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SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE! by Jer on 10 Jul, 2008 11:52
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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit.... -
#1 by FR8TRAIN on 10 Jul, 2008 13:55
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Thanks Jer. I almost wet myself.
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#2 by SLYinKC on 10 Jul, 2008 16:33
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Those were funny...... You out-did yourself, Jer....
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#3 by RICKYBOBBY74 on 10 Jul, 2008 19:13
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A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic
garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there is a rip
in one of the bags,and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto
the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her. 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of your bag.'
'Oh, really? Damn!' says the little old lady. 'I'd better go back and
see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning.'
'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money?
You didn't steal it, did you?'
'Oh no,' says the little old lady. 'You see, my back yard is right next < BR>to
the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there is a game, a
lot
of the fans come and pee through the bushes, right into my flower beds!
So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each
time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say, '$20
or
off it comes!' '
Well, that seems only fair,' laughs the cop. 'Ok, good luck! By the
way, what's in the other bag?'
'Well,' says the little old lady, 'not everybody pays.'
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#4 by GASlick on 10 Jul, 2008 19:29
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What does a redneck say after sex?
Get off me daddy. You're crushing my cigarettes. -
#5 by MagmaBabe on 11 Jul, 2008 03:55
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What does a redneck say after sex?
Get off me daddy. You're crushing my cigarettes.
oooooooooooh!! now that was very poor taste!! 