I don't buy any of this

[Blitzed]

"Our confidence and self-worth stem from others. One can never truly be comfortable living within oneself. I disagree I'm afraid. "

If you truly believe this then....nothing any of us can say, object lessons we might suggest, positive input we give you will make any difference to you. Apparently you're enjoying our attention and, if that helps you, all well and good. However, routinely refuting everything, even on occasion  by seeming to agree or applaud, is a waste of our time and yours. There are excellent psychiatrists in Italy, quite accustomed to dealing with self esteem issues-if there ever was a population more caught up in their appearance than the Italians I've not met them-and perhaps that's what you need. Freud said that we do not appreciate what we do not pay for. You've got a world of good, well considered advice here and you, somewhat politely, ignore it. Obviously we cannot help you, perhaps an expert whose advice you must pay for might. PJ

[Crowbar]

Our confidence and self-worth stem from others. One can never truly be comfortable living within oneself. I disagree I'm afraid.

Letting this be a part of your belief system would have to almost guarantee the result of low confidence and low self worth. For so many reasons. Here's just a couple....

One being that in believing this, you are then saying that you are dependent on others to provide you with confidence, self worth and happiness. These are all things that can only truly come from within you and flow outward. If you observe people that other people are drawn to, you will see that is true. It flows out and that includes love as well

Secondly the very people you may be relying on for that confidence and self worth may well often have egos that need to be fed in various ways to help make themselves feel better than you, so they are not going to help you

Happiness and self confidence and self worth can be found by thinking in the complete opposite way to what you wrote. Try it and go sly too. Do the opposite to what you have been doing and you may be refreshingly surprised.
As far as people noticing things about you and ridicule you and others etc etc .... again, why do you think people do that?? To feed their own egos in an attempt to make themselves feel better than you. Problem is for them, it doesn't work, so have some empathy and compassion for people who may behave like that towards you

[Cave Dweller]

I also have been wondering why you came here, Soniktts.

If you have read any of the other threads on this forum, you have seen that almost all of them are written by guys and ladies who have a positive outlook on life.  You seem to want to wallow in self-pity over your situation.  Guys have tried to help you feel better about yourself, but you appear to be determined to fight their efforts.

What was your point?

[Hingatao]

IMHO, he sounds like he just wants to whine and complain and get people to feel sorry for him. If so, he's come to the wrong place.

[Jay]

I think the OP has a very large problem with self-confidence.

You might be shorter than average. Okay, but you are not 1 metre tall, are you? Even so, I see "little people" with very active love lives and very happy.

You have hair loss. Yeah, you and half of the men out there. Its at least half but they grow it long to cover up the growing forehead.

You think you are unattractive. Maybe some of the women you have approached feel that way. Guess what? Everyone in the world has differing standards of attractiveness. Do you find every woman in the world attractive? I bet you don't.


The key is the search. Finding someone that likes you as much as you like them. And that is a search EVERY person in the world conducts.



However, the reality is, none of that matters until you work on your self-confidence and learn to accept whom you are. You are whom you are and that will not change.

[Bilko1]

Join the army, mate. They will knock the self-loathing out of you & teach you about having confidence & self-respect. First off, they'll shave your hair off, give you a smart uniform, you'll make friends & you will learn to take good care of yourself & others at the same time. It's a win-win situation for you - joining the army, that is.

[Vash]

Well boys, we've tried.

I've followed this thread from the start, watching the original statement and then all the various replies and the accompanying responses to those replies.

There are hundreds of members on this site. There are literally THOUSANDS of topics and conversations going on, on this site. the gentleman who posted this thread has made 10 posts. 10 posts all and only in this thread.

This isn't someone who joined the forum, made an introduction and started participating in what we are doing here. This is someone who has participated exclusively in criticizing the idea that SELF-esteem comes from ones self (I believe the quote was "it's rubbish") and then dismissing or arguing (however politely) with anyone who tries to provide any encouragement, insight or perspective.

From all appearances thus far, this isn't someone who is skeptical of or even curious about head shaving, it's someone who is cynical about their appearance (and it sounds like, his life). This isn't someone seeking advice or who is open to changing their perspective.

This is someone who wants someone to argue with. Someone who is coming here, exclusively to argue.


Soniktts : You found a YouTube video online and you disagreed with his opinion. Fair enough. But rather than contact Tyler directly, privately or even via the comments on YT to share your thoughts or have a discussion with him about it.  Instead you joined a public forum to tell anyone that happens to look at it that you disagree with their friends opinion.

Your opinion is fairly stated and dully noted. Agree to disagree and move on. What you would know, if you bothered to look around these boards is that this community of experienced, informed, helpful, friendly people which exists to HELP men and women who are interested in head shaving (for any reason) as a means of self improvement and self esteem BUILDING. Giving and receiving advice, support, camaraderie and constructive criticism.    

If, and only IF you are open to being a part of that, then welcome.

As for the rest of us: Good effort, guys, but let's all just let this thread fade away...

