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BDD by Daneighty6 on 29 Jun, 2012 12:45
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Hi there Guys,
I've recently joined your site as a few of my google searches kept frequently bringing me here.
Well heres my story (quite long,sorry), Im 26 from the UK and I'm extremely paranoid about my forehead (the shape,width, how it fits with the rest of my face and body etc..)
I never used to be, I was always pretty bubbly and confident. it was since year 8 of secondary school when a boy in my class stated "you have a huge forehead" everybody laughed... everyone except me that is, and from then on up until leaving in year 11 I was known as "forehead" much to my dislike.
After that i started college, I grew my hair long and curly and wore a beanie/cap all the time (no longer got called forehead
), I got a fair amount of attention of girls and had a pretty good time at college.
I left college had a few jobs in administration/customer services where of course i couldn't wear my hat, which would do my head in on windy/rainy days.
well I guess probably most of that is irrelevant but i thought I'd give you a bit of background story.
Well to cut things short I'm now starting to go thin around the front and have started to recede to the left and right of the front of my hairline, and i don't know what to do? I don't have a job anymore (even if i did I doubt i would be able to hold it down for long as if anyone were to say anything to me i would freak and either fight or flight) and try my hardest to avoid going out because of the way i feel about my self.
I went to the doctors because i was hoping they would be able to give me a forehead reduction but they wont and the doctor thought i may be suffering from BDD I looked up the symptoms and they suit me down to a T.
The doctor suggested me getting a haircut which i did but did not like so i buzzed it to number 3 but i dislike this just as much. I would like to just shave it off completely and be free of the hassle and worry but i don't think it would suit me I have heart shaped face so my chin and jaw are pretty narrow in comparison to my wide forehead and i cant even grow proper facial hair yet (will that ever come
), I will try put up a picture of me with my hair buzzed if i can figure it out.
I'm going back to the doctors in a little over a week to see what help I can get for BDD
I don't know what i want from joining this site, I guess I just needed to talk to someone about it. -
#1 by KDusk on 29 Jun, 2012 13:13
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Welcome to SBG, Dan! It's good you joined us, the guys in here offer a lot of moral support, and not only when it comes to shaving your head.
Judging from your picture and your explanation, I guess there's a chance you might be suffering from BDD. But since most people have something they don't like about themselves, it could also be an other self-confidence issue.
Yes, your forehead is wider than your chin, but it's by no means a deformed head/forehead. I initially didn't like my oblong face and wanted a round face, and I have a friend who feels his head is extremely round and would like my face shape. And you have a heart shaped face, and that's perfectly fine. Everyone's unique. Remember you're already gifted for having a face that is symmetrical and in proportion.
By shaving your head, you will be taking away the 'frame' around your face. The positive thing about this: you won't have a defined forehead anymore since the shaved head creates or takes away certain optical illusions. So maybe you might like a shaved head after all. Since your hair is already fairly short, you should just give it a try. If you don't like it, your hair will be back in no time. -
#2 by Paul the Headblader on 29 Jun, 2012 13:50
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hi and welcome. sorry for not reading your whole post.
shave it off, don't worry about the shape. -
#3 by Natedawg on 29 Jun, 2012 15:20
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Welcome, Dan. I hope you listen to kdusk's words and advice, because I couldn't have said it better myself.
No one has a perfectly shaped anything. If we did, we'd all be boring cookie-cutter clones. Remember that anyone who makes fun of your looks is someone who has their own self-confidence issues. Misery loves company, after all. Try not to take such inept words and opinions to heart. Life's too short for it.
I think going clean-shaven would look good on you, and it would remove any effect that your receding hairline is having on your face. Like kdusk also said, your hair will be back in a flash, if you don't like it. I can't imagine why you wouldn't.
If you have any questions or anything else, this is a great community, so feel free. -
#4 by Daneighty6 on 29 Jun, 2012 15:40
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Thanks for the words of advice guys, I don't know what it is exactly but i cant even look people in the eye without a hat on for the fear they will say something negative, or if somebody has said something already then i can not bring my self to hold my head up while around them.
It really gets me down, that and the fact I act the way i do because of it.
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#5 by JasonR on 29 Jun, 2012 16:54
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Dude there's nothing wrong with your forehead AT ALL. And I'm not just saying that. Your forehead probably looks bigger to you because you are receding.
If you do have BDD, go see someone, and just try shaving your head once. You have absolutely NOTHING to worry about. Although...you might try smiling.
And man...I know what it's like to have something that bothers you. We all have something that does. I bet if you shaved your head, got a little bit of sun on your dome, and walked around not ONE person would say a thing. -
#6 by Sir Harry on 29 Jun, 2012 19:22
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Welcome! As all of the posts above say, it's all in your head (no pun intended) I can see you're receding, but your forehead looks ok to me...the buzz cut looks good, but going sly may be just what you need to pick yourself up. Hang in there, stay strong and good luck!
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#7 by kalbo on 29 Jun, 2012 21:29
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Welcome to the bald brotherhood Dan. Kdusk is spot on with what he said. Give it a try. The physical aspect is not bad at all, I know you will carry the bald look well but I know the psychological one will be a hurdle since you have BDD. We are all here to support and encourage you.
