Need help...

• Need help... by John4142 on 22 Feb, 2010 17:32
• Hey everyone,
  
  I'm new here and am really inspired by everyones posts.  However, I'm spiraling into a severe depression due to balding.  I'm 23 years old and have been balding for about 4-5 years.  My ex-girlfriend used to poke fun at me due to it, and the fact that I'm still single has me blaming going bald, and it's adding to my insecurities.
  
  After researching, extensively, balding remedies... i've realized they are either fake, short lived, or dangerous.  So I've opted out of all of them and basically sealing my fate to going completely bald.. and believe me, I'm well on my way.  My hair is so short/thin/frail I feel as if i can feel it when a single hair falls out. 
  
  I'm also very thin/short.. and I know everyone says "i won't look good bald" before they get there and then blend in, but I feel as if i have the worst combination of all these terrible features... I will not look good bald.
  
  Ironically, I never liked my hair when I had it, I was constantly worried about it.. putting gel in it, ect.  Now that it's gone, it has me considering seeing my Dr. to get on anti-depressants.  I hate to sound like a whiner, i'm a very stubborn/strong individual.  But this is devastating to me.
  
  Any advice is appreciated, I really didn't know where else to turn.. I know you guys will probably advise me to shave it all off.. which is inevitable.. But I'm not quite there yet.  Did anyone else get this depressed due to going bald?  Did anything help?
  
  Thanks for taking the time to read this.
  
  John
• #1 by aarrggh on 22 Feb, 2010 17:56
•   Yeah :: It was depressing at the beginning for me too--And worrying how i was gonna look as time past by..
   I did some stupid things too try and hide or slow it down too--For some reason shaving never crossed my mind.
   Finally a friend at work said i should shave it off as he was bald also..And when i did-- it was dam why didnt i think of this years ago...........If only i could turn back time.............
  
  
  
  
• #2 by Mikekoz13 on 22 Feb, 2010 19:20
• Welcome to the Forum John! Many guys have felt like you before shaving. I'm not saying you should shave but that you should consider it. Many of the guys on here have received instant relief after shaving.
  
  Look for recent posts by PDXTODD and read his story...... not all that differnet than yours and in many ways, even worse.
  Read about Todd's personal triumph...........
  
  Life is good my Friend....... Don't waste it with needless worry.
• #3 by schro on 22 Feb, 2010 20:10
• John,
  First off, welcome. Your story sound similar to many. The change from having (some) hair to SLY can be dramatic..... IN A GOOD WAY. 
  The idea of going from not having to worry about hiding anything & stressing over MPB to not worrying about "hat head" in the summers (or winters) and standing tall & proud is awesome. Yeah, life dealt you a bad hand with MPB (join the club) but to me, going SLY is like giving Mother Nature the middle finger.  Make a statement!
  
  I never viewed myself as someone that lacked confidence however, I was ALWAYS wearing a baseball hat whenever I could. Although I am very conscious of sun exposure, I now realize that a lot of my reaching for a hat first thing in the morning was because of my concerns about my MPB.
  
  I love the feeling of being sly, not hiding anything, getting unsolicited headrubs, and the whole "less fuss" look.
  
  Based on your description, it sounds like you're pretty light in the hair department anyway. I say give it a whirl. What have you got to lose?
  
  Good luck. You've come to a great place on the 'net for the support you need in dealing with MPB and the stuff that comes along with it.
  Now, go forward and kick some ass!!! 
  
  Schro
• #4 by TheBaldAndBeautiful on 22 Feb, 2010 20:12
• I've been through the same thing seeing as my history here.  But, at the end of the day.  When you really think about it, It's just hair.  Exercising and eating right has helped me through depression.  The depression I once had with it is non-existent to say the least.  If your ex-girlfriend picked on you because of that reason, she wasn't meant for you anyway.  Look at Neil Strauss.  Short and pretty thin, but not the best looking guy at first.  After he went through his transformation into picking up women, he became more confident than before.  You should really read The Game.  It's a great book by the way.  Changed my view of women and dating for the longest time.
  
  
  Anyways, don't worry about that stuff.  You're breathing, walking and have all your legs.  Some people don't have those things.  Have to be thankful for what you have going for you now.
• #5 by koked on 22 Feb, 2010 22:12
• Hey John, I'm sure we can all relate to this.  When I first found out I was going bald I turned into a hermit.  I stopped hanging out with friends and family afraid of what they might think.  I wouldn't go outside without a hat.  I don't think I was depressed, but looking back my life was depressing.
  
  When I finally shaved it wasn't completely about looking better, It was more about trying to take control of something.  And it felt good.  Very good.  I finally got my confidence back and no longer had to worry.  That feeling was way more important than anything anyone had to say about how I looked.  I know you said we'd probably tell you to shave, but there's a good reason for that, we all feel a lot better with a shaved head than a horseshoe, and I'm sure you would too.
  
  Also, like TheBaldAndBeautiful said,  exercise and eating healthy really combat depression, it'll get you feeling better and might help you're perspective.   So give Sly a try, you just might like it.    Good luck John.
• #6 by Slick Head on 23 Feb, 2010 02:57
• Welcome John. I know and most of all the guys here know from our own experience how devastating losing your hair can be. 
  I am new to this forum but all I can say is that you are now amongst friends who have a lot in common and will do everything they can to guide you. We are all in in it together John and all the guys on here are great!
  Maybe a chat with your doctor with regards to your depression maybe of some comfort (I did it and it and it helped). As for your ex girlfriend, there are nasty, hurtful people out there that are just plain ugly on the inside.These people are jealous as you have a unique feature that I know people with hair are envious of. Over the years I have been buzzing away what little hair I have left but after recently reading comments on this site, I decided to become SLY and I feel 'FREE' of not pretending anymore.
  Wouldn't it be really boring if the whole world had hair? and we all looked the same? 
  
