Author Topic: I lost all my self confidence  (Read 31745 times)

Offline stasiu

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #15 on: October 20, 2013, 02:08:49 PM »
Karmapolice,you sound so down on yourself.I don't think you would have the confidence to shave your head.Sometimes the best advice is to get professional help. I don't mean this in any derogatory way , but only as away to help.

Hang in there buddy !  This sight offers great advice for FREE.   Hope you heed some of it !  Keep us posted !  Sehr Danke !

Offline Mike E. P.

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #16 on: October 20, 2013, 08:10:17 PM »
Ultimately you have to make the decision for yourself. You said you can't wait to be free and I have to tell you, that's what shaving my head did  for me. Initially seeing myself shaven was kind of shocking, but that passed quickly and I got to like my new look quickly as well.  Once all my friends and family saw me, I was done and free. All the worries about how other  people thought my hair looked were gone.

It was a long and traumatic transition for me. I don't look back and laugh because as irrational as it may actually be to be so consumed with my hair loss, it's a really difficult thing to go through. At least it was for me and probably was for many of us.
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Offline Baldstu

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #17 on: October 21, 2013, 01:08:49 AM »
Well the gay community in the UK and Germany transformed the Nazi look if you can call it that with fashion . Your right nazis are found smartly dressed and in suits . Even found a 80 year old one in tweed , all racism is born in ignorance .
Saturday at a interfaith event ,I wore a suit and was asked if I was a monk , I corrected the position as my Buddhist practice does not have , priest monks or nuns .

Offline TunaSkin

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #18 on: December 29, 2013, 09:40:41 PM »
KarmaPolice,

   I hope you're doing better with this situation now but I'd like to chime in and give my thoughts anyway. First of all, I think it's a bad idea to have all of your self confidence tied up in any one area of your life, especially something like your hair or your appearance. You need to diversify your sources of confidence. Get good at something. Work out. Set and accomplish some goals. Don't let this one minor ( and it is actually very minor) area of your life dictate how you manage the rest of your life.

  I had long hair when I moved to Korea 3 years ago and had noticed I was starting to lose it. This bothered me because I had always loved having long hair and women always liked it too. Also, appearance is very important in Korea. I kept cutting it shorter and shorter until I ended up finding this forum and just shaving it all completely off. Best decision I ever made in terms of confidence boosting. It took hardly any time to get used to. My girlfriend at the time liked it and people told me it looked good. I've had no problems meeting women since I shaved me head. My students still tease me about it all the time but it never bothers me because there's no reason why I, as a grown man, would care what a child thinks of my appearance.

  The reality is,man, no one cares about it as much as you do. Just shave it, get used to it and get to work building your confidence back in other ways. People will respond to your confidence and believe me when I tell you NOTHING is more attractive to a woman than confidence.

  Best of luck, bro.
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”- Dale Carnegie

Offline DOC_OSMC

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #19 on: January 02, 2014, 01:14:37 PM »
Hope your situation has improved KarmaPolice.  Update us if you can.

I may be a little late to the party but wanted to add my thoughts too.  I understand how you feel.  I held a lot of belief and confidence in myself in my hair, as I'm sure many of us did at one time.  In my late teen and early 20's when I was big into heavy metal, I grew it out and it was long and thick and absolutely loved it.  As I got older I got into the 50's look and wore my hair in a pompadour.  It was high maintenance but I absolutely loved the look.

I grew it out long again a few years back but it just wasn't the same.  I found that it was noticeably thinner and when I pulled it back in a ponytail you could see the thinness and the scalp.  Like you, I resorted to wearing hats and bandana to cover it up.  That became my look, hair pulled back in a ponytail, sometimes I did just let it hang free, but always had a hat on, be it a fedora, newsboy, ball cap, etc.  Worked for a while and then I finally decided to let it go and cut it short.  Wore it in a spikey kind of pompadour for several years, which worked to a point, but the thinness was apparent.  No matter how I styled it I was always conscious of the fact that it was thin up top and in the crown.  And yes I would always wonder if people were looking at the ever increasing thinness on my crown.

