How do you convince someone you love to not get a hair transplant/hair piece?

[hailey92]

Just thought you guys might be able to help.

My older brother is 24 years old and has been balding for a while. I don't want to sound like I'm ragging on him but he's not doing that well financially and is heavily considering a hair transplant/piece. I love him so much and what bothers me the most is how all these solutions he's tried have just wasted his money, from the rogaine to some laser device he bought years back. He even told my mom that when he saw a hair transplant doctor he only promised him a "mature hairline" because of whatever reason, so now he's considering a transplant and wasting hundreds of dollars a month on it.

He's bisexual and says he's -personally- not attracted to bald guys, and thinks that no one will be attracted to him, so he basically doesn't want to be in a relationship until he "fixes" his hair, even though he talks about wanting to be one.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just some annoying little sister who pretends she knows what's best for him.  He looks great bald and he's outgoing enough to find a boyfriend/girlfriend  who he'll love back, but he's just putting his life on hold until this is fixed.

I suppose my question to you fabulous people here is, was there anything someone told you or something you heard that changed your mentality on the whole balding issue?

[Tyler]

Hi Hailey, I suggest you make a deal with him that if he shaves his head for 30 days straight that you won't say anything about his head after that.  My guess is that he'll follow many of the guys here that have tried the 30 day rule and ended up loving their bald head.

[chgobuzzbald]

I made the horrible mistake of transplants at that same age. Was sold on them by a doctor just looking to profit from a young guys insecurity. Spent many thousands of dollars on them and still ended up with thin hair on top and super thin hair on the sides & back from all the hair they removed, leaving spaces and scars with no hair at all. This was back just  before guys started shaving their heads. If only I had waited a few years I would have shaved. I too could not see that others are attracted to bald/ shaved headed guys. But in fact many are so be sure to let him know that not everyone shares his same opinion about himself these days. I had to have micro tattoos done on my head to conceal the scarred areas so ended up spending a few thousand more for that too. At least a hair piece wouldn't leave scars but transplants today when so many shave their heads, please stop him now.

[tofur99]

Tell him that it is a terrible idea.  Then tell him to grow a pair.  Then tell him there's nothing he can do to avoid the inevitable and until the time comes when a legitimate solution to the inevitable exists, he should just embrace baldness, both because it's f'in awesome and because we don't get to choose the genetic cards we've been dealt.  It's how you deal with what you've been dealt that makes the difference, both to yourself and to others.  Attempting to hide behind a obvious transplant or wig isn't a confident move. 

[buddha]

First off, if you love your older brother you have to accept and love him for what he is and in spite of his decisions. I don't think that it is any more right to try to convince him to shave his head than it is to try to convince him to not be bi-sexual. He is what he is.

That being said there is no better teacher than experience. But in order for him to gain that particular wisdom you will need to take a step back or detach and let him go his own way. Maybe the HT thing will work great for him and maybe it won't but it's his head and not yours.

There is, after all, a reason why it's you that's writing on a bald guys' forum and not your older brother.

[Razorhead]

It's a shame that your brother feels that he needs to hold off on dating until he "fixes" his problem. Why hold off on living life. His hair has become an obstacle.

Hair transplants, rugs, hair systems all look fake. Even with transplants the hair to me still looks like plugs. People will still ask "is his hair real!" With an outgoing personality, it's his confidence that will win people over and take notice of first.  Not his hair.  A full head of hair isnt a guarantee for being the best feature.

[TheSlyBear]

Razorhead has nailed it. Even with fake or transplanted hair, he'll constantly be second-guessing "can people tell?" It will be no improvement over his current mindset.

He needs to buzz or shave it down, realize that the obstacles are of his own making, and get on with his life.

[Sir Harry]

Hailey, welcome! I am going to have to go (somewhat) with Buddha on this one....While it may not be a good idea to get a HT, and there is nothing wrong with pulling him to the side and talking to him one-on-one, ultimately, it is his decision on what he wants to do with his hair...The best thing you can do is be there regardless of whether he shaves or goes for the HT. Why I say this is that it's hard enough when we have members who want to shave (or do anything else for that matter) but are afraid to do so because of others' approval. Regardless of his choice of hairstyle or partner preference, your brother is going through one of the harder times of his life right now, and he doesn't need the added pressure of people trying to make hair decisions for him. Good luck to the both of you, and keep us posted!

[TheSlyBear]

I will disagree somewhat with Harry and buddha. I say "somewhat" because, yes, it is ultimately his decision, but if were just talking about a toupee or "hair system", that'd just be a waste of time and money. But with a HT, we are talking about permanent scarring that he is most likely to regret later in life when the rest of his hair inevitably falls out and the option to shave will reveal the scars.

So I think pressing the issue a bit is called for before he mars his head with a permanent testament to youthful poor decision making.

But in the end, his choice.

[tofur99]

yeah it's a siblings job to keep their other siblings from doing stupid stuff that has permanent effects and zero benefit, even if it means being forceful at times.  If it's the right thing to do then you gotta do it.  Don't let him pay someone to scar up his dome, it's a terrible idea for a bunch of reasons.

Of course ultimately it's his call, but don't be passive in asserting your 2 sibling cents, he wants you to speak your mind and shoot him straight.

[Bald Guy]

Inform him about this site and let him do some research, as there are hours of fascinating and uplifting stories and information here.

[Amgoody]

He's going to have to get over his phobia of bald heads.
It's tough, maybe he has a underlying issue. I lost my hair around 16, when I graduated college I bought a hair system and really regret it. I wore it 5 years before coming to the painful truth it really wasn't fooling anybody.
The main reason I didn't shave my hair earlier is because I hated my father, and seeing a bald head just reminded me of my father and I hated it. Once I got over the hatred of my father, I finally was able to shave my head. It was the best decision of my life.