20 Days and Still Struggling.......

[Carthy]

Hi guys,

I've been a lurker here for several years and really envied all of you who were able to take the plunge and be 'free'.   But I still had some, albeit very sparse hair, and was able to hold onto it by keeping it really short and using Minoxidil, Procerin etc.  On top of this I dyed it to make it thicker and used concealer.

Yes, I hear you say- what a ritual!! I know. I hated it, but I really didn't think I would suit the shaved look. I'm very technophobe and can't take photos of myself but I suppose you could say I'm a bit of a cross between the motivational guru Robin Sharma, and the Skunk Anansie guitarist Ace. I have a very high, egg shaped head which, all my life, (I am now 43), I tried to cover up with hair.

But now...all the potions and remedies have lost their potency and my hair has been getting thinner and thinner which left me with two options- a wig, which I just couldn't contemplate, and the shaved look, which, although I love it on most guys, I really didn't think sould suit me.  So...for a while I was really depressed until I finally I had to take action once and for all..

I shaved it all off about 20 days ago as I had a fortnight off work. And I have to be honest...I am struggling. Aside from the horror of no longer being able to conceal my dome, I'm trying to deal with the bumps, the rashes, and the realisation that I need to shave it every morning to avoid the stubble which, with my head-shape, makes me look even worse,  It seems that I'm in for a ritual every morning anyway even without hair!!  It takes me about an hour to do the shaving, with either a Mach 3 or a Fusion, and  then another hour to use lots of make-up concealer to hide all the red marks and bumps and rashes etc.  It's a bit of a nightmare!!

At certain moments I can look at myself and think it's, just about, bearable. On other occasions I think I might even be able to get used to it. But, in truth, there are other times, and quite a lot of them, when I simply feel totally and utterly dejected, and think I look like some sort of monster from the Adams Family!!

I have braved two days at work, which is only part-time in a call-centre, so not daily, and only for 5 hours at a time, but this has had me reaching for the alcohol to deal with the stress of having to face the world 'naked. It truly has been difficult. I've seen a few people glancing at me strangely, but no-one has said a thing!! I find this really strange and have convinced myself it's because they're embarrassed on my behalf!!

Several questions I'd like to ask- 

1)Does the razor we use change the initial shaved look?  When I use the Fusion I can just about bear the look, but when I use the Mach 3 it looks to me as if my head is mis-shapen and that I have horns growing from the top of my forehead!!  Is the Mach maybe cutting it finer, creating this look? I thought both razors more or less gave the same cut?

2) After 20 days I'm still struggling. Is this normal? How much longer should I have to go through such mood swings?

3) I find myself also using the matte concealer to minimise the 'shadow' as this really doesn't suit me and highlights the height of my forehead.  Is this something that other guys have to do?

4) Waking up in the morning, with all the concealer having rubbed off, and stubble having grown, leaves me looking like Frankenstein again!! So much for waking up with someone!! LOL. That would be impossible if things continue like this!!   Over time, is this likely to improve? Do heads really 'grow into' the bald look?  Does the skin really get used to the razor, and remove the need for cover-ups to conceal rash and burn? I have been using Aloe Vera and Witch Hazel, but things haven't improved mightily.

Anyway, sorry for rambling!!  And sorry I haven't gotten around to introducing myself properly in the appropriate section.   I was just feeling very low tonight and needed to get this all off my chest!!  But I'm Kev, in Scotland, and I  just wanna let you guys know that you have gotten me through a lot of bad times re. hair loss. You are such a supportive community that you have enabled me to take the plunge. I really don't know if I could have been so brave without having read a lot of threads here from people going through similar emotions.

Thanks for being there!!  You rock!

[Laser Man]

Sounds like you're having a tough time.  Here's a few responses to try to help you through this.

