Changes

[dog20]

I need to make changes on the inside and outside. Everything from clothes to confidence has to be changed. I also need to priortize my life and take control of my social life. Sure, staying at home all the time allows me to make good grades in school, but why does that even matter? I am not happy and I need to get out and experience things. Its been many years since I've hung out with friends and I've been single for my whole life.

All of its my fault, I just don't put in the effort to get the girl or hang out with the buddies. Sometimes I feel like I need to hire someone to kick me in the butt and force me to do things. I need to do some serious thinking about my future, because I don't have any plans for my life and it scares me...

Being alone, being lonely, feeling sad and depressed about my life and my hopeless future (it feels like that to me) need to be a thing of the past. I don't know how much longer I can continue on like this. Way too often, I feel that there is something wrong with me. That I have trouble connecting with people or having them be interested in what I have to say.

Its no surprise though, I'm not a talkative and exciting person. I don't see why anyone would really want to hang out with me. All I really want to do is to be able to go out and enjoy life with somebody. Its no fun going bowling, playing disc golf, or walking on the natural trail alone.

Some days are ok, other times I'm somewhat in a good mood, but more often or not, I am feeling down. I wish I could not worry about what others think of me and stop thinking about the past. I am a good person and I know I can make someone really happy.

Thanks for reading, I just wanted to get all that off of my chest.

[Timmay]

well the best thing for you to do right now is to get up off your ass and go do something.  Hang out with people...you are only given one life.  So what if you mess up?  Everyone messes up, youjust pick it up and move on.  So be it.  Goodluck!

[Stu]

I don't know if you're a religious person, but if you are, you might try going that route to meet people.  Some churches have singles groups.  You're still in school, so I would think there are plenty of opportunities to be out there.  Strike up a conversation with a classmate; go have a beer (if you're able), anything.  It is easy to stay in a shell, but if you don't like that anymore, you're going to have to venture out.  If you don't go to a gym, that's another opportunity to meet people.  I like to joke that I met my wife at a happy hour after work... not exactly the situation you would imagine meeting your future spouse, but hey, it happened.

[Paul]

Dog, Stu has just given you some great advice.   I have only lived in my current town for 8 years.  I didn't know a soul here till I started going to church.  Met dozens of friendly, great people and some of them are the best partiers in town.   Give it a try. 

[GASlick]

I can't agree more with Stu and Paul.

[Mikekoz13]

We also met many of the friends we have thru our Church when we joined.

[Northernlion]

Dog,

With your current disposition and feelings of neediness/loneliness you're not in a good place to handle a serious relationship. Trust me, I've been there. The easiest way to eliminate those feelings is to spend more time being social. The brain is hard-wired to make you happy when you're successfully interacting with other people. Once you get out and about with your friends more often you'll find that you're not worrying so much about getting that one mythical girl you're fretting about. Also, you'll find that you attract more women because you're having the time of your life.

Now, if you don't have friends that like to do what you do, you need to find more friends. The easiest way to do this is to single out one of your friends who is GOOD AT NETWORKING. Everyone has one buddy who is friends with everyone and has no problem meeting people. One of my absolute best friends is THAT GUY and he's introduced me to hundreds of people since I met him. So you start planning cool hangouts/events (dinner parties are cool -- especially at our age it makes people feel older and opens them up to conversation; fun things like mini-golf are awesome too) and you tell that friend to invite 5 awesome people he knows. You do this a few times and suddenly you have 20 new friends to jam with.

It's important as well to take the initiative and plan outings. In my social circle, me and one other dude basically run all of the event planning. I'm not sure if it's that we just like partying more than everyone else, or everyone else subconsciously looks for leaders to do it for them, but that's how it works. When you organize something big, invite everyone you know, not just close friends.

This is a broad topic, the first thing to do is get talking to everyone you meet. Say hello to 5 strangers on the street today and don't worry about their reactions.

[dog20]

Thanks bros, I'm not religious and I'm Jewish.  So no church for me... heck, the only thing I know about Judaism is I get gifts on Hanukkah.

[marty22]

funny; u dont look Jewish.  LOL

[D.A.L.U.I.]

This is simple, and hard.  Volunteer, Habitate for Humanity, or anything where the people get together to do something concrete for people who really have nothing.  You'll be helping the recipient, and yourself.  You'll meet people and have something to talk about--the house you're building, etc.  The HARD part, picking up the phone and finding out where you can go to do anything--a go-fer, if necessary.  Once you're working at it, you will have a chance to refocus off yourself and on others.  Jewish people have a talent for helping others, it's kind of what all religions are or should be about.  You will receive more than you give.

[dog20]

Thanks for the suggestion, now do I look jewish marty?

[marty22]

nahhhhhhhhhhhhDOg. u look Irish. LOL

Another Jewish guy here.

[GASlick]

I was never really good at figuring out stuff like that.

[Timmay]

neither am I Gas....I just say hell with it and jump right in.  If they dont like me...they will leave. 

[Stu]

Thanks bros, I'm not religious and I'm Jewish.  So no church for me... heck, the only thing I know about Judaism is I get gifts on Hanukkah.

Maybe now's the time to learn.  Go to synagogue, and meet new people... 2 good things for the price of 1.