The never ending story....maybe

[champ007]

Timmj is flying at super sonic speed when suddenly........................................

He is struck by lightening.  Yep, Divine retribution for pickin' on the pope.  He crumbles in a smoldering heap right at the gates and the huge crowd erupts in raucous applause, moving as one towards TimmJ's lifeless corpse.

Now our story is starting to make sense.  Earlier it had been written in a "first person" stance.  But yes, it was TimmJ who first put the sly guy in his basement and made him a hostage.  As for Porky and Robmeister, the other members of ZZ Topless, they performed with Sinead O'Conner at the funeral of TimmJ while Santa and the Pope officiated.   As for Janet, the Fat Perfume Chick, she had to have laser hair removal for all the hair on her body and became a spokeswoman for Weight Watchers after losing 300 lbs on it.  She now lives in Seattle and is now the buyer for perfumes for Nordstrom.

Porky became a trucker and Robbie became a cop and did financial counseling on the side.  Both of them became leading spokesmen for the Sly Movement.

All of our cast of characters went home and had a nice Christmas with their families.

But the moral of this story is: sly or not, be content and happy with yourself.  Yes, try to improve but realize that while someone else may supposedly look better or be richer, etc, all of us have our issues and weaknesses and struggles.  So you don't really know what is going on inside of someone's brain.

With this, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, and all the other Winter Holidays!

BYE BYE!


To be continued???

18 years later, an overwieght oger came to visit the pope to seek devine wisdom and pray for a change in its appearance. The pope, seeing this person and trying to figure out if it was a man blob or a female blob, told of the inspirering story of Janet, the fat Perfume Chick. With a feeling of hope, he left the pope and passed through the gates. Flashing in his mind was images of a pink scooter and a bright light. As he walked he felt something ushering him towards a loose brick in the cobblestone walkway. Curious, he lifted the brick and to his amazement, found a pair of red and white shorts still intact but with a hint of a charcoal smell. These shorts were familiar to him, and curly headed Richard began to see the memories of Sly Bald Guys and a morgue. The awe inspiring visions (pink scooter) helped him to set a goal for his future, a hunger for a new life, a need to slim down to fit into those shorts, jump around with fat chicks, and join a forum where he could learn to shave his head and create a deceptive profile with the name of TimmJ.............. 

[PORKY]

BUT INSTEAD...The ogar being a materistic femminist,  decided to somehow try to make a proft off of his find and the be able to provide electrollis and eyecare for OGARS all over the world  contacted good ol Donny Trump to bank roll the reunion of Z.Z. TOPLESS ! so O.G. and Donny managed to get in touch with Santa, The Robster and P.P.PORKY  , who just happend to have "SIN" polishing the wheelz on his fleet of 69 semi's, P.'s in the process of getting  more semi's to bump his fleet to 77 trucks , cuz then ya get "eight" more!. SO... 20 years to the week , TRUMP enterprizes announced the REUNION TOUR of Z.Z. TOPLESS with a opening act of SIN CITY SANTA AND HIS   

[Timmay]

Then suddenly he woke up.....asking himself...was that a dream or a nightmare I just had.  But wait....where am I?  Why am I in this back yard, there's a bbq grill cooking something that smells mighty fine...and a cooler??  Hmm wonders what is in there.  Opens it up to find some brew .. Hmmm Think I will pop one open right here...guzzle guzzle...tahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....damn that taste good. But wait...who is that in the window....Nahhhhhhhhh cant be....is it? shakes head....it is...its CHAMP!!!....Jumps up and down..CHAMP its me TIMMJ.....CHAMP!....CHAMP who you in there with???  CHAMP!  To my amazement...its the Fat Perfume lady knocking on his door.  WHAT!  She is trying to sell him something!  NO CHAMP NO!  DONT LET HER IN! CHAMP.  ITS A HOAX..she is coming to look for me.  CHAMP NO NO NO! 
I sneak around the front of the house...I see the scooter the fat perfume lady is on...hmmmmmmmmm.......what if I start it up...she will hear it then come running out side to save her scooter.  VVVVVVVVRROOOOOOOOOOOOOM! VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVAROOOOMMMMMMMMM!  ...damn this sounds good!  As scared as I was ..I look up and there she is.  Im praying Champ has realized what is going on and he will save me from this poor soul.  With each step of her thunder thighs....the ground shakes.  BOMMM BOOMMMM BOOOMMMM ...CHAMP! CHAMP! 
Champ emerges from depths of hell she just put him thru. He is standing at the door and what the hell did she do to him.  She has got him all duck taped up.  Even though Im scared shitless at this moment I fall to the ground and break out in the biggest laughter.  CHAMP.....CHAMP has got the red and whites wrapped around his head.  The fat perfume lady falls to the ground..  She begins to roll down the hill out into the street.  With each revolution of her rolling...she losses and article of clothing...I cover my eyes.......Champ standing there silently..not being able to say a word....tears streaming down his face...( I dont know if they are tears of laughter or did she really work him over)  I glance back over to the Fat perfume lady, OMGISH!  Her body is splitting open.  SHE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A REAL BODY!  To my amazement..............It is SlYinKC dressed up as the fat perfume lady...

