How do I stop caring about hairloss? (21)

[Anonymously Balding]

I noticed the first signs of a receding hairline back in February. I panicked like crazy and did tons of internet research on treatments and such. I figured I had caught it very early and so with a little treatment I can keep my hair forever.
I used minoxidil for about 7 months and my hairline has steadily receded with absolutely no signs of improvement or slowing it down. I've decided it isn't working and I've just been buzzing my head to a number 1 and accepting it, or at least trying to.

I don't think I can do this, I hate that my hair is falling out. Here is the thing. All over the internet you read these posts of men losing their hair that are terrified of what people and especially of what girls will think. I don't give two shits about that! I understand completely that what someone else thinks just straight up does not matter in the slightest and that some girls actually like a bald head. The girls that don't like bald guys will overlook the fact that you are bald if you are confident, have a good personality and take care of your body.
Personally I think guys who have full heads of hair and guys who are starting to recede have a bigger problem with bald guys than women do because they are scared that they are going bald.
Before I started receding I didn't even notice whether or not someone was bald and I didn't read in to it at all, when I noticed it was starting though all I could do is look at guys heads and examine their hairlines, looking for signs that they were balding so I wasn't alone.

I don't want to be bald because I don't like the look. Not because I care what people think but because I don't want to be a white bald guy, being darker skinned and bald is actually a pretty good combination but pasty pale white and bald?. Frankly it fucking sucks that choice is being taken away from the equation. It has been a major hit to my confidence and I'm not sure what depression feels like but I think that in the last year I have been in and out a couple of times. It feels like my youth is being stolen away from me (I'm 21), every time I look in the mirror and see those thinning bald spots on the temples I'm reminded that I'm not as young as I once was and that I will continue aging and eventually die. I DON'T WANT TO THINK LIKE THAT AT 21!

I know there is nothing I can do about it. I know there is no fighting mother nature. I'm done with minoxidil. I'm done with caring. I don't want to be so bothered about it anymore, I want to just let it go and be happy and care free again, but I just can't help but feel bad about it. I can't no matter how much I try come to terms with the fact that I'm balding. But I want to.

It's constantly in the back of my mind, I have found it hard to find enjoyment in anything for very long before it pops up again in my head 'You're balding' and then I'm upset again. I know how ridiculous this must sound, it's only hair right? dead keratin that sprouts from the top of your head right? It doesn't change the person underneath right? I know all of this and still can't come to terms with it and just not care.

I don't know what sort of replies I'm expecting, I guess I just needed a place to vent.
I would love to hear from guys who started losing their hair in their early twenty's or younger and how they got past it and stopped caring. because that's all I want.
No offence to people who started balding later on in life but I feel like it is a different thing entirely when a 20 year old loses his hair as opposed to a 40 year old. Your opinions and advice are still valued though.

[AJ Q-Ball]

Man, believe it or not, I'm 28 and already bald. I know where you're coming from.  I started losing mine in my early twenties. With me, once it started going, it didn't let up. Mother Nature can be cruel at times.  You say you don't want to be a white bald guy because you don't think that's a good combo as opposed to being darker skinned. Let me just say I happen to be a white bald guy and have gotten nothing but compliments since I decided to permanently shave my head clean.  I have never felt as good about myself and I don't ever have to worry about hair loss again. To go along with that, I've not had a shortage of ladies to talk to.  I'm not bragging by any means but they can see I'm happy and confident in the way I look. As you've seen, minoxidil is just a waste of money over time because nature isn't going to let up.

I hope I've helped you in some way man. Losing hair isn't the end of the world. People who truly love you will love you with or without hair. If you ever decide to shave your head bald, give it 30 days in order to get used to it.

[Razor X]

I know there is nothing I can do about it. I know there is no fighting mother nature. I'm done with minoxidil. I'm done with caring. I don't want to be so bothered about it anymore, I want to just let it go and be happy and care free again, but I just can't help but feel bad about it. I can't no matter how much I try come to terms with the fact that I'm balding. But I want to.

