Motivational Quotes

[bmwgsa]

Some good lines there, bmwgsa

[bmwgsa]

I was cleaning up some e-mails and ran across these:

* * I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I heard that most people
die of natural causes.

* * Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant
is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

* * The easiest way to find something lost around the
house is to buy a replacement.

* * Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

* * There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

* * Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

* * Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

* * Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

* * Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

* * All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

* * In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

* * How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

* * Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

* * Who was the first person to say,
"See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta
its butt."

* * Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

* * If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

* * Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

* * Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

[PigPen]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Some of those I've seen, others I haven't...good stuff

[Tyler]

I was dying laughing when I read that.  My wife kept asking, "what are you looking at?"

[Tyler]

There is nothing more contemptible than a bald man who pretends to have hair.- Marcus Valerius Martialis, Roman poet, 98 A.D.

[David]

This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we are still fighting among ourselves today. This green field right here, painted red, bubblin' with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family. You listen, and you take a lesson from the dead. If we don't come together right now on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed, just like they were. I don't care if you like each other of not, but you will respect each other. And maybe... I don't know, maybe we'll learn to play this game like men.

You got anger, thats good, you're gonna need it son. You got aggression, thats even better, you're gonna need that too. But any little 2 year old child can throw a fit. Football is about controlling that anger, harnessing that aggression into a team effort to achieve perfection.

Listen up, Im not gonna talk to you tonight about winning and losing. Your already winners...because you didnt kill each other up at camp. Tonight we got Hayfield. Like all the other schools in this conference, they're all white. They dont have to worry about race...we do... but we're better for it men. Let me tell you something, you dont let anything...NOTHING...come between us. Nothing tears us apart. Greek mythology, the titans were greater even than the Gods. They ruled their universe with absolute power. Well, that football field out there tonight, thats our universe. Lets rule it like Titans!!!

[Robmeister]

* * The easiest way to find something lost around the
house is to buy a replacement.

* * Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* * How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

* * If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Those are my favorites

[PBurke]

how about the first 30 minutes of full metal jacket. that is motivation.

[ar3inc]

how about the first 30 minutes of full metal jacket. that is motivation.

If your going down that route how the majority of scenes in Black Hawk Down.  My favorite (which is long stretch to factual events of that day) is SPC Pilla is shot behind the .50 cal and the operator jumps in the turret.

[wpruitt]

• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  
  Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Have a few beers and ponder these

[bmwgsa]

Here's a few more Quotes and sayings I've collected in my far-too-many years of working in computers (and the bad part is that I've learned that most of these are  true).....

============================================

The number of the beast - vi vi vi
----------------------------------------------

Definition of EASY TO INSTALL = Difficult to install, but instruction manual has pictures.
----------------------------------------------

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and [Unix] BSD. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
----------------------------------------------

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
----------------------------------------------

Ever notice that the AT&T Logo looks like the DEATH STAR?
-----------------------------------------------

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
Because OCT(31) = DEC(25)
-----------------------------------------------

!retupmoc eht ni deppart m'I !pleH
-----------------------------------------------

Consistently separating words by spaces became a general custom about the tenth century A.D., and lasted until about 1957, when FORTRAN abandoned the practice.
-----------------------------------------------

DOS 6: Because there aren't enough problems in the world already.
-----------------------------------------------

Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN!
-----------------------------------------------

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
-----------------------------------------------

UNIX is an operating system, OS/2 is half an operating system, Windows is a shell, and DOS is a boot partition virus.
-----------------------------------------------

Windows 95:
32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand for 1 bit of competition.
-----------------------------------------------

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
-----------------------------------------------

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
-----------------------------------------------

1st Law of the Internet states that the answer is on the Internet. Therefore the quest is no longer "Where to find the answer" but "How to word the question".
-----------------------------------------------

"It has been said that if you place an infinite amount of monkies by one typewriter each, one of them will eventually write a literary masterpiece. The Internet has proven that this is not the case."
-----------------------------------------------

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.
-----------------------------------------------

Windows 95 is not a virus. Viruses DO something
-----------------------------------------------

The great thing about standards is that there are so many of them...
-----------------------------------------------

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, VII:
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
-----------------------------------------------

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, IX:
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
-----------------------------------------------

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, X:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
-----------------------------------------------

If at first you don't succeed, add 1 to any integer variable.
-----------------------------------------------

Alcohol and calculus don't mix... Don't drink and derive.
-----------------------------------------------

Linux is free only if your time is worthless.
-----------------------------------------------

Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
-----------------------------------------------

Javascript is the duct tape of the Internet.
-----------------------------------------------

Managing programmers is like trying to herd cats.
-----------------------------------------------

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
-----------------------------------------------

A feature is a bug with seniority.
-----------------------------------------------

In a world without borders, who needs Windows and Gates?
-----------------------------------------------

The day Microsoft make a product that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
-----------------------------------------------

Barring unforeseen acts of God and Adminstrators, my server will be up tomorrow. I'm more worried about the Adminstrators.
-----------------------------------------------

I had a life once... now I have a computer
-----------------------------------------------

I had a girlfriend once, but then she changed her screenname...
-----------------------------------------------

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation " warning light, and the car would not work.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
-----------------------------------------------

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
-----------------------------------------------

Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start coming in late and lying about it.
-----------------------------------------------

Consulting: If You're Not Part of the Solution, There's Good Money to Be Made Prolonging the Problem"
-----------------------------------------------

My favourite oxymoron: Microsoft Works.

[PBurke]

how about this for motavation.   "GET YOUR BUTT BACK TO WORK OR YOUR FIRED"

[bmwgsa]

how about this for motavation.   "GET YOUR BUTT BACK TO WORK OR YOUR FIRED"

You Can't Fire me!!  I quit!

Time for that permanent coffe break

[PigPen]

I just got some motivation from my wife...wanted to go have a beer with some guys from work and she said "Just don't bother coming home then!"

[Tyler]

how about this for motavation.   "GET YOUR BUTT BACK TO WORK OR YOUR FIRED"

Not now Lumberg, I have a meeting with the Bobs.