Newbie with a dilemma.

[gsxr60097]

First off I have to say coming here makes me feel a whole lot better about my situation.  Glad to be a member.

My situation:  almost 30yrs old, single, low self confidence but I still try, anxiety problems, 6'6" tall @ 190lbs so I look really thin but I do have some muscles.

I have asked people how I would look buzzing my head and they are totaly against it.  I have a lot less hair than alot of the people on here that shaved there heads.  My front is almost gone.  I have been taking propecia for the last 4 months adn don't think it is doing anything but hurting my libido.  I want to buzz it but It will show all the bald areas and right now they are thinning but it still looks good somewhat except the front.  My hairline is going up and up and up.  I am just not dealing with it very well.  I don;t know what to do.  If i show you guys a pic you will all say definitely shave it, I am sure of that.  I just don't know if I should wait another year or what...Damn balding sucks.

[jusbnme]

First of all, welcome gsxr60097.  Glad to have you here.  Don't get frustrated with loosing your hair.  I know you probably don't want to hear anything like this right now but the best thing you could do for yourself is to just accept it.  I mean, what else is there to do but just that.  After you accept it and realize it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about how you look you can move on and start living a more stress free life.  Trust me.  I use to worry endlessly about my "goose egg" I had on top of my head and the receding lines on each side of the front of my head.  I would worry to no end.  It was like every time I would step out to go somewhere I would always wonder if people were noticing it.  Of course my wife would always try to support me and say it was fine but I still wasn't fine with it.  Once I finally accepted it and told myself that if nobody else wants to accept me for exactly what and who I am then I don't need their company anyway.  But then once I made the decision to go "Sly" my confidence really took off.  People that don't have to deal with hair loss, or people that just love to have hair, really don't understand how big of a deal it is for people like us to want to go sly.  I'm not just talking about people that are thinning or loosing hair.  I'm also speaking about those of us who have hair but feel more confident without it.  It's sort of a big step in our lives.  It was for me anyway.  It was like a new beginning in a way.  I think the best thing for you to do is to shave it and give it at least a month for it to "grow on you."  I'm 6'2" myself and around 220.  So I don't really have that "big tough bald guy" appearance.  In my opinion, I wouldn't wait another year for anything.  I would shave it, get off those pills, and enjoy the new you.  I've seen it many times on this forum.  It will be awkward at first but I'll bet you after about the first 2 weeks you will love the new, sly you.  But one thing is for sure...You have definitely come to the right place.  There are a lot of great people here who will give you all the encouragement you will need.  Keep us posted.  Good luck bro. 

[Argyle]

I have had one or two beers this evening so will keep this brief.  But I am 28, balder than anyone I know in terms of quantity of remianing hair, and whilst i dont always like the totally sly look, (I do most of the time) I know one thing for sure, that I look a lot better like this than the alternative. 

Take a chance, embrace it and grow to love it.  Trust me it does feel great after you have shaved

[Robmeister]

Welcome, GSX....there are plenty of dudes here who have gone through the same thing....take note of their advice

[gsxr60097]

The thing that is so unnerving is my job.  I work with alot of people and know the grief they will put me through.  It would be way different if I had a more random and solitary job where I didn't have to see the same people everyday.  I am a popular guy at work and I know they would grow to accept it and so would I but I like the way I look with hair.  Even the little bit I have on my head now.  This is tough.  The thing that always got looks from women wasn't particularly my hair but I am tall and athletic and deemed all american and not all but alot of women would stop dead in their tracks just to look sometimes.  I feel I will be losing my attractivness.  Although all the guys on here look good shaved.  I just don't know if I am ready to take the plunge.

[gsxr60097]

Also,  if I do do it I am most likely going to buzz it short first.  If I follow through I am waiting until vacation so I can get a week to get used to it and get a tan on my dome because I think that looks better.  I will bring the clippers but I will not know until that day comes on August...

[jusbnme]

Hey bro, if you honestly feel inside that you like yourself with hair even if it's not much then that is how you should keep it.  But to be perfectly honest with you it doesn't sound like you are happy with it.  Why else would you be doubting it and on this forum looking for support.  I think deep down you are ready to take the plunge but you just haven't siked yourself up for the jump just yet.  Man, I'm telling you once you've went for it you will feel like a new man.  Do what you feel is going to make you happy inside everyday.  Not what you think will make the people around you happy.  Good luck. 

[jusbnme]

Also,  if I do do it I am most likely going to buzz it short first.  If I follow through I am waiting until vacation so I can get a week to get used to it and get a tan on my dome because I think that looks better.  I will bring the clippers but I will not know until that day comes on August...

Yeah, actually that is a good idea.    Clip it down low first so it's not a total shock to you, or anyone else if you are really worried about that.  Then if you feel like you would like to take it all the way down you can do that.  I had been shaving my head for years with clippers before I decided to go sly.  I started with a 1/4 inch guard and then went down to a 1/8 guard.  Eventually I ended up shaving it with no guard for about a year until I finally just went all the way. 