[SLYinKC]

As it turns out, SlyinKC (being the take-charge kind of guy that he is) had decided to take it upon himself to take care of the fat perfume lady once and for all.  He knew that the only way to do this would be to go "undercover" and actually disguise himself as the dreaded "fat perfume lady"  Sly (in KC) had heard through the SBG grapevine that Champ007 had been secretly harboring the fat villaness in his Georgia mansion.  He knew that if he could trick Champ into thinking he was the real perfume lady, Champ might give away the secret to her powers.  He knew that he was taking a big risk and that if he were found out, his very life might be in danger.

Armed with an extra large "fat suit", SLY had made his way from KC to Georgia in hopes of putting a final end to the misery that had been spread across the entire United States.  As a back-up, he had borrowed the famed "Red and Whites" from Timmj, knowing that if something went wrong and he was put in a position of needing to defend himself, the "Red and Whites" were the only things he knew of that were even more repulsive than the fat perfume lady herself.

Everything was going as planned.....until, right in the middle of SLY's encounter with Champ007, Timmj decided to show up unexpectedly.  Timmj's distraction almost blew the whole carefully laid scheme.  Seeing that he would need to make a quick get-away, SLY ran from Champ's Georgia mansion hoping to escape Champ's deadly lair.

Sheding the fat suit, SLY ran from the mansion and to the nearby interstate.  Luckily, just as he got to the edge of the fast moving traffic, a long dark limo pulled up on the shoulder of the highway and out came...

[Timmay]

Tyler.    Tyler was out gathering up all the SBG guys to try to form a group to help defend the site from the Fat Perfume Lady ( have we ever given this lady a name?  if not Puddin' sounds good).  This lady has already terrorized half this group and it was time to put a stop to it.  She has done nothing but caused problems after problems. 
Sly jumps in the limo and he doesnt know if he is excited about getting away from Puddin' or finally getting to meet Tyler.  Sly realizes he now knows what the Beverly Hillbillies felt like when they moved into the mansion.  SLY rubbing the suede seats and is astounded by the lights in the ceiling of this limo.  The two are sitting there enjoying a nice conversation as they are cruising down the interstate when SLY notices the Wii Tyler had set up in the Limo.  Just as Sly was reachign for the controller there is a sudden crashing sound in the Limo.  Apparently, Puddin' jumped from an overpass and is now riding on top of the limo.   The limo now bent in the middle is scrapping metal next to the pavement and sparks are flying everywhere.  Tyler suggest to the limo driver to slam on the brakes to throw her off.  The brakes were applied and the sudden force of Puddin hitting the pavement caused a huge creator to form and the limo is dragged into this creator that seems to go to heaven knows where..  As Puddin was flying off the limo she grabs the opening of the sunroof and the limo is swallowed into this hole.  The Limo travelign deeper and deeper into the earth.  Tyler and SLY are both holding onto each other in total fright as the limo finally hits bottom.  SLY peers his head out the top and looks around and there is no site of Puddin anywhere....but he hears music.....unfimiluar music....but calming.  Tyler emerges from the trunk lid of limo while holding a tire iron...he wants SLY to make sure it is safe to get out.  SLy argues with him.....Tyler you have the tire iron...all i got are these red and whites.  Tyler suggest SLY toss the red and whites in front of him to ward off any evil forces and possibly Puddin'.  They both ....still holding onto each other..walk towards the music.  They hear laughter...evil laughter...but they are still curious.  As they walk around to the opening of this tunnel where the music is coming from....much to their surprise....They see a crowd of freshly shaven noggins...........................

