Author Topic: Getting a single date - Advice  (Read 4395 times)

Offline sfparallel

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Getting a single date - Advice
« on: May 11, 2015, 12:23:18 AM »
Fellas ,

I started going bald when I was 16. Adding stress, anxiety made things worst.  Since last few months I have been shaving it off completely using razors.

Because balding affected my confidence at great level I am yet to find a girl for relationship. I have been on 2 dates so far in both cases it never went to second date.

I was just talking with this girl on OKC.  Everything was fine until she asked me my photo.  As soon as she saw me she said " You are not my type ".  We talked 1 hr before that.

On online dating sites I dont get any response as soon as I post my picture. Not posting picture gets me response but it leads to nowhere as soon as girls sees my picture.  This has heppened in the past several times. It indicates that I am engaging them in conversation but I can't get them look past beyond my bald head. 
I have read so many girls saying they would date a bald guy , then why is this happening ?

I am brown skin ( Indian ),  29 yrs old.  It sounds very late to find first date but those are unfortunate facts.
What can I do to get girls go out with me, laugh with me like they laugh with other guys.   I am constantly feeling that I am missing out a lot.  Friday night is turning bizarre for me since last few months and it feels that nothing is useful in life.  Saturday , again I feel okay and feel that I should try.

So let me be specific -  1.  What can I do get girls go out with me and to make them fall in relationship?
2. Although I am not virgin , sex life is also not good.  Other dudes of my age fucking girls every other day and I haven't had any action in 4 years.

#1 is more important to me than #2.  Any advice is appreciated.

Cheers.



Online SirHarry214

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Re: Getting a single date - Advice
« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2015, 06:00:04 AM »
Welcome, friend

Sorry that you had the misfortune of losing your hair at a young age, but it's not the end of the world. Believe it or not, we have had quite a few Indian members who are/were losing their hair young, and are leading productive lives with women

Here are some questions I have for you:
1. When you meet a woman in person, do you maintain eye contact?
2. When you talk to a woman online, are you keeping the conversation balanced? Meaning don't dominate the conversation making it all about yourself, nor can you just sit there and give one or two word responses
3. Do you have, or can you find, a common interest with any young lady you talk to?
4. Some girls are going to be shallow about bald(ing) guys, and those are ladies you don't need. If a girl sees your picture and decides to move on, her loss
5. You say you're 29. Are you sporting any facial hair? A mustache or goatee should be okay, however a lengthy ZZ-top type beard may make you look older than you are, and that may scare some younger women away (It's wrong, but that's how superficial some people can be)

If you get a chance, post a photo. Keep us posted and participate often!
Even when the d is removed, the devil is still evil.

Offline sfparallel

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Re: Getting a single date - Advice
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2015, 09:52:50 PM »
Thank you. 

I am learning more and more about maintaining eye contact.  I am yet to master skill of keeping conversation balanced though, it seems like I lose conversation more quickly and often than I should .

As far as common interest goes, I like activities that any person of my age would do. Hiking, Running, Tennis, Soccer, Baseball etc.   Problem is that I find women are less in these activities or very hesitant to go/participate with me for these activities.

I sometime keep facial hair. But its increasing growing white ( another trouble :-( ) so I don't keep it often.

One question I have to ask is,  as I bald man how do I open conversation with girls at bars/clubs ? Or
What can I do to meet more and more women ? How do I approach and initiate contact without being creepy and making her run away ?


Online SirHarry214

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Re: Getting a single date - Advice
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2015, 01:06:29 AM »
Well, for one, don't limit yourself to meeting girls at bars and clubs. You could try other places such as church, a bowling alley, or even at work. Sometimes, if a girl just makes up small talk, that could be your cue. But eye contact and confidence in yourself is a big key.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2015, 07:31:51 AM by Sir Harry »
Even when the d is removed, the devil is still evil.

Online mrzed

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Re: Getting a single date - Advice
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2015, 05:12:38 AM »
Meeting in group settings can be helpful.  Then the conversation is not just between you and one other person. you are part of a group. There are others to help carry the conversation.

As Harry pointed out: church, bowling alley, dining room at work, or break room.



