Author Topic: what am I doing wrong?  (Read 9740 times)

Offline ronthejazzcat

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what am I doing wrong?
« on: September 23, 2011, 11:07:04 PM »
So this post isn't in my usual chipper demeanor unfortunately. I have run in to a problem that has started to affect me in ways that I don't want it to...

So I consider myself to be in my prime years for dating now. I'm 22, have a college degree and a decent job, I rock the sly like it's nobody's business, and overall it seems like the world should be my tomato.

Unfortunately there is something that I am doing that is causing me to fail with women. The strangest part, it isn't the type of fail where I get flat out rejected. It's much worse than that. Yes, I go out on the weekends and find that I have no problem attracting women. I am pretty laid back and confident, and seem to have much success with getting women interested in me. The problem that I face comes later than that. For some reason, I get rejected over and over and over and over again after obvious signs that a girl likes me? Even worse, I land a fair share of women who lead me on, show excitement for a date, I get all dressed up and psyched out for it, and then they tell me they have a significant other! I will meet a girl, and she throws obvious signs that there's at physical and emotional attraction there, and then once I finally open myself up and decide to invest emotionally, they let me down.

Close women friends say they don't understand this at all, and that I am "prime choice" and the guy that women dream of... I don't think I really believe them anymore, because I'm obviously not having that successful of a time. When I tell you that this happens a lot, I mean a LOT. I have met (by complete chance, not even looking for anything) about half a dozen girls in the last 3 months that have shown interest in me, and gone on a date with me, and then reject me.

What makes the situation even worse, is its never flat out rejection- it is always one of those things where its almost like they don't have the heart to flat out just say they are not interested. Things just kinda fizzle out, and there is lots of excess and unresolved baggage.

Does anyone have similar experiences or advice (besides the usual stuff that people always hear when it comes to this stuff, already tried it)? I'm kinda lost at this point.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2011, 11:17:48 PM by ronthejazzcat »



Offline Tyler

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2011, 01:02:28 AM »
My guess is that you are too nice once you get on a date. 
People are not limited by the circumstance that they are born in. They are limited by the size of their dreams. Show them that their dreams can have no limits and in turn their accomplishments can be limitless.

Offline Mikekoz13

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2011, 04:08:15 AM »
You're 22 my Friend...... I wouldn't worry so much about it.
"What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?" W.C. Fields

Offline Sly Red

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2011, 06:01:32 AM »
First of all Ron, let me say how nice it is to hear a young guy talk about how enthusiastically he has embraced Sly.  It does suit you well.

A sage old friend of mine once told me that perhaps I was looking in the wrong places when I lamented how I couldn't seem to find fulfilling realtionships.  My advice is to meet friends of your coupled friends.  I agree with Mike on the point of your age, have some fun before you settle down with one person.

Red
In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.” Oscar Wilde

Offline 120inna55

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2011, 06:20:55 AM »
While we're tossing out theories...

Perhaps your level of maturity does not match that of those you are dating or attracting.  Unfortunately, people in your age group have widely varying levels of maturity.  It seems like you're looking for a relationship.  Maybe the girls you're attracting are not really interested in a relationship even though they may think they are.

I don't have any sage advice to help you find the right one, but rather I'd like to simply encourage you by stating that your very nature is probably deflecting the one's that truly aren't right for you.

In my situation, I wasn't even looking for a relationship.  It just happened.  I fell in love with my best friend.

Offline tomgallagher

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #5 on: September 24, 2011, 06:31:08 AM »
Maybe you are trying too hard. You can't micro manage it. Just relax and go with the flow and don't try so hard and as Tyler says, don't be too nice. The girl's seem to like a guy that comes across as a guy.

Offline baldjoeg

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2011, 06:30:19 PM »
Great advice given here. HJust relax. The right one will come a long sooner tahn You know it. Enjoy being young , foot loose and fanccy free for now.

I wish You the best of luck.

 :)

Offline Double Diablo

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2015, 07:10:22 AM »
You are probably trying too hard.  You go on a date and she see's you going all over the place.  Do not try to be someone you are not.  The person you are pretending to be might be the one that wins the girl and then what?  You will be stuck.  Just be yourself.  Stick to your own interests and the girls that hang around what you like to do.

 My son in law is a great example.  He loves airsoft.  He would date but would always keep his enthusiasm for Airsoft to himself.  He had short unsuccessful relationships.  He met my daughter at an Airsoft Tournament.  She is as crazy about Airsoft as he is.  She was having trouble dating for the same reason.  Couldn't find anyone who would share with her what she loved so much.

I was single for a long time after my ex went to prison.  I love horses, motorcycles and my dog is stayin' no matter what the woman says.  I stuck to what I liked and a girl who loves horses, bikes and dogs came along.
I ain't dying.  I'm just shot up a little is all- Mox Mox

Offline MunkyMunk

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2015, 09:57:28 AM »
Something you are revealing on the dates is something that scares them off. You're putting up some kind of red flags if this is happening to you so consistently.

You may be coming across as too nice, or you may come across as an a$$hole once you let your guard down.

Whatever it is, it's something that you're not showing your close female friends.

Do you get into talking politics when you're on a date? Do you trash-talk your exes? Complain about work? Act rude to waitstaff? Come across as too needy? Too aloof?

Until some woman is frank enough to tell you, only you can figure this out.



Offline Sly Red

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2015, 10:40:47 AM »
Sorry to be a downer here guys, but this post is four years old and the IP has not been active for four years, so it's a bit of a moot point.

Red
In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.” Oscar Wilde

Offline Double Diablo

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2015, 01:26:32 PM »
Sorry to be a downer here guys, but this post is four years old and the IP has not been active for four years, so it's a bit of a moot point.

Red

I guess if he hasn't gotten laid by now...
I ain't dying.  I'm just shot up a little is all- Mox Mox

Offline Sly Red

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2015, 01:58:59 PM »
Ha, ha, ha . . . exactly!

Red
In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.” Oscar Wilde

Offline 4fit

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #12 on: December 09, 2015, 06:25:12 PM »
Some of us are just slow to start but man when we get goin....

Offline TheDome

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #13 on: December 09, 2015, 08:28:45 PM »
Well I hope he got going since he posted about the problem. His post was 4 years ago and thats a long long time to go without getting laid.

Offline 4fit

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Re: what am I doing wrong?
« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2015, 10:53:15 AM »
Well I hope he got going since he posted about the problem. His post was 4 years ago and thats a long long time to go without getting laid.
ha ha ha.........agreed😜

 



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