My particular and difficult case

[Pokky17]

Hey guys,

it's quite tough for me to be writting this as I've never talked about it with anybody. I have a particularly exceptional case of hair loss and it's been quite a lot of time I'm worrying about it. I'm 21.

When I was a child I had the bad habit of touching my hair in a way that was gradually weaken it. I felt like I hadn't that much hair but it wasn't any kind of problem until around two years ago, when I realized I was losing hair. Nowadays, the loss is increasing so much. The worse part of it, is that due to that damn habit, I can note a hair loss also in the sides and the back of the head. At the moment, the loss in the frontal part is quite significant, keeping oddly blank spaces with no sense, and with no longer the enough hair to comb in any 'normal' way.

I've using k-max for around a year, and it worked good at the beginning and I felt good with it but it doesn't no longer do such effect. I'm astonished at what pace I'm losing hair those last days. I have a girlfriend, objectively considered as a very good looking girl, and we've been for 3 and a half years of relation. I haven't been enough brave to talk with her about this, nor with my family. I feel this situation has changed my behaviour. Right now I'm on an international exchange with the university, which ends in december, so It's been a few months I haven't seen my girlfriend nor my friends and family. I'm just afraid of returning to my hometown and finish my last university year (still 4 months of classes to finish).

Due to the situation I mentioned, I've been realising that sooner or later the uncontrolled hair loss randomly in my head will be even more evident in the future and I'd need to shave completely my head, but my intention was to postpone it until I graduate. However, I don't feel like I can manage to do so. As how I've been through my life, very open-minded, quite a party-boy in my adolescence, I'm afraid of shaving my head that 'soon' and showing my self to my girlfriend, family and friends. My ideal life plan was to shave it while I graduate and before going abroad to study a Master's, which would make me a lot easier to start a 'new life', and would give me also plenty of time to gain a lot of confidence.

My concern has to do with the irregular hair loss I'm experimenting, and how would it look while shaved. Thus, the option of 're-grow hair if not happy' doesn't exist to me since from the moment I shave there would not be any backward. Regarding to this topic, I'm also quite concerned about the 'shadow' of my shave since I would not like to make it much visible because I fear that it may be quite odd. Overall, this topic is being a nightmare for me for quite a lot of time. It's the first time I decide to read this forum and as far as I read I've found plenty of good phrases and motivating statements that just cheered me up, which is something I really appreciate. I see this topic now as a complete taboo because of my situation. I'd like to hear any comments about my case so everything will be appreciated.

Thank you for reading.

[ThePangolin]

First, let me say welcome. We are glad that you joined and are reaching out! Youre not alone in your concerns, many guys have the same worries and struggles with thier hair loss.

I want to make it clear at the beginning of my thoughts, that we are not meant to persuade you of anything. You've reached out asking other guys who have gone through similar things, hoping we can share some comfort or insight that will help you choose the right path to take at this fork in the road of life. We can attempt to be that helpful hand, but we cant make decisions for you! I hope that you can take in whatever responses you get here, and then think and (if you're a Christian, pray!) let it all soak in for a little while before making a choice.

Do you keep your hair and continue the fight against losing it? Do you shave it and embrace the bald look?

I am also 21. I have been losing my hair since i was 15 or so. I didnt realize how bad it was until last night looking through family photos, watching it get thinner and thinner as the years came faster. I cut my own hair, and i messed it up a few weeks ago pretty badly. I decided to go skin smooth, on a whim, no forethought. Just to see how it looked and if i could handle it. I loved it.

At first (first couple days) it was strange but still intriguing, and felt great.  Feeling cool air, water, lotion, a hand, everything on the head feels so much better. Immediately i loved the cut in time it takes to shower - no hair to wash! No bedhead in the morning. No worries in rainstorms or wearing hats. No worries at all, always clean, always sharp.

Suddenly, sunglasses make me look like a hit man. The bald look suits my work well as a private security officer. Ive gotten nearly completely positive reactions to it, except for a few who dont mind it but ask "why?", mainly because they hadn't noticed the thinning hair as much as i did.

