her BF)
MY girlfriend comes back from the bathroom, so I redirect my attention to her. 10 mins go by and then... 'Alex' shows up... and he’s bald. Shaved to the skin. ‘Bout a Norwood 5 to look at him, can’t be more than 24-25 years old. Alex introduces himself to the other guy, and then sits down next to Girl 2.
Girl 2 –“See? Perfect symmetry (rubs his head)”
Alex—“Huh?”
And they all laugh as Alex looks befuddled. Then my girlfriend throws her lemon at me and yells at me for not paying attention to her. THE END
You can analyze this story all day… you probably wanna know if Alex was buff, tan, well-dressed, etc. You wanna know if the chicks were really perfect, or if perhaps I'm just exaggerating. And I could tell you… but if those details matter, you missed the real point of the story and you’re just too insecure to see the real truth presented here.
IF you made it this far, grats! Tune in next time for another episode of, "Life According to Celt".
-
I agree. If you hit the gym and buff-up with some cardio, get a new pair of clothes, you'd have all the chicks on you. Some guys don't understand that. Shave, hit the gym, get new clothes and women will fall over you. Hitting the iron builds more testosterone and more confidence within yourself.
-
I agree. If you hit the gym and buff-up with some cardio, get a new pair of clothes, you'd have all the chicks on you. Some guys don't understand that. Shave, hit the gym, get new clothes and women will fall over you. Hitting the iron builds more testosterone and more confidence within yourself.
I so wish it was that easy, BTW don't forget the tanning.
-
BTW don't forget the tanning.
Because nothing says "sexy" like skin cancer! O:O
-
BTW don't forget the tanning.
Because nothing says "sexy" like skin cancer! O:O
You said it not me >:D, for the record my last post was a stab as the atrocity that is the "Jersey Shore" if anyone isn't familiar don't ask.
-
I've been on vacation and so very lazy about shaving. I don't think I've shaved in about 10 days. I was at the gym today. I hardly ever talk to anyone at the gym. I mean almost never. Today my ipod died and so I couldn't hide. There was a girl trying to figure out how to switch the height on the seat for the hammer strength incline after I got off. I went back and showed her and we started talking about blah blah. It turns out that we have some 6 degree connection thing - my sister in law went to HS with her. She started talking about going to some club tonight and how I shoudl come along. I took off my hat for a second to wipe off my brow w/o even thinking about it, and her face went pale. She said "Oh. You're bald." Before I knew how to respond she said "They don't allow hats at the club we're going to". I said something like "Oh that's cool. I'm getting too old for the club scene anyway."
I learned two things.
1. Don't get lazy about shaving on vacation
2. Don't wear a hat to the gym
-
Jack, I think you lucked out. She sounds too incredibly shallow for you. Her comment about your being bald seemed negative and it seemed she assumed that you would want to wear a hat to a club because you are bald....dumber than dumb in my book. Lots of guys wear hats when they work out, whether they have hair or not.
-
Yeah, I knew there was a reason that I never talk to girls at the gym.
Jack, I think you lucked out. She sounds too incredibly shallow for you. Her comment about your being bald seemed negative and it seemed she assumed that you would want to wear a hat to a club because you are bald....dumber than dumb in my book. Lots of guys wear hats when they work out, whether they have hair or not.
-
Next time be ready with : "I love being bald. You should try it sometime !".
-
Next time be ready with : "I love being bald. You should try it sometime !".
Nice double entendre/ pick up line! O0
She may not have enough brains to pick up on the line though...
-
I'm not quick like that. I wish I had said that.
-
Sounds like you let her shoot you down Jack. You could have went with it and said "but they do allow bald guys in right?". She does sound a bit shallow and not worth the time though, so you're probably better off.
Hang in there and keep the smooth dome high! O0
-
Jack, you just stepped over a snake. That woman sounds like she worked for NASA in Houston, a total space cadet! She had to be blond, just had to be. ;D ;D ;D
-
Or maybe this line: " I love my bald head and I know how to use it !"
-
Strange response from the girl at the gym. Unless she was late teens or early twenties I cannot imagine anyone saying that. I live in NY and have never heard of a bald person (especially someone who it suits so well) receiving the amount of negative comments that you report Jack.
I am someone who is very self concious and hate appearance changes that are beyond my control, so possibly (as with me) the bigger issues are other than hair or lack of.
