Various Non-Bald Discussions > Jokes

Calories Burned During Sex...

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Slynito:
CALORIES BURNED DURING SEX
 
 
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.................................12 Calories
Without her consent...........................2,187 Calories
 
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.................................. 8 Calories
With one hand....................................12 Calories
With your teeth.................................485 Calories
 
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection..................................6 Calories
Without an erection...........................3,315 Calories
 
POSITIONS:
Missionary...................................12 Calories
69 lying down...............................78 Calories
69 standing up..............................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow................................216 Calories
Doggy Style..................................326 Calories
Italian Chandelier..........................2,912 Calories
 
ORGASMS:
Real........................................112 Calories
Fake..........................................1,315 Calories
 
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging.............................18 Calories
Getting up immediately.........................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories
 
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
18-29 years......................................36 Calories
30-39 years......................................80 Calories
40-49 years.....................................124 Calories
50-59 years...................................1,972 Calories
60-69 years...................................7,916 Calories *****
70 and over........................Results are still pending
 
DRESSING AFTERWARDS
Calmly..........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.......................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door..........5,218 Calories
With her husband knocking at the door......8,775 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories
 
Results may vary.

Paul the Headblader:
SEX is GOOD!

Arnie:
Reminds me of that song by Ice-T...

The Girl Tried to Kill Me from his Freedom of Speech: Just Watch What You Say album

Google it...I won't post a link for it because of all the profanity, but the song sets you up for a similar punch line.  >:D

Tyler:
I wonder what it is when her dad is knocking and he's the County Sheriff?   ;)

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