20 year old feeling very alone and anxious

[chewbie]

Hello, I'm 20 years old and currently going to college. Started receding at 16. Started thinning at 18. Freaked out went to my dermatologist, got diagnosed with MPB, got a propecia prescription, and started using rogaine. Anyways, here I am a year and a half later and my hair is slowly getting worse. Now I'm at the point where I want to ditch the propecia and rogaine and shave my head.

Last week I confided in my father who I am very close to, about how my receding hairline and thinning hair were bothering me and affecting my self-esteem and confidence. Then I told him I wanted to shave my head. His response was that I would look worse and that I should just keep hair the way it is. My mom on the other hand seems to be in denial about my hairloss and is abhorred by the prospect of me shaving my head. Why are parents like this?

Anyways I'm feeling very alone in this struggle with MPB. I live at college so my parents aren't around to give me support. I have two really close friends at college that are also my roommates and one girl that I have a platonic friendship with that I might be able to confide in. However, the idea of confiding in my friends about my hair loss is much too scary because I don't want to make myself vulnerable and their responses might make me feel worse. How do you deal with reactions from friends or even talk openly about hair loss. It's seems to be such a sensitive topic that most people don't want to acknowledge it at all.

I wish I had someone to talk to about these problems in real life. But, I don't personally know any bald people my age or have anybody in my family that is bald to talk to. So here I am, reaching out to internet strangers in the hopes of receiving some profound advice on how to deal with reactions from friends and family (since honestly those are the only people whose opinions I care about) and make a smooth transition to the sly side.

[EarlBald]

What a moving message, "Chewbie."  I certainly know where you are coming from.  My hairline started receding when I was 17.  When I was in college, the cool thing to do was to grow long hair, which I did, much to my parents' consternation.  Baldness was something "old guys" went thru.  I felt similar feelings to yours.  There was one "come clean" moment when three of us long-haired guys were in a dorm room.  The first said to me, "Do me a favor.  Pull your hair back from your forehead."  I did, and he pointed to my receding hairline, then pulled back his hair (we both had center parts to cover up recession).  He said, "Yup, I thought so--you've got it, too!"  The third guy, who was more advanced in balding than we were, pointed to his forehead and said, "Look at mine!"  I still was traumatized by hairloss, but I knew that I wasn't alone.  So, even in college, the process has started for some men.

Before the standard group recommendation, which we can all recite in our sleep, I'd recommend that you talk to a school counselor who can listen to your concerns and give you some advice about self-acceptance.  I'd also suggest that you "sneak in" a comment when one of your friends talks about a self-esteem issue (unless you have perfect friends--then find some new ones!).  For example, if your female friend talks about various issues (believe me, women are still under more pressure about their looks than men are), you can chime in.  If she is worried about her weight or her figure, you can say, "I know what you mean.  I'm a bit concerned about my receding hairline."  She'll probably either say that she didn't even notice (which may or may not be true, but, admittedly, it's good to hear!) or tell you that it isn't important.  It isn't all that important, but I know that your emotions say something different.

Take a look around campus.  There are probably some guys that are more balding than you!  Also, focus on all the famous men that shave their heads or sport natural baldness.  If guys as different as Patrick Stewart, Bruce Willis, and Michael Stipes can look good bald, so can you!  Give yourself time to accept your own looks, then consult with a hairstylist or barber to see about shorter haircuts.  Eventually, you'll probably want to try shaving your head, but you'll know when the time is right.

[slymyke]

Chewbie,

Welcome to the  forum.  I know you are not jumping up and down with joy that you felt the need to join us right now, but I'm glad you did.  Hopefully, we can help you in your circumstances. 

First of all, parents usually have a hard time with changes in the appearance of their children.  You will be maturing a little faster than they would like to admit.   They will come around in the long run (hopefully not too long) but they love you unconditionally, and that will be the thing that shines through.  You will be the same person (well, actually, you will be more at peace with yourself and more confident). 

As for your friends:
Think of this for a moment-  If one of your friends came to you and told you that they were dealing with MPB and taking prescription strength chemicals that were not helping...and they were having a hard time and wanted to shave their head to get past it----------   what would you tell them?  How would you react to them?  I'm betting that you would assure them of your continued friendship and would point out to them other guys on campus or in the movies or downtown that rock the sly look and they could too!   Don't sell your friends short.  If they are true friends, they will not shun you in any way.  If they move on from you-- you will find new friends who only know you with a shaved head. 