-
Yes, I think the issues are way more in my head than on my head. This was an isolated "insult". Nobody has said anything negative about my shaved head in quite a long time. This girl was young. She must be about 22 or 23. Other than this woman the negative comments really went away a while ago.
-
It also sounds like she wasn't seeing your head at its sly best.
-
Yes, I think the issues are way more in my head than on my head. This was an isolated "insult". Nobody has said anything negative about my shaved head in quite a long time. This girl was young. She must be about 22 or 23. Other than this woman the negative comments really went away a while ago.
Glad to hear things have calmed down Jack. Like I mentioned in another thread, the look suits you as well as anyone I have seen. I myself am heading down the MPB road and I hope to look as well as yourself and some of the other guys here.
For now the reading of the forums is quite a education and is helping me realize that when I get the balls to take control of MPB it will not be the end of the world.
-
Jack, you just stepped over a snake. That woman sounds like she worked for NASA in Houston, a total space cadet! She had to be blond, just had to be. ;D ;D ;D
Now that's funny.
-
I've been on vacation and so very lazy about shaving. I don't think I've shaved in about 10 days. I was at the gym today. I hardly ever talk to anyone at the gym. I mean almost never. Today my ipod died and so I couldn't hide. There was a girl trying to figure out how to switch the height on the seat for the hammer strength incline after I got off. I went back and showed her and we started talking about blah blah. It turns out that we have some 6 degree connection thing - my sister in law went to HS with her. She started talking about going to some club tonight and how I shoudl come along. I took off my hat for a second to wipe off my brow w/o even thinking about it, and her face went pale. She said "Oh. You're bald." Before I knew how to respond she said "They don't allow hats at the club we're going to". I said something like "Oh that's cool. I'm getting too old for the club scene anyway."
I learned two things.
1. Don't get lazy about shaving on vacation
2. Don't wear a hat to the gym
Guess her loss then..
-
The woman in my life loves it and wouldn't want me any other way... :@`
-
I agree. If you hit the gym and buff-up with some cardio, get a new pair of clothes, you'd have all the chicks on you. Some guys don't understand that. Shave, hit the gym, get new clothes and women will fall over you. Hitting the iron builds more testosterone and more confidence within yourself.
Wow, I thought this post was never gonna get a reply, then I check it after a coulple weeks and suddenly we're talking about one of the least important parts.
I would have to agree with the above from the standpoint that a good self image is essential to building confidence, and confidence in turn is a key to attracting and especially *maintaining the attention of your relationship interests. However, I think most people missed what I was getting at when I mentioned the physical make-up of 'Alex'.
My point was that most people who lose their hair eventually adopt the mantra 'I can't control what's happening on the top of my head, so I may as well change everything else about me for the better to compensate', but this attitude, while complimentary, shouldn't IMO be the focus of 'getting over' your hairloss. The basic train of thought, broken down into its bare components, is still "I have a problem (hairloss), I must do something???, I will get a hair transplant and take drugs / I will work out, tan, and buy nice clothes' It's the same thing, and people will always argue which solution is better. If I say Alex has success with women, people instinctively want to copy him to have the same type of success, and the first thing we usually see and focus on is physical image. "If I can do that, it will be ok." But it won't, until you do some work inside. (I feel like a cheesey guidance counselor for saying all this).
Some people will never be able to tan (me), some people will never be able to build large quantities of muscle no matter how much they eat/lift, some people can't afford name-brand clothes. What then? Are they just screwed?
No. Because you have to fix it in your head before you fix it any other way. Even if you manage to achieve the perfect physique and wardrobe, you are still susceptible to let-down via the nature of life. No matter how many jokes and come-backs you try to arm yourslef with, you're still vulnerable to insecurity until you BELIEVE that hairloss isn't a handicap. What this guy I described looks like/dresses like shouldn't matter AT ALL. What does matter is the fact that there is a bald guy out there who isn't single. If you can accept that this can happen to you too, having no way to draw a comparison between yourslef and Alex, with nothing to go on besides the fact that the dude has a chick that likes him for who he is, then perhaps you will find some measure of peace. If not, then I hope nothing else happens to you in this life to ruin your new body, clothes, or skin. Personally, I feel more secure knowing that my confidence is derived from something that can't be taken away from me.
