Wasting Your Life

[SlyBaldDude]

I turned 41 this year.  40 was a little weird.  41 I'm getting used to.  I've noticed however that the older I get the less time I spend maintaining relationships that have no value.  I don't try to maintain relations with people that don't treat me well.  I don't see relatives that piss me off.  I'm not mean about it,  I just don't go out of my way to communicate.  I find that the few friends I have left are worth my time and I enjoy being with them.  The rest I havn't really missed.  This used to bother me.  It don't any more though.  I can't wait until I can finish the fence I started building around my house!  I've been self employed for about two years.  I work out of an office in the garage and I really like it most of the time.  I don't' mind only seeing my family and hardly anybody else.  Thing is,  I don't really like going to social situations any more.  It's a hassle and usually I'd rather be doing something else like indulging in a hobby or watching TV.

Anybody find similar happenings after passing 40 or do I need some therapy for my anti-social behavior?

[DuffRyder17]

It's your life Dude... gotta say that I am the complete opposite, I love having many friends and going to social events. but that is just me.

[aarrggh]

     NO.. Just slowed down abit with the hanging out with friends do too long hours at work almost everyday..
             GET YOURSELF A CAT ! ! ! !     

[Mikekoz13]

You asked ...so.....

You are just one of what America is becoming..... A society of loners.... people that only communicate within a very small circle.
People that stay in the house to watch movies, work, and even socialize........such as on the web.

My own opinion is that this great Country is becoming a society of people with no discenrible people skills. I see it every day. Don't believe me? Say hello to a stranger and look at the way they look at you the majority of the time...... or the way they seem surprised that you spoke to them. I talk to stangers at work everyday just for these reasons... to let them know there is life outside thier little tiny world.

Life is short my friend....and so many people you randomly meet may just be someone that will change your life forever...... I speak from personal experience.

[D.A.L.U.I.]

Getting older, get serious, I just turned 65, I still enjoy meeting people, learning new things, hearing new ideas, in a word--LIVING.  Guy you really need to think this out a little more.  Life no longer "Begins at Forty" as they used to say, it has now been said to Begin at Sixty.  You better check your vitamin regime.

[hammerdrill376]

Hey brother. I am 46 and to a degree I understand what you mean. There will be times when people and relationships will be moved out of your life for a reason.. its called growth. Sometimes when you feel a need to be alone it might be a higher part of you wanting to grow more and come to know more about yourself than you have ever known before. Nothing wrong with that but on the other hand don't isolate yourself from the rest of the world. There are people out there who need us to be kind, even if it's nothing more than holding open a door, helping them with a project or saying a kind word. I like what Mother Theresa said about relationships with others and how they might not treat us as we want to be treated but to go on and be kind to them because, as she puts it, "in the final analyis..it was never between you and them..it was always between you and God."

[buddha]

SBDude, I know whereof you speak and can relate. I think that with age I have become less tolerant of people with whom I have little to nothing in common. Therefore, I do not strain to maintain these relationships. There are also people who get rubbed the wrong way by my unique personality. Again, waste of time to chase after them to try to get them to be my friends.

The other side of the coin is that I am now in a profession that consists entirely of helping people, the vast majority of whom I have never met. I get reports from my manager as to the complimentary things these people say about me after I take care of them for a few days/weeks. So I have absolutely no difficulty relating to people, helping them feel safe, and being of assistance to them when they are at their most vulnerable.

The point is I don't believe that this is a black/white issue. It sounds to me as though you don't care much for clutter in your personal life. I think that this is just a process of discernment. Each of us relates to different types and outside of that circle it just doesn't feel comfortable. So why chase it? It doesn't mean that I don't stop and offer to help the guy with the flat tire in the rain, maybe I just don't want to hang out with him afterward.

