Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => Reactions to being Bald => Topic started by: Ozz2012 on October 14, 2015, 04:22:22 PM
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At the end of December, I will hit my 4 year sly mark (ok...not always COMPLETELY sly...but never more than a 000, and typically more like a 000000 or slick)....so, at this point...it is how people know me.
However, there are STILL a couple of people I work with (women), and consider friends, who, after all this time, STILL tell me once in a while (happened today, which is why I'm writing this) "You know...you should let your hair grow out again....you'd look a lot better....you still have a decent hairline...at least let it grow a little....
And...though it shouldn't...it really bothers me....
I mean...what if I said to her "You know, if you lost weight, you'd look a lot better....less fat...I mean...you still have a pretty face...just lose SOME weight" how would that go over? I'm guessing not that well..
Anyway...it still happens from time to time (and I can't fall back on the "They're not good people" line...because both of them actually are decent people, and have helped me out on numerous occasions...
So..does anyone else still deal with this even after a number of years? And how do you handle it? (Yes, at time I can be rather thin skinned)
It's just that I made this change....and it's what I look like now......deal with it or keep it to yourself. Ya know?
Sorry for the rant!
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When this has happened, not very often, I try to be kind in my responses. The only reason is that I don't want to get the rep of being that guy who always gets confrontational about small matters. At the same time I understand that when people say things like this it is sometimes because they wish to exercise some measure of control over the things in their environment and that they might actually get kind of a rush if I chose to comply. I get the feeling that they do this because their is so much in their own lives that is out of control that they see something that doesn't affect them in any way and it isn't so much a question of whether or not they like what they see as it is that they want to exercise some control over it. If the person they are commenting upon complies with their request they might actually regain a feeling of things being somewhat under control and they get to breathe a small sigh of relief even though the "issue" means nothing and nothing in their own lives has really changed.
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I like being bald. I'm very comfortable being BBC. If someone should make that kind of a comment to me, I'm comfortable in responding that I really like the bald look. I love the feel of a smooth head. Yes, I have a full head of hair, but I really like it this way.
(Secretly, I'm not taking a poll or running an election here. I just like it. It's here to stay. 4 years for me in January)
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I am fairly new to the Sly look, about 4 months now. My wife continuously says that I had plenty of hair and that I need to grow it back, because someday I will really lose it, and she will have missed all that time with me having hair! I actually felt like my hair was looking crappy, sparse in the front, that is why I shaved my head. I like it better shaved. People say I look younger, and I don't like going a day without shaving it. Will see in 3 years and 8 months!
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This just shows that baldness is still looked at as a thing that no one would seek out intentionally, that the default position is to have hair on one's head, and that baldness is inherently less desirable. It's such that no one would even assume that a man would be bald on purpose.
That's why everyone who's seen me lately asks, "WHY?" No one reacted that way when I let my hair grow long. No one reacted that way when I got a trim or parted my hair differently. No one reacted that way when I shaved off part of my beard.
People assume that something must have happened to make me do it, otherwise, who would choose to be bald when they could have hair?!
It's based on the cultural assumption that the loss of one's hair is a tragedy. By simply being bald, however, we are each challenging that assumption by our mere presence. It's all we can do.
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When this has happened, not very often, I try to be kind in my responses. The only reason is that I don't want to get the rep of being that guy who always gets confrontational about small matters. At the same time I understand that when people say things like this it is sometimes because they wish to exercise some measure of control over the things in their environment and that they might actually get kind of a rush if I chose to comply. I get the feeling that they do this because their is so much in their own lives that is out of control that they see something that doesn't affect them in any way and it isn't so much a question of whether or not they like what they see as it is that they want to exercise some control over it. If the person they are commenting upon complies with their request they might actually regain a feeling of things being somewhat under control and they get to breathe a small sigh of relief even though the "issue" means nothing and nothing in their own lives has really changed.
I agree with you, Buddha.
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I think it is getting worse and worse these days with social conditioning and how it is acceptable to make fun of, mock or what have both shirt and bald/balding men in public...ESP from ladies. It is kind of a bad place to be when you are that guy because now you are a target, if you get defensive then it looks bad on you..you just have joke it off and brush it off your shoulders like it is no thing. Been getting both comments about my height and hair from men and women all my life.
