Low self esteem

[Argyle]

I thought that I would be one of the early posters in this section as this is really where i see my issue with slyness at this point in time. 

Sorry for repetetive posting on this subject, but essentially what I think makes me different to some people who post some of the more depressing posts on here (not all) is that I am determined to change my outlook.  I am just finding it a somewhat painful process to go through.  However I have found this place a huge resource in terms of getting to this point and i hope you dont mind me using you guys as a way of getting over the final hurdle. 

Believe it or not, I like shaving my noggin, it feels great!  Psychologically thought it is something i am having a deal of trouble dealing with.  I go through periods of extreme satisfaction about the way i look, but always in the back of my mind is that tomorrow i may be just as unhappy as i was happy the day before.  I need to break this cycle and find a day when negative feelings about my MPB dont enter my head.  That is my goal - the problem is I am not quite sure how to get there!!  I am not one of those people who had trouble coming to terms with balding, then shaved their head and saw the light.  I still see myself as a balding man and a pretty unattractive one at that.  I know it is irrational and I try and tell myself that all the time. 

Anyway, there are some photos that make me cringe, here is one:



http://chrisandemma.myphotoalbum.com/view_photo.php?set_albumName=album02&id=IFI_Team_2

I look at that and all my good work convincing myself that it is all ok goes down the drain, but then is it that it is just a bad photo I wonder?  I just dont know lol.  Ironically if you take a photo of me head on I think i look better now than when i had hair!!

The other thing that i eat myself up about a lot is not knowing how much hair you are ultimately going to lose?  I have a fairly defined pattern of baldness in so much it has pretty much all gone from the top.  I would love it if i knew it was going to stay like it is now for the forseeable future.  Then i could come to terms with it and move on, but i have a problem with the uncertainty. 

What really bothers me the most though is the wider impact of all this.  I hate the fact that this makes me feel vain, i am not an inherrently vain person but have become nigh on obsessed with my appearance.  But the biggest and most significant issue is the fact that invariably this has an impact upon other things.  I have a great partner and an amazing albeit noisy daughter both of which I want to enjoy more than anything - I am desperate that my lack of confidence does not impact more widely but it is almost innevitable that it will eventually - hence i am determined to deal with it!! 

Previously I would never have counted myself as 'Sly' as my attitude was not right, I was just down about things.  I am still a bit down (well a lot sometimes) I wont lie, but what has changed is an absolute determination to do something about it and come to terms with myself. 

I think I need help to do that though, and that is where i am a little stuck. 

I hope you guys dont mind me posting like this again - I am certainly not of the world is against me, life is so cruel attitude, I am just going on a journey here which is much much tougher than i ever thought it would be! 

I know that this will elicit the usual supportive comments and you guys are amazing for that, I have never met albeit cyberly such an amazing community of people who have supported such a vast number of guys and girls.  I have also made some great friends here over the last couple of years and I dont want to lose any of that by not coming to terms with this damn thing!! 

Your comments and suggestions would as always be appreciated and as I say I hope you dont mind another negative post. 

Hope you are all well this Friday afternoon!

[Tyler]

Argyle, thanks for posting this up!  It takes a real man to admit what he's going through.

As you may or may not know, I have two huge scars on my chest.  The first one I received at the age of 4 when I had my first open-heart surgery, the second when I was 12 when I had my fourth open-heart surgery. 

I lived in an area that was very water centric, meaning that I was always at the lake or the pool with my shirt off.  I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't make me feel uneasy when I met new people with my shirt off.  Actually, it tended to get worse as I got into high school because I was more interested in attracting girls and I always thought this would be a negative thing. 

My freshman year of college I read Winning Through Intimidation by Robert Ringer which I talked about in this thread - http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=6694.0

In this book there were a couple things that were written that really helped me.  In the book there are theories that he talks about and here are the three that slapped me across the head:

Theory of Reality

[transcript from the book] This theory emphasizes, first of all, that reality isn't the way you wish things to be, nor the way they appear to be, but the way they are.  Secondly, the theory states that you either acknowledge reality and use it to your benefit or it will automatically work against you.

Thirty Year Theory

[transcript from the book]...this one is firmly based on the bedrock of my philosophy - the Theory of Reality.  The Thirty Year Theory has to do with death.  I came to the conclusion that most people tend to block from their conscious minds the reality that they're going to die - and in a relatively short period of time, at that....I quit hiding my head in the would-be sands of eternal life and faced the reality that - give or take a few years - I had about thirty years left to "get on with it."

