I'm a boomer parent, born at the very end of World War II, and although many of the statements ring true, I can't think when and where we learned to "parent" this way--my wife and I are way guilty with few exceptions. One case in particular stands out. A friend of my wife's decided that their kids, a couple of years older needed to learn about classical music at a pre-school level, I'm talking 2-3 years old. Well peer pressure got our oldest at least to attend these sessions and we paid the price. I realized it was a dumb thing, but I was put in a situation that if she didn't attend, we were denying her the right to become all she could be. Due to the public school situation in New Orleans, we sent both girls to a private school--and that was a lucky break for them. Whereas other private schools in the area pressured the kids academically, socially and in sports [and that's what their parents actually want], this school was guided by the idea that the purpose of elementary schools was to introduce the children to education in a way that NUMBER 1, gave them the greatest chance to leave eight years later liking themselves, and NUMBER 2 enjoying the process of learning. With that base, fortunately they were able to avoid the slings and arrows of scheduled dance classes, soccer, etc. that we, as parents felt we had to do as the result of peer pressure. I'm, in retrospect, not surprised that the kids at that school wound up at some of the most prestigious schools in the nation--although how it happens is still pretty much a mystery to me.
Fortunately both survived, got through school, college and grad school pretty much intact.
They also grew up in a culture, although somewhat more permissive toward teenage drinking--Louisiana's legal age was 18 until the feds stepped in and forced a "change". It's also a open 24/7 city--no "Closing Time". Fortunately, the law looked the other way. So, by the time they reached college age they didn't see any point in the binge drinking, they both knew what the pleasures and purpose of alcohol was--unlike their classmates from more rigorously "American" style cultures. They were horrified that bars closed at 2a, and actually checked ID's. It was totally out of their realm of experience. Their Mother & I had grown up in that permissive culture too, and we were and are amazed at college kids who came to town with our daughters for Mardi Gras and Jazz Fest who didn't know how to make a good drink, much less how to consume it.
But, we did over parent, so they will too, I think. It's the result of society pressuring all of us to make our children perfect, emphasis on make. But, children are very resilient, and our pressures didn't seem to totally freak them out. They did know that no matter what they did, for good or for bad, they had unconditional love at home, and could call anytime, any place--and we would do whatever was necessary to straighten things out--and I don't apologize for that one bit. I don't know how we back away from the over parenting thing, without the appearance of being neglectful and bad parents. That's for the 20 and 30 Somethings to solve--I'm not in that race anymore, and I'm glad of it.
