The polarizing reactions of people - lessons learned - frustrations abound

[GettingThere13]

Let me preface this by saying that I haven't completely shaved my head yet.

I have some thinning on top that is typically not that noticeable, but as I'm aware of my genetic makeup, I know it won't be much longer before I have to bite the bullet and be totally done with it.

I'm 27 years old, thin, 5'6', and generally speaking, I look young for my age. (People usually guess around 20-22... that is before I buzzed my hair).

When I was rockin' hair, I was the "cute boy." Ladies thought I was "adorable," and let's just say they generally liked me. They approached me. They smiled when they talked to me. It was nice.

Then, I buzzed off the hair to 1/4" (clipper guard #2) and everything changed.

I have literally noticed my entire network of people split off into factions. The girls that thought I was cute before don't even bother talking to me. When they do, it's because I completely initiated it, and they don't make much eye contact or smile any more. As for guys, some of them say "Hey, going for the Walter White look, eh?" or ask something like "Just... shaving it now, eh? Why?"


Of course, there are a handful of folks who immediately said "dang, that looks good on you!" Those folks, I'm very thankful for. When I flew home over the summer, my parents both really liked the look, as well as my grandparents (there's some weight off my shoulders!)

Generally speaking though, people in the general public, as well as in my extended social circles treat me much differently. They're more distant. They're colder. 

Are they perceiving me as being "meaner" now? Is something I'm doing causing this? Or are they just ridiculously shallow, and my best response should be to simply cut them off and not bother talking to them any more?

All help is appreciated.

If this makes a difference, I live in Los Angeles - if you've ever been here, you'd know as well as I do how generally plastic the city is. Everyone's got a "look." All the guys (who still have hair) have perfect 1950s style James Dean cuts. If you ain't hot enough, you ain't goin' nowhere out here.

[reddog]

It must be an LA thing, I didn't experience anything like you did, and I went BBC. Of course there is a thing here called Minnesota Nice. Sorry you had the negative reactions, but maybe you need some new friends.

[Cave Dweller]

Welcome, GettingThere.

Yeah, I definitely think you had some shallow types around you if they dropped you just because you changed your hairstyle.

In my opinion, you are better off finding out now who they really are.

Glad you joined the board, sir.

[GettingThere13]

Thanks, Cave Dweller!

I'm glad to be here. It's like the only place I can talk to people who understand the agony of balding haha.

For most of my friends, it's not a reality they're faced with just yet, so they simply don't "get it." The ones who understand are being really cool about it, though.

[Mike E. P.]

I was in your position when I was your age. As a young guy,the girls loved my hair. When it started to go, it was pretty traumatic. I tried to hold on to my hair as long as possible and in doing so, I just worried more. I finally buzzed it at about 35, but that was after years of creative combing and hair spray (can't believe I am saying that).

I thought I looked so much better with a buzzed head and it seems like there are a lot of people in your life that feel that way about your buzzed look. More important, how do you feel about it? Anyone who treats you differently because of your hair doesn't deserve your time.  Any girl worth having is a girl who is going to go for you because of who you are, not what your hair looks like.

I know swallowing that advice is hard when your going through this. It does get easier once you give it some time (also, getting older helps put things in perspective!)

[vsG734]

I am 31. It has been 13 years, but my pride feels like it was just yesterday that I was "normal" in society's eyes. One time, I put my picture up here and you all rallied around me. There was no greater feeling than that moment to be whole again. To feel like I belonged in society.

The truth is- it doesn't look good on me. If it did, I would probably be married with a child. People used to gravitate towards me. This is not to say bald looks terrible on everyone. It doesn't.

For me- within the next 5 minutes, my brain switches back and forth between trying to find some coping mechanism to deal with this isolation, to needing to do all the work I piled on myself to forget, to wanting to just feel love because my apartment is empty and it has been since this happened.

Once there was a girl who told me it was ok to live like this. However, she did not really love me as she said she did, because that involves wanting to be with someone. I've been banished.

I feel my job is on the line, and I just don't know what to do anymore. If nothing else, I feel like hopefully I can get addicted to working out so I am not addicted to some other coping mechanism.

If I lose my job, that will mark the loss of everything. Zero friends. A fading family. No family of my own. An empty existence just because I am ugly. It just doesn't seem right to me. I'm about to have two college degrees, and I am the most sincere, heartfelt guy ever. Sometimes I just want to explode, but I can't. If I explode- baldness wins. If I explode, society and its ugly ways win. Tonight I pray for strength and defiance. Defiance of the odds stacked against living a decent life in such an ugly world.

[alexk15810]

GettingThere13 -

You remind me of myself. I'm the same age as you, 27, I shaved my head about 6 months ago because of how much it had thinned.

I was always told I had a babyface growing up and I had long surfer style hair that I loved and girls loved. And with a shaved head you can't really pull off a look that relies on cute, boy-ish charm any longer. But the good news is that shaving your head does make you look more manly, dominate and powerful. And that's something women at our age do find just as attractive, if not more.

As for others reactions, you sure it isn't a lack of confidence making you read into others reactions too much? If people really are not talking to you because of your hair, then that's their problem and it's probably better to get new friends. Don't cut people off too quickly though.

Having having no hair can be intimidating to other people at first, but they get used to it. That may be what you're experiencing.

In the end though your hair has very little to do with your real life relationships. Whether it's a friend or a girlfriend, respect and attraction is all about confidence.

[slymyke]

Well said, Alex.

[Razor X]

This may sound harsh, but frankly at 27 you are past the "cute boy" and "adorable" stages, regardless of what is going on with your hair. It is time to make the most of what God has given you to work with and cultivate a more mature look.

[GettingThere13]

Thanks everyone for the support.

Alex, that's really encouraging!!! Thanks brotha.

Razor, you're totally right.

I think that what I gotta do is just go all the way sly, look life in the eye, and take control. Am I right, guys?

[EarlBald]

You know that we're going to tell you to shave it all off ... as someone who took and INCREDIBLY long time to decide, I'm not going to pressure you.  You'll know when you're ready.  However, if you're at this stage already, it's all going to come off sooner or later.  You may want to try it sooner to see how you like it.  Just focus (this helped me) on the goal of looking like a mature man, instead of a cute boy (not that there's anything wrong cute boys!).

[GettingThere13]

I totally agree - it will soon be time to go all the way. I've got to leave the past behind, and move forward as a clean, bald, confident man.

[ScribeGuy]

I get the whole LA thing, as I used to live there.  I agree with what another gentleman said a few posts ago . . . what's important is how you feel about the look.  If people are giving you the cold shoulder because you've changed your appearance, then you've just discovered the truth about them.  If you're happy with the look, then stick with it!