Some advice needed

[cunninlynguist]

What's up everyone. Great forum you guys have here. I was wondering if I could get some advice regarding my predicament...

First off, let me state that I'm from England, 6'1" tall, and have an athletic physique. I also really HATE my hair. I have had a weird crooked hairline (sort of John Legend-ish) and MANY visible grey hairs (which people have... commented on) since I can remember. One day, when I was about 18, I decided I had had enough. I took my trusty clippers in hand and shaved it all off, no clipper guard. I honestly thought it looked good. It felt clean, smart, and I had confidence. My only criticism would be the fact that my scalp was a little too white in contrast to my skin (it still is). I already had short hair at the time, so I thought it wouldn't be much of a shock when people saw my new look.

I was wrong. Both my family and my long-term girlfriend really flipped out, BIG TIME. But to me, it felt right, so I kept on shaving it. My family and girlfriend NEVER came to accept it. They would constantly tell me I looked like a thug, that I looked weird, that I looked like a cancer patient. They told I needed to grow it longer if I didn't want to be seen as anti-social. My friends (both male and female), on the other hand, thought it looked good. Aside from the odd banter here and there, they said it suited me.

I am now 23 years old. Predictably, my hairline and grey hair problem is even worse, but my girlfriend (yes, we've stayed together) and family are STILL heavily opposed to me shaving my head.

Now, last year, for the sake of a quiet life, I made an attempt to live life with hair on my head. The attempt lasted about 6 months before I just couldn't take it anymore and shaved it off. Recently though, I made a decision to try growing it again, thinking it'd make my search for employment easier (a shaved head is exclusively associated with hoodlums in the UK, sadly) and keep my girlfriend happier. I currently have about 3cm worth of hair and it's driving me crazy. I think I look stupid, I don't feel "me". I wear a hat whenever I go outside and I find it hard to look at myself in the mirror. Shaving it probably isn't going to help my job search though, not to mention it'll no doubt put me in the dog house with the wifey for a good few days.

So... what do you guys think I should do? Any similar stories anyone would like to share?

[Mikekoz13]

Welcome to the Forum!

I recommend that you do what YOU want to do. Those that love you will still love you.

I'm also going to ask that you consider changing your screen name. The play on words/ double entendre, while clever, doesn't really fit what we're all about here.

[tomgallagher]

You have to live with it 24/7 so I would do what makes you happy and while your screen name is clever you really should change it.

[cunninlynguist]

  how do I change it?

Thanks for the responses so far!!

[BaldHDbiker]

I agree with the others. It's your head so you need to do what makes you feel best. 

You aren't going to flip out if your wife/girlfriend cuts or dyes her hair so she shouldn't do it to you.

[chgobuzzbald]

How about Cunning Linguist ?  LIke Jame Bond In Tomorrow Never Dies

Bond on mobile to Moneypenny - "IM just up here at Oxford brushing up on a little Danish ( while in bed with his Danish instructress)

Moneypenny -"You always were a cunning linguist James "

Dont live your life to please others. Stay shaved and post a pic for us. There are many UK guys on this site.

[Vash]

I wrote and posted this back in 2009. It's at least an outline of a letter you can literally hand to the important people in your life who can't get on board with your choice of haircut (yes, it's just a haircut). Feel free to adjust it to your voice and to say exactly what you mean. But be clear and up front.

Dear _____________

I’ve explained to you over and over that shaving my head makes ME feel stronger, more in control, less a victim of nature and more the master of my own world. And I’m sorry to be so blunt, but this time, it really IS all about ME.

We’ve been over this and over this. While I respect your opinion, it’s my head, my life, my choice. You don’t need to like it, you need to like (or love) me, and what I look like shouldn’t matter.

I’ve chosen not to hide from the reality of my situation. It causes me stress to always feel like people are watching my hair fade away and fall out. I don’t want to spend ridiculous amounts of money on “hair restoratives” or hair pieces and I can’t wear a hat ALL the time! Trust me, I’ve tried.

No, I am not being dramatic or making a big deal out of nothing. Whether you realize it or not, I am going through something here. I am having an experience that is changing my perspective about my sense of self and my looks. It’s affecting me in a real way and I need you to help me make this adjustment.

I have chosen to not only embrace the reality of my hair loss, but to MASTER my own appearance. After all we’ve been through, all we’ve meant to one another, all we’ve seen each other through, are you really willing to let something as trivial as my HAIRCUT, be something to come between us? Because that’s what’s happening right now. Every little joke, comment, complaint or just weird look you give me, you are making me uncomfortable, for trying to be comfortable. YOU are making my haircut an issue between us.

What I need from you is your understanding that this is something that is important to me, and difficult for me to deal with. I need your understanding, your kindness, your support. What I need you to do is listen to me, not just hear me. Respect my choice in this matter. Support my decision and accept me for who I am. A bald person.

You know I love and respect you and your opinion. And I have heard what you think about this. I took that into consideration when I made the choice to not have a bald spot, or a receding hairline, but to be a guy who shaves his head. I really, really need you to get behind me on this, or at least get out of my way about it. I need for you to not just "agree to disagree", but  for you to decide for yourself that our relationship is more important to you than a haircut.

Thanks for your time.


Maybe the fact that you've actually taken the time to write it out will demonstrate that you are being serious and that they are being hurtful. In the event that they try to tell you that you are being dramatic or sensitive by giving them a written letter, you might want to mention that it is THEIR behavior and lack of sensitivity that has brought you to this point.

best of luck.

[Mikekoz13]

Once again.... Our Brother Vash nails it!! This letter of his is the EXACT reason I love having him back. His intelligent responses usually say what many cannot put into words.

[Mikekoz13]

how do I change it?

Thanks for the responses so far!!

First... I'm going to suggest that you DON'T change it to "Cunning Linguist".

Here's how to change it:

At the top of the page select the "PROFILE" button.
On the next screen on the left under "Modify Profile" select "Account Related Settings"
Under "Profile" change "Name"

You should be good to go.

[BaldHDbiker]

Vash, Excellent note. 

[Slyfive]

Vash, Excellent note. 

I second that!

[Sir Harry]

Vash, Excellent note. 

+1

[Mr Jules]

"I have chosen to not only embrace the reality of my hair loss, but to MASTER my own appearance"

Excellent. In my opinion, everything about SBG in one sentence.

[Slyfive]

It should be our oath!