-
Very insightful commentary. I wish I could say that I don't engage in what can only be called hyper-compensatory behavior i.e. obsession with exercise, diet, clothing (everything that I can control that I think will make me look "better"). There's obviously nothing wrong with taking care of oneself by eating well and exercising, but sometimes obsession with it as a means of compensation makes it clear to me that I still see my shaved head as something of a defect or handicap. I have always been a bit obsessive about diet and exercise and outward appearance in general. I spent a lot of my life surrounded by some pretty shallow and superficial people. I really, really, really wish that I could reach a point of serenity, of complete acceptance. It seems to me that many on this site have reached that point and have gone beyond that point. Many regular posters here are not only at peace with their sly heads but are proud to be sly. I wish I could be like that. I wish that I didn't throw a baseball cap on when I go to the gym. I suppose that it has not been all that long. I am making progress - I mean a couple of months ago I would barely leave my "office" at work. Now I am completely comfortable around my students and work associates. BUT I still throw on a baseball cap when I go to the gym. There's nothing wrong with wearing a cap to the gym in of itself. I always used to wear a cap to the gym when I had hair. Now, however, it seems that if I am to take the next step I need to stop the baseball cap thing.
I agree. If you hit the gym and buff-up with some cardio, get a new pair of clothes, you'd have all the chicks on you. Some guys don't understand that. Shave, hit the gym, get new clothes and women will fall over you. Hitting the iron builds more testosterone and more confidence within yourself.
Wow, I thought this post was never gonna get a reply, then I check it after a coulple weeks and suddenly we're talking about one of the least important parts.
I would have to agree with the above from the standpoint that a good self image is essential to building confidence, and confidence in turn is a key to attracting and especially *maintaining the attention of your relationship interests. However, I think most people missed what I was getting at when I mentioned the physical make-up of 'Alex'.
My point was that most people who lose their hair eventually adopt the mantra 'I can't control what's happening on the top of my head, so I may as well change everything else about me for the better to compensate', but this attitude, while complimentary, shouldn't IMO be the focus of 'getting over' your hairloss. The basic train of thought, broken down into its bare components, is still "I have a problem (hairloss), I must do something???, I will get a hair transplant and take drugs / I will work out, tan, and buy nice clothes' It's the same thing, and people will always argue which solution is better. If I say Alex has success with women, people instinctively want to copy him to have the same type of success, and the first thing we usually see and focus on is physical image. "If I can do that, it will be ok." But it won't, until you do some work inside. (I feel like a cheesey guidance counselor for saying all this).
Some people will never be able to tan (me), some people will never be able to build large quantities of muscle no matter how much they eat/lift, some people can't afford name-brand clothes. What then? Are they just screwed?
No. Because you have to fix it in your head before you fix it any other way. Even if you manage to achieve the perfect physique and wardrobe, you are still susceptible to let-down via the nature of life. No matter how many jokes and come-backs you try to arm yourslef with, you're still vulnerable to insecurity until you BELIEVE that hairloss isn't a handicap. What this guy I described looks like/dresses like shouldn't matter AT ALL. What does matter is the fact that there is a bald guy out there who isn't single. If you can accept that this can happen to you too, having no way to draw a comparison between yourslef and Alex, with nothing to go on besides the fact that the dude has a chick that likes him for who he is, then perhaps you will find some measure of peace. If not, then I hope nothing else happens to you in this life to ruin your new body, clothes, or skin. Personally, I feel more secure knowing that my confidence is derived from something that can't be taken away from me.
-
Jack, I agree wholeheartedly that caring for your body and taking the time to dress your best are great pursuits, regardless of the underlying motivation. Please don't let me discourage you from doing so.
As for achieving serenity, let me say that I am far from it myself. The closest I have come to being indefinitely 'OK' with myself came when I adopted the attitude of, "I'm not better than anyone, but by God no one is better than me," <-- this was the signature of SBG user PapaDon for the longest time, always stuck with me. I guess what I took from this is that I really don't give a rip about the judgements people pass on me because I can look right back at any person in front of me and find a shortcoming. Rather than pointing this out, or wishing I possessed certain positive attributes of others, I just accept that I have the same potential to live a happy life as anyone else, and that no one has the authority to declare me to be inferior.