[marshd1000]

All these Sly Guys are being hypnotized by the wonderful music of ZZ Topless.  Unfortunately, we find that Puddin, aka Fat Perfume Chick, whose real name is Janet Reno Jr, is playing a CD of ZZ Topless with subliminal messages.  By doing this, she is trapping all the sly guys and making them grow their hair.  Some of them are contemplating awful hair cuts like, mullets, white man's fros, and combovers.  Janet shouts, "Timmay, Tyler!!!!!  I just want to bear your love child!!!!.  Frightened by such a fate that is worse than death, they pelt Janet Reno Jr, with Costco Pizza.  Janet is momentarily dazed by the onslaught of high fat foods.  She then inhales a whole combo pizza in 8 seconds flat.  Timmay, now in his red and whites gathers a army of Costco sample ladies, who pelt Janet with all sorts of yummy treats.  Tyler then tries to bring Timmay back to his senses.  Tyler then says, "Don't you see that food just increases the strength of this beast.  If she catches us, she will either have her wicked way with us and/or make us grow hair back and have bad hair styles for the rest of our lives!".  So at this point they try to make Janet lose weight by throwing diet supplements at her.  When that didn't work, they threw prunes, bran, Chocolate Exlax and Lay's WOW chips with Olestra (the kind that casuses digestive disruptions...need I say more?) at her.  By this time we see light coming from the other side of the crater and......

[Timmay]

We now pause for a commercial break from our sponsor.  Hair Club for Men!..............OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH! Shame shame....where is tivo when you need it..

[JDog]

What?

[Timmay]

Just a lil humor JDog...Just a lil Humor...dont get your panties in a bundle...

[JDog]

Tim, you obviously missed the joke. My post of "What" was meant to fit into the story. I guess it went straight over  your bald melon

And frankly sir, I am offended at the insinuation that I wear panties. I wear boxer shorts.

[Timmay]

LOL.....oh well ..for the time being....you wear panties.....

[PORKY]

hey guyz BOTH of ya get your "redn whities" unbunched and get BACK to the story , PLEAZE ?  i miss the muzak ! 

[Timmay]

  By this time we see light coming from the other side of the crater and......

Tyler and Timmay pull out their shades too see the image of someone walking into the room.  What!  Who is that?  The light is so bright!  We squint even harder and harder and what do we see....why its Jenny Craig.  She walks over to this Janet Reno or who ever she is and scolds her for trying to take over the SBG forum and making us all grow hair.  Jenny Craig sits on top of Janet, pinning her down and arms us all with razors.  As we are all kneeling down to take a shot at her....JDog...not knowing we had everythign undercontrol....bust thru the wall on a pink scooter displaying the red adn whites and runs right over Janets head.  There are tire tread marks across her forhead...and as Jenny notices this...she begins laughing uncontrolably....the treads actually leave words imprinted into her forehead which read...............................

[marshd1000]

I am the love child of Telly Savalas and Momma Cass.  For Jenny, this explains the love/hate relationship that Janet has had with sly guys and it explains her food addiction struggles.

As a result, Jenny gets Janet introduced to spokeswoman, Valerie Bertinelli.  Valerie, who was formerly married to rocker Eddie VanHalen is serving as a mentor to Janet to help her lose weight.  Because of her connections to the Rock and Roll world, Valerie arranges a concert with Letchen Grey and ZZ Topless and Janet is slated to be one of the background singers.

Valerie, whose new boyfriend is Tom Vitale, who is also a sly guy, is trying to convince Janet that she must be nice to sly guys.  That she can't be nice to them at one minute and then mean and vengeful the next minute.  Valerie introduces Janet to Tom.  Janet then screams and says...........

[marshd1000]

We now take a break from our never ending story to show the sly world Valerie's sly boyfriend!

http://www.famoushookups.com/site/celebrity_profile.php?celebid=1915&name=Tom_Vitale