Sly Bald Guys Forum

Discussions About Being Bald => Bald Stories => Topic started by: crazy.irish.celt on July 18, 2009, 06:44:06 AM

Title: How I got over it...
Post by: crazy.irish.celt on July 18, 2009, 06:44:06 AM
I finally managed to overcome my hair loss.  Just like that.  All it took was one phone call.  Not shaving.  Not getting buff.  Not a new girlfriend.  Not even the encouragement found within this forum.  (These are all great, but, for me at least, did not provide instant gratification)  In short, it didn't take a healthy dose of confidence or a new-found sense of normalcy.  All it took was a drastic change in perspective.  This isn't exactly a new concept around here, but , like so many others, I wasn't able to achieve it without extra persuasion. 

I'm a young guy (23).  My battle was always centered around my age, and how unfair it was that I was being denied a trait possessed by the vast majority of my age group.  I was convinced that if I'd started losing my hair ten years from now it wouldn't be such a big deal.  I felt like my youth was being stolen away from me.  I feared ridicule by my peers, rejection by women, and all the other things one could possibly dread as a result of MPB.  I was always depressed and overly self-conscious.  In short, my quality of life had become severely limited.

Then I got the phone call...  It was a female friend from college.  She called me at 4:30 this morning because she couldn't sleep and wanted to talk.  Long-story-short, she found out on Friday that she has breast cancer, she's going in for a mastectomy on Tuesday, then starting a round of Chemo shortly thereafter.  She didn't seem nearly as apprehensive as I would have anticipated, and she talked about the impending operation as though it were something minor like a tonsillectomy.  Was I hearing her right?  She's going to lose a breast!  Isn't that a big deal?  Worse, she might die from all of this!  She didn't once mention the fact that she is only 21 and thus much younger than the normal age for breast cancer.  The worst part to her was the fact that she was going to lose her hair...  She was sad because she's going to lose her long, gorgeous brown hair.  She said, more or less, that she wouldn't feel like a woman without it.   And that's when it hit me.

I am a man.  A MAN, DAMNIT!  And men go bald.  It is a simple fact of life.  People expect it.  It's not life-threatening.  The only drawback is the preventable, reversible, self-imposed psychological damage.  To society, the loss of my hair in no way lessens my masculinity.  On the other hand, society in general creates a huge association between breasts, long hair, and femininity. As a man, being dealt the bald card is no more substantial than being dealt a certain complexion, height, metabolism, eye color, etc. You are still perfectly capable of living a happy, normal life.  Feeling weak and tired all the time, wanting to throw up everything you eat, feeling disassociated from your gender...  those are IMO legitimate reasons to be unhappy. 

HOW did I ever manage to let something like hair loss put a damper on my happiness?  Oh... wait... now I remember.  Because I was/am some combination of shallow, selfish, and self-absorbed.  I'm not saying that I will walk the straight-and-narrow from here on out.  I'm sure I'll have my days.  But I know that, with my new-found perspective, I will never again be capable of self-pity regarding my hair, regardless of any comments, looks, or rejections.

I guess this post really goes out to all of you who might still be struggling (even deep down) with losing your hair.  I KNOW it's not easy.  I don't expect this story to affect as it did me, simply because it is so personal for me.  This wasn't designed to be some chain-letter guilt trip and nothing I've suggested is in any way ground-breaking.  I just wanted to share how I arrived at my conclusion.  So...

All summed up, it could be SO MUCH WORSE.  I know I sound really self-righteous, but this is what worked for me...  stop worrying about your hair, and start being a better friend/spouse/sibling.  Use the energy you put into worrying about your appearance to help solve an actual problem.  Life can take a lot of things from you, but the appropriate perspective will ensure that you don't live in fear of loss, making you a much happier person all-round. 
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: slyatlast on July 18, 2009, 07:27:18 AM
You are wise beyond your years....
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: adam_r_todd on July 18, 2009, 08:24:11 AM
Very well-told story.  Congratulations on your epiphany and thank you so much for sharing it.  Helps us all to keep things in perspective.  After all, we're men, damnit. 
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: SBG Math Guy on July 18, 2009, 10:36:35 AM
excellent story.
There are people ou there who only eat meat twice a year, or never.
I am sure they would love to be bald if that would get them meat.
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: Paul on July 18, 2009, 02:18:58 PM
Fantastic story, fantastic outlook.   Attitude is everything, whether it is hairloss or fighting cancer.   I am sorry to hear about your firend.  As someone who has had several family members and a girlfriend with breast cancer, I can state categorically that your being there for your friend and seeing and treating her as a woman will be key in supporting your friend when the operation and subsequent chemo begins. 
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: Mikekoz13 on July 18, 2009, 05:05:00 PM
Celt -

Welcome!