[Robmeister]

The thing that always got looks from women wasn't particularly my hair but I am tall and athletic...I feel I will be losing my attractivness.

You'd be gaining attractiveness, I think....here you seem to allude to the fact that your build makes up for your hair challenge.....why not round out the package?

I asked my wife, who is a pretty hip and savvy chick....and she said that an attractive, tall, athletic guy would look better bald than clinging to scraps.

Most of us who work, with the exception of just a few....deal with the "seeing the same people everyday"....

Sure, it's a little awkward at first....but frankly, people don't care about it as much as we do.   Go for it....don't worry about the grief you may get (if you even get it)....come up with some witty or smart-ass remarks ahead of time so yer not being apologetic about it.  If you feel you owe them a real answer, just tell them you wanted to "check it out"...

Check it out for a few weeks...if after that you just can't stand it and people are beating the sh** outa ya verbally (which we highly doubt)...hey man....it always grows back.

But I can almost guarantee, you'll be so liberated you won't go back.....like the vast majority of us here.

Vash...one of our very articulate Sly Guys has a great set of affirmations here (go 4 posts down from the top):

http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=1302.0

Also, here is a post where we shared some smart-ass remarks to people's questions:

http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=1028.0

[gsxr60097]

Thanks for the positive feedback...

On a deeper side the real reason I am having problems is the anxiety I suffer from.  I praise myself just for making it out to lunch with people and not having an attack.  It has destroyed my romantic endeavors to say the least.  I guess i am stuck in the mentality of when I was 18 when my life got turned upside down from this and holding on to my hair is part of that mental mindset.  I guess I am trying to do things that should have been done a decade ago to catch up and turning thirty isn't helping either.  That is the true underlying cause of my frustration with my identity I know it.  I have lost alot due to this and after 11 years of drugs that don't work I am concentrating on lifestyle changes and they are working a bit.  Therapy is working but its no cure.

[jusbnme]

Thanks for the positive feedback...

On a deeper side the real reason I am having problems is the anxiety I suffer from.  I praise myself just for making it out to lunch with people and not having an attack.  It has destroyed my romantic endeavors to say the least.  I guess i am stuck in the mentality of when I was 18 when my life got turned upside down from this and holding on to my hair is part of that mental mindset.  I guess I am trying to do things that should have been done a decade ago to catch up and turning thirty isn't helping either.  That is the true underlying cause of my frustration with my identity I know it.  I have lost alot due to this and after 11 years of drugs that don't work I am concentrating on lifestyle changes and they are working a bit.  Therapy is working but its no cure.

Check it out bro...I usually wouldn't open up about things I consider very personal but I feel that the people here are genuinely good hearted and would not judge me no matter what.  So I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone on the anxiety issue.  I'm also 30.  For years I always had a problem that I just couldn't explain.  It wasn't something that was always with me but I would have to say it started some time around age 16 or 17.  It was like I was constantly worried about stuff all the time.  Little things too.  Some of these things I felt were even so small I felt it was stupid to be worrying about.  One of the biggest things was my thinning hair.  The receding in the front really didn't start until about 23 or so.  But I started getting thin in the back, which eventually led to a goose egg, around age 16.  I was constantly worried about it all the time.  I almost hated to go anywhere wondering what people were thinking about me.  As time went on my anxiety about things got worse.  I started to dislike going to "get-togethers", whether it was a party or just a family event.  Like I said before, I started worrying about little things like if I needed something from the store I felt the urge that I needed it right then.  Like it couldn't wait until the next time I would go out.  It was weird to me.  Eventually it started to effect my attitude.  Because I would get so worked up from the anxiety it would, in turn, give me a bad temper.  I started having a short fuse and being very snappy at people around me.  I didn't know at the time I had an anxiety problem.  Once my wife and I were married she had suggested to me that I either talk to someone or at least explain to a doctor what was going on.  It wasn't like a daily thing where I was this horrible person but I would have my bad moments.  I just didn't want to admit something was wrong with me.  But as time drew near that my wife and I were discussing having a baby I figured it was time to suck up my pride and be a real man and admit I may have a problem I just can't control.  So I went to talk to my doctor and after evaluating me they let me know I had a mild case of anxiety.  I have been on some medicine for it for a little over 2 years now and it has helped tremendously.  But learning to let go of some of the things I can not change has helped me just as much.  There are quite a few insecurities I have let go of in the past few years.  But one that was real important for me was letting go of the worries I had about what others thought of me.  One way I did that was to shave my head because I thought it would make me more confident about my looks and my hair thinning.  I was right.  It did help me a lot.  Maybe just that one small decision could make all the difference in the world for you too.  Who knows?  Maybe at least be a "stepping stone."  But definitely do things for you and let go of your insecurities.  It's a form of therapy that no one else can offer you.  Only you can do it.  Good luck bro.

