Discussions About Being Bald > To be or not be...Bald

Anxiety over thinning / shaving

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lawstudent123:
I'm glad I found this site - thanks to whomever started & maintains it.

I started thinning about 3 years ago (at age 23) but lately, as in past 6 months to a year, it has really picked up steam. I am thinning pretty fast in the front, as well as the back. I KNOW that people can notice it, but very few have ever said anything to me about it.

Anyways, I have days when I accept it, and other days when it is very frustrating for me. I have basically resolved that some day, I will shave it. I guess I am reluctant at this stage because I am worried about peoples' reactions to it. For example, when I go home for the holidays and meet up with old friends, how will they react? Will they snicker behind their backs at me, etc? Also, my girlfriend, whom I know loves me dearly - will she see this as a sign of weakness - as in "oh god I'm dating a bald guy". I guess in the back of my mind I'm avoiding it, hoping I can prolong it as long as possible.

I don't mean any offence to anyone on this board, but I'm sure at least some of you have had these types of thoughts and issues.

I'm uneasy about going for the shaved-to-skin look as I just don't know if it would work for me. Should I start out buzzing it down to very short? Even after a buzzing a great deal of my thinning will be exposed for all to see, so I guess I'm a little scared of that too.

Anyways, I'm just fed up with losing my self-confidence down the drain every morning. This sucks. Just needed to vent to a group of guys that would understand. Thanks.

Tyler:
lawstudent, you've come to the right place!  Welcome to Sly Bald Guys

Here's my thoughts on your delima, but you should also listen to what all the guys here have to say.

As for your friends, I would have to bet that if they are going to snicker at you, they are already doing it for you going bald, unless they themselves are going bald.  You'll find that most of the guys here had the same reservations you did about shaving their already balding head, but once they did it they were amazed at the positive reaction they got from most people.  There are always a few that will ask why or will vocalize their negative opinion, but I'm sure the majority will rule.

In regards to your girlfriend, be open with her that you are sick of your hair loss and you want to take control of it by shaving your head.  You know her best, but I've heard from a few guys that the shock method (shaving without telling the woman) doesn't always go over the best.  But women are sensitive and will understand that it will cause you less pain by shaving than to keep your hair.

I say just shave it all off.  It will always grow back to a buzzed look in a couple of days if you want to see the buzzed look versus a bald look.

So that's my opinion, what do you other guys think?

David:
Lawstudent,

You sound like you know what you need to do but have cold feet.    Personally, I haven't really seen a head that looks horrible bald, unless you are an alien or something.   If these people are really your friends, they won't care.   Sure you will take some playful ribbing from your boys, but if you roll with it and don't let it bug you, they will stop.   As far as your girlfriend.   Has she made any drastic hair changes since you guys have dated?  If she has, then remind her how supportive you were when she did them and that she should do the same for you.   If she hasn't, explain that you aren't happy with the way you look and that your personality won't change with the bald look.   Also tell her it will make you more confident and that will make your relationship/romance better.

Another thing to consider is how much attention newborn babies get because of their cuteness, and I guarantee you that cuteness has to do with coming out of the womb bald.   

The bottom line is if you are confident in yourself what you have on your head does not matter.  If you take being bald as a problem and let that be the way you feel, than it will be a problem.    If you ooze confidence when bald, others will notice and respect you.   Right now you lack confidence, so you need to do it.    Ultimately there are two opinions that matter on the look: yours and the lord's.   If you like it and embrace it, your real friends will not care.

Plus, think about this:  you will get the positive reaction, but not most of the negative reaction because people who don't like it usually will just keep their thoughts to themselves to not be rude.   And if you hate it, you can always grow it back.

happyharry:
Well put David.

Lawstudent, David and Tyler are right, you can always let it grow back. Let's take the worst case scenario (which is highly unlikely): people hate it, and you hate it, and your girlfriend hates it. Well, you can let it grow back, and in time nobody will remember that there was a time when you shaved your head. So don't worry about it.

However, I think it's far more likely that your new looks will be a success. Something I have observed on myself and others was the fact that going ahead and shaving your head can (and usually is) a very liberating experience. You've spent so much time having attention on your thinning hair, worrying about it, exploring new ways to cover it, it's consumed a lot of energy, and it wears people out. People can't be themselves, can't be truly confident if they have constant attention on something they consider bad about themselves. Shaving it all off could (and usually does) provide a solution.

But what you've first considered a mere solution will evolve into something more - a new lifestyle and attitude, and new things will come out of it - good things.

Yeah, definitely, give it a try. Us bald guys here on the forum are here to assist you, whatever your final decision (but it better be a bald decision, my dear friend... ;D)

If you need any help getting started (the practical aspects of shaving your head etc.), please let us know. You can also post a picture of yourself if you like, like somebody else did a month or so ago. You'd be surprised at the positive comments you'd get on how you would look like bald.

Good luck.

Happy Harry

(and let's not forget about the fact that you'd probably be the only law student in your class who's bald. And looking sly is always an asset for a lawyer... ;)
Professor Melon, for instance, was quite brave, for he was the only guy in his immediate circle - an academic circle - who shaved his head. And he got nothing but positive comments from his fellow colleagues and family.)

lawstudent123:
Guys, thanks for your thoughtful comments. Actually, I wouldn't be the only bald dude in my law school class. There are a few guys, one of whom is probably seen as one of the coolest, most universally liked dudes in our school. Also the chicks love him b/c they say he looks like "Harry" from Sex and the City.

I also forget that my girlfriend's brother is a happy shaver (he jokes about his daily "shaving cream helmet"). Not to mention my brother in law. It's just that the look is so central to these guys, it's like I didn't even notice it on them. With me, I know it would be a shock to people - but you are absolutely right - if it's something that would make me more confident in myself again, my life only stands to improve by leaps and bounds.

I just like the thought of getting up in the morning, seeing myself in the mirror, and being happy with what I see. Not immideately playing the cover up game, testing different angles to make sure scalp exposure is minimal. I guess that is the behaviour of a man who is letting himself be defeated by hairloss.

Today I am going to chat with my girl about it. I mentioned it to her in quasi-joke mode before, but this time I'll lay it all out. Who knows, maybe she will be relieved I am finally taking the step and offer to do it for me! I'll let you know how it turns out.

Fellas, it's good to get this off my chest. Thanks.

PS - I found this pic of myself (taken a few years ago) with a buzzed head. The angle isn't great, but do you think I could pull off the look successfully? honest opinions are welcome, no matter what you have to say: let me have it. Thanks!

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