Confidence and Success > How to Build Confidence

having a bad day — scared

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getreal:
Hi, sorry for another whiny post. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. I just worked for over an hour on my concealer and I can't get it to look right. I'm missing an important meeting with a friend I care about because I took so much time. I'm searching for flaws and I think it just looks matte and weird. But I'm not ready to go sly yet. I intend to go sly in the spring and knowing that relief is coming makes me feel better, but I can't cope right now. 

After my last post I was told "You need to build confidence", "You have to love every part of yourself" and "You have to let go of what you are afraid to lose". I'm really heeding that. I quit drinking last week (also afraid to lose that crutch). And I'm telling myself every morning: You are going to be fine. You are a cool sly guy underneath that hair, waiting to break out. You're a man, not a kid. You can handle this. Finding this site has made a big difference, but right now I'm having a setback. I was looking at pictures of myself shaved from the past and current pictures and my stomach is just twisted in knots thinking that I can't realistically grow it back out if I shave it (the concealer won't work on very short hair). I don't know if I will like it and I'll be stuck with the sly look for years, or forever. The perceived irreversibility and my current problems are scaring me right now.

Please give me a little more encouragement. Sorry I am just not man enough to do this yet. Thanks a lot, wishing everybody a nice evening.

 

 

john.peachie:
As humans we are resistant to change, and have become accustomed to, too many conveniences...I don't want to watch this show, I'll change the channel...this color does not look good on me, I'll choose this one instead....

But when that ability to choose is threatened or taken away altogether anxiety can consume you....the power went out, what can I do....the internet connection failed....my flight has been canceled...

Looking at yourself in the mirror and realizing this is something you really don't have control over...choices taken away or limited...you will feel anxious, but you still have a choice, a fight with mother nature that you will not win, or take the initiative and choose to have thinning hair, or a shaved head.  The burden is not yours to carry, if someone has a problem with the way you look, it's THEIR problem, don't make it yours.

I think the best way I can describe my journey is like a tug of war....when I was pulling the rope and struggling against an opponent twice my size/strength (aka Nature), and then I decided to just let go, or even 'push' the rope, who won?  My opponent is on his ass stunned and confused while I am still standing with a very satisfied smirk on my face and NOT covered in mud.  Yes, he won the match, but only because I chose to make it happen.

As for your appearance...if it's a burden on your friends, it will be there burden, don't let it become yours, or you will be getting pulled into the mud pit from an opponent you cannot beat.

I hope this helps, the coffee hasn't kicked in so I'm not running on all my cylinders at the moment.

Good luck to you, and we are always here!!

jbrit25:
I'm sorta starting to think that you are a troll poster. If you just quit drinking maybe you should focus on that and not your hair.

MunkyMunk:
Dude, it's not that you're not "man enough yet."
You are seeking to make many changes to yourself in a short amount of time. That is scary. Truth.

I get scared all the time. So many folks are walking around today feeling like a fraud. Feeling like "if people knew the truth about me, they'd stop respecting me" or "I feel like I'm just pretending to be a grown-up and people are going to find out that I have no idea what I'm doing." So many people are afraid, but they don't share it with other people; they just keep it bundled up inside. Then they take it out on other people as anger caused by insecurity.

You're aware of your feelings and you're expressing them to other people. That's grown up, and that's brave. That's being a "man." You're a man, period. You're man enough, whatever kind of man you are.

We all have insecurities. We all have failings. We all have things that we're ashamed of, or afraid of, or that we're running away from.

We're all broken in one way or another. We all need help.

I'm glad you're here and I'm glad you're talking about these things.

I'd advise you to go slow. It's easier to make changes if you make them one at a time and let each change settle down before you stir the pot again.

And above all, be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for your human failings.

Look at yourself from outside yourself and talk to yourself the way you would talk to a beloved friend who was trying to learn some difficult new task.

nick2401:
Question: Why can't you go sly now? What is stopping you? Is it winter? I live in Canada and with  a good touque winter can be a warm experience.

If hair ( or lack thereof) is what is really holding you back, take control. Now. Not tommorrow. Not in 6 months. Now.

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