As for the chick at the gym, she basically stuck her foot in her mouth. But, in her defense, she apparently hit the nail on the head regarding your hat. From what you've said, it's kind of a security blanket. I understand, I wore a hat all the time too (and still do b/c the sun hates me). Unfortunately, many people look at a bald guy with a hat on and automatically think, "He's hiding". With this gym girl, in the 0.005 seconds it took her to choose her words, she thought "No hats allowed in club. He's wearing a hat b/c he's insecure. Should probably tell him that NOW so he doesn't get to the club door and have the bodyguard ask him to remove it". [And btw, you're never REALLY to old for the club scene... just don't scam on somone young enough to be your daughter, and it's not creepy =P] I wouldn't take it too personally. Just ditch the hat, and look people in the eye when you talk to them. This has worked a lot better for me than just putting on a cap and hoping they don't stare at my hairline.
-
I think that you're quite right about the girl at the gym. I can't believe that I'm still going on about that one, stupid little thing from 2 or 3 weeks ago, but still. I recall a few years ago a cousin of mine from Australia came to visit. I still had all sorts of junk in my hair to make it look like I had a full head of hair. I hadn't seen him in years and was a little surprised to see that he was bald. He is a couple years younger than me, but the last time I had seen him we were still kids. Anyway, I was so self-conscious about my balding and thinning that I went to ludricrous lengths to conceal it and here he was with a closely cropped horseshoe as comfortable as anyone - or so I thought. We talked for a long time and then I told him that I was meeting some friends at a bar and that he should come with me. He hesitated for a bit, said he wasn't sure, that he was tired etc etc. Finally seemingly out of the blue he asked if he could wear a baseball cap in the bar. I said of course he could - that its just a whole in the wall bar. His expression changed completely and he was up and ready to go. He must have already been bald for years by the time I saw him, but there was still some element of his not being completely comfortable in that type of social setting without a cap.
I don't want to become like that. I mean he's a wonderful guy and has since gotten married and begun a real adult life for himself. I have no idea how he is now with respect to his baldness. I have the feeling that it is not an issue for him anymore, but it was then.
-
Jack - you should go easier on yourself. You have already had the guts to do what I have not done.......remove the piece and bravely be who you are. Feel good about what you have done for you. You deserve it.
-
Coach, I'll never go easy on myself. Its just not my way. I have always been my own worst critic. I have spent my life in competition with myself. When I played ball and we would win say 35-7 (not that we often won 35-7) I wouldn't go out with the rest of the team Fri night b/c I was so furious with myself for giving up a TD. The fact that we won meant nothing. The fact that I missed a tackle or took a bad angle was all that I would concentate on. Anyway I'm off on a tangent again. I may have pulled the piece and shaved my head but I am still hiding behind hats at the gym and not even trying to go out and meet someone. I just turned 35 and suddenly feel the need to find a companion. My first marriage failed when I was in my mid 20's. I'm giving myself absolutely no chance of meeting a woman b/c I'm not putting myself out there. My friends who I used to hang with, go out with are not quite sure how to relate to me being shaved headed. Most of them tell me its time to grow it back already. When I get exaspirated and yell "I can't. There's nothing to grow out!" They don't believe me. Maybe I need to grow out my thinning mess and show up at the bar so that they'll finally believe me. I'm sure they'll say "Damn, Jack. You need to shave that sh*t NOW".
-
I agree. If you hit the gym and buff-up with some cardio, get a new pair of clothes, you'd have all the chicks on you. Some guys don't understand that. Shave, hit the gym, get new clothes and women will fall over you. Hitting the iron builds more testosterone and more confidence within yourself.
I so wish it was that easy, BTW don't forget the tanning.
Testosterone is also one of the leading causes for hair loss lol
-
Hey boys - I came about this forum by accident but wanted to just say Hello and that there are girls out there that love bald men, and no I am not overweight, uneducated, or from Hicksville lol.
-
Hey boys - I came about this forum by accident but wanted to just say Hello and that there are girls out there that love bald men, and no I am not overweight, uneducated, or from Hicksville lol.
Welcome! And thank you for posting up!
-
The carpet should match the drapes, if thats what you mean
-
.
I so wish it was that easy, BTW don't forget the tanning.
Testosterone is also one of the leading causes for hair loss lol
Particularly the testosterone that gets converted to dihydro testosterone
-
I am way late on this and a lot of other posts... but trying to understand the world that I don't think is worth the time trying to understand.
First of all- in all my heterosexual secureness, I will say that if I were ever to not care about being bald, it would be because I had a face structure and complexion like Jack's.
Secondly, for some stupid twit to purport that his hat was a crutch because she saw him wearing one one time in her life, after inviting him out to a club shows some real flaws and hyper-superficiality on her part. Don't get me wrong, I know this is why we commonly need a leg up. It's the same reason black people were enslaved in the beginning of this country's institution- some people are just dumb as a box of rocks. Of course I am referring to this girl at the gym.