Once you realize that you can't fight it, acceptance shortly follows -- because there really isn't any other option.  Shave your head -- even if you really don't want to, because you will feel better for doing something proactive.  It does get better. Hang in there.

[geeman]

Good advice from the brothers, and you sound like you may be ready for a buzz cut.... Shaving isn't for everyone, I buzzed mine for a couple of years before taking it all off... At 21 it is cruel to lose your hair... But it's only hair... I don't miss mine.... I don't even think about it anymore.... hit the gym... You'll feel better about yourself and your hair won't matter.... Its all about perspective.... You have your health and youth.... I'm more worried about getting old than bald lol.... And there's nothing I can do about that either!

[EmDe]

I have also felt horrible about it in the beginning. For the exact same reasons… I felt way to young, loved my curly hair and felt like choices were taken away from me. You actually seem to have one aspect 'right' already: knowing that you can look great and that attractiveness towards women is not (solely) depending on the hair on your head. I agree with Geeman about hitting the gym… I truly enjoy training with friends and for me it helped a lot to feel and look strong. Looking around really confirmed to me that being fit and buzzed/bald is a good combination.

After that, just tell yourself that complaining and worrying is not going to change anything, so it becomes a choice whether or not you will let that influence the brightness of your days. I really remember the moment when I decided not too and it felt amazing. The world is not fair, we all have different backgrounds/opportunities/looks/skills to 'work' with, so think about your strong assets and the things you enjoy doing and turn the focus on those aspect up a notch. That really contributes to feeling better in many ways.

[invaray]

You asked how people got past it or stopped caring...


I understand how you feel when mine started to thin I just wanted it to hurry up and all fall out. I don't like being in between phases. Shaving it off gave me control no more gray hair no more thinning to see. If you can't fix it feature it. I now would never want to have hair again. You know if you had a full head of hair you would then focus on other things as trivial. Maybe it would be the size of your nose or your ears or how tall or the color of you eyes.

There comes a time and this is really the issue I see in what your writing is facing we are mortal and are here for a very short time. Trees live longer than we do.  Spend time thinking about that and come to terms with it and the hair won't matter.  If you went to a doctor and he said you are going to die you have a few weeks to live, hair suddenly would not be a concern. Well the truth is you are going to die it could be today next week or hopefully many years from now.


maybe some quotes from Star Trek will help....


"Seize the time... Live now, Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again."

 "Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. But I rather believe than time is a companion who goes with us on the journey, and reminds us to cherish every moment because they'll never come again. What we leave behind is not as important how we lived."


Hair is not the problem or the solution.

[Anonymously Balding]

Let me just say I happen to be a white bald guy and have gotten nothing but compliments since I decided to permanently shave my head clean.

You actually pull it off well with that Kick-ass beard. I can't grow one of those but hopefully it will fill in in the next few years.

[Anonymously Balding]

Shave your head -- even if you really don't want to

I'm not quite ready for full sly yet but I've been buzzing down to no.1 and will probably move on to a no guard soon.

Thanks for replying.

[Anonymously Balding]

you sound like you may be ready for a buzz cut.... .... hit the gym...

Yes I have been buzzing it down to a no.1 for the last few months. I actually like it, if I had a full head of hair I would number 1 it anyway, unfortunately in just a little while I probably won’t be able to get away with it and will start having to no guard it.

I think health and body is a more positive attribute than hair anyway, so since I started receding I've been exercising and being more conscious about what I put into my body and definitely I will continue to do so. It's strange, I've tried fitness before but always got fed up and left it, never before have I made this much progress. If ANYTHING good can be said about balding it is that it has given me the motivation to get fit.

Thanks for the advice.

[Anonymously Balding]

You asked how people got past it or stopped caring...


I understand how you feel when mine started to thin I just wanted it to hurry up and all fall out. I don't like being in between phases.

maybe some quotes from Star Trek will help....


