I know - personally - how difficult it is to reconcile one's inner perceptions versus the feedback you get from others (such as the guys here).
You pointed out the value of the opinions here - no one is getting paid (here) to provide counsel or encouragement.
Surround yourself with those who will speak to you honestly and without malice (here and in your real world).
Just keep working at it. Day by day, or hour by hour.
Whatever it takes.
And check in here so folks know how you are doing and whether there's some way that any of us can help.