32 and trying to cope

[mpalardy]

Hello, I'm Matt. I don't know what else to do about this, so I guess I'll post on a forum.

Recently, I had to get a new driver's license and with it a new photograph. Now I had noted that my top hair was starting to thin when I was 25 (I'm 32 now), but over the years the rate of change was so slow that I scarcely noticed any difference. Then I saw these photos.

I guess nature will have to take its course, as I don't plan on using drugs or transplants or suchlike. They're a bit too pricey. But even still, this is traumatizing me. I'm a writer; when I was a young man I had a long, lustrous mane of hair down to the middle of my back. Even when I trimmed it to a normal man's length, it was still one of my best features. Now when I take my hat off, I have thin hairs flying in every which direction--either that or Brylcreemed down, in which case I think, my hair being medium brown, they form an unfavourable contrast with my ivory scalp.

Some say shave or get a crew cut, but I've always found these styles very ugly. It's just too associated with soldiers (no offense to those who have honourably served), hooligans, and mental patients. And less macho types like myself who've gone that route, like Michael Stipe or Andre Agassi, for instance, just seem somewhat effete to me. So I'm planning on hitting the gym and riding an exercise bike until I puke, so as to make my face more gaunt; I could bear losing 10-15 pounds anyway, and I'd say that the thinner a bald man is, the better he looks. Thereafter, if I can't have my dashing and debonair locks, I figure I can at least grow my beard to two or three inches, providing I can keep it neat, kempt, and well-barbered.

I know they say that baldness matters very little to women, but it matters to me. It's like I don't look like myself any longer, but rather someone else, some much more uninteresting figure, someone quite less vital and robust, not the type of person a woman or an employer would take a chance on.

Maybe I'm just being vain, but help me out, fellows. This is affecting me; I scarcely go anywhere now where I'll have to doff my beret. When the fact that you were losing your hair really hit you hard, what did you do to change your appearance? Did you think that you didn't look like yourself any longer? How did you cope with it?

Thanks for entertaining my venting here.

[Slick A]

What did we do to cope?  Um, friend, look around this forum.  WE SHAVED OUR HEADS.  And it felt awesome.     Me personally?  In addition to shaving to reveal my beautiful scalp, I hit the gym, got a tan, and changed my general attitude.  Hair?  Really? It ain't nothing.  Good looking guys are good looking guys whether they're bald or not.  Ugly ones, well . . . hair loss isn't what makes 'em ugly.  I dare you to shave your dome and see if everybody around you doesn't exclaim how great it is (after the initial shock wears off, of course).

[jaypksfo]

Even being BBC shaving your head is very liberating and you mostly get positive comments (there will always be nay-sayers)  Plus as someone told me this weekend "You look BAD ASS"

[R o b 6]

What did we do to cope?  Um, friend, look around this forum.  WE SHAVED OUR HEADS.  And it felt awesome.     Me personally?  In addition to shaving to reveal my beautiful scalp, I hit the gym, got a tan, and changed my general attitude.  Hair?  Really? It ain't nothing.  Good looking guys are good looking guys whether they're bald or not.  Ugly ones, well . . . hair loss isn't what makes 'em ugly.  I dare you to shave your dome and see if everybody around you doesn't exclaim how great it is (after the initial shock wears off, of course).

Well said.

[mrzed]

As you hang around here, you'll notice some guys who don't have a choice. They are going bald.  Others do have a full head of hair, and they choose to shave bald.

Look around you in the community. There are guys who shave their head bald for both reasons.  They look confident.  The bald head commands respect.  Look at the avitars on this site.  There a bunch of good lookin' bald guys.

Make it the 'new you'. Shave your head and show it off proudly.

[D.A.L.U.I.]

What did we do to cope?  Um, friend, look around this forum.  WE SHAVED OUR HEADS.  And it felt awesome.     Me personally?  In addition to shaving to reveal my beautiful scalp, I hit the gym, got a tan, and changed my general attitude.  Hair?  Really? It ain't nothing.  Good looking guys are good looking guys whether they're bald or not.  Ugly ones, well . . . hair loss isn't what makes 'em ugly.  I dare you to shave your dome and see if everybody around you doesn't exclaim how great it is (after the initial shock wears off, of course).

Well said.

Ditto, but have to say you are right on the money regarding drugs etc.  You may not be upset about losing hair, it may have more to do with the passing of your youth--tempus fugit, and you can't fight that.  The alternative is worse as I'm sure you realize. 

[mpalardy]

You're all right; perhaps I should have looked around before posting here.

No. A shaven pate would go very, very poorly with my image and with my c. 1880-1940 styles of dress, and with the 10-degree temperatures outside right now. I've always been scared stiff, not just of being hairless, but even of having my hair cut too short. Once when I was a lad, a barber gave me a crew cut. I wore a wig to school for a few weeks after that. So, yes, a very short style has been tried, and it made me look dreadful and sickly. If it's your thing, great; wear it well. But it's not mine.

Heavens, there must be some middle ground between shaving it all off and taking impotence-causing pills! That's all anyone on baldness forums seems to talk about!

Mrzed, though, I think you're completely on the money. It's likely less about my hair itself than it is about realizing that I'm not that young anymore, and that I'm sort of a different person now than I was then, one I'm still not quite comfortable with.

[ycartt]

I agree with SlickA.

[marty22]

sooner or later, you will deal with it......it sux but embrace it!

[Razor X]

No. A shaven pate would go very, very poorly with my image and with my c. 1880-1940 styles of dress, and with the 10-degree temperatures outside right now.

So maybe now would be a good time to update the wardrobe along with the hairstyle?  Just a thought ....     

[Slynito]

Take note of what all the guys wrote before me because I can't add a thing.
Except, welcome and good luck!

[MattG]

As you hang around here, you'll notice some guys who don't have a choice. They are going bald.  Others do have a full head of hair, and they choose to shave bald.

Look around you in the community. There are guys who shave their head bald for both reasons.  They look confident.  The bald head commands respect.  Look at the avitars on this site.  There a bunch of good lookin' bald guys.

Make it the 'new you'. Shave your head and show it off proudly.

Well said! 

[Acme]

I for one never planned to do balding.  It was all or nothing.   And a few months ago (August), before the dire need set in, I decided to give it a try and loved it from the very first second.  I also had such great reactions I think I must have been hideous with hair on my head.

I understand it's not a look you want but, from what you say, balding isn't either.  Before I shaved my head, I didn't think it was an attractive style either but now I realize I didn't really give it any thought.  When I was making my decision, I started to really pay attention, really look at the style, and thought about it from a different point of view.  Once I did it, I realized I loved it and it is an attractive style for many people and for many reasons.

I didn't join this site until after I did the deed because I knew I had to make the decision on my own.  After I did it, I joined the site because I was so happy with the decision and I stuck around to help other people going through it.  It seriously isn't worth getting depressed over hair loss.  There are many other things to get depressed over.  Why don't you post a picture and get some feedback from the guys.  There is an entire forum here to make you feel more comfortable.

[Hammy]

Lots of great advice here! As a newly sly guy and having delt with a lot of the issues you are dealing with I will pass this on....listen to the men here, they are smart, they have delt with it all and are here to support you. Post some pictures, read and post! Start slow (shave shorter and shorter) if you have to. But most of all, just try it! Worst case it will grow back!!!!! Welcome and good luck....

[Paul the Headblader]

hey, and I'm sorry you've got such a bad idea about bald men, we're not like that.
welcome to SBGs, and do what you think is for the win