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This doesn't happen too often. However, when it does, I just laugh it off and say that Mother Nature or genetics makes that less and less of an option with each passing day.
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This happens to me although no to often. However when it does I exactly what you said. People don't realize that what they are asking you to do, they are not will to do themselves. Case in point, yes a friend of mine always bugs me once in a while why I don't let my hair grown out. My response is, "why don't you mine your own business and don't you ever ask me that again because I will always be bald". He replied, "hey man it's not for you to get upset". So I explained, this is me and not you. If you love hair on your head good, but I don't and it's my head and if I want to shave it bald I will and it's no one business what I do.
You have to make it clear to people that you are bald because it is how you like it for what ever reason. They should already understand that if someone is bald it is because it is how it is.
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I canot recall this happening to me anytime after my first year or so. For some reason society has decided that comments on a man's choice of hairstyle is acceptable, while the same comments toward women are completely unacceptable.
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I've not had this for my lack of hair, but have had similar comments about my beard, I wouldn't dream of commenting negatively about someone's appearance, but have had this happen to me.
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I've been shaved for over 11 years and apart from the first few weeks when some people were surprised that I had shaved my head - but no really negative comments - it has been a non event. It is now ME.
I still like to sometimes acknowledge another shaved head, especially with a beard or goatee, and this has often lead to a conversation about the joy of a shaved head. Very liberating.
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Yes I still good that was in a while also and while I agree with Buddha as a good way to handle it it really pisses me off. It's always for women why is it that women get off thinking they can tell man how he should look - but if you said anything like that to one of them you would be castigated.
I think I figured out that that women feel threatened by extremely masculine males and would like to exercise some sort of Emasculating control over them.
The guy with the baldhead especially a guy who's BBC is really threatening to some women. I mean my god he's done something without their approval!
On the other hand women who are secure their own sexuality and really appreciate a feral male who is also comfortable with his sexuality are truly turn on by a guy with a shaved head,
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Although I am bbc for 3 years now this happens sometimes. But it becomes less. I don't pay much attention to these questions like "Why do you shave your head although you could have a full head of hair..." I think that is the normal reaction if you don't look mainstream. Last summer I had a bushy full beard. Suddenly people forgot my shaved head. The beard was much more interesting... ;)
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You might be interested in this post and thread of mine from the past. This is a story about manipulation and religion to grow my hair back.
http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=12795.0 (http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=12795.0)
I should say, I no longer get comments about growing my hair back. I also have grown my hair back in the past, and my stepmom, who did not like the shaved head, sees how bald I naturally I am. So she now understands why I keep it shaved now!
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The next time someone tries to convince you to grow your hair back, tell them that they would look much better with a shaved head and see what kind of reaction you get.
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I'm only 3 months into the game, but there's one woman I work with who always tells me how much better I looked with hair and I should grow it back. I always think about telling her that she looked better 20 lbs lighter and should lose weight, but I'm too nice of a guy to do it.
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Pay no attention to women. I never have! ;)
Red
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Yep, after 2.5 years of shaving my head, I have one friend that has known me since my teens that says she misses my hair. The other dozens of friends are used to it, even comment that they like smooth shiny look. So when I go over to her house, I wear a cap, and she doesn't comment on my lack of hair.
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I'm only 3 months into the game, but there's one woman I work with who always tells me how much better I looked with hair and I should grow it back. I always think about telling her that she looked better 20 lbs lighter and should lose weight, but I'm too nice of a guy to do it.
This kind of thing always reminds me of a quote attributed to Winston Churchill - Once at a dinner party, when he had had too much to drink the lady seated next to him declared; "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk"! To which he reported replied; "Yes madam, perhaps I am; but tomorrow I will be sober and you will still be a fool"!
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I wouldn't worry about it. I started shaving my head in 1982 when I was 22. Everybody knows me as a bald man. Friends have told me they cannot imagine me with my old horseshoe flat top or clipper shave.