Confidence issues...

[Hugh_Fran]

Hi guys/gals,

my problem with being bald is always wondering how I appear to other people - especially females. as well as being bald I do not have much facial hair and this more than anything damages my confidence. I see other bald guys with a gottie or big beard and I can't grow anything like that. So basically when I say I'm bald, I mean all over my head. I lack the courage to approach a girl I like, even if I think she is interested in my because I'm always concious of my appearance.

Sounds silly I know, but what tips or advice can I get? I'd particularly like to hear from the girls on the forum about this.

 

[Robmeister]

Welcome Hugh

That's a tough one, bro.

There's a lot of complicated issues to untangle there.  But, I'll go out on a limb to start by saying that ya gotta be comfortable in yer own skin as a starting point.

Lack of confidence is way worse than "perceived" appearance issues.   You have a better chance of being confident and having a friggen goiter jutting out the side of yer neck, than being good looking and lacking confidence.

Of course I employed a bit of hyperbole there, but it illustrates an important point.

One thing most of us 'round here dealt with was our ugly mugs staring back at us in the mirror.  ill-shaped skull? nose too big?.....weak chin?.....and on...and on...and on.

My thing was weak eyebrows....

but one thing we've all come to realize is that we're not that important to other people for them to be inspecting our appearance.   That's a major liberating point, I think.  It was for me.

I can't grow a good 'stache, goat or beard....yeah you can see a bit of one on this picture....but that's as good as it gets....no good connection from the stache to the goat on the sides of the mouth.

But no one really gives a flyin' fork....and now neither do I...

Lemme share a little story about my vain little sister.  She was so worried about looking silly that she wouldn't embark on learning cooool stuff like skiing, surfing, skating....all kinds of stuff.   She didn't want to look like a "beginner."  One time we went to the mountains as a family.  I already knew how to ski, but Micky didn't want to join the fun for the above reasons.  I heard my dad tell her---and it really stuck with me.  He said, "Micky, c'mon, honey....you're not that important to these people."

WHOA!!! that says alot.  'nuff said.  Hope that helps a little.

r.m.

[Marz]

Welcome Hugh...

I would imagine if you are always wondering how you appear to others, you most likley appear to be a bit self conscious and maybe a bit over eager to please.

As for your appearance upon meeting you I am sure people think you are a white male, over 25, well groomed and neatly dressed.

I guess the first thing to ask yourself is - Why do I care so much about what other people think of my appearance?

Accept yourself for who you are and worry more about cheating yourself out of the good times and happiness you could be feeling by worrying about what others are thinking.

I have known some beautiful women and men that could get any girl they want... you know what? The ALL have something they are self conscious about.

You are no different other than you allow it to consume more of you than it deserves.

[Marz]

Lemme share a little story about my vain little sister.  She was so worried about looking silly that she wouldn't embark on learning cooool stuff like skiing, surfing, skating....all kinds of stuff.   She didn't want to look like a "beginner."  One time we went to the mountains as a family.  I already knew how to ski, but Micky didn't want to join the fun for the above reasons.  I heard my dad tell her---and it really stuck with me.  He said, "Micky, c'mon, honey....you're not that important to these people."

AMEN!

Nail+head=Robmiester

[Tyler]

RM and Marz have given you some great advice bro!

[schro]

Hugh,
Attitude is something that we all try to help each other with. Not necessarily throwing "an attitude" around, but being comfortable in your own skin. Although I've always been a pretty confident guy, I definitely felt myself step up a notch when I went sly. Could I grow a goatee? No....tried it and it looked like sh*t. Did I care? No.

One thing that comes through more than anything else is self-confidence. Not ego, just confidence. Confidence in your decisions, confidence in your thoughts, confidence in your own skin.

Any other advice will cost you a beer!

Schro

[ugabulldog]

ditto, ditto, and ditto........ I am 5'-5" tall (barely, more like 5-4 1/2) and I have dated some pretty hot girls in my life (if I do say so myself) not because girls like munchkins but because I make the best with what I have, be confident, and put myself out there even if I am rejected (which has happened more times than I like to remember) but who cares....it's like lotto, you have to be in it to win it (Beastie Boys lyric).

[warhawk]

hugh.....i say DITTO 2 all the responses.  take those words 2 heart.  i really can not add anything else but i wish u luck in gaining self-confidence. 

WARHAWK

[Hugh_Fran]

Welcome Hugh...

I would imagine if you are always wondering how you appear to others, you most likley appear to be a bit self conscious and maybe a bit over eager to please.

Man that is the nail on the head right there - I sometimes do feel eager to please others instead of worrying about myself. I am a very inward thinker sometimes: 'what is this persons impression of me?', 'am I saying the right thing', that kind of stuff.

My low confidence came from being dumped by a woman whom I really cared for and wondering what I did wrong, you know, feeling rejected. That old chestnut, we've all been there I guess. But I'm glad I found this site as I can see a lot of support from fellow Slys (okay, I'm only a new Sly but hey!).

But guys, that is great advice from you all.

Thanks a lot.

[Marz]

Hang in there buddy, women can really cause a man to de-construct but as they say, there are many fish in the sea... so grab your fishin' gear.

[waliguy]

Millions and millions of women (I'll repeat that...)

Millions and millions of women find bald guys sexy.

It's true.  But it's not because of their hair, or lack of it.  It's not because they can grow a goatee, or beard, or sideburns.

Confidence is numero uno.  A guy, bald or not, who's the confident alpha male, will have more women than he knows what to do with.

[GaugedFreak]

Firstly,
I've found that most chicks DIG a bald head. So don't let this put you off. A chick that doesn't dig a bald head definitely isn't the right one for you anyway. The thing to remember is you have to lose before you can win, but if you never try you'll never do either. The more you approach and talk to women the easier it becomes. Don't use a cool pickup line, just start off with a simple hi and small talk and go from there.  Good luck.  '

Almost  all of us have been dumped by a woman and been left hurting at one point in our lives or another. Yes, it sucks but it's better. There was obviously something missing that caused the relationship not to work out. Don't take it personally. The key to being loved is that you have to love yourself first. Sure it feels a bit conceded but it's the truth.

[Anthony]

My suggestion is you smoke a joint and have your best friend continuously prop you lol, works for me... but on a serious side, I think lots of women dig the bald head you just have to find a girl that respects the "sly".

[BALDANDRE]

... but on a serious side, I think lots of women dig the bald head you just have to find a girl that respects the "sly".

Perfect words bro!

[GATMOG]

Hugh,

the way I see it, women are experts at reading between lines.  Us guys see whats in front of us pretty clear cut and dry... So that being said, walk, talk, carry yourself like you're a million bucks!  Your confidence will keep people wondering: "theres more to this man, but I can't quite put my finger on what that may be!"

Thats intrigue, my friend 

Walk like you're ten feet tall and you will be!  Not telling you to be a windbag, just think about all the things you think makes you a cool person and be confident someone will see it..

If they're not interested, there will be another one for another day; and at least your standing tall like you don't give a crap..

Joseph