Maybe you work out because you understand that bald guys with great skin complexion look better with muscles than a guy with a full head of hair does. I don't know- I mean I came to this site honestly because people treat me like sh**. It's no different from my whole life.
Then I go back to my opening statement- is it really worth the time trying to understand the world and the people like this girl that disrespected Jack? Of course not. But it's what I do best- waste my time...
-
Hair or lack of is surely one of a number of things that are considered in the overall equation that women use to measure attractiveness. YMMV with how attractiveness is measured.
My tuppenceworth:
1. There are attractive guys with no hair and unattractive guys with no hair and those inbetween.
2. There are attractive guys with hair and unattractive guys with hair and those inbetween.
3. There are guys with no hair who are more attractive than guys with hair and vice versa.
4. There are things which make people attractive which have nothing to do with their physical appearance (confidence, personality, humour, sporting ability and dare I say it money/job and lots more)
5. Some men will even become better looking after they go sly and 99% if not all men will become better looking going sly rather than just sporting one of the many balding styles.
6. Some men like big/small breasts, big/small rears, red-heads/brunettes/blondes etc. Woman are the same. Different strokes for different folks. Not everyone will find everyone else desirable or undesirable.
7. And has has been written here already keeping yourself in shape certainly helps.
Maybe I'm strange and maybe it should have but being bald has never held me back with regards to women.
I think I've spent too much time on this post. I'm off.
-
Itsa turn on I am sure , several pals of mine have had spontaneous feels on there shiny dome from complete strangers , happens in the London underground , never had it myself from either gender of people i dont know .
-
I really do love being bald...
It is much nicer to have a woman admire my hazel eyes than look at my ridiculous hairline. I really am more confident being bald, could never find a hairstyle that suited me. Headrubs are always appreciated, too.
-
Hmm I must be fortunate. I have never had a woman turn her nose up at me because I was bald I've always had the opposite problem. I have had random women that I have never met before come up to me and ask they could feel my head... :D :D
Now I can't do that as I am married but I still notice a lot of women checking me out.
-
"It's just hair." She said to me one day after I felt defeated. I know now after several years that instead of my reply to her: "It's more than that, it's confidence," I should have instead said "It's more than that, it's respect." She left me soon after I shaved it all off. I still don't know if it was my reaction to peoples' disgust with me that turned her off, or me myself and my damn head.
I was brand new to having people stare at me for longer than a second. People stare at me like I just fell out of a UFO. Maybe that's what they see when they look at me. It's not what I see. It's not how I viewed bald men before it happened to me. That's just who I am, though.
If there was ever an advocate for people getting respect that maybe look a little different, it's me. Before this happened to me, I remember in 3rd grade when I was at a bus stop, and people were picking on a kid very hard and bullying him because he wore glasses. This was back when it wasn't cool to wear glasses. Wouldn't you just know it, those same glasses, and his hairstyle are considered in-fashion now. I wished at the time, watching him get bullied, that I could pick each one of his tormenters up something like Will Smith did in the movie Hancock, except I wouldn't catch them on the way down. It hurt me that much to see someone else getting picked on when I could do nothing, and now it's my life, and I can do nothing. People have taken everything from me, and I've even been threatened at my job on numerous occasions. I've faced bullying at a couple of my jobs- well no actually, all of them.
First they took my self-esteem. Then my self-respect. Then when I get angry, my friends disappeared. I went into hiding. Then they tell me it's not a handicap. After they take my dignity and my self worth with their humiliation and comments from different angles. They won't allow me to be sad, or happy. I have to tow the line. It's to the point where if someone looks at me crossways, I want to knock them out. You can't do that or you go to jail. I'm a mental prisoner out of prison. Luckily, the condition doesn't strike everyone the same way. Some of you have families and friends, and you smile. I wish I was as fortunate. I wish my skin was ever-so-thick, and my feelings were ever-so-numb, and I wish I hadn't ditched my ego from the get-go. With all the egos I compete with- some of them downright grotesque and obnoxious, I wish I had it back. It is the hardest thing to get back.
Sure, I could negate what I am force fed- if I want to look for a different job and quit my career. I could also say goodbye to what little semblance of "friends" I have.