  You know where we are if you need a chat!
  
  Slick Head / Anthony
  
• #7 by mangosink12572 on 23 Feb, 2010 08:46
• I have never seen an ugly BALD guy  - - -so go for it  and welcome  - - -we are all in the same boat  with you  - -Richard
• #8 by Arnie on 23 Feb, 2010 12:24
• Welcome to SBGs, John!!!
  
  Just so you know...I wish I had the guts to go SLY when I was your age.  You will find in the end that it is the perfect solution to "balding issues".  I was balding since I graduated high school and held on to my few strands of hair until I was 35.  If I could take those years back, I would...and go SLY ASAP...you will see the results in everything you do!!!
• #9 by D.A.L.U.I. on 23 Feb, 2010 12:55
• Quote from: John4142 on 22 Feb, 2010 17:32

  Hey everyone,
  I'm new here and am really inspired by everyones posts.  However, I'm spiraling into a severe depression due to balding.  I'm 23 years old and have been balding for about 4-5 years.  My ex-girlfriend used to poke fun at me due to it, and the fact that I'm still single has me blaming going bald, and it's adding to my insecurities.
  John
  

  
  John:
  Reality check, the average age for marriage is moving up, not down for numerous reasons, schooling, etc.  Perhaps, like me you won't decide on the right woman until you're 29, or like a cousin at 45!  When you find the right woman you'll know it, it won't have any significant connection to you're mpb either, although she may be attracted to a confident sly guy more readily than a shy retiring balding guy.  In today's society, you might not marry right away, you could live together for many years and in some cases have a child or two before you make the final commitment.  But it won't have a thing to do with your hair.  That is just not a factor here.  Your so-called "ex-girlfriend" who made fun of your receding hairline--considering all things she wouldn't be much of a catch if she considers personal appearance attacks part of the equation.  You stepped over a snake. 
  So, don't worry about the ladies, it's not hair, it's a confident and open personality they're looking for, and as I said there are lots who are attracted to sly guys, as many of us here can attest--I got kissed by at least three ladies during Mardi Gras because, as one said, she wanted to kiss a bearded bald guy to see what it felt like.  Fortunately for me, my wife wasn't around or I still wouldn't be conscious . 
  Get this behind you, you're over thinking it.  Just do it, and if after thirty days you  still are uncomfortable, go back to the old way of going bald, slowly, hair by hair.  You're going to be bald, that you can't change.  You can control how you get there and doing it will be one step toward more confidence.  Confidence should be your goal.
• #10 by John4142 on 23 Feb, 2010 16:30
• thanks for all your feedback guys, it truly made me feel a little better about all this.  Still a ways to go though, just posted my first step in another thread.
  
  you guys really are a welcoming, understanding group of people... I'm very thankful for that.
• #11 by Ming the Merciless on 23 Feb, 2010 17:24
• It's the firmness of the front you present that counts.  "Hair?  No hair?  Why do you ask?  What you see is what I am.  Let's move beyond that and talk about important matters."  The Catechism, for those who were raised in churches that used such, calls a sacrament "the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace."  A shaved head (whether a result of MPB or BBC) is, making POV adjustments of a non-religious nature, the sign of a strong soul.  Let the wimps and weenies go for the Bozo ring, the comb-over, the plugs, the drugs.  YOU can rise above that!
• #12 by xnewyawka on 24 Feb, 2010 09:57
• Welcome to SBG's John, you've come to the right place for encouragement, all the bro's have given good advice. It's up to you now, so go shave your noggin', and get on with life!   
• #13 by pdxtodd on 27 Feb, 2010 09:10
• Hi John, welcome to the group.   I can tell you from personal experience that as someone who thought I would look terrible bald -- and spent $72,000 over the years on hair systems, plus thousands on lotions, potions, and drugs -- that trying to cover it up and "fix it" will only add to the feelings of anxiety and depression.    Its funny that we think that we'll look terrible with a shaved head - and people who we care about tell us that we shouldn't do it.   The reality is that I now know - from personal affirmations as well as nothing but compliments from others - that I look better with a shaved head.    I spent decades agonizing over the hair (or lack thereof) on the top of my head.   There weren't many waking moments when I wasn't obsessing over whether I had full "coverage", whether the Rogaine residue was visible, whether my hair system was detectable, or whether the estrogen boost that I was getting from taking Finasteride would affect my body.    The exact moment I decided to go sly (thanks to the guys on this board) and took that step -- all of the agony disappeared.   
  
  We are our own worst critics.  I know -- I had convinced myself that I would be less attractive and desirable with MPB and thought that I could buy my way out of the problem.   The reality is that for the first time in my adult life -- I have very attractive women coming up out of the blue and commenting on how they love my shaved head and how great I look.   There's nothing like walking down the street and having a very attractive woman looking in my eyes and smiling.   
  
  Trust me - you won't regret shaving your head.   Expect shock that first day or two (or 30).   Once you pass that magical threshold you'll kick yourself for not doing it sooner.   And for those that say it doesn't look good -- ask them "hmmm and how do you think you look?"  Guarantee that'll shut them up every time. 
  
  
• #14 by Magoo on 27 Feb, 2010 09:27
• If someone says they don't like your bald look, say....I don't believe I asked for your opinion.