Offline Jamthesun

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Re: Getting a single date - Advice
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2015, 06:32:26 AM »
I'm going to be frank with you. saying "Other dudes of my age fucking girls every other day and I haven't had any action in 4 years." makes me suspect that maybe you're not going into these conversations in the best way. If what you're after is some sex I think your attitude will show through and you know what? If all a girl wants is sex she can get that with loads of guys who may be better looking/more interesting/richer/ etc. etc. than you!

If you're looking for someone who you genuinely like and can have a relationship with then I'd offer some advice. Firstly somehting I teach people about being a salesman. If you enter a conversation with the mindset that you want to make a sales you'll either put too much pressure on yourself or show your desperation. Neither will help. Rather start with the mindset "I want to find out if this person is someone I could form a relationship with" - (and it could just be a friendly relationship by the way. This takes off the pressure to "get a result" and will lead you to ask more questions, listen to the answers and respond to them. This will make for a more engaging conversation and most people love to talk about themselves!

You'll find a lot of people who aren't right for you and that's life but sooner or later you'll find someone who is.

The other thing to remember is that it's neither your fault nor the girls fault if they don't find you attractive. We all like different things and just because someone you find attractive doesn't feel the same way doesn't mean they are a bad person or that you are innately unattractive. It's just the way it goes.

Good luck.

Offline Cardelli

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Re: Getting a single date - Advice
« Reply #6 on: May 18, 2015, 06:21:03 PM »
Just wanna give some advice on the selfie issue. I online date and taking a selfie that makes someone look attractive usually boils down to more than looks. I've found that taking a photo over direct light makes the bald head stick out more For example. Try looking at diffrent peooles photos that look good and try to mimic them, than play around a bit with the lights on the photo just to make it look a bit more professionell. If someone else takes a photo of you try to find a good pose while still looking like you're not posing. Might be tricky to do but in my experience going out and letting a friend taking photos of you in the sole purpose of looking good usually leads to better photos.
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

Offline J_Dub

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Re: Getting a single date - Advice
« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2015, 12:34:34 PM »
This is tough.  I can't really help you with the online dating situation.  That's kind of a superficial avenue to begin with.  Even the bar/club situation can be very superficial and high pressure.  I would try pursuing a different avenue.  Adult sports, groups, clubs, & churches are a better way of meeting people.  When I say people, I mean groups of people.  I think you really need a network of people to begin with.  Anytime you're targeting a relationship through direct means i.e. online dating, you're going to come up with a lot of misses.  It's too direct and high pressure.  You're stacking the odds against you, especially if you struggle with confidence.

On the confidence side of things.  At some point you have to stop fearing your situation and start owning it.  I know thats tough, but confidence or lack of exudes from your every part of your body.  Remember most communication is non-verbal.   

Things that will help you build confidence.  Take care of your body.  Your personal hygiene should be immaculate.  Women like a man who takes care of himself.  It might help to work out.  Endorphins are a great thing.  This doesn't mean you have to join a gym.  That's another high pressure situation, which isn't a great confidence builder to start.

The last thing, and this has helped me immensely.  Slightly overdress in all situations.  Only slightly though.  Remember you're looking to attract women, not target them.  You should be trying to stand-out in the slightest of ways.  Believe me, women notice.  It makes them curious.  If you can start to intrigue women, it will make closing the deal that much easier.

Hope this helps.

Offline buddha

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Re: Getting a single date - Advice
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2015, 05:07:40 PM »
Just so this is out in the open I am more than twice your age, but, what I would advise is that you first zero in on things that make you happy or content. Like if you're into camping or kayaking or some other type of outdoor activity you go to places where those activities are being done, maybe like a beginner or intermediate kayaking class at a local community college or outdoor store. There will likely be women there that have similar interests to yours and you maybe talk to them a bit, exchange phone numbers, go on a couple of dates that involve the activity in question and see where it goes.
Going into the woman search with no specific commonalities in mind is a potential formula for a letdown.
So consider the things on your list and try to find women who like the same things as you. It is my belief that the most successful relationships begin with an element of friendship and then turn into a relationship.
So figure out what you enjoy doing and look in those places. Don't go in looking too hungry, though. I hear modern women get creeped out by that look. Just relax and enjoy what it is that you enjoy.
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it never really care for anything else thereafter."
Ernest Hemingway, On The Blue Water.

 



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