Re occuring Rebound? How to shake these feelings off till she gets better. Help?

[mg42]

Hello SBG. I just wanted some advice for what I am currently going through.

First, here is a little backstory.
There is this female who is actually one of my very good friends younger sister. She has always had a thing for me since i've known her brother and things have always been back and forth with her (We start messing around, and continue for a while till one of us usually finds someone) We have had to hide it in the past so I guess that is what made things complicated as far as officially dating went(her brother wouldn't of had approved and neither would her family). Now that years have past and she hit her early 20s, my good friend actually told me not too long ago that we should date, and their family really likes me and enjoys my company. Even though through the years when we had dated someone else, we both eventually got over each other and remained friends.

Now she just recently had a breakup this week. A couple days ago we all went out, and my good friend landed up staying over at a friends. So me and the girl mentioned went back to her house to watch a movie and cuddle, she directly told me she wanted to cuddle with me since she didn't want to sleep alone that night.

We landed up cuddling on her bed, quite intimately but no 'physical' contact happened. As a man, I kind of wanted to but shes one to always make some sort of move on me so I don't know if she was feeling it. Didn't help that her ex man was blowing up her phone when we were cuddling but she said she was going to ignore it. I know this is a total setup for a rebound and with cuddling we had that night, for some reason it brought back some feelings in me. I know shes vulnerable but I don't want this to land up with one of us being disappointed in the end, unless we ever get to officially date, which be nice someday. But I know it can't happen now.

What can I do to take my mind off her or shake this feeling? I have had physical experiences with her before and I was able to shake it off so quick in the past. But this cuddling got to me. I have no means of calling her to come over I am giving her space since her breakup is fresh but she still lingers in my mind.

[buddha]

When you say you want to take your mind off her it makes me think of the person who is told "whatever you do don't think about a pink elephant". I'm thinking that you'll just have to sit with it until it passes on its own.

The ex is probably not considering himself to be an "ex" yet. If he's burning up the phone lines trying to talk to her it's a good bet that he still considers them to be in a relationship. Guys like this are dangerous or they can be. Unless you want to have to spend half your time looking over your shoulder I'd leave it alone. It would be different if you and this girl were actually in a "relationship". Then there would be something to fight for. As it is she seems a bit flighty, your short description of your history with her says that loud and clear. She seems to look to you when she's feeling lonesome but looks to put down roots elsewhere.

Having been in this situation myself, if I were to go back in time and experience that all over again knowing what I know today, I would walk briskly away from her and make sure to be clear about why. Women like this should have "trouble" tattooed on them in a visible spot because that is exactly what they will bring.....TROUBLE. And in these troubled times the worst kind of trouble to have is the kind you could have avoided.

[mg42]

Correct, he was(and probably still is) trying to argue getting back even though she dumped him due to him being a total douche and not even acknowledging her as his GF around people for 4 months. I just got a rush of feelings the night me and her cuddled on her bed. We have done the deed a couple times in the past, I guess you can say we somewhat were involved back then but there wasn't a title, mainly due to her fam not knowing me too well, now they always mentioned how lucky they are her brother has a friend like me.

Thank you for the reply. I do know how rebounds go and what they are its just hard to shake this feeling out of my head even though she hasn't been single for a week yet. I get attention from many girls as well but this is just one that got to me. Thank you again Buddha, I will try my best to have these thoughts ride out.

[Mikekoz13]

Rebounds generally never turn out to be a good relationship choice. I'd move along and find another "cuddler".
It sounds to me as if you are just a "comforter" for her when she's not in a relationship (and she has been the same to you). There are relationships and then there are "bed buddies" ...... this looks to fall into the second category.

[RoWilJr]

As in "Friends w/Benefits"

[baldjoeg]

Great advice Buddha and Mikekoz.

Good luck to you mg42.

[Arty Chris]

That's quite a situation... how's it going now?

I think the advice given on here is, as always, very wise.

The best way to forget about a woman is to find another (and another, and another!)

My feeling is that there's a lot of lovely ladies out there, and you don't need to be with the one who is in a messy situation... you're better off being with someone who is able to appreciate being with you! You can, and should, choose who you're with!

Good luck

Chris