[Razor X]

I have had one or two beers this evening so will keep this brief.  But I am 28, balder than anyone I know in terms of quantity of remianing hair, and whilst i dont always like the totally sly look, (I do most of the time) I know one thing for sure, that I look a lot better like this than the alternative. 

Take a chance, embrace it and grow to love it.  Trust me it does feel great after you have shaved

Wow, I could have written that!!

For the original poster - what you're feeling is totally normal.  But the fact of the matter is that your hair loss is only going to get worse.  And losing it up front at the hairline is the worst sort of hair loss you can  have (I know from experience).  You can either agonize about it for the next couple of years, or you can shave your head now.  I say shave it now and save yourself that needless worry.  You know that you're probably going to end up shaving it sooner or later anyway, so just get it over with.  You'll be surprised at all the positive feedback you'll get, and your only regret will be not doing it sooner.  Ask any guy with a shaved head and he'll tell you the same.

Good luck.

[blondeguy]

Thanks for the positive feedback...

On a deeper side the real reason I am having problems is the anxiety I suffer from.  I praise myself just for making it out to lunch with people and not having an attack.  It has destroyed my romantic endeavors to say the least.  I guess i am stuck in the mentality of when I was 18 when my life got turned upside down from this and holding on to my hair is part of that mental mindset.  I guess I am trying to do things that should have been done a decade ago to catch up and turning thirty isn't helping either.  That is the true underlying cause of my frustration with my identity I know it.  I have lost alot due to this and after 11 years of drugs that don't work I am concentrating on lifestyle changes and they are working a bit.  Therapy is working but its no cure.

I know the crippling effects of social anxiety.  What I can tell you is that shaving your head is a liberating experience.  You feel refreshed, like a new version of you.  In my case I couldn't be happier.  The world reacts differently to me now, and I'm not afraid charging headfirst into any situation to see what happens.  I truly believe changing my look was the catalyst for my new confidence, and I wouldn't have felt motivated to do it if it wasn't for this website.  I never truly realized how unhappy I was with my self-image until I adopted this new me, and I feel now like my true personality shines through.  All my reactions at work and in public have been positive.  I think you'll have the same experience.

Many of us went through that same feeling of hesitation over doing it.  I mulled it for a week.  I'll tell you that once you do it, you realize it's not a big deal--just another hairstyle, albeit one without hair!  It was a 3-day period of acceptance for me--I loved it the first night, had second thoughts the next day when my scalp was overly sensitive to every wind current, and knew I would be sporting this look for years to come by that third night when my scalp was acclimated.  It's fun and invigorating.  I look forward to every morning shave...something cathartic about getting rid of the stubble and feeling smooth skin afterward.

Stick around and check out the rest of the forums, even if you don't decide to shave right away.  Feel free to post a picture or two.  A common theme you'll find from the guys here including me is wondering why we didn't shave sooner!

[Sgt. Pate]

I'm BBC and I could grow a full head of hair if I wanted.  To me, I'm finally free from a bondage I've had for a very long time.
In your case, I'm thinking you'll feel so much relief once you get used to the new look!
I know that I actually do look better with hair but it isn't worth giving up the feeling of freedom and confidence I have now.
My hair is not dictating my life to me anymore!  I am in control and I call the shots!     (NOT those shots!)  Sheesh!

Man, BBC is the only way to go!   

[Tyler]

GSXR - I hear you on the anxiety thing.  I've never had a problem with anxiety, but I can tell you that regardless of what's happening in your life, just remember to be thankful for what you have at the moment because it could always be worse.

You sound like a strong, healthy guy - be thankful for that.  I was born with a congenital heart defect.  I had four open-heart surgeries by the time I was 12 years old.  Growing up, I lived in an area that was very hot and most people hung around the lakes, rivers and pools to deal with the heat.  This meant that 5 to 6 months of my life every year were spent without a shirt on; with two huge scars and several smaller ones for everyone to see.  I was self-conscious at times, but I always remembered two of my roommates I had during my several trips to the hospital. 

The first guy had a similar heart problem that I did.  We had surgery a day apart, him first.  I got out 7 days earlier than he did.  Mostly because he was defeated by his situation.  Even at a young age I knew this.  I never wanted to be like that.

6 weeks earlier, when I had my first surgery that summer (I was twelve), I had a roommate that was about 6 years younger than me.  He was in the hospital with two broken arms, two broken legs, and some other issues.  Not to mention, he was blind.  Worse than that, his family could only visit him an hour or two a day because they couldn't get off work much between their multiple jobs they needed to pay his medical bills.  Being his roommate taught me that the situation could always be worse than it is and to be thankful for what you have.

I hope this lesson from my life helps put some perspective on yours.