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Author Topic: The New Priest  (Read 2140 times)

Offline Marz

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The New Priest
« on: October 31, 2007, 05:32:24 PM »
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
 
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8 ) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the #$%* out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
 
10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".

12) The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
 
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yea God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”

Offline SLYinKC

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2007, 05:35:29 PM »
Good one, Marz :*)) :*))
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Offline warhawk

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2007, 06:12:07 PM »
HILARIOUS :*)) :*)) :*)) O0

WARHAWK O0
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BaldRob

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2007, 06:17:32 PM »
That is sooooo old (I saw it pre-internet days)... but still some funny, funny sh*t!! :*))
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Offline frostillicus123

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2007, 07:22:46 PM »
HAHAHAHA that was so funny
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X The Hierophant

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2007, 08:09:21 PM »
Nice!
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Offline Tyler

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2007, 12:52:07 AM »
Too funny!
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Offline shyslyguy

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2007, 07:17:10 AM »
 ;D  ;D - yep definitely raised a smile or two here.   O0
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Offline WannaBePadre

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #8 on: November 01, 2007, 11:25:14 PM »
 :*))
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Offline wpruitt

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2007, 10:14:48 PM »
Quote from: BaldRob on October 31, 2007, 06:17:32 PM
That is sooooo old (I saw it pre-internet days)... but still some funny, funny sh*t!! :*))
Gotta agree with Rob ... I remember photocopies of this going around the office in pre-internet days!
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Offline JDog

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #10 on: November 07, 2007, 02:31:41 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D Good one Marz. Got a good laugh here!
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Offline Marz

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #11 on: November 08, 2007, 03:05:34 PM »
Quote from: WannaBePadre on November 01, 2007, 11:25:14 PM
:*))

YES!

I was hoping you would catch that one Padre
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“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”

Offline WannaBePadre

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #12 on: November 08, 2007, 10:00:09 PM »
 :*))  :*))  :*))

Thanks, Marz!

This is a must-share in preaching class.

 O0  O0  O0
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Offline tomgallagher

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Re: The New Priest
« Reply #13 on: November 08, 2007, 10:15:02 PM »
An oldie but goodie... :*))
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