Shaved my head, but not a big success story

[slymyke]

Marshal, I was wondering if you were going to chime in with some bigger advice.  We don't pay you to just lurk around here...lol.    

No, seriously...That was good, and there are parts of that advice that we could all use at some time or another.  

What still amazes me, is the nosy questions that people feel so free to ask of anyone.    I could understand it from a young child, but....

[50plus]

I think Razor X and I may be twins because I would of said the same almost word for word. It DOES get better yes …

I found it a little easier when I said to myself 'what do you want?' We listen a lot to the media and we think we have to live our lives a certain way within certain parameters. Walk your walk mate. It really does get easier.

[Whysosly]

As a therapist, I do not think you need to go to therapy just yet.  If you came to me at my office, I would probably see you twice.  Once for me to give you some exercises in self talking, and the next time for you to tell me you feel much better and you will call me if that changes--which you wouldn't.

So here are your exercises:
-Make a list of what you like about yourself.  Re-read that list frequently to remind you about what is good about you.
-When you start thinking people are judging you for your appearance, interrupt yourself by saying, "That doesn't matter.  I'm a good person."  Do that every time those thoughts intrude on you even if it's ten times in a row.  Say it out loud if you have to.
-When you look in the mirror, say "I look good."  (Do this no matter what way you choose to cut your hair.)  If you feel good about it, others will sense this.
-Get out in public with supportive friends.  Doing that will help you get used to the fact that it isn't as big of a deal to them as your mind was telling you.
-Answer honestly when people ask.  "Why did you shave your head?"  "Because I was losing my hair anyway, and I think this looks better."  This is for friends and family.  The nosey stranger on the street doesn't need an answer.  Let them know that you don't appreciate the question.  If friends and family want to give their opinion, say, "Thank you" and take it for what it's worth.

Try all of this for two weeks.  If you don't start to feel better, then go to a therapist where you are.  If you do feel better, which I suspect you will, then keep doing these things I told you.  Keep at it until you believe it--because it is true.

Wow, thanks everyone for the supportive story's, I didn't expect to get so many reactions so fast.
It helps to speak to people who can relate.

And thank you Marshal for taking the time to write down those exercises.
I will start using them right away.

[USA man]

Hi fellow sly bald guys.

A quick background story, I'm a 24 year old male from the Netherlands and I began shaving my head about a year ago.

At first I was pleasantly surprised about the shape of my head and the fact that it actually looked pretty good on me (better than I suspected).

The first few months I thought I was okay with it, I got allot of positive responses from people, also some negative ones (people who asked, why don't you grow it out? they apparently hadn't noticed I was covering it up"), but overall things went better than I suspected.

For some reason, as time progressed instead of getting used to it, I seem to be feeling more and more down about the fact that I have no hair anymore.
This might sound shallow, but I always put allot of effort in my looks, I also go to the gym allot. And now that my hair is all gone I feel like part of my identity has been ripped away (as sad as that might sound).

For some reason I seem to think in my head constantly that people are judging me for my shaved head even though in reality I find that people really don't treat me all that differently than they used to. And when things go wrong I tend to want to blame it on me being bald, instead of anything else. Now I know there are many people that are bald, but at my age to have a totally shaved head is pretty rare, which is why I usually stand out quite obviously in a group of people.

I realise that I am responsible for creating this problem in my head, but even though I am aware of this, I can't seem to get past this way of thinking.

So the stupid thing is, I'm very aware where my line of thinking is wrong, but for some reason I'm not able to correct it on my own.

My question to you guys is, have any of you had similar issues, how did u deal with it? I'm thinking about getting some professional help, but I would only do this as a last resort.

Look up Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It challenges negative thoughts and helps with anxiety, depression, ocd, and a host of other mental disorders. It should help improve the quality of life. Also the fact that you focus on having no hair impacts your mood. I bet when you're focused on other things you don't think twice about stuff out of your control. Don't use professional help as a last resort, people do this because of the stigma associated with people getting help. Don't let that influence your decisions to get help.