Confidence and Success > How to Build Confidence
Low self esteem
Argyle:
I thought that I would be one of the early posters in this section as this is really where i see my issue with slyness at this point in time.
Sorry for repetetive posting on this subject, but essentially what I think makes me different to some people who post some of the more depressing posts on here (not all) is that I am determined to change my outlook. I am just finding it a somewhat painful process to go through. However I have found this place a huge resource in terms of getting to this point and i hope you dont mind me using you guys as a way of getting over the final hurdle.
Believe it or not, I like shaving my noggin, it feels great! Psychologically thought it is something i am having a deal of trouble dealing with. I go through periods of extreme satisfaction about the way i look, but always in the back of my mind is that tomorrow i may be just as unhappy as i was happy the day before. I need to break this cycle and find a day when negative feelings about my MPB dont enter my head. That is my goal - the problem is I am not quite sure how to get there!! I am not one of those people who had trouble coming to terms with balding, then shaved their head and saw the light. I still see myself as a balding man and a pretty unattractive one at that. I know it is irrational and I try and tell myself that all the time.
Anyway, there are some photos that make me cringe, here is one:
http://chrisandemma.myphotoalbum.com/view_photo.php?set_albumName=album02&id=IFI_Team_2
I look at that and all my good work convincing myself that it is all ok goes down the drain, but then is it that it is just a bad photo I wonder? I just dont know lol. Ironically if you take a photo of me head on I think i look better now than when i had hair!!
The other thing that i eat myself up about a lot is not knowing how much hair you are ultimately going to lose? I have a fairly defined pattern of baldness in so much it has pretty much all gone from the top. I would love it if i knew it was going to stay like it is now for the forseeable future. Then i could come to terms with it and move on, but i have a problem with the uncertainty.
What really bothers me the most though is the wider impact of all this. I hate the fact that this makes me feel vain, i am not an inherrently vain person but have become nigh on obsessed with my appearance. But the biggest and most significant issue is the fact that invariably this has an impact upon other things. I have a great partner and an amazing albeit noisy daughter both of which I want to enjoy more than anything - I am desperate that my lack of confidence does not impact more widely but it is almost innevitable that it will eventually - hence i am determined to deal with it!!
Previously I would never have counted myself as 'Sly' as my attitude was not right, I was just down about things. I am still a bit down (well a lot sometimes) I wont lie, but what has changed is an absolute determination to do something about it and come to terms with myself.
I think I need help to do that though, and that is where i am a little stuck.
I hope you guys dont mind me posting like this again - I am certainly not of the world is against me, life is so cruel attitude, I am just going on a journey here which is much much tougher than i ever thought it would be!
I know that this will elicit the usual supportive comments and you guys are amazing for that, I have never met albeit cyberly such an amazing community of people who have supported such a vast number of guys and girls. I have also made some great friends here over the last couple of years and I dont want to lose any of that by not coming to terms with this damn thing!!
Your comments and suggestions would as always be appreciated and as I say I hope you dont mind another negative post.
Hope you are all well this Friday afternoon!
Tyler:
Argyle, thanks for posting this up! It takes a real man to admit what he's going through.
As you may or may not know, I have two huge scars on my chest. The first one I received at the age of 4 when I had my first open-heart surgery, the second when I was 12 when I had my fourth open-heart surgery.
I lived in an area that was very water centric, meaning that I was always at the lake or the pool with my shirt off. I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't make me feel uneasy when I met new people with my shirt off. Actually, it tended to get worse as I got into high school because I was more interested in attracting girls and I always thought this would be a negative thing.
My freshman year of college I read Winning Through Intimidation by Robert Ringer which I talked about in this thread - http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=6694.0
In this book there were a couple things that were written that really helped me. In the book there are theories that he talks about and here are the three that slapped me across the head:
Theory of Reality
[transcript from the book] This theory emphasizes, first of all, that reality isn't the way you wish things to be, nor the way they appear to be, but the way they are. Secondly, the theory states that you either acknowledge reality and use it to your benefit or it will automatically work against you.
Thirty Year Theory
[transcript from the book]...this one is firmly based on the bedrock of my philosophy - the Theory of Reality. The Thirty Year Theory has to do with death. I came to the conclusion that most people tend to block from their conscious minds the reality that they're going to die - and in a relatively short period of time, at that....I quit hiding my head in the would-be sands of eternal life and faced the reality that - give or take a few years - I had about thirty years left to "get on with it."
Ice Ball Theory
[transcript from the book] The Ice Ball Theory eliminates ulcers and headaches and makes it possible to enjoy those last "thirty years" even when things aren't going exactly as you'd like them to...I adopted the "ice ball" tag from something I once read in a science book. I happened to be reading a section which explained the sun is slowly burning out and that in 50 billion years there won't be any sun at all. According to the book, the earth will then be nothing but a "frozen ice ball."
...It suddenly occurred to me that what I was reading was reality, that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it, and that in light of this long-term reality, the immediate problems concerning me were so insignificant as to make me feel like an ant.
I recommend reading the whole book as there are many more tidbits to help you out, but these were the theories that made the largest impact on me.
Paul:
Argyle, this is just what this place is for....support for the man who needs it, MPB or BBC. Glad we can be here and give you an ear to bend. Every journey begins with a single step, and you have taken a great many in the time you have been on here. Stick with it and you will eventually reach the acceptance at the end of the road and we will all be here to cheer as you end that journey.
MagmaBabe:
Argyle.. I see no problem with your picture whatsoever.. and that's the God's honest truth! Listen to this cockney gal when she says she's gonna tell it to ya straight. You look great, seriously. :)
I'll fess up and I'm not ashamed to say it but there are moment's when I suffer from low self esteem.. and I have had a few of those moments of late through things that have gone on in my personal life. My issues with low self esteem are not a recent thing.. it's through things that have happened in the past and although not very often, every now and again something occurs and then those 'problems' resurface. You have to fight it hunny, don't let it drag you down. Believe in yourself, because we all do.
I like to think that regardless of anything that happens.. at the end of the day, I'm a strong woman, always have been, always will be. Read my signature.. it rings so true. Just every now and again I need a little reminder. So do you.
You can change your outlook.
The question about baldness I can't answer. Sorry. But I can say this.. everyone is individual and I would imagine that there is no hard or fast rule as to how much hair you are going to lose or whereabouts from your head it's going to come from.
Take a long, hard look at yourself.. you have a wife, a daughter and you live in such a beautiful place. You have a regular income and people that love you. You also have us, the motley crew that we are, to give you support when you need it.
Focus on the good things in life.. you have so much that other people would give their right arms' for.
You're intelligent, funny and an attractive guy. Take Tylers advice and read the book he recommends.
At the end of the day Argyle, focus on the positives and it will get you through.
You know you have friends here for when the going gets tough. :)
BALDANDRE:
Awww, Magma..
pretty AND very wise! :@`
I'll have to remember to put you on my cheerleading list when I get down about things! ;) O0
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