Author Topic: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend  (Read 8006 times)

Offline Degtyarev

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Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« on: October 25, 2015, 02:58:04 PM »
I've had my head shaved for a while now, approx 2 years after realizing the disaster of a balding head I was content with at the time.

I was pretty confident with my shaved head (appeared as a head full of hair from the stubble that'd appear after shaving, as if I shaved despite a 'head full of hair')

but then one friend, my closest, made a pretty nasty remark in the middle of our social circle, saying ''your forehead goes all the way to your neck man, your thin jaw and bald head makes you look like an alien!''

I kept my cool at that moment, 'jokingly' kicking him and stuff. I cried that night after hours of looking at myself in the mirror.

I've been trying all kinds of stuff- jaw exercises to make them appear bigger, etc...

I've been wearing hats constantly and aggressively defending myself from anyone who attempts to take it off, however this won't cut it, obviously.

What can I do? My forehead appears huge from the front too, but from the sides it doesn't appear big at all.

I've been considering plastic surgery for my jaw which I believe to be too thin... I just don't know. Are there any other people who share my problem? Any people who've got advice for me?

If not, I find myself a bit relieved after just writing this here... needed to vent a bit.



Offline Razor X

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2015, 03:39:49 PM »
First of all, don't let comments from other people bother you to that extent.  It's not easy but you have to learn to develop a thicker skin.  People say these things to try to control l you -- to get you to do what THEY want you to do.  Don't give anyone that kind of power over you. 

Second, I'm sure you look fine.  I wouldn't consider surgery under any circumstances. If you're not happy with your jawline, try growing a beard to cover it up.

Offline mrzed

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2015, 05:01:26 PM »
Well said, Razor X.

No surgery is needed or desirable, just for cosmetics. 

Remember you are your worst own critic.  You are just fine the way you are. Just keep shaving and enjoy the bald feel and look.  You've got lots of support right here at SBG.



Offline buddha

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2015, 05:25:32 PM »
First of all, don't let comments from other people bother you to that extent.  It's not easy but you have to learn to develop a thicker skin.  People say these things to try to control l you -- to get you to do what THEY want you to do.  Don't give anyone that kind of power over you. 

Second, I'm sure you look fine.  I wouldn't consider surgery under any circumstances. If you're not happy with your jawline, try growing a beard to cover it up.

+1.  O0

Sounds like you and your "closest friend" need to go on a break.
I've never really had the problem that you describe outside of a few incidents a long time ago and I'm not sure why. It seems like a lot of guys report this. But as in the situation with your "friend" I would liken it to turning on a stove and sticking my hand in the fire. After this, depending on variables, one of two things happens: If I am of normal mentality I make the decision that the fire is an uncomfortable place for my hand to be and I don't go there again. On the other hand, if I have some "issues" I repeat the same gesture over and over expecting a different outcome and this is the very definition of insanity.
Whether or not you continue to tolerate and expose yourself to this kind of aberrant behavior on the part of people that you consider friends is entirely your decision. That's something that you have to keep in mind.
I was a tall and gangly kid in high school although I was very athletic and played several sports. A "friend" of mine, who was beset by a couple of issues related to his diet suddenly started calling me "freak" because of my height. This thing never came to blows and we never even had words about it, I just cut him out of my circle of friends. That was the end of it, no drama, no punches thrown, no tears shed. I moved on and found new friends and with regard to him I never reciprocated his unkind behavior by referring to his clearly visible difficulties.
So the thing is that you have to realize that you deserve better even if the only company you keep is the guy looking back at you from the mirror. I don't know why people pull this kind of $h!t but this is the acid test of who, among your friends, is going to have your back in a tight spot. If they don't pass that test then they are acquaintances, not friends. After you understand that the whole friend thing gets a lot less complex.
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it never really care for anything else thereafter."
Ernest Hemingway, On The Blue Water.

Offline MunkyMunk

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2015, 05:34:54 PM »
I've got kind of a weak chin, so I use a beard to beef it up.
Beyond that, as I mentioned on my own thread here, I need to make peace with the face that I have. I don't much like it, but it's what I've got. I don't think surgery is helpful because the issue is in our own heads.
Sometimes I look at celebrities who are a little unusual looking, but who I think look pretty decent - and I think to myself that if I had their face I'd be unhappy with my looks. But I think they look fine. My point is that we each need to make do with what we've got. If you can grow facial hair, give that a try.
But the most important point is that your friend is a huge jerk. Seriously. Who says something like that to a friend? Only an idiot and/or someone who is actively trying to hurt your feelings. Not cool. Ditch that jerk.
So many people in the world will try to bring us down; we need to consciously choose to associate with those who will support us and help build us up. Life's too short, brother.
Hang in there.