Now, a couple weeks into it, im pretty darn sure im never going back to hair. Especially having looked back at the family photos last night and seeing all the thin spots on my head, i realized i needed to face this now rather than later. I took a plunge, and im really glad i did.

Its not right for everyone. Some men just dont look good bald, and thats ok! Some men dont look good with long hair, others do, and thats ok too. We are individuals, we are meant to be different, we are meant to be unique. God created us all with singular identifiers that show how we differentiate from one another. Being bald may not be for you, but theres only one GOOD way to find out... Try it.

To address your concerns about finishing school first, and letting your girlfriend/family see, etc.... I had these worries too, except for the girlfriend part, ive never had one. These are mostly insecurities that we spend too much time worrying about, because when its all said and done, we care a lot more about what people will think that what they actually do think.

Your girlfriend may not particularly like a smooth head, but will she break up with you over that? I doubt it... if she did, was she the right girl to share your life with after all? I personally would hope that if i had a girlfriend, my choice of hairstyle or lack of hair wouldn't turn her away from me.

Your parents may be surprised at first, like mine were, but if you explain your situation and that you're tired of the hair loss and the bald spots, im sure they will understand.

Waiting till after graduation is fine if thats what you want to do, but why not make it a statement now? Why not just do it for you, right now, today, when you finish reading this post? Go to school tomorrow and when someone asks why you shaved your head bald, you can answer "i felt like trying it out! Its a new trend it seems and i wanted to give it a try!". That shows youre not worried about your hair, and the fact that you have been losing it isn't traumatizing you because heck you just shaved it all off. It shows confidence and assurance in your own skin. This is not only attractive to others, but it will help boost your own self esteem and you will learn to like your new self a lot more.

You mentioned the "habit" of pulling on your hair... have you checked into that? Some people have OCD disorders or "ticks" as we call them, that can often be solved with therapy or unfortunately sometimes medication. If your hair loss is not Male Pattern Baldness but rather is caused by your pulling it out, maybe you should worry more about figuring out how to stop doing that nasty little "habit"? Just a suggestion!

If however you are losing your hair naturally, despite the habit, Choosing to go bald and shave your head is probably the best choice you can make. I know many here have done it as i have, and we agree its liberating to not have that worry in your life anymore, about how your hair looks.

Again as for waiting till you graduate, if that would comfort you, then wait! I would only advise that waiting and doing it when you'll be moving overseas for a masters, and then returning bald will be more of a shocker than doing it one day and letting people see it and get accustomed to it before you go. It would look a lot more like you are ashamed of it if you did it while not around people you know, than it would be to just do it now and see it as a choice, a trend, a good thing - instead of hiding it from people. Embrace it man!

Its interesting we are the same age but have different perspectives on this... i hated the thinning hair for so long, and finally when i messed up my hair cut i just decided "fine, im going bald to see if i can swing it. Its going to happen on its own someday soon anyway." No hesitation, no tears, and quite honestly, i am a lot happier when i look in the mirror now than i have been in years. I would much rather have a consistent nice clean shaved head, than thinning ugly hair that im constantly worried about how it looks and keep it styled just so etc. I am very happy, i wish every guy our age that has this choice to make could be as happy with baldness as i am!

Forgive the rant, but i hope this encourages you to think about it more positively and make the choice that you think is best for you! We are here to support you, not convert you. Theres plenty of folks who have joined here with no intention of becoming bald, they are just curious. Theres others who have joined looking for advice and ended up not choosing to be bald. Its up to you, do what will make you happy and what you believe is best for you.

Good luck!

[jbrit25]

First off, I don't think your hair loss was caused by touching your hair. Maybe it caused the hair to let go, but it didn't cause the follicle to shut down.  There's so much misinformation about hair loss out there. My mom used to tell me that wearing hats caused hair loss. Hormones, genes, or sickness cause hair loss. Thats why its so hard to fight it. As for irregular loss, I have that as well. I'm an everyday shaver and its not really that noticeable. Ive never had anyone tell me that that they can see the patches. Now if you were to only buzz your hair to say a one and not take the razor to it it will be noticeable, but I'm willing to bet no one will really care. Good luck to you. Don't get discouraged.