The Great Tragedy of My Life

[The Baron]

Hello, my name is Bruce AKA "The Baron".

I chose "The Baron" as my screen name for two reasons. I have always had a fascination with Europe, it's history and social structure. Baron is a title of nobility in Europe. It's also a play on words since it also describes the state of my scalp. Yes, I too am a bald man. I'm forced to deal with the same problems that many of you face. Laughter, ridicule, mockery, gossip, cruelty, cold stares, social isolation, celibacy and loneliness.

Yes, I am bald and I hate it. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it at least once. It has destroyed my self esteem and confidence. It has also made it extremely difficult to find a mate. As many of you already know, most women will not date a bald man. I don't blame them. Baldness is unattractive. If I were a woman, I would never date a bald man. The heart wants, what the heart wants. And who wants to have bald children? Yuck! 

There is a popular female radio show host whom I enjoy. I listen to her program on a regular basis. She is very intelligent, entertaining and funny. Unfortunately, there is one thing she does that really upsets me. Every time she talks about a man who happens to be bald, she ridicules him. She makes comb over or q ball jokes. She referred to one man as "Mr. Wipple". For those of you too young to remember, Mr. Wipple was a character in a long running series of TV commercials for Charmin bath tissue. He had a receding hairline.

The media in general is very cruel to bald men. I remember seeing a commercial a few years ago for an auto repair chain. In the commercial a mechanic was laying on his back under a car that he was repairing. A few seconds later, another man's head came down from inside of the car. He asked the mechanic a question. As he did so, his toupee slipped off to the side of his head exposing his bare scalp. This was intended to be funny. Needless to say, I was not laughing.  Another time I was watching a popular daytime talk show. The two hosts of the show were talking when the conversation shifted to the topic of baldness. The male host asked the female host if she would ever consider dating a bald man. She replied, "absolutely not!" She then told the audience how lucky she was to be married to such a handsome man with a thick full head of hair. "I love my husband" she said. The male host then asked her " what if he goes bald? then what?". "I would file for divorce" she replied. These are just a few examples of what bald men are up against.

I work in retail. I deal with people all day long. Most of our customers are women. So I have insight into a woman's mind. Many of them treat me poorly. They look down on me. Some even laugh in my face. I know that it's because I'm bald. I also have to deal with it from my coworkers. They are constantly laughing, making jokes or unflattering comments about my baldness. I get it from all sides. I just turned 40 a few days ago. I started losing my hair at the young age of 25. I believe that it ruined my social life. It is the great tragedy of my life.

[TheSlyBear]

Welcome to SBG!

Now for the reality check. You are wrong. Your customers don't look down on you because you are bald. Women do not look down on you because you are bald. They look down on you because you look down on you for being bald.

Your attitude towards yourself is clearly projecting itself through your post -- imagine how strong that projection is face to face!

When you project "I'm a loser!" people will believe you. The first step to being treated better by others, is to be treated better by yourself.

Have you been lurking here long? Read around a bit?

Those of us who project confidence have no problems being looked down upon by others. Quite the opposite. And a lot of the guys here have wives or girlfriends who are absolute knock-outs.

it's not what's on your head, but what's in your head!

The good news: you've found the right place to try to get the inside of your head straight. There's nothing wrong with being bald. And there's no reason it should cause you to think poorly of yourself and to let it affect your life in the least.

[Frontier Guy]

I'm forced to deal with the same problems that many of you face. Laughter, ridicule, mockery, gossip, cruelty, cold stares, social isolation, celibacy and loneliness.

Yes, I am bald and I hate it. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it at least once. It has destroyed my self esteem and confidence. It has also made it extremely difficult to find a mate. As many of you already know, most women will not date a bald man. I don't blame them. Baldness is unattractive.

I work in retail. I deal with people all day long. ... Many of them treat me poorly. They look down on me. Some even laugh in my face. I know that it's because I'm bald. I also have to deal with it from my coworkers. They are constantly laughing, making jokes or unflattering comments about my baldness. I started losing my hair at the young age of 25. I believe that it ruined my social life.

Welcome Bruce,

I'm disappointed you have chosen to take this approach to baldness. You are attaching all of your issues to hair loss, and lumping most other bald men into the same category.