I finally decided to buzz it short last year at the urging of a girl I was dating and absolutely loved that look.  It was easy, low maintenance, and balanced out the thinness.  I will tell you though that I had made the decision to shave my head many many years ago.  Knowing that my hair was progressively thinning, I knew that when it was time, it would be time.  I was never going to be that guy that sported the horseshoe, my vanity would not allow it.

So come this past November, a little over a year after I had started buzzing it, during my last buzzing session I realized that it had thinned to the point where I was ready to shave it all off.  At 42, the time had come.  And I gotta tell you, I couldn't be happier!  I've gotten nothing but positive responses from it and the ladies absolutely love it!  They love to rub a freshly shaved smooth head and some even say it turns them on while they rub it.  It didn't take me long to adjust to the look and now, even as much as I loved my hair, I can't ever imagine going back.  I'm sly for life!  Or in my case bald and bearded for life!

You'll find that we're our worst enemy and our worse critic.  We notice things about ourselves that drive us nuts that no one else would care about.  When I had my pompadour or spikey hair, if I felt a hair was out of place it drove me insane, but no one else saw it and though I looked fine.  I say all this to tell you that even though I was loosing my hair, I never let it define who I was on the inside.  As others have said the confidence comes from within and it seems that you are taking the steps to get that control back, with working out, etc.  Shaving your head will liberate you, that I, and many in this forum, can attest to.

We only have one life.  Live life, don't let life live you!

I seem to always attach this pic to various posts, but I think it helps give perspective to see how I progressed for hair and high maintenance to  being sly and free.

Peace!
« Last Edit: January 02, 2014, 01:21:32 PM by DOC_OSMC »
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Offline Lith

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #20 on: January 17, 2014, 10:00:45 AM »
I think you should go for the 30 day challange! I shaved my head out of the blue 4 days ago and I feel so liberated! (I found this site after I did it) As far as other people.. If a woman wont take you as bald then you shouldn't waste your time on them anyway. It just shows their true colors. I am 23 and just got fed up with the balding.. I've struggled with it for a while.. But it was time I take control. I give myself confidence. Most woman dont care how their spouse/boyfriend looks.. Woman LOVE confidence even if you dont mean to display it. Try out the 30 day challange and I almost garuntee you'll feel great at the end of those 30 days!

Offline AgentBald

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #21 on: May 01, 2014, 12:00:41 PM »
Shaving my head completely, was a choice that I made...and once I did it, I felt like I was "reborn" like a new man.  Its funny too...the moment I shaved my head the more I realized how mainstream it is to be bald!  Almost 1 in 3 or 4 men have a shaved head!  So WE'RE in good company!! ;)
"What we do in life, echoes in eternity"

Offline karmapolice

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #22 on: December 20, 2014, 08:09:14 AM »
Hello guys, I'm really sorry that it's over a year ago since my last post. Your replies and advices were so kind that I really should have written earlier. I would like to tell you how I continued if somebody wants to know and to let other people know how I overcome this "problem" (which is no real problem as I know now).

In spring this year I started to shave my head. As you can see in my first post I struggled with my hairloss. I read your replies, thought a lot about it and I can't explain it but something changed in me. It suddenly made all sense to me. Really, I spontaneously took hair clippers, buzzed it down and called a friend to shave it. I felt free and liberated and gained so much confidence, like everything that you described, amazing.

Everything that I was concerned about happened to be false, also like you guys said. Nobody really cared about it. Some saw it as a normal "hair style", many said it looks good and new people that I met would never know me differently (only one guy at my university asked me if I'm a Nazi but that's a "german" problem you have to deal with when you shave your head, probably no problem for you in the USA). All the girls that I know or met had absolutely no problem with it. My current girlfriend even mentioned one time how confident I am. Friends and family also reacted totally normal and nice. I'm so happy that I did it and first was a little bit angry about myself that I needed so long, but better late than never. It's so true what you wrote that I made it a bigger problem than it was.

