Confidence and Success > How to Build Confidence
Facing your younger self
balddaniel:
Peteman, I myself am BBC my hair is a little thin in the front, but I would rather shave then let it grow out. I have nothing to worry about. You are a very good looking young man and should have problem finding the right person for you. People who give negative remarks are just down right RUDE!
alaskandave:
I recently decided to not wear my hat at work anymore. The whole reason to wear a hat is to not get hair in things, and I don't have hair. I got so many reactions. I have had my head shaved for years but you would have thought I just did it by the reactions I got. It was the topic of conversation in the break for weeks. I would say the reactions were 50 percent positive and 50 percent negative. I'm at a point in my life were the negative doesn't matter. The only thing that matter is what I think, and the people that are close to me think.
Frontier Guy:
--- Quote from: alaskadave on August 31, 2012, 05:26:51 AM ---The only thing that matter is what I think, and the people that are close to me think.
--- End quote ---
Precisely. It's your life to live.
Slyfive:
Hi Pete, although I am very happy with who I am now, and the way I look as a bald man, I still find it difficult to reconcile the two images, and have had similar issues with friends, but one thing I have found is that the friends who really care about me, made jokes, then realised it was a good change for me and left it at that. This doesn't mean that I find it easy, or wasn't affected by the jokes, but the people who matter, accept me for who I am. I still get nervous whenever I'm going to see someone who I havent seen since I went sly, not because I need their validation, but because I don't want to have to explain myself, or be compared to my old self by them.
To be frank, I used to be kind of a 'pretty boy' longish hair and no beard, and now I am bald, bearded, and wear glasses 100% of the time. I am actually almost unrecognisable, but the person who matters the most to me, my partner, still loves me and finds me attractive all the same. She didn't fall in love with a bald beardy guy, but she loves it, and this fits really well with FG's comment that it's a "different cover for the same album", what difference does the cover make when its the music that you love
So I guess to summarise, yes I find it difficult sometimes, and the comparisons to my prior self get to me a little, but not because I don't like current me, because I want people to see me not analyse me retrospectively.
I'll post a picture so you can see the extent of the change compared to my avatar.
BBC56:
I think that there is another point to be made here. The reaction to your choice of the sly look is just a symptom. The young ladies in question were completely insensitive to behave the way they did - they forgot that we are all entitled to our opinions, but we all should be expected to consider others when expressing opinions. Their feelings about your baldness were more important to them than your own feelings. It may be how they felt at the time but it is YOUR head and YOUR baldness. Take ownership of what is yours - be sly if you wish because it is yours.
And there are lots of women who will care for you despite or because you are sly. I think too many people are too egocentric these days and have forgotten how to consider others. Go find a woman who cares about YOU, not your hair. They are out there! Make one of them your life partner and someday you will look back at these events as irrelevant.
I cheated in my transition to sly, because I shaved my head for short periods over many years before I made the commitment to be and stay sly. So, my transition from my "younger self" to my curent self wasn't so abrupt. All I can tell you is I wish I had committed to the sly look when I was your age.
I don't have superficial friends - I really care about the friends that I have and they for me. Only one or two of my close friends were bothered by my shaved head, and they have adapted because they actually care about me, not my hair. True friends are people who like, trust and respect each other. They didn't respect you, therefore you shouldn't trust them, and there is no basis for true friendship. Stick with your true friends! These ladies just taught you one way to spot who isn't a true friend. And stick with being sly if you want to, because it is your life, your body and your look.
And the best comeback is to laugh it off - no reason to meet their insensitiity with more insensitivity. If they really want to be with you they will come back and apologize. Otherwise you have lost nothing by losing the chance to have a relationship with them. The loss is theirs.
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