1) You've made a big change, so it will take time to adjust.  And we all worry about the shapes of our heads, but we're usually the only ones who do!
2) Yes, it takes time to shave your head.  I shave every day to get rid of the stubble and at first it was a slow slog.  Now I'm faster and better at it.  By the way, once you've shave, that's pretty much it for the rest of the day - no combing and restyling of hair!
3) Your scalp is sensitive at first, so bumps and razor burn are not unusual.  Several things happen: your scalp toughens up, you get better at shaving and you experiment enough to find what gives you the smooth shave with the minimum irritation.  My advice: stop using make-up / concealer  - they're probably aggravating the situation.  Just go natural and let your skin heal.
4) As many guys as there are on the forum, there are twice that many opinions on the best razor.  I use a fusion and love it.  Others like Mach 3s.  You'll have to try to figure out what works - that's kind of the fun part.
5) I don't know if heads "grow into the bald look", but we become accustomed to it and those around us do too.  At about a month in, I realized I had a hard time remembering what I looked like with hair.  I regularly have people saying tto me that they can't picture me with hair anymore and they say it in a ccomplimentary fashion.

So hang in there and have fun being bald.

[Acme]

I think some people just need more time to adjust than others.  Although I immediately loved it, I had a very stressful 1st week back to work and all the stress came from me alone.

I also think you are just critical of yourself and others probably don't see the "horror" you do.  Did you ever think people may be giving you a second glance because they like the way you look or you are interesting to them.  Interesting can be a good thing.  It may be difficult but you need to project confidence and comfort with your new look.  Others will pick up on your vibe so if your not comfortable, they won't be either.  I assure you, you are not the worst looking person on earth.

Why don't you post a picture and let us offer some suggestions.  Maybe a goatee or beard would look good and make you more comfortable.  I have not seen myself bald and without a beard yet because I was scared of too much skin.  Maybe the same would make you more comfortable.

As far as the shaving and the bumps, I can't comment because I'm too new at this to offer shaving suggestions.  Maybe alternate between electric and manual razor so you aren't irritating the skin every day and it has a chance to slowly build up tolerance.  I would say to stop the makeup because that will most likely make your problem worse.

Keep us posted on your thoughts and hopefully we can help you make it through the transition period.

[Carthy]

Thanks guys. I really do appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. I was having a really bad day yesterday!

I shaved again today with the Fusion Proglide and it looks a tiny bit more bearable to me!  Can't say yet that I dig this look, but, in truth, I feel I no longer have any other option. I've tried the minoxidil, and pills for years and, yes, they did help for a while, but, sadly it seems that every remedy runs out of potency eventually.  Maybe I'm like one of those survivors in 'Final destination'. LOL. And my destiny has caught up with me!

I'm really technophobe, and don't have a camera or mobile to take photos, but here are the two guys I can identify with, Robin Sharma and Ace:

http://www.thebookreviews.in/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/robin-sharma-small.jpg

http://a2.l3-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/89/034a6eacd0a19967582e8ff9e272deb5/m.jpg

I've obviously picked photos that highlight the height of their foreheads in order to show what I'm dealing with.  Personally I think a guy needs to be really confident in himself to pull the sly look off when he has a dome like this!!
But...I'll keep trying.  I don't think I have any other choice.  And I think I'll need to carry on with some concealer for now, much as I would love to go natural, but the redness and 'cuts' are just a tad too obvious for me to bear in public. I'm struggling as it is without those. LOL.

Thanks again for your help and advice, guys. I really don't know if I could even have attempted to go through with this if I didn't have this site for encouragement!!

Kev

[Chavster]

Hi Kev

I think one of the things you need to do is relax a little. You're probably being way too hard on yourself.

I looked at those two pictures you linked to. I've never seen or heard of either of them before, but they dont look bad to me. The top picture you've linked to has been squashed anyway, to make him look thinner and longer, and that elongates his looks, but even so, he doesnt look bad. I just saw the same picture of him on a different link, and the picture was wider, so he didnt look as 'pointed', but even 'pointed', he's a good looking guy. The second guy, I dont see anything wrong with him at all, no matter how I look at him.

Its purely ignorance on my part, as I dont understand how this can be such a major issue for you. People have explained it to me over and over, but from my own experience, I cant identify with it at all, but I feel bad that you and so many others seem to be really suffering with this and similar issues. To me, 'its just hair', and the less of it I have on my head, the happier I am. So I feel a little stuck that i cant give you any real words of advice or wisdom

[Carthy]

Hi GSGUK,

Thanks for trying to understand!  I know how difficult it must be for a lot of guys here to comprehend how difficult it is for some of us to have to go sly.  I'm firmly of the opinion that some people suit it better than others, and, for me, purely subjectively, I can't look at my head-shape and think it looks better without hair!!  It's very hard to let go of 40 odd years of conditioning (mental, that is!!).    