I think the most important thing that I started to see hairloss as nothing was seeing ill and disabled persons and realizing how I would feel if I were suddenly in that situation. There are people who lost an arm or a leg, who suffer so badly of some disease, there are blind people who can never see the beauty of our nature or deaf people who will never have the possibility to listen to the beautiful sounds of Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin. And there I am complaining about hairloss? It appeared absurd to me and also like a sin against life. I realized that I should be thankful that I can run and handle my life by myself, that I can see and hear and don't suffer of a real disease. I started to enjoy my life again, to travel, to hang out with friends and there is no way that I could ever fall back in depression because of hairloss. I think once you really overcome it, it's over forever.

I can still understand really young people who are 18 or 21 and who suffer because of this. I think it takes a certain level of maturity or life experience to overcome it. Some can do it earlier, some later. I hope that maybe my post helps one of these guys.

Again, thank you very much, guys, for your advices. They turned out to be all true :)

Offline AJ Q-Ball

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #23 on: December 20, 2014, 09:25:41 AM »
I have this site to thank too for helping me turn the corner.  In one of your earlier posts, you mentioned your girlfriend at the time told you that most women don't like bald guys.  She was indeed very far from the truth.  I'm glad it's worked out for you and you don't have to be afraid of balding anymore. Life is too short to worry about losing hair.

Offline Cave Dweller

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #24 on: December 20, 2014, 09:27:29 AM »
That post really made my morning, Karma. Thank you.

So many guys have made a few posts about their respective anxiety over losing their hair and their concerns about reactions if they shave, then stop all posts and we never hear from them again. I am sincerely glad that you are happy with your choice and are doing well.

Please stay around for a while. Other guys who are going through what you did could certainly benefit from you telling them your story.
"A man who has lost his hair and is bald is clean."
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Offline DOC_OSMC

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #25 on: December 22, 2014, 10:44:18 AM »
Glad you took the time to post and update us on your progress.  I'm especially glad that you took control of your situation and came out on top, the winner, as I knew you would.  You've embraced all the good things that come with taking charge and shaving your head, and I'm sure you feel like a new man!  Good on you mate!  Please continue to update us and post often.  Others can benefit from your experience.
My granddaddy once told me, "If you can't hack it, gecho' jacket!"

Offline EmDe

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #26 on: December 22, 2014, 01:03:52 PM »
I agree with all the great points of advice so far.

Personally, I chose to buzz my hair very short instead of shaving it smooth. Maybe the short buzz will also be a good solution for you nazi-concern? You can at least try it for a while... When I buzzed my head to 2 mm or so, I walked out the door and I felt like floating on a cloud. You will love the feeling of relief that there is nothing to hide anymore. You will just think: "Hello world, this is me, take it our leave it". It feels liberating after months or years of intense stress and insecurity.

Also, be aware that bald or buzzed does not directly correlate with attractiveness. Most men with a full head of hair aren't very good looking... only some might be. But the same goes for bald/buzzed men! Most people agree though, that buzzed/bald actually DOES look better than a balding hair style. Plus, in the current situation, you feel miserable... All this means you really have something to win -> Give it a shot, buzz it short and enjoy the sun on your head. From there you can always consider to shave it with a razor sometime.

Good luck and take care man... you really seem aware of the fact that something has to happen in your life and that is the important first step. Now give yourself your life back :) O, and from my personal experience: other people won't give a damn about your new look... they will only react positively when they see how you have grown comfortable in your own skin again.

Offline njbill

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #27 on: March 23, 2015, 08:19:30 AM »
It took me awhile but the quickest path to acceptance for me was just to say "screw it and be the bald guy"  you're in college, hit the gym....if you're fat cut down the carbs and beer and drink whiskey (no carb) if you're skinny, get some steak in ya.

Offline Harry Bringle

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Re: I lost all my self confidence
« Reply #28 on: April 20, 2015, 09:09:53 PM »
Did u ever consult with any Dermatologist or any skin specialist?If u can't grow u'r hair, u can use False hair when u go outside.
I am Bringle from Hague,Netherlands.I am always cooperative in nature.I am very much concerned about my fashion & style.So, i wanna know & share everything related to that.

 



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