"Seize the time... Live now, Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again."

 "Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. But I rather believe than time is a companion who goes with us on the journey, and reminds us to cherish every moment because they'll never come again. What we leave behind is not as important how we lived."


Hair is not the problem or the solution.

I also don't like being in between. I think I might actually feel better when It's all gone. It's watching it go I can't stand.
But I can't bring myself to go full sly yet, when it get's really bad I will probably have to, but right now I wan't to keep my buzz cut.

Nice quotes, thanks.

[geeman]

You're welcome, that's why we're here

[AJ Q-Ball]

Let me just say I happen to be a white bald guy and have gotten nothing but compliments since I decided to permanently shave my head clean.

You actually pull it off well with that Kick-ass beard. I can't grow one of those but hopefully it will fill in in the next few years.

I appreciate that! Good luck with everything and please keep us updated on what you decide. You're very close to shaving it clean. When you do, you will feel a huge sense of relief.

[SoHotImCool]

Take a look at my picture and be thankful that you're not half potato?

Seriously, though, I found that there is no trick to 'not caring', that comes naturally. Accept it and embrace it.

Look at all the sexy, sexy bald guys out there. I mean, I'm totally straight, but even I think Vin Diesel is hot.

Now there's the hard part - 'accept it'. That's not easy. There is no trick or shortcut to that.
It does come with time, though, just be patient. Seriously, one day I woke up and though:
"WAIT! I appear to have stopped caring."

It'll come.

[john2223]

I agree with razor x. Once you realize you can't fight it you should just accept it for what it is. The best way to stop caring about hair loss is to just go ahead and shave your head clean.

[beardbald]

Time. That's the only thing that helps. Just getting used to it as rushing into shaving into shaving I before you feel confident can be a set back, but there's a point where the hairstyle you want or have always had doesn't work. Hairloss is different for each person, some will receed. some will get a bald spot, some will get both - others the hair on top disappears completely so shaving off the back and the sides makes no difference. Because our hair goes in different places, at different rates, different things work for different people Not everyone has to shave as the buzz cut works too = look at Jason Statham, he hasn't taken a razor to his head and the buzz works. However whatever look you go or you need to feel in control and feel comfortable.

Although there are many that feel the only look is a totally shaved head, and you must shave every hour, on the hour; and have a beard and that this look should be displayed by everyone, including those not suffering hair loss, women, dogs, small caged animals and traffic lights = for those coming to terms with hairloss that isn't always the answer.  You need to decide what look works for you and do what makes you feel happy.  And sadly with MPB there isn't much you can do apart from embrace it!   

I started to cut mine down but then felt self conscious about how big my forehead was. Then I started to notice the bald spot. I went down a grade on my clippers over a period of time as I started to feel more self conscious n actually the more I buzzed my head the moe it showed my hair was disappearing as I could see my hairline.. Then I would shave with a razor on a Friday so it was back to a zero by Monday, which helped me get used to it. Then I would shave before I went to bed so there might be some shadow there in the morning. Now I'm actually more self conscious if there is any shadow as that makes me feel more bald than when I am totally shaved! That's what works for me but I for other it doesn't. There are people now that I know that don't know  me with hair, I've had people actually say I would look weird if I had it as they are just used to me being bald.

What I realise now is I actually clung onto my hair or far too long and I am a pasty white guy and I was worried with what I would look like but all I could see when I looked in the mirror was a huge forehead or patchy hair and a bald spot. I hated losing my hair and I'd I quite like to still have it but I know that I did the best for me in my situation and taking control was the best thing I did but I did it when I was ready after a few false starts.

Another guy I have mentioned on here before is an astronaut called Alex Gerst, who went to the ISS last year. For me he had a huge transformation when he shaved his head and he probably did what I did and waited too long to shave. He has red hair so you probably can't get more pasty than that but if you google him, he looks immensely better now (in my opinion) now he has taken control of the hair loss.

There's not much you can do to change the situation but feel good about yourself and good luck.