Misconceptions

[Smoothy]

Originally, I included this issue with my introduction post, but then I realized that there was a more appropriate place to discuss this topic in this corner of the forum...

Soo... It's about the 3rd or 4rth time I've gone "sly", but I could never stick with it due to that self-conscious feeling I get when people spectate.

It's not so much my own personal discontentment with having a bald look. I actually really enjoy it, and feel that I carry a bald head quite nicely. My worries derive more so from the possibility that others will affiliate me with some racist, neo-nazi affiliation.

The first time the notion came about was right after the first time I shaved my head clean, and my mother jokingly stated how I looked like a Klansman. I laughed it off, and it didn't phase me at first, but then came my debut to the rest of the world...

The looks and gestures I've gotten from people are of some that I've never witnessed before. Sometimes, people won't even make eye contact with me, let alone spark up a conversation, or reply to my own small talk initiatives. They'll give me the "stink eye", or just grimace in disgust, and look away real quick. Thankfully, no one has verbally/physically gone out of their way to confront me, but their initial reactions are enough to tell me that they'd might like to.

A friend of mine has even said that I look really intimidating with my new smooth head, and that's not at all what I want to project to others when I'm going about my day. I don't know if it's just that they're intimidated, and not so much "offended", or maybe both. Nonetheless, I could do without the sketchy reactions.

It's like a double edged sword because, on one hand, I'm alleviated that I don't have to be reminded, any further, about my hair loss, every time I look into the mirror, and then, on the other hand, that void is quickly filled with a different stress that people will think I'm some racist skinhead punk.

At times, I'll confide in a hat, since I own quite a few, but there are places where they aren't appropriate, so I'll not wear one, and then I am left at my anxiety's discretion.

I'd like to just brush off people's misconceptions, but it's easier said than done.

I'm not going to go out of my way to prove that I'm a nice guy who isn't racist.

I mean, what I am supposed to do? Get a permanent marker and write "NOT RACIST" on my forehead? Or better yet swing around one of those obnoxious "WE BUY GOLD" signs you see on every corner, and replace it with "I'm balding, that's why I shave my head! NOT RACIST".

People these days....

I live in Florida, and I'm just speculating, but ever since that whole George Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin fiasco went down, I think racial tensions have increased somewhat. Maybe that's a contributing factor? Regardless, it sucks.....

[Hingatao]

Sometimes when I'm out and people look at me without saying anything I wonder if they're thinking "racist" or "neo-Nazi" or something like that. There's not much one can do to change that, though, if they won't talk to you. The best way to deal with it is just move on and continue being yourself.

[Smoothy]

Thanks Hingatao.

It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this.

I do go on with my day. But when there's so much other sh*t on my plate to deal with, like with anyone else, to then have a chip on your shoulder about something as superficial as this linked to something as serious a racism... SMDH



 

[Frontier Guy]

I dunno ... I must be clueless because I've never noticed anyone staring at my bald head (though it is a thing of beauty). And I'm a Central Floridian as well, so I should be equally exposed to the Trayvon Martin issues if there are any.

Someone a week or two ago posted about being perceived as "aggressive" which I don't think many of the other fellows here were able to identify with.

Then again, people can stare all they want - I either don't notice them, don't care, or decide to take it as a compliment.

Life is too short to worry about the lives of the ignorant.

[Laser Man]

Other guys have posted questions and concerns about being labeled racist / skinhead / neo-nazi because of their shaved heads.  Personally I was told I looked very intimidating after I began shaving.  My advice is 1) be polite and considerate, e.g, hold the door for people, smile, and 2) ignore people who comment about your shaved head.  The first part of the advice helps to dispel the impression that you have a grudge against society. The second part of the advice is to help you realize that no matter what you do, someone may misjudge you.  That's where prejudice comes from: the presumption that your looks mean you are something you aren't. 

I don't know much about where you live, but I can assure you there are mant places where the sly look is very accepted and in no way connotes any negative stereotype.

[Mikekoz13]

This is simple to me Dude. I have a one line statement that I use all the time that really explains a lot of the unexplainable:

"The world is full of dumb asses.... don't let a dumb ass ruin your day."

[Hingatao]

This is simple to me Dude. I have a one line statement that I use all the time that really explains a lot of the unexplainable:

"The world is full of dumb asses.... don't let a dumb ass ruin your day."