[Soniktts]

"Our confidence and self-worth stem from others. One can never truly be comfortable living within oneself. I disagree I'm afraid. "

If you truly believe this then....nothing any of us can say, object lessons we might suggest, positive input we give you will make any difference to you. Apparently you're enjoying our attention and, if that helps you, all well and good. However, routinely refuting everything, even on occasion  by seeming to agree or applaud, is a waste of our time and yours. There are excellent psychiatrists in Italy, quite accustomed to dealing with self esteem issues-if there ever was a population more caught up in their appearance than the Italians I've not met them-and perhaps that's what you need. Freud said that we do not appreciate what we do not pay for. You've got a world of good, well considered advice here and you, somewhat politely, ignore it. Obviously we cannot help you, perhaps an expert whose advice you must pay for might. PJ

Well I'm only stating what I think which is the opposite of the majority, and I'm not enjoying the attention at all. Italian society is horrendous, yes. Unfortunately a psychiatrist is often occupied with a cheating mother who doesn't know how to deal with her guilt because God is judging her. I don't really believe in a doctor of that kind being able to help certain situations anyway.

[Soniktts]

Our confidence and self-worth stem from others. One can never truly be comfortable living within oneself. I disagree I'm afraid.

Letting this be a part of your belief system would have to almost guarantee the result of low confidence and low self worth. For so many reasons. Here's just a couple....

One being that in believing this, you are then saying that you are dependent on others to provide you with confidence, self worth and happiness. These are all things that can only truly come from within you and flow outward. If you observe people that other people are drawn to, you will see that is true. It flows out and that includes love as well

Secondly the very people you may be relying on for that confidence and self worth may well often have egos that need to be fed in various ways to help make themselves feel better than you, so they are not going to help you

Happiness and self confidence and self worth can be found by thinking in the complete opposite way to what you wrote. Try it and go sly too. Do the opposite to what you have been doing and you may be refreshingly surprised.
As far as people noticing things about you and ridicule you and others etc etc .... again, why do you think people do that?? To feed their own egos in an attempt to make themselves feel better than you. Problem is for them, it doesn't work, so have some empathy and compassion for people who may behave like that towards you

An interesting point of view, but like I said before, we as people appreciate the opinions of others on to ourselves. We are social beings, ultimately. A positive mind set can only go so far in certain cases, because even the people with nerves of steel (I hope this expression is correct) that say they are unaffected by the opinions of others, care just that little bit. Some don't have the mentality to ignore. I believe I am part of that some.

[Soniktts]

I also have been wondering why you came here, Soniktts.

If you have read any of the other threads on this forum, you have seen that almost all of them are written by guys and ladies who have a positive outlook on life.  You seem to want to wallow in self-pity over your situation.  Guys have tried to help you feel better about yourself, but you appear to be determined to fight their efforts.

What was your point?

I'm not determined to fight anyone. I am not a troll, nor am I looking for confrontation. I came here because I disagree with the video and the idea that 'it doesn't matter if you're bald'. Wallow in self-pity means to feel for oneself? If true, perhaps, I don't know. I already said I don't think a website can help me. Any website. It is something that in time I will learn to naturally accept. It is something which is painful for me at this moment, but in time with age I will grow to not give a thought to it. I didn't contact the maker of the video directly because it's a forum, and discussion is good.

(Sorry for my English there if it's bad)

[Soniktts]

IMHO, he sounds like he just wants to whine and complain and get people to feel sorry for him. If so, he's come to the wrong place.

Your honest opinion is wrong, my friend.   

[Soniktts]

I think the OP has a very large problem with self-confidence.

You might be shorter than average. Okay, but you are not 1 metre tall, are you? Even so, I see "little people" with very active love lives and very happy.

You have hair loss. Yeah, you and half of the men out there. Its at least half but they grow it long to cover up the growing forehead.

You think you are unattractive. Maybe some of the women you have approached feel that way. Guess what? Everyone in the world has differing standards of attractiveness. Do you find every woman in the world attractive? I bet you don't.


The key is the search. Finding someone that likes you as much as you like them. And that is a search EVERY person in the world conducts.



However, the reality is, none of that matters until you work on your self-confidence and learn to accept whom you are. You are whom you are and that will not change.

I don't know how to translate this but we have an expression in Italian where, you say 'To say don't feel bad because there is always worse is silly because not everyone can cry in a Ferrari'. I don't know if you understand that exactly but I think something like, just because someone has a worse situation than you, doesn't mean your problems vanish. However, they can put them in to perspective, I agree with that.

Self-confidence is a big issue yes, and losing the hair is something which contributes greatly to that. It is very easy 'look positively' but when all the girls are taller than you in a club/pub and guys are laughing at you every time (not an exageration) you go out, and call you nicknames, it's extremely difficult to focus on the positive things of trying to have a social life. You may say, well you should get a better circle of friends, well... would you like to come to Italy for a beer with me? haha

[Soniktts]

I apologise to anyone that I have offended or if I have been rude. I disagree, and still do. Please don't label me a troll.

Good luck to everyone. 

[benlen]

[Cave Dweller]

I already said I don't think a website can help me. Any website. It is something that in time I will learn to naturally accept. It is something which is painful for me at this moment, but in time with age I will grow to not give a thought to it.

Well then, sir, there is hope.

You are correct that it is something only you can control about yourself.  If you get anything from being here, please let it be an understanding that many of us who began balding felt anxiety over losing our hair, but we got past it and realized that our hair was not the measure of who we are.  The guys were trying to help you put your situation into perspective.

I truly am sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. The confidence we speak of also means not giving in to what other people say to you.  In other words, don't let them see it has an effect even if it does.  My experience with guys like you described is that they only make those "jokes" if they get the  response they are hoping for.  Show them you don't care and they might turn their attention somewhere else.