-
VSG....I'm so sorry that you life took a turn like this.....Back in my younger days, I was the "nerd" that got picked on a lot, but in my case, being bald has actually helped me deal with people....I think you are a good person and as for the woman who left you after you shaved your head, it's her loss....While these people fuxxing with you is not right, my combat counselor told me a statement that sticks in my head and I think about this whenever my ex-wife or her family comes at me with unwarranted B.S. "NO ONE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION!" Didn't mean to put that in all caps, but people in general will do to us what we allow them to do....That said, I pray that one day you find your epiphany like I found mine which was "There is only one me, and that is the person who I am going to conform to, others be damned!" Stay strong, and if you want to talk about this one on one, PM me. Good Luck!
-
Really appreciate you. Every bit of wisdom helps. Thanks a lot.
-
VSG....I'm so sorry that you life took a turn like this.....Back in my younger days, I was the "nerd" that got picked on a lot, but in my case, being bald has actually helped me deal with people....I think you are a good person and as for the woman who left you after you shaved your head, it's her loss....While these people fuxxing with you is not right, my combat counselor told me a statement that sticks in my head and I think about this whenever my ex-wife or her family comes at me with unwarranted B.S. "NO ONE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION!" Didn't mean to put that in all caps, but people in general will do to us what we allow them to do....That said, I pray that one day you find your epiphany like I found mine which was "There is only one me, and that is the person who I am going to conform to, others be damned!" Stay strong, and if you want to talk about this one on one, PM me. Good Luck!
This is so true. I also apologize if my earlier post seemed a little self centered, it was not intended to be. When I was in high school I was always getting picked on, none of the girls were interested in me, I had a low self esteem. I have found since then you have to portray yourself the way you want people to see/treat you. Don't let people walk on you because if you let them once they will do it again and again.
Stand tall, Walk tall !!! O0
-
I will never understand how a woman’s mind works. It is said, "Do not try to understand your woman, just love her".
Nevertheless, in my opinion, woman, in general, are not attracted to bald men, especially in the courting phase of their lives. However there is always the exception...Once they see the heart, the humor and the confidence, the lack of hair means very little.
-
@Waine: what if we could debug women's mind? :) (just seen this question while web surffing)
Different people have different opinions.
When a woman speaks generally what she feels about bald men I think that can change when she gets to know a bald man
-
I agree with Andrei.
And there's also a difference between 'a bald man' and 'a balding man'.
Last I had a conversation with some of my female friends. We got to the subject about Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding. The general reaction was: "He's a very lucky guy, she married him despite him going bald." So I just coughed and said "Well, excuse me" while pointing at my head. And they answered: "But that's different, you're not going bald, you just shave your head." (I have MPB, though)
And I'm not the only shaved person they know since 2 of them have BBC friends: my female friends' reaction towards shaved heads is completely different than towards balding heads. I haven't explicitly asked them, but it seems that a shaved head is just another style in their opinion, whereas a balding head is seen as 'a negative trait'. And there will always be the occasional girl who will NEVER find a bald guy to be attractive (we also had that conversation), just like there will always be girls who don't like men shorter than 5ft10, or girls who will only date white or black guys...
-
Caution you are now entering the danger zone (RED LIGHT are on!) trying to understand woman's mind may cause madness or adverse side effects like knowing what manolo is op prada :( HORROR :/O :-X
-
After many research this is what i found www.uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Woman
-
Overheard last night (conversation was taking place behind me): "Well, he's a nice looking guy ..."
Naturally I thought they were talking about me.
Until ...
"except for that combover on the bald spot."
Clearly not me :-)
But I think it supports the point that "balding" is decidedly negative where bald (regardless of BBC or MPB) is generally a positive.
-
I am sorry guys everything I know is pure uncyclopedia knowledge (and everything i should know ) ,so I know a lot! O:O LOL
-
LOL FrontierGuy :*)) that's why I send you this link about Woman you still gotta learn O0 :*))
-
It seems that a shaved head is just another style in their opinion, whereas a balding head is seen as 'a negative trait'. =
Ah, nice distinction. So for the guy with the 'negative trait', it's easy to switch to 'another hair style option -- shaved head. Move from negative to positive.
-
;)Thar are alot of gals out there that a nice clean shaved head reminds them of other heads. I did have a lady tell me that as she rubbed mine. Often times women like baby oil and the smell of baby powder. Must be something motherly O0 Not sure what it is called but there is a mans fufu out col. that has this smell of baby powder a young lady friend of mine which works in a very nice store says she sells a great deal of it.
