1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense
at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else
looks?
9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM.
It could be a right number.
13. Think about this: No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is
winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print There's no way you're going to like it
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size
bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD
LADIES running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden
Oldies!)
18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Hyundai.
19. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you
are probably dead.
20. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings...they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
21. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
22. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
23. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
24. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
25. A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
26. Plagiarism saves time.
27. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
28. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
29. TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
30. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
31. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
32. We waste time, so you don't have to.
33. Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
34. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
35. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
36. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
37. INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
38. Succeed in spite of management.
39. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
and my all time favorite:
“standards are good, so double standards are, logically, TWICE as good.â€