Many guys on here have been right where you are.. and most of them have had excellent outcomes.  You may read a few that have not.   Look deeper into their stories and you will find issues beyond what we are talking about right now. 

[mrzed]

Greetings chewbie.

I'm old enough to be your father or grandfather! 

Being that you are away at school, mom and dad don't see you regularly.  You certainly could schedule a head shave such that you can 'try it out' and if you don't like it, grow it back before you have to see them again.

At least around here, I see bald guys daily, and not just OLD bald guys. There are lots of 20 something guys with bald heads, or nearly bald heads.

And if going completely bald at 20 is more than you feel ready to handle, just clipper down to a #2 or a #1.  It's a very short military looking haircut. Very popular still today.  It's not 'bald', but close enough to give you the feel. It' would certainly help hide a receding hairline or thinning hair.

Be a trend setter.  Have fun with it. Grow a beard, too.  Usually guys that go bald at a young age can easily grow a beard.

Have fun. Welcome

[Mike E. P.]

Hello Chewbie,

I think maybe parents love us no matter what and so what they try to do is to tell us we are fine just the way we are and we do not have to resort to something like shaving our heads.  I was clearly balding and many people in my life (including my wife) told me, "You're not going bald."  I think those that love us are just trying to protect us.

I was where you are and for some reason, I kept all my anxiety about losing my hair to myself.  I think maybe I was afraid that if I talked about it, then it would be acknowledging my balding was a reality!  I didn't really confide in anyone either and so as a result, suffered in silence.  I think that made it all the more difficult.  It seems like you want to talk about it.  This forum is an awesome place to share your feelings, but I would encourage you to confide in one of your friends as well since it seems like you do want to do that. 

I can only tell you that while this was very traumatic for me, I managed to get through it without asking for any support. And in the end (well I'm 50 - not really the end!) I came out of it ok.  Shaving my head was the best thing I could have done but I waited way too long to do it.  But once I did, a weight was lifted.  I was afraid of the reactions of my family, but they got over it quickly. 

So whatever you decide to do, get the support you need and don't worry about this all on your own.  You will find great people to talk to here on SBG.

[Sir Harry]

Welcome! Even if you don't go sly right away  you could always try a shorter haircut..Good luck to you and keep us posted. Post a picture if you can

[wpruitt]

Short is the first step in going sly !  Welcome

[Ming the Merciless]

Honor your parents, but choose to be what you want to be.  They have their point of view, but it does not have to be yours!

I had no early MPB, but I did shave the dome for the first time at about age 40.  Father said nothing (we did not communicate on useful wavelengths), and Mother was not all that pleased... yet, "What the hell," and I kept the razor in hand.  They are gone, and here I am, still shaved.

Yes, twenty is young to make a stand in the face of parental opposition, and to be losing hair when so many contemporaries are sporting manes ('tho buzzed or shaved is more and more seen in your age bracket) can be depressing... listen to the advice of the posters here.

[Baldstu]

If you want it sly and feel happy its your choice at 20 your a  adult and fully competent in making your own decisions  in life .  Your  parents will get used to it just like my Mother has with  me  and my other rels dont comment any more  at all ...Sir Harry and  Wpruit have a point though  break them in gently with a buzz cut ..Once you do go sly it is very addictive 

[chewbie]

Thanks for all the responses guys. I told my roommate I was going to shave my head and he was surprisingly supportive. Anyways I just shaved my head with a one guard and it definitely looks a lot better in my opinion. Now it is only a matter of time before I shave no guard and then onto the razor. My only regret is not doing this back in the summer because my head is pretty white compared to my face.

Anyways I'm going camping this weekend so no internet, but I'll try to get some pics up when I get back.

Thanks for all the support and solid advice

Chewbie.

[Mike E. P.]

Great! You like what you see shaving at one. You'll like what you see with no guard and when you go sly, too! Enjoy your camping trip!

[slymyke]

Great to hear, Chewbie!   Now, if there is any drinking going on at the camping trip, I'm imagining that anybody who passes out drunk if fair game for a head-shavin'.

-talk about starting a trend.... that would be a great head start!   

Seriously though... if you are the only sly one in your immeidate circle of friends, just rock it and own it!  I'm excited for you to have a new beginning at an early age.