TSA Advertising slogans for the new pat down "service!"

[D.A.L.U.I.]

The top new catch phrases being tested by TSA employees.
 

Grope discounts available.

Can't see London, can't see France, unless we see your underpants.

If we did our job any better, we'd have to buy you dinner first.

Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.

Don't worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.

Throw a few back at the airport Chili's and you won't even notice.

Wanna fly? Drop your fly.

We've handled more balls than Barney Frank

We are now free to move about your pants

We rub you the wrong way, so you can be on your way.

It's not a grope. It's a freedom pat.

When in doubt, we make you whip it out.

TSA: Touchin', Squeezin', Arrestin'

You were a virgin.

We handle more packages than the USPS

The TSA isn't silly, they just want to inspect your willy

Stroke of the hand, law of the land

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem

Let your fingers do the Walking

Cough

Reach out and touch someone

Can you feel me now?

[Mikekoz13]

Or as i told my Friend that was flying back to Texas yesterday... and I quote:

"Remember Kent.... If they grope you more than twice it's no longer a pat down, it's a relationship".

[D.A.L.U.I.]

Or as i told my Friend that was flying back to Texas yesterday... and I quote:

"Remember Kent.... If they grope you more than twice it's no longer a pat down, it's a relationship".

" Just think, 5 minutes ago, whe didn't even know each other!"

[Arnie]

 

[Nonick]

Gent's,
OK, I figured it out- a solution for the invasive pat down inspections.  TSA could hire “exotic dancers” to basically do a quick lap dance and carefully “check you out”.  Since this would be optional, the individual would have to pay for this optional service.  Guys could even give a tip if they are satisfied with their inspection. 

A similar service could be provided for females, utilizing Chippendale guys, or similar.   This could be a boom for the economy!  “Honey, she was only inspecting me!”   

I can just see this in a skit on Saturday Night Live!   

[Mikekoz13]

Gent's,
OK, I figured it out- a solution for the invasive pat down inspections.  TSA could hire “exotic dancers” to basically do a quick lap dance and carefully “check you out”.  Since this would be optional, the individual would have to pay for this optional service.  Guys could even give a tip if they are satisfied with their inspection. 

A similar service could be provided for females, utilizing Chippendale guys, or similar.   This could be a boom for the economy!  “Honey, she was only inspecting me!”   

I can just see this in a skit on Saturday Night Live!   

I like this plan but I think it has a flaw.... Once any guy gets a lap dance it will look like he has a gun in his pocket and he'll need to be patted down anway.

As for giving the girl a tip.... I always say, "Why give her a tip when you can give her the whole thing". 

[RyanJP]

TSA : It's not a grope. It's a freedom pat  

[Nonick]

TSA : It's not a grope. It's a freedom pat  

What's that famous line from May West, "Hello, big boy. ...or are you just glad to see me!" 
OK, I'm stopping here; drawing the line in the sand.  That's it.  I'm done.   

[Sgt. Pate]

You can't go to Hawaii for a dunk until TSA has felt your junk! 

[Nonick]

Of course you also need to look at the other side, and at least feel a little pain for the TSA.   I mean, with the obesity rate in the U.S. being what it is, how many "love handles" and "pony kegs" does a TSA inspector need to endure in a given day!  
It's not just your junk, what about your trunk!    
Recently, I was at a Sam's Club and they were advertising clothes up to size XXXL; and you know why?
Because they SELL   

[schro]

The Lovely Mrs. Schro and I now "play" TSA whenever we can. 

[Sgt. Pate]

I still like "We handle more packages than USPS" the best! 

[Tyler]

Kids are now going to get in trouble for playing TSA at school.