Count me out ... my experience:
1) Bald by choice
2) Haven't had a negative response from anyone ... to the contrary, I have more confidence than when I was pre-bald
3) Dating ... no problem there. Gals often want to rub my scalp. Several wives of bald guys I've spoken to have said they wouldn't have him any other way.

Similar to retail, I work in the tourism industry dealing with thousands of people in a day - haven't had a single unpleasant experience.

Your issue isn't with being bald, that's just a convenient crutch. Your unhappiness comes from within and you are wearing it like a billboard for everyone to see.

I'm clearly in the camp of you get what you ask for. If you start the day saying "This is going to be a crappy day." You're right. Just as much as "This day is going to be GREAT!" You're right.

If you genuinely like yourself, others will too.

Bald is not your issue. But to deal with baldness, read the other topics around here and see how other bald men feel. You can be proud of being bald. But you're going to have to find something else to blame for your unhappiness -- or deal with that appropriately. You've got a lot of years ahead of you. They can - and should be - filled with joy and happiness. Start making the changes which will bring that into your experience.

Good luck.

[mahaw90]

Couldn't agree more. I'm 23 BBC and absolutely love it. I have had no problems with anyone saying anything and my girlfriend wouldn't have me any other way. I was disappointed when I read your post. Bald is bloody COOL.

[b.driscoll]

  Holy crap....................being bald isn't your problem. Maybe a little attitude adjustment is in order. You are not blind so please see that their are millions of women who like bald or balding men. If you show even the smallest shred of confidence then you will see that it doesn't matter one bit. We all realize that our heads are not that important in the scheme of things. Haven't we all seen guys with full heads of hair that are complete ass ho***?,there are millions of them also so get back in the fight . Good Luck!

[bald_737]

Ohhhh Baron, yes, many men will not like to be bald. I know many who would go for hair implant. But now as u can see, there are many who love to be bald, me for one, I will shave and be sly. I just got a comment from my old friend that it looked nice on me. Guess you shd not have the negative feeling. Well, u will meet one lady who love to rub ur smooth head, like my wife, hehehehe

[Laser Man]

Not much more to say - baldness isn't the issue here.  The reactions you are getting are not due to your lack of hair.  The things you quote from the media certainly exist, but honestly, who cares?  There are plenty of women who love bald men.  I'm married to one. 

If you read this forum, you will see many of us felt a huge boost in self confidence once we went sly.  We love how it looks and feels and that makes us feel better about ourselves.  We also wear that self confidence by being polite and friendly to others.  People see courteous, friendly men who happen to be bald, not the other way around.

Read the forum, ask questions, but realize it is up to you to change your view of things.

[D.A.L.U.I.]

Bruce, listen up--get a grip!  So you're forty and bald--look around at your contemporaries, at 40 approximately 40% are demonstrating some degree of male pattern baldness.  Yes, tomorrow when you wake up, you'll probably be a few hairs more bald--and if you've let it get to the fringe, the Bozo Ring, Hairy Toilet Seat--it's in your hands to get a hold on it and move on with life.  Shave what's left off--it's never going to reverse. 

Once you've gotten rid of what's left of your head hair, within about 30 days or so you'll come to the amazing discovery it was only hair.  Women and everyone else, if they get a rise out of you for pointing out something, like mpb, may dwell on it--but if you don't let them, it will get better--you let them do it.

Celebracy, I don't think so.  Too many male sex models are bald for that excuse to work. 

So pick yourself up, shave it off, and get out and do some living--hair loss didn't cause your problems.  That's an issue that you may need to talk with a counselor about--you sound more than a little depressed.  Depression is a medical condition and you can get help with handling it.  MPB is solved in the opinion of the guys here with mpb by shaving it off.  We can't help with the depression but with the mpb, yes--SHAVE and quickly. 

[Hingatao]

Bald by choice here, too, and I love it! I've had nothing but positive responses. Even my BF likes it now that he's gotten used to it. It's all in your own personal attitude.

