Question for MPB Guys

[Razor X]

Even though there are more sly guys than ever out there, there still seems to be plenty of guys who ought to be sly but are in denial -- the ones that try to style their hair the way they always have and pretend nothing's wrong, the guys who comb over, and the guys going around with hair islands on top of their balding scalps.  I used to think it was a generational thing, but I saw a horrendous combover on a 30-something-year-old just yesterday -- truly unusual in this day and age.  It makes me wonder why somebody close to them - wife, girlfriend, family member or even their barber -- doesn't say something and try to convince them to buzz (shaving is probably out of the question for these types, at least at this stage of the game).

So, those of you with MPB, when your thinning got really bad, did anybody ever say anything to you about it?  I don't mean wisecracks, but somebody who really cared enough to tell you that your haircut wasn't working anymore?  I started buzzing before anybody had a chance to say anything.  I did run into a couple of barbers who took it upon themselves to buzz my hair shorter than I'd asked for -- including one who gave me a total clipper shave when I'd asked for a #1.  That was a bit of a surprise, but I ended up really liking it.  Just wondering what the rest of you may have experienced.

[SLYinKC]

The first time that I ever new that I had a problem was shortly after my oldest son was born over 10 years ago.  I went to my usual place to get my hair cut, but had a new stylist.  This was a very young attractive lady, and she was very friendly and helpful.  She was the first one to ever bring it to my attention how thin my hair was getting in the back and sides.  It was places that I would never normally see, unless I tried to do the double mirrors to see the back of my head.  From then on, it was a downward spiral.  Several times when I got a new stylist they would try to get me to use a new hair restoring shampoo or something.  Several of them I tried.

Actually, when I started to get my hair cut shorter and shorter to blend in with the thinning spots, I always had trouble getting the sylist to cut enough off.  It seemed that their solution was to try to grow the remaining hair out longer (somewhat of a combover effect).  I always had to be very direct about what I wanted when getting it cut closer, and I would usually be quizzed about.  That made me even more self-concious about it.

[Razor X]

During one of the many times that I shaved my head and grew it back, I also started growing my goatee (something else I was back and forth with for a long time).  I'd grown my hair out for about 6 days and was almost back to a #1 but was still waiting for the top to fill in some more.  I wanted to get the goatee shaped properly so I went to a barber to get it done.  When he'd finished, he asked me if I wanted my hair cut.  I said no.  He insisted that he wanted to do it and said he wouldn't charge for it.  He suggested a #1 all over, just to tidy things up.  I relented because I knew the #1 blade would take little, if anything, off.   I was right, and when he saw that the #1 wasn't taking anything off, he grabbed a clippers with an edger blade and started shaving everything off.  The edger takes you right down to the skin -- as close as you can go without shaving with a razor.  Once he started, I had to let him finish.  I had really been impatient waiting for my hair to grow out and never expected to leave the barber shop bald, but that's exactlyl what happened.   

[jusbnme]

My wife and I have, what I like to call, a "straight up" relationship.  She tells me like it is and I might sometimes tell her like it is.    When I use to trim my hair with clippers I usually would go down with no guard.  I had an island forming.  Every now and then I would let it go for a few weeks to a month.  My wife would always say, "Hey babe, time to get the clippers out."  It's cool though.  I know she wasn't doing it to be cruel.  She just knew I didn't like the thinning and wanted to know when it was very noticeable. 

[Razor X]

I can't get the link to work.

[SLYinKC]

Here's a pic from Jan of this year. Kinda shows what my hair used to be like.  Really need to see a shot of the back and sides to appreciate.  I really could have used a barber like Razor's.

[Razor X]

That is a huge improvement.  I know it's kind of become a cliche to say that you look 10 years younger without the hair, but in your case it's really true.

[Stu]

That is a huge improvement.  I know it's kind of become a cliche to say that you look 10 years younger without the hair, but in your case it's really true.

RaxorX is CORRECT.  Wow, you look 1000% better -- younger, cooler, hipper, etc.  What does your wife think?

[R o b 6]

I've had receding hairline for a while, but never even came close to the combover. Always wore it short and tapered till recently. I think this is where a good barber can help.  My barber agreed best approach is a clean, short look...don't try to fool anyone. (His is the same way).

A few times the customer before me would be some dude with a nasty, swirly, plastered combover thing that required a permit to reconstruct and when it was my turn, I'd just bust out and say, I don't know how you can keep a straight face while you rig that cinnamon bun on that dude's head.  He'd crack up, too, and say people should just keep it real when it gets to that point.

[ChallengeMe]

This will be very hard for me to explain because it's very hard to understand. But I believe it's the same as when I decided to lose weight and get fit.

Four years ago I changed my lifestyle, to lose 40 lbs and start working out. I was on a forum for men for fitness. Almost all agreed that there was some point in their mind that clicked and they knew they had to change and get fit. Like myself, I was fat for several years and knew I lose weight but never made an effort. One day something happened, my mind clicked over and I went full bore with my lifestyle change and never looked back. Most of the guys on that forum were in agreement.

