Confidence and Success > Relationships/Dating

women have it easier?

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tryingtostaypositive:
I was just thinking earlier how it is tough going for men and how easy it can be for women when it comes to dating and attracting a partner.

It just seems that men have to have this long string of attributes and factors from confidence to sense of humour to leadership qualities to being driven and ambitious and yet for women.... what do they need to do? Women far more than men are obviously initially judged on looks more than anything else. Sure, no man wants a psycho or a manipulative ***** but those other requirements simply don't apply to women. When's the last time you heard a man being turned off a woman because she didn't have a great job or wasn't ambitious enough or had low confidence? If you're a decent looking guy it's often not enough, you need to also have a decent job, social status, good friends etc. If you're a beautiful woman, then it is often enough to attract a multitude of men!

I mean, some guys naturally aren't confident individuals for whatever reason and so it can be hard work building on it just like some women struggle losing weight. Yet, we have no problem telling a man to "man up" and be more confident because that's what's attractive to women yet would rarely say to a woman to lose more weight so that she'd be more attractive to men.

End of the day, women pick and choose and men have to work harder to stand out from the rest. Biology itself naturally dictates that men are the pursuers and women the choosers. Doesn't seem fair but it's just how it is I guess.

tryingtostaypositive:
I guess this is what concerns me then.
I'm tall, decent looking and personality, rarely drink, well travelled, culturally aware etc. but as we've said that is not enough as a man.
At almost 34 I feel quite lost and uncertain about my future. I haven't really had a career and finding work at the moment is not easy due to the lack of jobs in my field. This means possibly starting over and doing something new, which is fine if I knew what I wanted to do.

In any case according to what I've been saying here, I fear it is ruining my chances with women because more than likely now I can't be the provider. So I'm anxious and I'm panicking because who out there is going to want to be with a guy like me, despite all the positive things I do have going for me? I know we're all different and this can all be very subjective but in general, most men don't place as much emphasis on a woman's career, whereas women place a greater emphasis on a man's career.

It's interesting though because in a world and society that preaches all this equality very different expectations still exist.  I don't think things have really changed that much from men were consistently the breadwinner or viewed as the provider.  Women don't like to admit it and of course there are couples where the wife is the breadwinner, however deep down women want a man to lead and take charge.

Lew:
The glass is either half full or half empty.  Your interpretation is based completely on your perspective.

tryingtostaypositive:
Ok elaborate please, what are your thoughts??

Lew:
Focus on the positive and minimize the negative.  If you're unhappy with the way something is, dig deep down, empower yourself, and devise an action plan to make a positive change.  I used to be in a horrible marriage.  I complained about it to anyone who would listen constantly.  Most people listened, but not much else.  After a while I realized that nothing was going to change unless I made it happen, so I devised an action plan, put it in motion, and divorced my ex-wife.  No one made it happen, but me. 

If you're unhappy in your career, you may want to think about going back to school.  You could ask someone in Student Services/Admissions at a nearby college or university to take Holland's Self-Directed Search (SDS), which is a great tool for ascertaining occupational fields that match your preferences.

I lead a committee where I work where people bring complaints and concerns that they have directly to me all of the time.  I only bring complaints and concerns to the top if the person bringing the complaint or concern to me has a viable solution. Anyone can complain about anything.  This is an inherent part of human nature.  The important thing is devising a solution to the very thing someone is complaining about and doing something about it.

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