Ice Ball Theory

[transcript from the book] The Ice Ball Theory eliminates ulcers and headaches and makes it possible to enjoy those last "thirty years" even when things aren't going exactly as you'd like them to...I adopted the "ice ball" tag from something I once read in a science book. I happened to be reading a section which explained the sun is slowly burning out and that in 50 billion years there won't be any sun at all.  According to the book, the earth will then be nothing but a "frozen ice ball."

...It suddenly occurred to me that what I was reading was reality, that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it, and that in light of this long-term reality, the immediate problems concerning me were so insignificant as to make me feel like an ant.

I recommend reading the whole book as there are many more tidbits to help you out, but these were the theories that made the largest impact on me.

[Paul]

Argyle, this is just what this place is for....support for the man who needs it, MPB or BBC.    Glad we can be here and give you an ear to bend.    Every journey begins with a single step, and you have taken a great many in the time you have been on here.  Stick with it and you will eventually reach the acceptance at the end of the road and we will all be here to cheer as you end that journey.

[MagmaBabe]

Argyle.. I see no problem with your picture whatsoever.. and that's the God's honest truth! Listen to this cockney gal when she says she's gonna tell it to ya straight. You look great, seriously. 

I'll fess up and I'm not ashamed to say it but there are moment's when I suffer from low self esteem.. and I have had a few of those moments of late through things that have gone on in my personal life. My issues with low self esteem are not a recent thing.. it's through things that have happened in the past and although not very often, every now and again something occurs and then those 'problems' resurface. You have to fight it hunny, don't let it drag you down. Believe in yourself, because we all do.
I like to think that regardless of anything that happens.. at the end of the day,  I'm a strong woman, always have been, always will be. Read my signature.. it rings so true. Just every now and again I need a little reminder. So do you.
You can change your outlook.

The question about baldness I can't answer. Sorry. But I can say this.. everyone is individual and I would imagine that there is no hard or fast rule as to how much hair you are going to lose or whereabouts from your head it's going to come from.

Take a long, hard look at yourself.. you have a wife, a daughter and you live in such a beautiful place. You have a regular income and people that love you. You also have us, the motley crew that we are,  to give you support when you need it.

Focus on the good things in life.. you have so much that other people would give their right arms' for.
You're intelligent, funny and an attractive guy. Take Tylers advice and read the book he recommends.
At the end of the day Argyle, focus on the positives and it will get you through. 

You know you have friends here for when the going gets tough. 

[BALDANDRE]

Awww, Magma..

pretty AND very wise!

I'll have to remember to put you on my cheerleading list when I get down about things!

[J Digory]

Argyle, my man. You look good. Your head shape is different than mine, cause yours isn't like a big watermelon. But I love my watermelon head, cause it's the only one I have. I can't imagine myself with a differently shaped head, cause I wouldn't be me. Granted, I have only seen so much of you, but you look NORMAL to me. I wouldn't think twice if I saw you before I went sly. If I saw you now (after going sly), I would honestly think, "This guy's smart. He wears the look well, too."

Finally, if you're already shaving your head, why does it matter how much hair you lose? Are you thinking about growing your hair out? Trust me, man: I'm NOT trying to be rude. I just don't understand why it matters how much hair you lose when you have already shaved it off. Unless you are uncertain about your look and you are thinking of going back. Which, if that is the case it's ultimately your decision, but I would wonder why you would want to do that. Imagining you with your hair grown out right now...and all I have to say is keep it clean, man. Keep it clean.

[william]

I'm probably one of those depressive guys but I still wish to say something, hope you don't mind. And try to read it in a wider perspective because my English knowledge is not like yours.


I read somewhere that you had been a competive rower before and now after quitting that you have been more of a family man. I think you miss the daily training and the competive  side of you which must have been a big part of your daily life back then. I think that this might have had a negative side affect on your hair. You have been changing in a way you don't like or have thought of. With this your hair loss have become more visible/unacceptable for you. I think you want to have that control of yourself you had back then with training. I believe since sports seem to mean so much for your that you simply need to start training regulary, something that keeps you in shape.

I think you know you are good looking man because you are! But you are just not comfortable with the shape you are in. I say this because I was a very competive sportsman until I got my knee injury. I never realized or more that I didn't wanna believe it that my knee was this injured that I will have to operate it. Now that I know it will be better and operated, I feel so much better, this is something I have waited for.