Have a great day not gonna give out any more secrets ;D
-
Even though I am married, sometimes happily, other times not so much, I do fear how other people will view me. I do wonder what my wife will say once the deed is done. She always clowned me about doing it and when I finally said I wanted to, she said she is not sure how it will look. So I'm sort of nervous now. I do work with an office full of women with a few guys and I do worry what they will all say.
I haven't looked at the back of my head in years and finally did it last night. I was somewhat shocked at what I saw. It looked like my grandfathers head--most hair gone on top with a ring around the back. It looked horrible.
At 44 yrs old, it was a depressing sight. I knew my hair was thinning, especially on top, but didnt think it was that thin on the back.
By no means am i over weight but I could be in better shape, physically but I drink too much damn beer and I like it. So I guess I will need to start hitting the gym to reduce the belly and lose 10 lbs or so. I am not happy with my physical appearace at all and the "ring" made me even more self conscious.
I ordered the Headblade yesterday and it shipped today. My plan is to take my clippers and get rid of whatever hair it can on Friday. I think it will cut it fairly close. Hoping to get the Headblade in on Friday or Sat so I can finish the job.
I'm lucky in regards to being able to wear a hat to work so if I don't like the look, I can always cover it up for a week. I'm hoping it will not come to that as I am tired of watching what little hair I have left disappear.
I've read alot of posts on this site and I agree that it is hard to build confidence being sly. Since I am married, I won't have some of the issues that others have when it comes to meeting the ladies. But I'm a guy and I like to look and what I fear is the reaction I would get from the ladies. I know my friends and family will support me but it's my co-workers and the people I do not know that concern me. I guess I shouldn't give a damn what other people think but it does lead to either a confidence builder or a deflator. Either way, I am planning on doing it this weekend.
Eddie
-
Eddie,
So is that you peeking on the avitar at us ? Put a pic on here and trust me we will be honest with you. This here is a Gentleman's club. We are who we are and damm proud of it. And you can be to. Also I like my beer. Long as you don't get stupid when you drink it, its cool.
-
Eddie,
I hope (and believe) that once you get rid of the unattractive hair style (by shaving) you will find more self confidence than you expected. That's a very common experience - not a lack of it.
How people react to you is going to depend a huge amount on how you present yourself. Think about it ... you are finally taking charge of the situation and taking action. You should be quite proud of that. I haven't seen a shaved/bald guy yet who didn't look good. You will be no different.
And ... lastly ... you may very well find that simply shaving off the problem hair causes you to begin dressing better, eating in a more healthful manner, and generally improving your overall well-being.
But those things are probably not going to happen as long as you continue to worry and fret and panic about thinning hair.
Do it. Be proud you've done it. And let the world know you are in charge!
-
Eddie,
So is that you peeking on the avitar at us ? Put a pic on here and trust me we will be honest with you. This here is a Gentleman's club. We are who we are and damm proud of it. And you can be to. Also I like my beer. Long as you don't get stupid when you drink it, its cool.
Yep. That is me peeking. Not the best pic. Was just playing around last night.
I'll try and post a better pic tomorrow.
-
Eddie,
I hope (and believe) that once you get rid of the unattractive hair style (by shaving) you will find more self confidence than you expected. That's a very common experience - not a lack of it.
How people react to you is going to depend a huge amount on how you present yourself. Think about it ... you are finally taking charge of the situation and taking action. You should be quite proud of that. I haven't seen a shaved/bald guy yet who didn't look good. You will be no different.
And ... lastly ... you may very well find that simply shaving off the problem hair causes you to begin dressing better, eating in a more healthful manner, and generally improving your overall well-being.
But those things are probably not going to happen as long as you continue to worry and fret and panic about thinning hair.
Do it. Be proud you've done it. And let the world know you are in charge!
Thanks for the confidence. It's a big step and I'm more inclined to do it now than I have been in the past.
What I saw last night in the mirror was depressing. I know I need to get over the appearance thing and I'm sure once I do it I will be ok. Hopefully confidence will follow.
Funny thing is I've always been confident but as I got older the confidence level decreased. That's partly because of hair loss.
-
Cool buddy, looking forward to it. You are gonna do very well here and this board and the members are the greatest you will find. We all are human and have stuff. But at my age I like to keep it all small stuff in which it is. You are the most important not the women in or around you. ;) Just sayen mio.