May I begin by saying what a great site!!
I noticed that my hair was starting to recede just before my 20th birthday. That balding gene comes from my maternal grandfather's side and is strong: even some of the women have had hair thinning. I thought I would follow the typical route and be bald by the time I am 30.
I am now 38 and when my hair is styles, you wouldn't really suspect a hair loss issue apart from the sort of slight recession that is associated with age. It has gone back over the last 19 years but WAY slower than I expected. I am probably about a Norwood 2.5.
I consulted a hair transplant place earlier this year (a reputable one) and they said it didn't need it (though I suspect that they thought I hadn't got the money for it as I was wearing very scruffy clothes when I went for the consultation, and this informed the decision. Though I had, and it was ready to go.)
I would have been happy with this but a surgeon commented that the follicles at the back of the head had started to miniturise and that he wouldn't expect much hair left if I reach old age.
This was a bombshell.
The dilemma is this. Sometimes, I style my hair and think, "Yeah I look okay, today," then remember that one day I will be bald or at least in a position where shaving down is necessary.
The problem is I have had very cropped hair before, number 1 clippes, and no-ones liked it and I was much less successful around women.
Hair loss has literally changed my life. The depression and anxiety it has caused has led me to low self-esteem and staying in relationships I should have got the hell out of.
Paradoxically, if you had told me when I was 20 that I would have this much hair left, I would have been literally ECSTATIC and I wouldn't have had the depression and esteem problems.
Yet, because I have built it up into a massive fear, it's still like a dark cloud hanging over me. I have ruined not just the best years of my hair, but of my looks and life worrying about it.
I would have found it easier had I had NO loss at all up until a year or 2 ago then it got to this point very quick as i wouldn't have become conditioned by dread, anxiety and depression around the issue. I would have been able to have been more pragmatic, thinking "I have had the best years."
I also think it would be easier to just wake up one day with a horse shoe pattern, there wouldn't be the rumination about how far and how quick it will go, nor of what to do with it - decision made for you.
So how did those with MPB cope with this horrible 'In between' stage?
Hi Matt, I didn't have mpb when I started shaving my head, but there are so many stories here similar to yours.
First, very few people care about your hair as much as you. You will continue to anguish about it until you get to the point where you just don't care what other people think, and do what is right for you. You will become obsessed with it until you take control of the situation.
True, not everyone looks good with a shaved head, but until you try it, you won't know. The key is to just own it and be confident, and stick with it for 30 days.
I've been bald by choice for over 3 years. Us BBC guys have a different issue, where people can't understand why we would shave off a good head of hair. For various reasons, we love having a smooth shaved pate. It's just a pretty popular hairstyle now, with so many positive advantages.
I struggled big time in my in-between stage for about a year. Thought about propecia and tried Rogaine with no success. Finally I decided to go sly, despite having 90% of my hair. It basically came down to me taking control of the situation. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. It was a bit more work keeping it shaved, but with a little practice I can shave my entire head in 5 min.
Great question.. It can be hard at times. It's to do with confidence. Some days I think I look great. Other days I look In the mirror and say" ahhh crap". I did that when I had hair too. Would I like my hair back? Sometimes of course but I am now a bald man and I accept it. I fought it for a few years but you just have to accept who you are. In my own case it's more that I got used to it over time. Bring shaving my head with a razor now. By the way when I look in the mirror and feel down its more to do with head shape. So good days an bad days and great days. The story of life. We all go through it. Best of luck to you if you do decide to go sly. I did the hole hair thing as well. It's fecking annoying and not weather friendly
Yet, because I have built it up into a massive fear, it's still like a dark cloud hanging over me. I have ruined not just the best years of my hair, but of my looks and life worrying about it.
You are putting far too much importance on something that is essentially superficial.
I would have found it easier had I had NO loss at all up until a year or 2 ago then it got to this point very quick as i wouldn't have become conditioned by dread, anxiety and depression around the issue. I would have been able to have been more pragmatic, thinking "I have had the best years."
No, you wouldn't. Nobody, upon discovering that he is losing his hair says, "This is just what I had hoped would happen!"
I also think it would be easier to just wake up one day with a horse shoe pattern, there wouldn't be the rumination about how far and how quick it will go, nor of what to do with it - decision made for you.
I have often thought the same thing.
So how did those with MPB cope with this horrible 'In between' stage?
We shaved our heads. No more gradual thinning or recession, just sudden and complete baldness -- just like you said above that you'd prefer to have happen. The ball's in your court.
Other than that, I'm at a bit of a loss to offer advice. I usually tell much younger people that with age comes maturity and a realization that hair isn't as important as we've been led to believe. By 38 you should be figuring this out already. Take a look around you. There are many, many men your age and younger with varying degrees of hair loss who are functioning just fine. This isn't cancer or some other fatal disease or a rare condition that you've been stricken with. It's part of being a man. You don't have to be happy about it but you do need to learn to live with it.
I wish better, but being bald now I would say I love it, and never thought I would get there.
I knew it was getting bad around 25...age 28 I went on vacation and saw some pics of the back of my head...and decided I had to take control and started buzzing.
I did like the buzz, it was a huge improvement. But my genetics made even that look rough.
One night after a few drinks, I didn't have to go into the office the next day...I did it. Went sly. Cut myself badly but saw myself in the mirror and knew sly was my destiny.