That is one of the best posts I've ever read om SBG! Bully to you!

Please knoiw that your Friend will be in my Prayers this week.

Mike
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: zzaapp on July 18, 2009, 05:07:07 PM
I wish the best for your friend.  

It is good that you have been able to put your feelings into perspective, and unfortunate the circumstances that allowed you to do it.



I think Tyler should make this a "sticky"
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: sellitman on July 18, 2009, 06:39:47 PM
Celt,

Last year my oldest son had  successful Brain surgery to remove a tumor the size of a small tangerine. I won't go into details but needless to say I too have a very different viewpoint today as to what really matters in life and you are correct. Hair loss is so far down the list of problems in my life as to be laughable. Welcome to the site. Your post was excellent and your friend is lucky to have you around.

I wish her a long life.

 YR*(k
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: herronm on July 20, 2009, 11:53:30 AM
Celt, that is a great story.  The realism of what your friend is going through should help put everything in perspective.  Recently, we have had brothers go through very serious situations from death to family members to children hospitalized with life threatening illnesses. 

Those who agonize about thinning hair, comb overs and bald spots should stop and read your post.

I hope you continue to support your friend.  She seems to have her priorities in order.  You may even be surprised how much of a blessing she will be to you and others. 

I'm saying a prayer for her right now.  I know others will do the same.

Max
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: Stu on July 23, 2009, 05:05:11 PM
Celt -

Welcome!

That is one of the best posts I've ever read om SBG! Bully to you!

Please knoiw that your Friend will be in my Prayers this week.

Mike

Absolutely agree with Koz!  Keep us updated on your friend.  You have learned a huge life lesson at an early age and will be the better for it.
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: Tyler on July 23, 2009, 05:24:16 PM
Celt, I'm not sure how I missed this post over the last couple of days, but it was AWESOME!
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: BALDANDRE on July 23, 2009, 06:03:38 PM
Very nice bro...very nice! O0
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: crazy.irish.celt on July 27, 2009, 06:26:40 PM
Just wanted to say thanks to those of you who offered prayers and encouragement.

Talked to my friend today.  She is doing great.  They removed the tumor and discovered that it did not in fact have blood vessels growing through it, so she will be spared the chemo for now.  Also, a relative offered to pay for reconstructive surgery (implants) if she felt it would help her self-image.  She is riding the fence over the decision, but is relieved that she has the option.  All in all, she is infinitely better than when I last spoke with her. 
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: wpruitt on July 28, 2009, 06:54:50 PM
Great post ... and all the best to your friend
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: fcb2001 on August 14, 2009, 12:24:23 AM
thanks for the good news, iam so glad that when i decided to go bald in 2004, that i donated my hair to locks of love, which is very good for the patients undergoing chemo
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: TheBaldAndBeautiful on January 04, 2010, 07:31:40 PM
Great story.  Really like it.  I agree there are more things in life than the hair on top of your head.  I know sometimes I think about the hair and those pictures of me with hair, I quickly forget it and move on.  Somehow we're unique in a way.  Different from the rest.  Trust me, It'd be a boring world if everyone had the same things, hair, or hairstyles, clothing and the such.
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: pdxtodd on January 04, 2010, 08:48:07 PM
Great story and really helps to put everything into perspective.   Like so many have said on this board -- its just hair.  It could be so much worse.  I'm thankful for all the guys on this site and the words of encouragement.   

I hope your friend enjoys a quick recovery and full and rewarding life.   Thank her for helping us with putting life into perspective. 
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: geoguy on January 07, 2010, 03:07:07 AM
I read this post I think in August'09 and it has kinda stuck in my head.  This post has helped allot and really made quite an impression on me...

Thanx for sharing
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: Papa Don on January 07, 2010, 12:18:17 PM
Celt, sorry I didn't read your post earlier.  My thoughts and prayers goes to your lady friend.  And yes, you are wise beyound your years.  Your friend may have had cancer, but she is very fortunate to have you behind her. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: kenrh on January 07, 2010, 05:10:21 PM
A great story - thanks for posting.  Of course, all things are relative.  As they say, my headache is far worse than my friends brain tumour simply because it's mine and at many times we view the world very myopically.  I hope your friend is OK and in any case most bald women are just as gorgeous as with hair.