I have been the recipient of MPB for 35 years. I dealt with  it in various ways, but it never looked right (like being fat for years). I noticed other guys with shaved heads and thought about it but didn't do anything. A year ago, something in my brain "clicked" and I decided to go with it. I went full bore with my lifestyle change and have never looked back. And I bet most guys on this forum would be in agreement.

Until that something in a guy's mind "clicks" he will be satisfied being fat, or satisfied with his comb over.

In both situations, I will never go back.

[jusbnme]

That is a huge improvement.  I know it's kind of become a cliche to say that you look 10 years younger without the hair, but in your case it's really true.

RaxorX is CORRECT.  Wow, you look 1000% better -- younger, cooler, hipper, etc.  What does your wife think?

I second what Stew said SLYinKC.  Great improvement!!! 

[shyslyguy]

Hey good for you ChallengeMe...I know what you mean about the lifestyle change - I'm kind've going through the same thing now really although I've never been over weight but I am trying to cut out smoking & have really improved my diet in this last year ... maybe it's some kind of mid-life crisis type thing? I feel a lot better for doing so though...I think when you hit your mid 40's you begin to realise that you're not in fact, immortal & that you need to start taking a bit of care of yourself!  In fact, indirectly it was that which brought me to this site.

Anyway to the OP - I know what you mean about the comb-over thing however, & this might seem like heresy,  I don't necessarily think that going sly is the answer for everyone - occasionally I'll see a guy with long, wild hair but still thin, or bald, on top but they manage to carry the look off well (kind of crazy eccentric look!) but I agree that most guys would look better sly. Regarding the thing about people giving advice I don't think that happens very much at all - I think most people are (rightly) worried that men who are losing their hair are pretty sensitive about it & realise that it's a very personal thing, unless it's someone very very close to you who knows that you won't take offence I think most people think it's a subject best left well alone. Apart from partners the only person who could possibly make a comment without it seeming offensive might be another guy in the same boat but even then it's risky ... once or twice I've broached the subject with other bald or balding guys & just been cut dead in my tracks - usually with a curt "on I don't worry about that" type of answer! Which is another reason why this site is so great - here we can talk about these things to our heart's content with no one taking offence (hopefully!)

By the way SLYinKC I have to agree with the other's here - the SLY look really is a huge improvement for you ... pls don't take offence when I say that in the first pic (the one with hair) you just look like any other balding middle-aged guy but SLY you look much younger & pretty dynamic - you are definitely living proof that the look can work wonders for some guys!
 
Also,  Lance..... that's a great new pic bro! 

[SLYinKC]

That is a huge improvement.  I know it's kind of become a cliche to say that you look 10 years younger without the hair, but in your case it's really true.

RaxorX is CORRECT.  Wow, you look 1000% better -- younger, cooler, hipper, etc.  What does your wife think?

I second what Stew said SLYinKC.  Great improvement!!! 

Thanks guys for the compliments.  You know, its only been 2 months for me since I looked like that pic.  But from where I sit right now, it seems like a different world that's was many years ago.  Funny how fast things can change.

Stew, my wife still has not said much, at all.  But then, she never mentioned my hair before either.  It's really not a topic for us.  I guess that I should be happy that she's not critical of it.  Though sometimes I do wish that I would get more positive feedback from her.

[Razor X]

Anyway to the OP - I know what you mean about the comb-over thing however, & this might seem like heresy,  I don't necessarily think that going sly is the answer for everyone

You're right; it's heresy!! 

Just kidding.  Actually, I agree with you.  I wasn't suggesting that everybody should be sly.  But combing over or trying to keep the same hairstyle just doesn't work after a certain point.  It's too bad that there isn't somebody in these peoples' lives that cares enough to tell them the truth.

 Regarding the thing about people giving advice I don't think that happens very much at all - I think most people are (rightly) worried that men who are losing their hair are pretty sensitive about it & realise that it's a very personal thing, unless it's someone very very close to you who knows that you won't take offence I think most people think it's a subject best left well alone.

Again, I agree.  It has to be somebody really close to the person. I certainly wouldn't say it to anyone, unless it was a really close friend or family member or somebody who asked for advice.  If you're really close to somebody, you should be able to tell them things for their own good that they don't necessarily want to hear.

I also think that barbers could tactfully make some suggestions - "I think this would look better if we went a little shorter", you know, baby steps in the right direction.  Most probably don't for fear of offending the client.  Or maybe some of them do try to give people a nudge but they just don't want to listen.

[Razor X]

This will be very hard for me to explain because it's very hard to understand. But I believe it's the same as when I decided to lose weight and get fit.

I understand what you are saying.  It's hard to make changes and most of us tend to take the path of least resistance.  Or we don't realize how bad things are getting with things like weight gain or hair loss until we look in the mirror one day or see a photo and it just hits us. 

I can understand people who've been dealing with MPB for many years not wanting to shave.  That wasn't an option until relatively recently and it's hard to make the change.  In my post, I was looking at it more from the persepective of younger guys who are losing their hair now.  I don't understand why any younger guy with substantial hair loss wouldn't get a buzz cut (at least) when that's what most guys in the same situation are doing these days.

Congratulations on both your sly dome and healthier lifestyle.  Keep up the good work!!