Offline TheSlyBear

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2015, 07:46:08 PM »
I kept my cool at that moment, 'jokingly' kicking him and stuff.
In my opinion, a mistake. When someone is an asshat, they need to be called on it then and there.

Offline Semi-Sly

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2015, 08:53:39 PM »
Yeah, that ain't no "friend".  That is someone who knew what buttons to push - and he pushed them - just to make himself feel better in your social circle.

You can bet that the other people in your circle were as shocked by his behavior as you were!

If I were you I would consider this friendship at an end unless this guy comes to you and makes a sincere apology.



Offline john.peachie

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2015, 11:41:15 PM »
I can't really add to what has been said already except, that 'friend' is a douchebag...
John

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Offline DC

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #8 on: October 31, 2015, 11:41:17 PM »
I regard your "friend" like a skunk: he stinks, has no regard who he sprays; and needs to be avoided.
“You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin to Pooh.

Offline WesM

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #9 on: November 01, 2015, 11:56:40 AM »
Hey man this is my first post. But I feel you.


As someone stated above, a beard well help define your jawline. If you are able to grow one Id suggest playing around with it. As someone with a relatively weak jawline this has helped me a lot. My jawline is wider now and more defined.Plus it takes away the uniformity of a bald head and face/neck. It works great in my opinion.

My friend (a girl) commented on how "I looked like a forty year old man going to pick up my kids from school" when she saw me for the first time with a shaved head and beard (I'm only 3 weeks into this).  I'm 24 mate. Sometimes people dont realize what they are saying. Shes a fantastic person/friend so I took it lightly (i mean  do look older). Just don't let it get to you.


If you stay healthy and keep in shape (lift those weights), and dress sharp, you have nothing to fear. O0

Offline tobler1

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #10 on: November 01, 2015, 05:14:56 PM »
Wes,

I think you look great.  You hardly look like a middle-aged man.



Offline clipped

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #11 on: November 01, 2015, 10:12:41 PM »

My friend (a girl) commented on how "I looked like a forty year old man going to pick up my kids from school" when she saw me for the first time with a shaved head and beard (I'm only 3 weeks into this).  I'm 24 mate. Sometimes people don't realize what they are saying. Shes a fantastic person/friend so I took it lightly (i mean  do look older). Just don't let it get to you.


If you stay healthy and keep in shape (lift those weights), and dress sharp, you have nothing to fear. O0

I think when some people say things like this, they are betraying an outlook that associates "balding" or "bad" with "old".  They are not thinking of the complete person...how fit you look; skin tone, muscle definition & tone, your outlook on life, attitude, etc. They are only thinking about your face or hair.

Not exactly on point, but I have an identical twin brother. Occasionally, I will mention to someone who doesn't know me or my brother, that "I am an identical twin" (without saying it's a brother).  You'd be surprised how many people respond ..."brother or sister?"  Think about it! 

Offline jbrit25

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #12 on: November 02, 2015, 06:07:13 AM »
Hey man this is my first post. But I feel you.


As someone stated above, a beard well help define your jawline. If you are able to grow one Id suggest playing around with it. As someone with a relatively weak jawline this has helped me a lot. My jawline is wider now and more defined.Plus it takes away the uniformity of a bald head and face/neck. It works great in my opinion.

My friend (a girl) commented on how "I looked like a forty year old man going to pick up my kids from school" when she saw me for the first time with a shaved head and beard (I'm only 3 weeks into this).  I'm 24 mate. Sometimes people dont realize what they are saying. Shes a fantastic person/friend so I took it lightly (i mean  do look older). Just don't let it get to you.


If you stay healthy and keep in shape (lift those weights), and dress sharp, you have nothing to fear. O0

You don't look old at all. I have found that the "shock" that people that knew you before you shaved seems to causes them to overreact to the difference in appearance. You look great man.
Roll Tide!
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Offline Degtyarev

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #13 on: February 08, 2016, 06:30:44 PM »
Thank you very much, people. Sorry for the late response. I've been growing more confident as time passes. However due to my occupation's dress code I cannot grow a beard, but oh well.

Offline DeanJones

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Re: Confidence at an all-time low after remark from close friend
« Reply #14 on: February 08, 2016, 09:48:28 PM »
The problem is not your jaw but your "Friend" He's no friend. I am sure that if it was not your jaw he was talking about it would have been something else. to say something like that to you in public was meant to hurt you. There's no way around that.
I have several things about myself I don't like. I think everyone does. But sometimes we have to learn to make friends with the person in the mirror. It's not easy.
I think before you even begin to address whatever you believe about your jaw, address who you really have as friends and what they do for you. Someone who makes you cry, is not a friend.
I'm bald, and I love it! Bald is the best! Bald for life!

 



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