[Ming the Merciless]

As Robert Frost said, "Good fences make good neighbors."  When I'm home, on my fenced property, gate locked, I like to completely alone here at "Walden by the Expressway," but everyone needs (I'd say), at least a handful of friends.  Despite a history full of recluses and hermits, humans are irrevocably social.  I do get out and around, and have work that brings me into contact with dozens every day, co-workers and others in a job that allows a lot of casual social interaction with co-workers.

Now, I know folks who, when they throw a bash, can have two hundred show up, 'tho not all of these are really friends, but are really more than casual acquaintances.  If I threw a party for everyone who I call a "good friend," well...let me see...of those within an hour or less...well, the count is just about a dozen.  I don't think anyone really needs a lot more friends than this.  But, of course, that's me speaking, who finds a handful enough.  Some of this dozen includes the vast bash hosts above, so I get to go to some really substantial affairs.  I give, however, nearly no affairs over the past two or three years, and have had essentially no one pass my doorstep during that time (health matters, largely).  The house begins to look like a set for a play about the Collyer brothers.  But I intend to host again...once the energy to neaten returns and the urge to let litter lie wanes.

But, as I said, being a recluse is entirely within the human ambit, uncommon 'tho it is in this age where the pressures seem all towards having you snuggle up to just about everyone and try to see everyone's good points.  Well, some people don't have any good points, or those so small as to be not worth the time of unearthing.

So, if a restricted social life suits you...that's fine.

[Papa Don]

I don't think you have thought this statement out.  Despite what you say,  people need people.  I don't have a large group of friends, perhaps I have 6 or 7 that I really call friends.  The others are just aquaintances.  My problem is that I try really hard to greet and meet people.  Almost to a fault.  I have found in my 60+ years that in todays society, this turns people off.  If it does, so be it.  I just move on. I've given of myself and if you don't want to accept it, shame on you.

[Larry]

 Wow!  Sounds just like me and happened exactly when I hit 40.  Last night my sister in law yelled at me because I called her sister stupid but yelling at me didn't make her sister any smarter.  I don't think I'll bother with her any more.  You don't need therapy any more than I do. 

[SlyBaldDude]

A wise man once said, "God is great,  Beer is good and People are crazy".

[DuffRyder17]

You asked ...so.....

You are just one of what America is becoming..... A society of loners.... people that only communicate within a very small circle.
People that stay in the house to watch movies, work, and even socialize........such as on the web.

My own opinion is that this great Country is becoming a society of people with no discenrible people skills. I see it every day. Don't believe me? Say hello to a stranger and look at the way they look at you the majority of the time...... or the way they seem surprised that you spoke to them. I talk to stangers at work everyday just for these reasons... to let them know there is life outside thier little tiny world.

Life is short my friend....and so many people you randomly meet may just be someone that will change your life forever...... I speak from personal experience.

I was gonna go off on this tangent too. but I knew someone would to it better.... I completely second what Koz is sayin here.

[ozzie]

Don't think I'd rush to call it anti-social behavior. Maybe your priorities have simply changed. Seems to me like you are now very comfortable in your own skin, and don't need the validation that many social butterflies seek out. And guess what? You will continue to grow and change as well. Who knows? Next year we might find you galavanting around the countryside in search of a spotlight or two.

The key, as far as I'm concerned, lies in the question: Are you creating value with what you are doing with your life? Something of true value for your own life, your family, even, dare I say, for your community?

The way you feel about yourself and what you are doing will give you the answer. If your activities give you a real sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, then keep it up. Even if it does mean you are holed up in the garage. If you face the day, or end the day, with a feeling of emptiness, or dissatisfaction, then maybe there is something there that needs to be faced, and hopefully addressed.

[Timmay]

I dont think it is wasting your life away.  Wasting your time makng friends with people whom you thougth were friends. Then it turns out they could give a rats ass....now thats a waste.

[Tyler]

I like the angle Ozzie took with this.  I think that you should focus on creating value for your life and others.  That doesn't mean that you need a ton of people around you to do that; though, it might make it easier if they are the right people.