[Sir Harry]

First off Welcome, Baron....Secondly maybe you need a perspective from another guy who turned 40 a few days ago (Thursday). Based on your introduction, obviously you have not shaved your head but your MPB is showing....I look back to when I started losing my hair around 27 or 28....Despite the hair loss, it didn't stop me from finding women, in fact I have been married twice (with an annulment back in 1993). What I'm saying is that I have been through failed relationships, but it wasn't because of the hair loss, in fact many people beg me to shave when I do grow my remaining hair out. As many of the guys have said, whatever perspective you give of yourself is the perspective of you that others, male or female, will take. I know many negative guys who have a full head of hair and are still trying to battle through life, and I know many guys that are partially or completely bald that give such a good aura about themselves that they have many friends. I started shaving my head permanently four years ago, and I felt that I got more respect from men and women alike because I came to terms that being bald is me and whoever doesn't like it needs to....well, you know...F.W.I.W., you're not the first guy to come here with a complex about themselves....We're not Dr. Phils, but we do try to give guys the courage to make their hair the least of their worries even if they don't shave it...Maybe if you give sly a try your perception of yourself and others' perception of you might change....but an attitude adjustment, even if gradual, might be the biggest difference maker in how you feel about life and yourself. Another suggestion: Not to avoid the public but do you think that if it's that big of an issue with customers, could your job transfer you to an area where you have less interaction with (rude?) customers.....Good luck and keep your head up! If you need some more help PM me.

[The Baron]

Thanks Sly Guys, 

I appreciate the warm welcome, support and advice. To be honest, I don't agree with some of what was posted. Although, some of it seemed plausible. I'm sure there is some truth to it. I really do believe that hair matters. Especially when looking for a mate. As many of you already know, women can be very selective. Being bald would not be as big of a problem if I didn't care about finding a woman. That may be only one thing. However, it's a very big thing. Many of you have mentioned your wives or girlfriends. I don't know where you guys found these ladies. I'm pretty sure that women don't actively seek out bald men to date. If they do, I have never seen it. There are no bald singles bars or dating sites that I know of.

It's not just about hair. It's the lifestyle that goes along with it. Driving down the street on a warm day in your car or on a motorcycle with the wind blowing through your hair. On the deck of a boat with the wind blowing through your hair. Getting out of a pool or the ocean with the water dripping from your hair. Your lady running her fingers through your hair. I remember how great it was to have hair. I used to be handsome. I had great hair. I always kept it perfectly combed. I remember the feeling of pride and self confidence I had every time I looked in the mirror. Pretty girls used to smile at me and say hello. Now they scowl at me and say hell no! Sadly, my best days are behind me.  You all know what happened to Samson when his hair was cut off. It didn't end well. 

[mahaw90]

It's almost laughable at your views. It seems to me you need to grow a pair and man up abit. I'm out.

[waine]

Hey there, - "The Baron" Sorry to shoot from the hip, but you are not acting like a Baron.  I imagine a Baron to have some “power”.

Your attitude towards yourself and "hair" has held you in chains, and you have found the right place to be freed from them, while you undergo some self analysis and attitude changing.   These wonderful men on SBG who have taken the time to post some incredible advice on your thread, have been through the same / similar emotions as you and I, perhaps in varying degrees.  Read carefully, but more importantly, “believe” them, as it is the truth.

Your last paragraph is so true, yes the fantasies you illustrate are great, hair is great! but only when you have sufficient of it.  You don’t!  Nor do I, or many of us here.  That’s how we found ourselves at SBG.com.  Although many here are BBC -- "bald by choice" So, guess what? We did a complete "attitude" U-turn, and our lives are liberated for the better!

Be encouraged by the advice given here...  It is as sound as a Judge...

I will end with this; My life has changed completely since choosing to go sly, and yours can too.  I am just an ordinary guy with the same hurts and fears as you...

All the best with your decisions...

[bbc2012]

As Waine said: a Baron has power, he is a fighter (have a look in your avatar). Fighting in this case means: accecpt your bald head.

If being bald is so terrible why do we have so many BBC-guys here? I'm BBC and I love it.

[Laser Man]

Baron,

Yes, women can be selective, but men are too.  From your posts, I get the impression that you are very selective when it come to women.  You are also implying that bald guys are left with the dregs which simply isn't true - look at the pictures in many posts and you see sly guys with attractive women.  So I think we can say that it isn't the lack of hair that turns women off.

As to the "lifestyle" you are referring to, don't you think sly guys enjoy the same things? It's great to feel the sun and the breeze on a bald scalp.  Sly guys drive convertibles, ride motorcycles, swim, and yes, have women run their hands over our bald heads. 

Life without hair is just as good and fulfilling as it was with hair, maybe even more so.   You are using hair loss as an excuse.