Have a great day.

Ken
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: HairToday on April 10, 2010, 07:47:45 PM
This is a really great story.  I lost my mom to breast cancer recently.  She was first diagnosed when I was 4, had a mastectomy, again when I was 11, and was in remission until I was 18, when she found out she had stage four metastasized cancer.  She fought it for 4 years, which is almost unheard of.  Even though she stopped chemotherapy towards the end, her hair never grew back.

A few weeks ago when I started freaking out about losing my hair, I felt so guilty because she had lost her hair AND fought cancer, and never showed any signs of weakness on the outside.  I'm glad that I found this site, and that I had the courage on what would have been her birthday to man up and get on with my life.  I've been sort of lost since she died, not really having a father that I was close to and dealing with deep psychological issues going back to childhood, but what she had to deal with really put things in perspective for me, just like your friend's ordeal did for you, it seems.

How's she doing now?
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: Slick Head on January 15, 2011, 06:05:12 AM
I sincerely hope that everything works out for your friend. She is in my thought and prayers as well as yourself to keep strong for her and supporting her through this.
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: Ellus on September 14, 2011, 02:21:20 PM
Thank you for sharing this great story, it really puts things into perspective!   :)
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: LAGLE on January 24, 2012, 10:51:57 PM
Thanks Ellus for digging this up, AMAZING stroy  O0
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: Slyfive on February 13, 2012, 01:28:17 PM
you couldn't have said it better Celt, and I really hope your friend pulls through with as few problems as possible, maybe get her to come on her, most, if not all of us appreciate the sly gals, whether its by choice or necessity. I had a similar experience that really made me do it, I am a teacher and one of my students, who is 15 was diagnosed with pretty serious leukaemia, and just like you I though how unfair it was that I was worrying about how much hair I had when she was having to worry about how much life she had left, at 15! We are lucky to be able to choose to shave our heads, and should maybe take a prayer every now and then for those who didn't have a choice.
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: Baldstu on March 11, 2012, 03:47:00 AM
Great  story  celt and  it shows  your  courage   
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: Uggg on November 29, 2012, 10:35:57 AM
not much else you can do besides embrace it.

I fake embrace it,  i don't really mean it, but your better off "fake it till u make it" or else you will just put people off.
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: xnewyawka on November 29, 2012, 11:40:25 AM
not much else you can do besides embrace it.

I fake embrace it,  i don't really mean it, but your better off "fake it till u make it" or else you will just put people off.

And now you've been "put off"!   :/O
Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: slymyke on October 07, 2013, 08:51:41 AM
I don't usually bring old posts back to life, but I was looking for a place to tell my little story, and found this amazing thread.  I think Celt's story really could use a "re-visit", so I will add my story to this thread...

When I was 30, my father died of cancer.  He was 54.  The weird thing is that he had undergone intense radiation to his head  to reduce the size of the inoperable tumors that had invaded his brain.  This was a "secondary" cancer, and the primary source took longer to find.  When they found the source, he was too weak for chemo.  As he waited a few more months to die, his hair grew back.  Even though his hair was short, he died with more hair than I had at the time.  He was not meant to be bald, I guess.  My uncle (Dad's brother) had a hard time losing my Dad, then his wife got breast cancer a few years later.  My Uncle did have some thinning in his hair, but in his late 50's that is not uncommon.  He shaved his head when my Aunt went through chemo, and  has been shaving his head ever since.  These things inspired me to not worry about my balding and take action.
Title: Re: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: Marshal S. on October 07, 2013, 10:03:18 AM
What actions have you taken as a result of these experiences?
Title: Re: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: slymyke on October 07, 2013, 10:32:58 AM
What actions have you taken as a result of these experiences?



Actually, I did't word that correctly.  It sounded like I was taking action against cancer...and although I was referring to taking action with my baldness, I didn't actually do anything at that moment either.  It was a few years later when my sister developed a condition with her scalp and was thinking she would shave (buzz) her head, that I put all of these past events into perspective and buzzed mine in support of her.  She was able to work through her condition and eventually grew her hair back, but I stayed at a super short buzz cut for a long time until joining this site and going fully shaven (because of all the great testimonials about how awesome it felt). 

Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: sgp on February 25, 2014, 01:20:11 PM
Your story was so beautiful.  It shows what a compassionate person you are and gives an insight as to your perspective on what is truly important in life. YOU ARE A MAN!

Title: Re: How I got over it...
Post by: meganuera on March 01, 2014, 03:38:52 AM
This post was amazing...