The acceptance process

[Frontier Guy]

Peteman, congratulations on joining the Brotherhood of Sly. You are in the company of some really fine people - each one with his own story. No generalizations apply here.

I always feel that people look at us and their first impression is that we are bald. Then after that, they can see our other features, both physical and personality-wise.

I might be reading more into that line (above) but it strikes me as feeling a bit embarrassed or paranoid about being bald or sly. You need to work on your perception, so that you consider it a positive attribute rather than a detriment. From a purely physical perspective, bald guys can be among the most handsome in a crowd. A lot has to do with their inner sense of worth and how they hold themselves proud and with confidence.

My phase in the acceptance process, I guess, is that baldness is at the forefront of my mind and I'm overthinking everything! I now notice more and more bald guys in my day-to-day life, but I'm also just thinking more and more about how other people are seeing me. Is being a bald guy their first impression of me? If it is than what do they think about it and how does that effect how they will talk to me? How does it effect how I talk to other people? When does the time come when I can forget about how I look and just accept that for the rest of my life I'm gonna wear the same hair style and have a very distinguishing physical feature that stands out in a crowd of people?

I'm in my 50s and went sly two weeks ago - by choice. I still had all my hair but it was gray and I was feeling older than I am (50s). So off it went - in fact, I'd had a date in mind to shave it all, but once committed to the thought I couldn't wait and it occurred earlier. Too bad it wasn't years ago! Given the choice, I'd much rather be the "bald guy" than the "old guy."

I'm in the tourism industry and "meet" thousands of people everyday. Although they may see me as bald, I expect they are more likely to assess me as friendly with a welcoming smile, well-mannered, outgoing (which I haven't always been) ... and confident in myself. Being bald just reinforces my confidence.

The only thing which has changed is that I notice how many more bald guys there are than I noticed before. Suddenly, being bald isn't really that a unique characteristic. So I don't think anyone really thinks anything of it now. And thinking back to when I met bald guys before I'd shaved, their lack of hair was never the first thing I noticed about them.

All that said ... I hope you are beginning to feel that baldness won't be the primary distinguishing characteristic for you, that you will enjoy the camaraderie of your fellow-Sly brethren, and appreciate the freedom from having to worry about "all things hair" as you move forward.

Life has so much to offer when we move past our unfounded insecurities.

Welcome. You wear the look well. If anyone does stare, you should accept it as admiration.

[bennett11]

To me a shaved head means your are comfortable in your own skin and willing to demonstrate that.

[waine]

Some nice takes here. A year ago I never Imagined that I would be bald and part of a bald group.

There are some awesome men here and this site has helped me boost "Sly"  confidence. I highly reccomend that we here "each-one-reach-one" in an attempt to revolutionise, not just baldness, but Sly!
 

[buddha]

Elizabeth Kubler Ross did groundbreaking work on the five stages of grief: 1) denial, 2) anger, 3) bargaining, 4) depression, and 5) acceptance in her book entitled On Death and Dying. I believe that there have also been business models created using this same outline so it clearly has applications for areas outside the realm of the dying and their caregivers.

I think the difference here is that in the case of the majority of people in this forum, myself included, baldness is a choice. Even though my hair on the top of my head was extremely sparse when I made the decision to shave it I still made a choice in the interest of convenience. In that respect it is nothing like death.

I had no difficulty transitioning from longhair to sly but that is me. I don't know that that kind of emotionless transition is inherently good or bad, it's just how I did it. Sometimes I can't understand the process that men sometimes go through at times like these but perhaps that's a shortcoming on my part. I would encourage you to try not to overthink this too much and create an issue where one would not otherwise exist. But the book is there and readily available.

[stasiu]

Glad you accepting the phases and buddha that is great post !

[tie_game]

I think you look bald too!  you are lucky

[DoberDaddy]

Welcome...

I started losing my hair at 16, tried all sorts of messy hairstyles to cover it up. At 30, after going shorter and shorter, I shaved from a short buzz cut.

Never really looked back, until, about 4 years ago or so, I started growing my hair out, due to family stress (no time to deal with my "hair"). I then realized I was TOTALLY bald... just a thin ring of hair.

Now I go between fully shaved, and a short MPB ring (out of laziness).

I will admit, I miss the "idea" of having hair, especially with all of the really cool, viking-inspired haircuts, but I never liked my hair, anyway.

Good luck.

Steve