What I'm saying is that you need to start training, something that keep you in shape. You know you are good looking. The problem is just that your hair loss have taken some control of you since you stopped training and when you stopped training you also lost your shape you was in. This is just my thoughts.

And when you think about what Magmababe said about that you got a wonderful daughter, wife, home , job and friends etc. What is it that you miss so much ? It can't be the your hair, right ? correct me if I'm wrong here!

[Argyle]

I'm probably one of those depressive guys but I still wish to say something, hope you don't mind. And try to read it in a wider perspective because my English knowledge is not like yours.


I read somewhere that you had been a competive rower before and now after quitting that you have been more of a family man. I think you miss the daily training and the competive  side of you which must have been a big part of your daily life back then. I think that this might have had a negative side affect on your hair. You have been changing in a way you don't like or have thought of. With this your hair loss have become more visible/unacceptable for you. I think you want to have that control of yourself you had back then with training. I believe since sports seem to mean so much for your that you simply need to start training regulary, something that keeps you in shape.

I think you know you are good looking man because you are! But you are just not comfortable with the shape you are in. I say this because I was a very competive sportsman until I got my knee injury. I never realized or more that I didn't wanna believe it that my knee was this injured that I will have to operate it. Now that I know it will be better and operated, I feel so much better, this is something I have waited for.

What I'm saying is that you need to start training, something that keep you in shape. You know you are good looking. The problem is just that your hair loss have taken some control of you since you stopped training and when you stopped training you also lost your shape you was in. This is just my thoughts.

And when you think about what Magmababe said about that you got a wonderful daughter, wife, home , job and friends etc. What is it that you miss so much ? It can't be the your hair, right ? correct me if I'm wrong here!

Firstly thanks to everyone i appreciate your words, and honestly speaking i feel fine this morning.  I just have moments, some more extended than others that get me down and it is that cycle that i have to break!! 

William you are right and very observant.  A few years ago i used to be an extremely competetive rower.  In fact I am watching the OLympics right now thinking how great it is to be linining up against 5 other boats.  I do miss that and also have lost shape since having my daughter.  I am no heavier but before it was considerable amounts of muscle whereas now it certainly isnt.  I am having a healthy eating drive though and have lost half a stone in the last 2.5 weeks just by reducing portion sizes, cutting out snacks etc.  I am also going to start running at lunch times from next week. 

Fundamentally and rationally I know that is just a bad photo.  I have photos that i am really happy with that equally show the level of MPB which is essentially what i am neurotic about.  That is the beauty of the human mind though, that the irrational forms rationally in your mind sometime. 

MB you are right I have everything really, a great girl who still insists she wants to marry me asap.  A cracking daughter who is noisy but delightful I live in a great place, in a great house with a great job.  I know i am extremely well off.  Also Magma, you have been a great mate - i think i will forgo my Yorkshire tendancies and the drink is on me eh? 

Right I am off to a wedding now (I am doing a reading) (finally found one Magma), and the guy getting married could really do with your advice.  He is heavily balding and has resisted the temptation to go anywhere near sly! 

Have a great weekend people - thanks for your support, sorry for the occasional negativity and i hope you dont mind too much I will try and balance it with the occasional bout of british sarcasm!

[MagmaBabe]

MB you are right I have everything really, a great girl who still insists she wants to marry me asap.  A cracking daughter who is noisy but delightful I live in a great place, in a great house with a great job.  I know i am extremely well off.  Also Magma, you have been a great mate - i think i will forgo my Yorkshire tendancies and the drink is on me eh? 

K, I now have it in writing and I aint gonna let you forget it! 

Right I am off to a wedding now (I am doing a reading) (finally found one Magma), and the guy getting married could really do with your advice.  He is heavily balding and has resisted the temptation to go anywhere near sly! 

Have fun at the wedding Argyle..you know what direction to point the groom...
and let me know how the reading goes.

Have a great weekend people - thanks for your support, sorry for the occasional negativity and i hope you dont mind too much I will try and balance it with the occasional bout of british sarcasm!

British sarcasm... you? Never!
Have a great weekend yaself and don't forget that support is what this forum is all about.

[Flatbadger]

Argyle,

Your good to go brother. Even the picture you think sucks is fine. I find that I get more attention and compliments from woman now that I have shaved my head. I know how it goes though. Right now, I fricken hate about 90% of the pictures I see of me........but screw it, MY HAIR IS NEVER MESSED UP :-)

Full shave is the way to go