I have a date, suggestions needed

[j_nel_2003]

Hi there, this is my second post, I haven't shaved my head yet, but I have a plan to do it memorial day weekend.  Still very very scared, but each day my hair gets worse and worse, so it's time, I've accepted it, but still doesnt mean I'm not scared to death, of what I'm gonna think, my family and friends.  I have had a few friends tell me I should shave it, but my family has said I have to big of a head, which hurts.  I wear a size 8 hat, do my head is big, but so is my face lol.  And the dent in the back, really worries me, I'm hoping it won't look to bad.  But anyways, I met this girl awhile back, and we've talked off and on for awhile.  Haven't seen her in awhile, just been talking by phone, she lives in a different state for school.  She is back this weekend so we are going golfing and to the movies.  My ideal date lol, anyways I've told her I'm going bald awhile back.  Her reply was I find bald people attractive but I am sorry you are going through that.  Seems like a great response, but she hasn't seen it yet.  What do you guys think, should I show her my balding, and tell her I plan to shave, and ask if she'd be ok with it.  Not alot of experience with this, so just curious what your guyses opinions are because you guys on here are the guy I want to be some day!! Just comfortable with myself.  Thanks in advance

[slybeard]

Just be honest.  Tell her you are considering shaving it at some point.  Ask her for her thoughts.  She seems understanding from her other comments.  But don't make your hair the total focus of your date, focus on her.

[clipped]

I hesitated a lot about clipper shaving my head and razor shaving occasionally.  Looking back, all the worry was not worth the effort & anxiety. I eventually lived with the #000000 clipper shave and on occasion a razor shave and it made no negative difference in my life....only positive differences. I am a lot older than you and married, so I know my experience may not seem relevant to you. But, my advice is to shave or clipper shave and meet her.  You already discussed the situation with her and she has already said some things that sound supportive, so don't "overthink" this.  Just do what you want ...shave and have the date as if you were always bald.  She sounds like a gem and a keeper.

[mrzed]

Are you likely to go bald someday anyway?  Then if this is going to be a long term relationship, she better be able to get used to a bald head eventually.  If your hair status is so important to her that it ends a relationship, better to look for someone else.

A neat hairstyle, styles, clippered super short or shaved bald, are all just that, a hairstyle.  If it's done well and neatly, go for what you like. 

there are enough testimonies of young men on this site who shave their heads and still get dates and wives. 

[buddha]

So this is a first date and you're considering asking her if she's be OK with it? Pardon my impertinence but you are giving this girl waaaay too much authority over what you do with your own body. There's plenty of time for that after the marriage when you have the risk of losing half your stuff if you don't comply with her demands. What I'm saying is not about her, mind you, it is about the process of you surrendering your autonomy without any type of request from her.
Here's my idea, shave your head before she gets back and keep it shiny. If she doesn't like it that is an indicator of what any type of future relationship would look like, especially if you do go bald.
And if she is genuinely attracted to bald guys, well, things may turn out for the better.
Now I realize that my approach on this might render me unpopular in certain circles once again. The fact is that guys are at enough of a disadvantage in the whole dating, marriage, divorce process without running up the white flag at the first sign of a doubt. Stand up for yourself now and start setting the tone for the rest of your life.

[Laser Man]

My advice: go golfing and to the movies like you plan...and make the most of that.  If you two enjoy each other's company, arrange another date.  At this point, don't worry about or even bring up the topic of balding / shaving.  It's just not relevant or important at this point in a new relationship and it makes you come off as insecure which is usually a turn-off for most women.  Think of it this way: what if this woman spent the first date with you talking about changing her hair style or color?  Wouldn't that seem peculiar and boring? Lastly, baldness is a natural phenomenon and head shaving is pretty common these days.  Do you think every bald guy is unhappy and unable to find a companion?  Very unlikely...

[Mike E. P.]

I wouldn't make any decisions with her in mind especially since she has essentially told you being bald/ going bald doesn't matter. If this is something YOU want to do, then do it.

[j_nel_2003]

It went well, didn't bring up the balding at all.  We both want to hang out again, but the next time it's possible I'll probly be fully bald.  How do I go about this?  Man I'm scared, this is very tough because of the size of my head. I just can't get it out of my head.  I also think the back of my head will look bad to because it feels boney and weird.  Idk, just venting again I guess.  Thanks for all your advice on this thread!!

[geeman]

If you do it and own it, she'll notice the confidence and women are attracted to confident men, only shallow people are that hung up on looks, it's still you, once you've done it, there's nothing to worry about, get on with your life, and your new relationship, worrying isn't an attractive trait, a confident man, is.

[Semi-Sly]

If you do it and own it, she'll notice the confidence and women are attracted to confident men, only shallow people are that hung up on looks, it's still you, once you've done it, there's nothing to worry about, get on with your life, and your new relationship, worrying isn't an attractive trait, a confident man, is.

I agree.  Don't "talk" to her about it.  Don't "kvetch" about it.  Women don't want whinny guys who are insecure about themselves and their appearance.  Just do it and show up with it.  Don't ask permission!  Women like men who are decisive and confident in themselves.

Stop giving this thing "free rent" inside your head.  Just go ahead and do it for Pete sake!  Don't wait for Memorial Day weekend.  Do it now.  You are going to feel so much better and you won't have to spend one more second of useless "Angst" about it.

[j_nel_2003]

Thanks guys, it's tough because I don't have the it'll grow back option at this point in my life.  But I know it needs to be done.  I was curious, is having a slight dip in the crown area normal, it like dips down and then curves around a bone then another bone, it's weird lol, it's like a bumpy trail the back of my head is