I'm having a running batle with myself these last few weeks, constantly trying to 'counsel' myself and tell myself what most of you here would tell me. On one level I know that psychology and self perception DO come into the equation, and I keep telling myself this....ie...that when I'm seeing myself as hideous-looking it's only because of bad light, or tiredness or whatever.  And, in my good moments, I manage to win the battle. It's just that there has been an equal amount of bad moments.  And that can be very depressing.

But, I'll hang in there and keep fighting the good fight.   And, for what it's worth, I think you really suit the sly look!   Oh, and by the way,  I realise the photo of Ace is very small and maybe doesn't highlight his high forehead very well. Sorry for that, but it's very hard to find photos of him without a baseball cap!   And I can really empathise with that.  LOL.   

Cheers all...

[Chavster]

Thank you

I think one of the big operative words in there is 'mental', and I dont mean that in a derogatory way. I think for some people, having hair or not doesnt make much of a difference one way or the other, but for others (and I am a big example), not having hair has a very HUGE mental effect on me - an extremely positive one - whereas for others, having hair has the same positive effect.

I just know that without hair, I feel 10 times more confident. I felt it from day one. It was like a type of empowerment, and I must admit, I love the added confidence. Before I got rid of my hair, I was worried about how I'd look, or rather, how other people would view me and judge me, but once the hair was gone, I didnt give a sh1t anymore, and in addition, the added bonus was more compliments than ever.

So I feel for you because of the hair issue, but also because it sounds like we're different sides of a coin. Its hard for me to get my head around all the things you do (treatments, make up, etc...WTF? ), and you probably find it hard to understand how I'm delighted to walk around the streets of the UK with a big boiled egg on my shoulders! But I have to tell you, I love it. I'm sure many people think I look weird, or like a chav (ned), or whatever... but I dont care, because I feel great.

And I hope you get to that stage to, with hair or without!

[Acme]

I don't see anything wrong with either of the guys in your picture links.

I just did it at 44 and I'm with GSGUK. I feel more confident and love not having to worry about what my hair looked like. I'm perfectly happy with the big egg.

I know you're scared of cameras but I think you should take a picture and look at it objectively. Strange thing for me is I think I look different (better) in pictures than I do in the mirror. It was the opposite for me when I had hair.

Give it a try and let us know. Try pictures at different angles and profiles. It may surprise you that you see something different than you see in the mirror. (hopefully this experiment won't
make it worse for you )

[Laser Man]

It may seem hard to believe that you can get a boost of confidence by shaving your head, but for many of us that has been the case.  At first, we think everyone is looking at us and judging us because of our bald heads.  In truth, people are busy with their own lives and demons, so they really aren't focused on us (whether we have hair or not).  Once you realize this, things become a lot better.

When we talk about being confident, we mean feeling more comfortable with who we are.  When I first started shaving, I felt I had to explain to everyone why I am now bald.  It was like a pre-emptive strike: let me tell before they ask.  I've stopped doing that.  If some one wants to know why I'm bald, it's up to them to ask.  And guess what?  Few people ask. 

So don't be so hard on yourself.  I'm sure you look fine with a shaved head.  When you go out in public, walk confidently and be polite.   You'll realize that people judge how you carry yourself and behave more than how you look.

Good luck   

[BaldHDbiker]

It may seem hard to believe that you can get a boost of confidence by shaving your head, but for many of us that has been the case.  At first, we think everyone is looking at us and judging us because of our bald heads.  In truth, people are busy with their own lives and demons, so they really aren't focused on us (whether we have hair or not).  Once you realize this, things become a lot better.

When we talk about being confident, we mean feeling more comfortable with who we are.  When I first started shaving, I felt I had to explain to everyone why I am now bald.  It was like a pre-emptive strike: let me tell before they ask.  I've stopped doing that.  If some one wants to know why I'm bald, it's up to them to ask.  And guess what?  Few people ask. 

So don't be so hard on yourself.  I'm sure you look fine with a shaved head.  When you go out in public, walk confidently and be polite.   You'll realize that people judge how you carry yourself and behave more than how you look.

Good luck   

Very well said.