Well said.

[schro]

The only time there's ever been a bald stereotype thrown my way was during jury duty. I was one of the 12 on the bench, and the prosecuting used his "privledge" to exclude me without explanation. I shared this with a buddy of mine (an attorney), and he said that attorneys often view guys that shave their heads as "free thinkers"....not sure how to take that one.

Anyway, it would have served the prosecutor well to keep me on the jury. The case had something to do with property rights & calculation of taxes, something I know quite a bit about. I still wonder how that case was resolved.

[JasonR]

I don't think bald, these days, shouts neo nazi or racist.

I think it has more to do with body language. If you walk around frowning, or if you're generally not very social, people may perceive you as unfriendly because of your body language. Seriously!

Try to smile, smile before you walk in somewhere, and try to interact with people more. I'm reading a book, The Charisma myth, that is extremely beneficial in this area. Give it a shot!

[failed_butchery]

Just roll with it man, If people judge you solely on you being bald, then they dont deserve the time of day. Just smile and kill em with kindness! Ive never met a polite racist before.

[Beardman]

A polite racist would be something to behold...

"Excuse me sir, why don't you get on the next plane back to where you came from? We have enough of your kind here! Thank you and have a nice day"

That would just leave anyone dumbfounded!

[Smoothy]

I dunno ... I must be clueless because I've never noticed anyone staring at my bald head (though it is a thing of beauty). And I'm a Central Floridian as well, so I should be equally exposed to the Trayvon Martin issues if there are any.

Someone a week or two ago posted about being perceived as "aggressive" which I don't think many of the other fellows here were able to identify with.

Then again, people can stare all they want - I either don't notice them, don't care, or decide to take it as a compliment.

Life is too short to worry about the lives of the ignorant.

  thanks for your insightful response, FrontierGuy!

I got a chuckle from your statement, "..(though it is a thing of beauty)..".

You're right, life is too short to worry about the ignorance that dwells among us.

I guess, I'm just in a really awkward stage with it, being such a sly newb, and being so attached to my hair for so long.

[Smoothy]

Other guys have posted questions and concerns about being labeled racist / skinhead / neo-nazi because of their shaved heads.  Personally I was told I looked very intimidating after I began shaving.  My advice is 1) be polite and considerate, e.g, hold the door for people, smile, and 2) ignore people who comment about your shaved head.  The first part of the advice helps to dispel the impression that you have a grudge against society. The second part of the advice is to help you realize that no matter what you do, someone may misjudge you.  That's where prejudice comes from: the presumption that your looks mean you are something you aren't.  

I don't know much about where you live, but I can assure you there are mant places where the sly look is very accepted and in no way connotes any negative stereotype.

Thanks for the tips!

I've always been respectful and polite towards others, but like I told FrontierGuy, I am in some awkward stage with it... maybe it might be showing on my face too much, and being spelled out as a sign of slight hostility... I'm not as confident with it as I would like to be around others.

I also think somewhere inside, there lies some resentment, and sentiment of loss, as in my losing the uphill battle with hair-loss. Maybe, it's showing through to some degree, as well, alongside my path to gaining sly-confidence.

I've read up on the 30 day rule, so by the time I that point, when my comfort level is at it's peak, these issues will subside to a lame foggy before.

I stay in South Florida, by the way.

[Smoothy]

This is simple to me Dude. I have a one line statement that I use all the time that really explains a lot of the unexplainable:

"The world is full of dumb asses.... don't let a dumb ass ruin your day."

Well said.

I second that!

[Frontier Guy]

I've read up on the 30 day rule, so by the time I that point, when my comfort level is at it's peak, these issues will subside to a lame foggy before.

Smoothy, don't be disappointed if your surge in bald-confidence arrives sooner than 30 days; I expect it will.

Now that you've shaved you are going to notice just how many other guys in the world have the same smooth hairstyle. It's impressive (and reassuring if you need it).

Yesterday I was on the staff bus which was filled with mostly college-age kids (thus, approximately your age). Three of them were sporting the slick dome and looked awesome as I'm sure you do as well.

Give yourself the time to adjust, focus not on the loss of hair but on the freedom you've gained and the cojones you've demonstrated to take charge of your destiny.

Cheers to you!