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#8 by Frontier Guy on 29 Jun, 2012 22:43
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Another voice of encouragement here. If you've read a lot of the posts you'll frequently see "I should have done this sooner" and "I'm experiencing an entirely new freedom" and so on. Shaving all the way really is transforming ... and you've got a perfect opportunity to try it.
I think you are giving entirely too much power to other people's opinions and words. Why do they matter? You need to deal with this for yourself. Just imagine the freedom from NOT having to worry about receding hairline or haircuts or keeping everything in place. Life can be so much simpler for the bald (if only the hairy world knew!).
If you haven't already, you may want to search this site for dysmorphic. There are quite a few fellows who dealt with that issue and perhaps there was something in their stories which will ring true with you.
I'm really glad you took the step to join us and share. You'll find a lot of guys here with excellent advice, real world experience, a variety of perspectives, and very good senses of humor. After all, they let me in!
Continue posting as things happen, ask questions, and truly listen to your inner self. You really are a good looking guy and unfortunately you've let some unfortunate words from other people take control. TIme to take it back. -
#9 by bennett11 on 30 Jun, 2012 06:03
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they used to say that large forehead was an indication of intelligence. To me you look fine whether buzzed or shaved. Shaving actually will give you more self confidence.
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#10 by Daneighty6 on 30 Jun, 2012 08:03
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If you haven't already, you may want to search this site for dysmorphic. There are quite a few fellows who dealt with that issue and perhaps there was something in their stories which will ring true with you.
I just did this, there are quite a few who seem to be going through a similar situation to me although be it for different reasons, they all look fine to me.
I am going to go to the counseling/psychiatrist although I cant see it been anymore help then what you guys have been already.
(Kdusk, PaulTheBald,Natedawg,JasonR,sirharry12,kalbo,bennett11 and FrontierGuy thank you for the support and kind words it really means a lot to me.)
I guess I'm kinda hoping they will give me drugs which will make me feel better about myself enough to go out without a hat on, then hopefully when the treatment stops so will my BDD or at least the worse of it.
I have a quick question, How have you guys (if you have ever had to, i doubt it) dealt with a situation where someone insults you about the way you look in general or for been an SBG? detailed examples would be greatly appreciated.
BTW Frontierguy, It sure looks beautiful where you are in that photo. -
#11 by Mr Jules on 30 Jun, 2012 08:27
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Misery loves company
What an excellent phrase and how true. -
#12 by Daneighty6 on 30 Jun, 2012 09:11
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I think I may have made a little discovery today, I just realized when i look at myself in the mirror or a photo of my self I mainly just look at my forehead/hairline maybe its the fact I'm obsessed with it, however when i look at your pictures i look at your eyes first, and take in your whole face/head.
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#13 by D.A.L.U.I. on 30 Jun, 2012 10:07
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Your forehead probably looks bigger to you because you are receding.
Ding, Ding, Ding---the right answer.
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#14 by Frontier Guy on 30 Jun, 2012 23:19
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I just realized when i look at myself in the mirror or a photo of my self I mainly just look at my forehead/hairline maybe its the fact I'm obsessed with it
Wow ... I think we have a winner, and a personal breakthrough.
I don't know anyone who looks at their photo and immediately thinks, "Oh, I have a great smile." Or nose. Or earlobes. Or eyes, Or forehead. Or eyebrows. Or (fill in the blank). We seem programmed to focus on the negative first (and maybe the positive second.)
So, Dan, I think you've figured it out. You focus on what you perceive as the negative, while we see the positives.
That's first. Second, I'll just restate what was said before - when you shave your head you eliminate the line between forehead and hair which means that will no longer be an issue. There will be nothing to gauge where your forehead begins or ends. You'll look great.
Third, you have a terrific shaped head. No worries there either.
Finally, aren't you ready to give up the worry, frustration, and anger plus the energy involved in dealing with hair issues? As soon as you shave your head you'll immediately feel that sense of freedom - of no longer worrying about "how does it look" and "what if I walk East but the wind is blowing the other direction?"
People who don't know you won't have anything to compare you to - you're just going to be another bald guy, like millions of others around the world (yes, millions). And those who know you - some may say you look great, others may have reservations. Which really doesn't matter - all that you should be concerned about is how you feel.
Try it for 30 days - shaving daily to make it part of your routine and to give others (and yourself) a chance to meet the new you. If after 30 days you're not keen on it, let your hair grow back. But I'm certain that after 30 days you will not want to rejoin the club of "hair obsessive." And please don't even consider transplants and rugs. The sales teams will assure you they are undetectable - I beg to differ. Most are easily identifiable but most people will be too polite to say just how awful they are.
The experience varies for every person. The day I shaved bald I was elated. It was such a sense of release. Then I went out shopping - just the usual stuff like groceries and the hardware store. No one stared or commented or indicated any particular thoughts. That built my confidence and then when I met people whom I knew (pre-bald) it was easy to feel confident and accept their surprise at the change. Very few cared one way or the other, but the few that did care were supportive and encouraging. And a couple of the gals wanted to rub my head - that's a first ever.
Again, welcome. Good luck with your journey. Stick aroundl. Ask questions. And tell us how everything goes for you moving forward.